Month: September 2019

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Peak 95: I am Lady Dreadnought

My days away – teaching conflict resolution to healthcare professionals in a city which has known terrorism and disunity over decades – gave me much to think about in terms of being ‘a seeker of peace’. I learnt so very much from my illuminated and illuminating teaching colleague, and from our dedicated trainees. As my colleague said, these peace-reaching skills are ‘simple but not easy’. They involve reaching inside ourselves and ‘softening’, and letting that softening affect our communication with ourselves and with each other.

I lost another dear friend to cancer this week. I am feeling softened by life itself. Our politics spins both into meltdown, and also (or so it felt, just in the last few days in parliament) into new awakenings about the morality of politics. My work is more than I can handle and I’m dropping communications with loved ones. I am constantly looking out to keep my exhausted, limping adrenal glands going.

I am gently realising (again!) that the only place I will find the peace I crave is inside myself. And for that to be possible, I have to exorcise fear from my internal landscape. I have to dread nothing, so that when I turn to my inside world I find silence, respite and nourishment, not the churning of anticipation, rumination or nerves.

I need to become Lady Dreadnought! And then my inside world will be the peaceful haven I crave.

Let’s read.

-31- Weapons are ill-omened things. Among gentle people the left side is the place of honour when at home, but in war the right side is the place of honour. Weapons are not proper instruments for gentle people; they use them only when they have no other choice. Peace and quiet are what they value. They do not glory in victory. to glorify it is to delight in the slaughter of people. Those who delight in the slaughter of people will never thrive among all that dwell under heaven. The army that has killed people should be received with sorrow. Conquerors should be received with the rites of mourning. (Tao Te Ching chap 31)

A highly appropriate reading! ‘Weapons’ or weaponised words and thoughts. ‘Gentle people’ value ‘peace and quiet’. Maybe this is about me becoming a gentle person – a gentlewoman! So many so-called gentlefolk, in old parlance, have turned out to be something else. Cads. (I’m thinking of some of our current esteemed leaders in this country.)

Is Lady Dreadnought a gentleperson, or a battleship? 

Good question. I would like her to be a sailing ship on the open seas…

Do you value ‘peace and quiet’? 

I am learning to. I wanted stimulation too, for so many years… It’s the Sagittarian in me, target-seeking… I imagine that part of me feels that peace and quiet is ‘boring’ or ‘tedious’, obviously as I’m still part teenager and child, as are we all, mostly. What would you want me to know?

Peace and quiet is ready for you. It is in you. It is perfectly ready to play the Dreadnought Game with you.

What exactly is the Dreadnought Game then?

It involves noting feelings of dread, anticipation or fear, and then walking towards them.

Ah, so not simply blocking feelings of dread, but actively strolling their way. ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway…’? Yikes.

Napoleon Hill

You truly want peace? You’ll find it on the field of decisive action. 

Aha. Uncertainty as the open door to darkness. I remember this stuff. (Napoleon Hill, right?)

‘Drifting’ was the word Hill used. So ‘peace and quiet’ is not to be confused with ‘drifting’. Decisive action, in a spirit of peace and quiet, is the route ahead. 

I’m avoidant sometimes, aren’t I..?

What is your desire? 

Peace, inner and outer. Energy. Focus. Connection with all that uplifts, energises, illuminates, enlightens.

So that is your Decision, your Desire, your ‘target’. Keep it in mind.

Ah, the ‘target slide’. Yes. What is my target slide?

Let’s mediate…

***Med for 10 Min***

Image arising: Imagine if you had a long, heavy cloak on and it reached all the way to the floor, dragging behind you. Imagine you walked into a large hall with a dusty floor. As you walked, how would the floor look behind you? Polished.

This was the image that came to me when contemplating what happens when we walk in this world in a state of peace. We walk into the dusty areas, and leave them clearer.

And disposing of the dust gathered in our cloak? I saw a kind of whirling dervish moment, when all dust was cast out for cleansing and removal.

It is in the gift of all people to wear this cloak of peace as they decisively enter any seemingly fearful or difficult situation or place. 

May we all walk decisively towards the places which are precisely not gleaming and pre-arranged, wearing this street-cleaning peace cloak. May we all be still enough inside that we can carry ourselves forward through all terrains without blinking. May we all grow in boldness, decisiveness. May we all be Lady Dreadnought, gentleperson and ambassador of peace, walking with curiosity and fearlessness towards the things we would avoid or flee.

