Peak 132: I am relaxing into the receptive mode (alpha state flow)

Brain Waves via

Last post we ended with this deep insight:

This is a good summary of WHAT I HAVE LEARNT IN LIFE SO FAR: I am surrounded by talented allies (and everything’s ActuallyOK)

When I started to let this concept into my consciousness, it drew up in me a renewed sense of HONOUR and RESPECT for those around me. When I sat in conversation with G in the mode of ‘looking out for talents’, I fell in awe at his insightfulness, thoughtfulness and depth. That idea of making an inventory of the talents and skills of our loved ones is epic, actually. When we are looking out for the talents of the other person, we are so very much less in the (exhausting) thinking state of  “Me! Me! Me!”. In fact, it becomes perfectly satisfactory just to sit still quietly and behold the gems in the other. What a relief!

Let’s read.

-69- The master soldiers have a saying: I dare not be the host but prefer to be the guest. I dare not advance an inch but prefer to retreat a foot. This is called marching without moving, rolling up a sleeve without baring an arm, capturing a foe without a battlefront, arming yourself without weapons. There is no disaster greater than attacking and finding no enemy. Doing so will cost you your treasure. Thus it is that when opposing forces meet, victory will go to those who take no delight in the situation. (The Tao Te Ching 69)

I’m taking away the idea of ‘marching without moving‘ here. This speaks well to my tendency to push, to innovate, to progress. And it tires me so. I really know that it’s time to stop, consolidate and be prepared to ‘rinse and repeat’ some very simple patterns in my life. Including within my work. No more ‘bespoking’ – just real adaptability within structures I know well.

Good. Now, listen…


Arising: ‘I am appreciating all achievement – there is no lack.’ Tell me about this.

First of all. We like to see you stop, settle, listen, breathe, wait… Do you notice what happens?

I drop into the parasympathetic state. It’s so relaxing it feels like a trance.

Alpha brain waves perhaps?

*Has a look*: Yes!

It’s the shift from Beta to Alpha! Oh my…


Alpha brainwaves occur during quietly flowing thoughts, but not quite meditation.

Alpha brainwaves are dominant during quietly flowing thoughts, and in some meditative states. Alpha is ‘the power of now’, being here, in the present. Alpha is the resting state for the brain. Alpha waves aid overall mental coordination, calmness, alertness, mind/body integration and learning.


Beta brainwaves are present in our normal waking state of consciousness.

Beta brainwaves dominate our normal waking state of consciousness when attention is directed towards cognitive tasks and the outside world. Beta is a ‘fast’ activity, present when we are alert, attentive, engaged in problem solving, judgment, decision making, or focused mental activity.

Beta brainwaves are further divided into three bands; Lo-Beta (Beta1, 12-15Hz) can be thought of as a ‘fast idle’, or musing. Beta (Beta2, 15-22Hz) is high engagement or actively figuring something out. Hi-Beta (Beta3, 22-38Hz) is highly complex thought, integrating new experiences, high anxiety, or excitement. Continual high frequency processing is not a very efficient way to run the brain, as it takes a tremendous amount of energy.

If I read this every day for a month and really absorbed it, my life would be changed. That ‘excitability’ I’ve been speaking of – it’s hi-beta. And I use hi-beta to power through complex tasks. Hi-beta (or even low gamma?), I sense is my default ‘doing state’. Hence my sense of all-or-nothing working, and often (though much improved now) my dread of getting going with work – because it involved running a mental marathon.

Presumably, with alpha waves, I access my wisdom. I know I’ve become less alpha wavey in my Dialogues since letting go of the notebooks and typing here. In the past, settling in to alpha, through reading and meditating, and then writing our Dialogue was how it went, and how I accessed not only your/my wisdom, but how I tapped into alpha state daily. Can I really Dialogue with a laptop?

Of course. The learning here is about settling into alpha before embarking on any intellectual work. With alpha brainwaves, you have access to greater wisdom. An example of your greater wisdom is being in the mindset of ‘I am appreciating all achievement – there is no lack.’ 

This brings to mind my dear late cousin, an artist. I can imagine her settling before a blank canvas in the alpha state, and taking delight and appreciation in the first stroke of the paint brush. That is how I would like to start my days.

Your alpha state is truly the state of ‘Now-liness’. 

Like holiness?

Indeed. In the the state of Now-liness, all wisdom is available, and all abundance is present. There is no lack in the present moment. 

Let me get up to speed on brain waves again…

Brain Waves via
Brain Waves via

Ok, so it’s about the flow state! Yes, I recall this stuff now. Look…

“The ‘Flow Zone‘ sits around the border of Alpha and Theta.” (

Aha…! And this…

Anything can be solved in an alpha state.

— Tony Robbins (via Brett Peters)

Brett Peters shares this video:

What particularly stands out in this video is author, Steven Kotler, talking about the process of getting into flow as being:

Struggle – Release – Flow

I recognise the struggle and release… it’s so uncomfortable… and yet when I’m in I can ‘do anything’ = process v quickly. BUT I wonder if I am shifting in to hi-beta, rather than alpha…………… Let me find out about Steven Kotler. Maybe he’s my next ‘Peak’ dude.

In the video, this is what he recommends:

  1. “Get minimal feedback for flow… Get a feedback buddy…  Shrink down your feedback cycles as much as possible.” On his staff, he has an editor who will read over his writing every 2/3 days and give feedback (specifically on if it’s boring/confusing/arrogant). This fast feedback keeps him in flow for writing.
  2. (Get masses of exercise and then) do box-breathing at 7 seconds per box side, because when you are out of breath after your 7 second exhale/hold you get an amygdala response which you can then train your mind to sit through without kicking off. “Learning to focus through the panic is how you achieve flow… You’re doubly down-regulating the nervous system through box-breathing. 
  3. Creativity feeds flow, through amplified pattern recognition. Reading 25-50 pages per day, in a book on a non-fiction topic you are curious about, enhances your pattern recognition, and increases/preloads your capacity for creativity.

In summary:

  • Shorten feedback cycles
  • Box-breathe at 7 seconds
  • Read a real book each day

This has been so good and so useful. I’d better get going for the day..! What shall I take with me? There’s been loads: talent-spotting, marching without moving, appreciating all achievement, shifting in to alpha state, getting into flow. 

‘Slow down, you move too fast…’ is the mantra of your mid-life, right? So now is the time to relax; let it all come to you. Ok? The receptive mode is peaceful, dear friend. Relax, receive, rest. 

I am in the receptive mode?

Almost. Your brain is still too spiked…

I am relaxing into the receptive mode?

There we go.

I am relaxing into the receptive mode (alpha state flow)

Peak 131: I am surrounded by talented allies (and everything’s ActuallyOK)

It’s been 10 days since I was last here. I’ve been furiously busy with work, but also ‘gentling’ myself along the way. I’ve also been enjoying setting up my new Trackers, which was a goal I set myself with my 12 Week Year goal setting in early Oct. I like how my Trackers (tick charts, checklists, self-scorings, noting stats on my self-care habits and productivity) are a good way of grounding me and gentling myself. I am using my beautiful aspie brain to its ultimate advantage.

More arose for me over the last few days in terms of what gentling means and looks like. I asked my friend who is a trainee Transactional Analysis psychotherapist how the training was changing her everyday conversations. She said:

“I shut up and just listen a lot more. And I take other people’s behaviours less personally now. I realise most people are just constantly managing their affect [psychology term for mood, emotions, feelings].”

In the PAC (Parent, Adult, Child) model of Transactional Analysis (TA), Dr Eric Berne describes three ego states in which we might ‘transact’ (interact) via ‘strokes’ (verbal, or not) with others:

Parent – taught concept
Child – felt concept
Adult – learned concept

TA leads us to being more in the Adult ego state, through learning about realities for ourselves: And through that learning we have access to increased emotional regulation, unlike the Parent or Child state which might be more propelled by Fear, which for me is a driver of dis-regulation. Maybe I think that maturity (reaching adulthood, or the Adult ego state) is simply: knowing that everything is actually ok (AOK) – and living like that.

{Reality check: Think ten years ago, to be frank it actually wasn’t ok. And now it is. So I can live like that, not as if I was living in the situation of ten years ago, when I was bereaved, divorcing, unemployed, a kinship carer, and mentally unwell.}

[Just discovered: ‘I’m Ok, You’re Ok’ is a TA book!]