I am Lady Dreadnought

 

 

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Peak 94: I am a seeker of peace

Unexpectedly, the phrase ‘I am magnetic’ caused me to stop in my tracks. I kept thinking, ‘My goodness, if I am magnetic, what on earth am I attracting now?’ So often, I was in a state of fry or fizz or trying to push through my fatigue. If ‘like attracts like’, that is no good state to be in.

It is time to address the stress. As I continue to listen to Anthony William books daily – I’m on Liver Rescue at the moment – I realise that, while this change of diet (starting 27 July 19) is indeed highly beneficial in the long process of healing my body and expelling viruses/toxic load etc, as long as I am pumping (poisoning) adrenaline back into my poor liver, the cure cannot take place.

And in fact, if I am in an ongoing adrenal state, then I am probably attracting (magnetising) further stressors. It could almost be said, in terms of yesterday’s reading (see the line ‘The world is a sacred vessel and nothing should be done to it….Whoever tries to grab it will lose it.’), I am constantly grabbing and constantly losing. I need to, and shall, break the stress cycle.

Is the answer to ‘give up grabbing’? Or something different? What is it?

Let’s read.

-30- If you would assist leaders of people by way of the Tao, you will oppose the use of armed force to overpower the world. Those who use weapons will be harmed by them. Where troops have camped only thorn bushes grow. Bad harvests follow in the wake of a great army. The skilful person strikes the blow and stops, without taking advantage of victory. Bring it to a conclusion but do not be vain. Bring it to a conclusion but do not be boastful. Bring it to a conclusion but do not be arrogant. Bring it to a conclusion but only when there is no choice. Bring it to a conclusion but without violence. When force is used, youthful strength decays. This is not the way of Tao. And that which goes against the Tao will quickly pass away. (Tao Te Ching chap 30)

[NB: I’ve uploaded the original document here in case the source website ever changed: The Tao Te Ching tr-McCarroll ed-Knierim]

Well this chapter seems to be all about mediation and conflict resolution! Nicely translated by Stenudd here:

Solutions without arrogance,

Solutions without scorn,

Solutions without pride,

Solutions without benefit,

Solutions without domination.

I note this line: ‘When force is used, youthful strength decays.’ It seems to sum up my dwindling energy levels as I hammer away at life.

How can I better go along with the way of Tao? Have I been playing with ‘arrogance, scorn, pride, benefit and domination’??

Yes! You have! But only out of low confidence! You have been Flag-Waving, to get attention to get the work to pay the bills to feel you can breathe… 

I exhaust myself telling everyone about my accomplishments.

It’s natural when you don’t feel worthy of your accomplishments. Enough of that now. You. Have. Learnt. Some. Very. Complicated. Lessons. It is your time and duty to share what you have learnt. 

‘Teach the faith’.

In a sense, yes. 

Last time I got involved in that kind of thing, I stumbled.

You stumbled in order that you could learn the curriculum better. 

Stumbling is humbling.

And humility is the first requisite for a teacher. 

Reach Peace; Teach Peace. I need to reach it first, don’t I?

You will reach peace when you truly teach it. Teach what you know. This alone is the antidote to what you call ‘grabbing’. When your priority is to share what you have learnt, humbly, then you will no longer need to be a flag-waver.

The student finds the teacher when the student is ready, not the teacher. The teacher remains a student, but in teaching what she knows, she facilitates the evolution of knowledge and understanding.

It’s a magnetic process, not a mechanical one. 

Oooh, I see. Beautiful.

Rest in this for a while. 

**** 15 min Med ****

My 15 min meditation was 14.5 minutes of wrestling with lines like, ‘I am a teacher of what I know’ and ‘I am a teacher of peace’…. and then with 30 secs left, this popped in: I am a seeker of peace. Yes, that’s it. Why this phrase? Because it gives space to my sense of both reaching and teaching. It’s open, expectant, and acknowledges that we live in a world and in times where peace is elusive. It’s a way to say ‘I’m not there yet, but my goodness I’m looking’. Is that about it?

Yes. Let this phrase wash through you for a few days. There is so much to learn in the curriculum of peace. Your colleague for the next few days (EM) will teach you much, as will your trainees in that city which has seen so much disunity and bloodshed. It is good to acknowledge that we are all seekers of peace – even those who attempt to achieve it with violence and force (as per above). We are all seekers of peace.

We are all seekers of peace. Yes. This is it. We are all in this together. Let’s learn together. Amen.

I am a seeker of peace