But how do I get my body to buy into the notion that everything is actually ok (AOK)? Well, shortly after thinking about the AOK notion, a colleague of mine, a medical consultant, triggered my interest with the words: “in breathing deeply you stretch your vagus nerve”.  Say what? We actually stretch it? I didn’t realise we could kinda get physical with it, somehow.  I went on to ponder on a notion of ‘vagal entrainment’. Is that a thing? Googled… Yes. Vagal toning, they call it. Look at this. I know it’s ‘just breathing’ – but I’ve never understood the biophysics of it. This helps:

The vagus nerve is essentially the queen of the parasympathetic nervous system — a.k.a. the “rest and digest,” or the “chill out” one — so the more we do things that “stimulate” or activate it, like deep breathing, the more we banish the effects of the sympathetic nervous system — a.k.a. the “fight or flight,” or the “do something!” stress-releasing adrenaline/cortisol one.”

Put another way, “Your body senses your breathing and adapts its heart rate in response,” Norcliffe-Kaufmann told me. When we breathe in, she explained, the sensory nodes on our lungs (“lung stretch receptors”) send information up through the vagus nerve and into the brain, and when we breathe out, the brain sends information back down through the vagus nerve to slow down or speed up the heart. So when we breathe slowly, the heart slows, and we relax. Conversely, when we breathe quickly, our heart speeds up, and we feel amped, or anxious.

I was surprised by the idea that it’s specifically the exhale that triggers the relaxation response, but Norcliffe-Kaufmann confirmed: “Vagal activity is highest, and heart rate lowest, when you’re exhaling.” She mentioned that the ideal, most calming way to breathe is six times a minute: five seconds in, five seconds out.

(The Cut:

Breathing out slowly is a profound way of ‘gentling’, friends! 

Let’s read. Feels like it’s been ages.

-68- A skilled warrior does not rush ahead of others. A skilled fighter does not make a show of anger. A skilled victor does not seek revenge. A skilled employer does not act superior. This is known as the virtue of not competing. This is known as making use of the abilities of others. This is known as being united with heaven as it was in ancient times. (The Tao Te Ching 68)

‘Making use of the abilities of others’ sounds like a sensible way of gentling, if it’s really about collaborating instead of competing and it’s not on the exploitative side. I could ask myself: ‘Are there ways in which I could better make use of the abilities/capacities/talents of others, without ‘leaning’ on them, but rather by bringing their light to bear on the world?’

We all love to have our talents used (and seen)!

You could do an inventory of your loved ones and their talents. You would find yourself astounded at the wealth of skill you have in your network of souls. 

It feels like potentially the very opposite of the scenarios in the great book by the founder of Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne – Games People Play – in which he looks at all the way we screw each other over, consciously or subconsciously, driven by our fearful or rigid Parent or Child ego states.

What if you sat for a good long while in your Adult state (which has learnt that all is ActuallyOK, despite earlier being taught life was not ok (Parent), and feeling that life was not OK (Child)) , and from that perspective saw everyone around you in their Adult state, whether they are acting from it or not? 

Well, that would be powerful. I would feel surrounded by ALLIES and FRIENDS. There would be no need to fear ‘the other’. I could certainly point to others’ gifts and talents without:

  • a) fearing I would get lost/dismissed/ignored, or
  • b) worrying they would ‘overtake’ me

What if my future marketing purely involved ‘pointing to the gifts, talents, capacities and competencies of others’???

How would that make you feel?

Flipping liberated. No more humble-bragging, jazz-handing, showing-off, attention-seeking!

Sounds like a relief. And how would it make you feel to ‘point to the gifts, talents, capacities and competencies of others’?

Honest. True. Modest. Grateful. Appreciative… My goodness, it’s the magical state we talk about. The receptive state of allowing and knowing what you appreciate and seeing it and setting your attention to, and saying, ‘Hey universe, THIS is cool’ and then finding (magically) more of it.

This really is big-time ‘I’m Ok, You’re Ok’. But how can I step away from my addiction to praise-seeking?

Maybe by genuine, quiet, appreciative praise-giving. Not like a pantomime dame throwing sweeties sartorially at the hapless audience. But in a way that leaves you invisible and them feeling seen, appreciated, noted

Ok. I can do that, I think. I can appreciate others rather than seek to be appreciated by others.


It’s really a new and subtle skill. [Ha! As I wrote that, I sensed a little voice in me saying, ‘yeah but I’m actually quite good at it’!] Ok. Let’s see about that. How easy is it really? How much are you thanking in order to be thanked? Or as G put it when discussing another concept, how much are you adoring others in order to receive adoration?

Let’s be gentle with ourselves, and take a playful approach. The word ‘invisible’ is helpful. Can you be the spotlight handler standing in the darkness behind the light, rather than the polished TV show host thrusting the mic at your ‘chosen’ interviewee?

I hear you. Let me work on this. Appreciating others without becoming the main attraction. Hm… Poco a poco.

I am appreciating others (rather than seeking to be appreciated by others)

NB: “I am surrounded by talented allies”

Ah… that’s it! Ty! In terms of the TA Adult learning accurate concepts and unlearning old dud concepts, this is a good summary of WHAT I HAVE LEARNT IN LIFE SO FAR:

I am surrounded by talented allies (and everything’s ActuallyOK)

Peak 130: I am gentling

Yesterday you said, ‘softening into uncertainty is fine’. What does that mean?

The person who greets her inner wobble can softly release the inner hardness she has customarily used to defend herself against a seemingly chaotic world. 

Oh, Caroline Myss has some good things to say on chaos. Let me have a google…

Here’s one:


My God, I love Caroline Myss so much. This quote actually makes me cry. The very idea that, as it were, ‘that chaos I was dodging was God along’ makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

So, what does it look like to turn our lives round to work with, rather than against or running away from, chaos?

It means to drop all expectations. Expectations can only spring from human order. The reason young adults might recoil from the idea of parenthood is that the glimpses they may have had of parenting reveal children as a force of chaos! The human strives to control and order their lives – that’s what their education set them up to do after all. But a new parent will sense quickly that in the seeming chaos of parenthood, for the first time maybe, they have the blessed opportunity to experience the flow of divine order.

It was liberating – to turn my (pretty strong) will over to the needs of a precious baby. It was a relief to let go of the steering wheel of my life, and let the requirements of love of my beloved girls programme the satnav of my days. Now, I am challenged with allowing in a different satnav – no longer that of beautiful, loving, enchanting and dependent children – but that of an unseen force.

Care is to be taken there, right? 

Exactly! There is so much stuff knocking around in the psychic airways! Not all of it good, wise, kind. A lot of it unhinged, it seems. And how’s a girl to discern what’s what if we’re told that ‘chaos is divine order’?

By their fruits. 

Ah. True. Fruits. Ok. The old output, outcome, giving out the goodness you get in… Shall we read?

-67- Everyone under heaven says my Tao is great and resembles nothing else. It is because it is great that it seems different. If it were like anything on earth it would have been small from the beginning. I have three treasures that I cherish and hold fast. The first is gentleness, the second is simplicity, the third is daring not to be first among all things under heaven. Because of gentleness I am able to be courageous. Because of simplicity I am able to be generous. Because of daring not to be first I am able to lead. If people forsake gentleness and attempt to be courageous, forsake simplicity and attempt to be generous, forsake the last place and attempt to get the first place, this is certain death. Gentleness conquers in battle and protects in defence. What heaven guards, it arms with the gift of gentleness. (The Tao Te Ching 67)

WOW! This is a cracker! What depth and power to these concepts, so beautifully articulated. Let me now do an act of vandalism and summarise them:

Three Treasures

  1. Gentleness grants me courage
  2. Simplicity grants me generosity
  3. Daring not to be first grants me leadership

If I forsake the three treasures, and attempt courage, generosity and leadership nonetheless, ‘this is certain death’. 

May gentleness soften me, and make me brave. 

May simplicity release me from grasping, and make me abundant.

May ‘daring not to be first’ allow me to sit softly within the chaos of divine order.


Mantra arising: “I am gentling…”

Every new state begins as a thought.

Really? Not the other way round?

You have to think it to create it. 

Starkly put. Thank you.

Every new state begins as a thought, and ‘gentling’ feels like a good state to bring about. 

May I ‘gentle’ gently then, into that divine order which once I called chaos. May I learn to flow trustingly with the perfect tides of this life I am living, and grow in courage accordingly.

I am gentling


Peak 129: I am greeting inner wobble

Shaolin Monks on a pole

It’s a time to dig deep, I feel. This practice of ‘Go Calm’ and remaining in the parasympathetic state is so important. And not everyone enjoys it if I’m no longer Excitable Me. Look at this ad which came out two days about a dragon called ‘Excitable Edgar’…

Bizarre timing. The moral of the ad is to channel your excitability into something apt (for Edgar, setting Christmas puddings alight), once you’ve finished burning up others’ precious things (eg snowmen, Christmas decorations). Obviously, the alternative is to learn turn one’s excitability into calm – for me, a fully grown human, at least.

Today’s reading:

-65- The ancients who practised the Tao did not use it to enlighten the people, but rather to assist them in gaining simplicity. The reason people are difficult to govern is because they are too clever. Hence, a person who attempts to govern a country by cleverness will injure it. Those who govern without cleverness will be a blessing to the land. These are the two models. Knowing these models is called the Mystic Virtue. The Mystic Virtue is deep and so far-reaching that it can lead all things back toward great harmony. (The Tao Te Ching 65)

I hear this: watch out for ‘cleverness’; develop ‘simplicity’ instead. For me, my cleverness and my excitability go hand in hand. It makes sense: there is a choice between being in the…

  • Head state (intellectual, problem-solving, sympathetic nervous system, hard, clever) and being in the
  • Heart state (compassionate, allowing, parasympathetic, soft, simple).

The Head wants constant change, newness, innovation, stimulation. 

The Heart understands the value of simple, repeated practices.

May I develop the Heartfulness to allow myself to settle into simple, repeated practices. May I learn to be content with ‘rinse and repeat’.

Today I found a good writer on Taoism, Casey Kochmer:

And his book,  A Personal Tao by Casey Kochmer (downloadable for free here).  I am grateful he has shared his practices plus 3 explanatory notes:

My personal practice seems simple to me, as it’s something that has evolved over many years. Anyone else looking at my practice would be confused by the seemingly random way I skip between activities: Poetry, massage (giving and receiving), Jujutsu, Yoga (3 different styles), Patterning(1), Wandering, Mediation, Meditation, Love, Pastel Drawing, Dancing, Reading, Day Dreaming, Chi-Gung(2) and finally Listening. I have only really mastered three of these practices and within the rest I am just a novice or have only a very basic level of skill. The goal isn’t to become a master. The goal(3) is to flow with needs of life. If my body is feeling out of shape, I ramp up the Yoga and Jujutsu. If my body is extra sore I get some massage. If I can’t stop thinking, then I write poetry or meditate. If I have an excess of positive energy “Chi’ then I will help heal someone by giving a massage or perform some patterning. As the real world interferes unexpectedly every day, it means having access to a range of different activities permitting flexibility by matching a practice to my current needs.

1) Patterning is a term I coined for describing the practice of using a combination of patterns found in our lives to help unlock truth or ideas. Many different types of patterning exist. For example: Psychology is a form of patterning based on human mental processes. Feng Shui is patterning based on human nature, artistry and older lore. Divination is another form of patterning using I-Ching, Tarot cards or Rune stones to predict possible future events. […]

2) I highly recommend the spin-cycle-washing-machine-slap-your-kidneys movement in Chi-Gung. (Ok, I purposely forget the movement’s name) […]

3) The goal is never a goal; the purpose of any practice is supporting your essence with tools fitting the needs of the moment.

(A Personal Tao, C. Kochmer 2006 p43)

Beautiful stuff. I like the flow, the adapting, the selecting of practices according to arising circumstances, and the sense of practices being a means to creating balance, to developing harmony.

Let’s read.

-66- How did the sea gain kingship of a hundred streams? Because it takes the lower position. Hence, it is king of a hundred streams. Therefore, when True Persons are over the people they put themselves below the people by their speech. When they lead the people they stand behind the people. When True Persons are given places above the people they do not crush the people with their weight. When they take their place ahead of the people they do not obstruct the people’s progress. That is why everything under heaven supports them gladly and does not tire of them. Because they strive with no one, no one can ever strive with them. (The Tao Te Ching 66)

A good reminder that the Tao Te Ching is very much a good leadership and governance guide. Stenudd comments that this chapter points to ‘certain principles of leadership, striving not to increase people’s burdens, but to diminish them.‘ I like the image of the hundred streams flowing into the sea. I would like to have a greater awareness of the hundred streams of qi, of divine assistance, of universal goodness, of source energy flowing into our personal arenas each moment. Can my practice be one in which I learn to take the lower position and sense / catch / touch / receive some of that universal beneficence?

Sounds like a peak experience to us. 

Ha! Have we found the peak experience… in the lower position?! Awesome.

I used to think the ‘water flowing to the lowest position’ imagery was all about humility, modesty, deference, service. But maybe also it’s just the physics of an abundant life. In qigong, with the practice of Lift Qi Up, Pour Qi Down, you get a sense of the abundance of universal energy available to us if we can just still ourselves enough to receive it.

What is the learning for me today?

Why not ‘go in’ and receive the flow of universal intelligence available to you and to all? 


Settling in, images came to me of BALANCE. It felt that inner balance is not ‘feeling grounded’. It’s actually a very light, poised sensation with some inner wobble – like ‘sitting on a fence’ or ‘standing on a pole’. In ordinary life, we can sit or stand with ease, until the platform beneath us becomes very narrowed and focussed – and in mastering that physical, bodily balance on a narrow point, we must establish inner balance first. Thus this:

Person standing on a pole

becomes this with the development of inner balance: 

Shaolin Monks on a pole
Shaolin Monks

Inner balance. Hm… I’ve often tried to achieve balance in my life by hardening routines, or pinning patterns down, or controlling my circumstances.

Inner balance begets outer balance, not the other way round. This is one of life’s conundrums, and gifts. The streams flow into the sea. By ‘being the sea’ rather than being the rushing, gushing stream, the weightedness  and solidity and balance you seek becomes the natural state. 

The rushing, gushing stream = Excitable Me?

The movement you have offered life has been well-received. Can you be at peace now? Can you receive, softly, and in balance? Can you be the frequency holder, rather than the frequency chaser? 

Oooh, man. I like that. Yes? Yes! Yes.

For years I have been striving  for balance. Ha! The opposite of wu wei. Balance arises from non-striving, right?

Balance is a state of non-striving, lightly held. 

I keep coming back to the notion of ‘sitting on the fence’. Thoughts?

To sit on the fence means to withhold judgment. There is a lot to be said for that. 

Yes, judgment is such a heavy fist upon a delicate situation. I can withhold judgment as a way of developing inner balance. It’s the ‘maybe so’ approach, isn’t it?

Maybe so. 

Ha! 😀

You mentioned the inner wobble. Sense that today. Sense how when you are developing inner balance, you will often experience an accompanying inner wobble. Learning to note and greet the inner wobble is a good practice in your development of inner balance. Softening into uncertainty is a fine practice. 

I am greeting inner wobble




Peak 128: I am seeking to give unto others from a parasympathetic state (Go Calm)

Last time, you mentioned some words it would be good for me to revise:

‘The heart wishes for no more than to act as a channel between this world and the unseen.’

Something happened yesterday, when I was training hospital staff for the day. I prayed for some guidance as I walked to the venue. I heard: ‘Have unconditional love for each person’. My goodness: that mindset made such a difference to my day.

When having unconditional love for each person became my M.O.:

  • I stopped feeling I needed to prove myself or make an impression
  • I actually enjoyed people’s company
  • I super tuned-in and listened to people
  • I was full of admiration and warmth for everyone around me
  • I was less of the ‘big I am’
  • I felt my contribution was just that – a contribution to the pot, not a performance
  • I felt more humble / modest / happy to be quiet

At the same time, my beautiful co-trainer did quite a lot of work on compassionate conversations, and the internal state – which underlined the principles of being in a loving state.

I reflected that, until we can drop into the parasympathetic state, we can’t show compassion, and we can’t have unconditional love. Chilling the heck out is therefore completely key.

It is about the Intention. If your intention is to Give, chilling the heck out then aligns you nicely. If your intention is to Take, then chilling the heck out becomes ‘zone out’ time. 

I think of  my friend and role model, Janet C and her absolutely getting the meaning of service, and living it…… Oh my heart.

I know why ‘taking’ / ‘giving’ has come up today. My nutritionist picked up candida in my gut, again.. A couple of days ago, I looked up what Louise Hay says about candida:

Candida: Feeling very scattered. Lots of frustration and anger. Demanding and untrusting in relationships. Great takers.


Also see this: 

‘Candida is associated with feeling victimized and includes: helplessness, hopelessness, fear of responsibility, too much responsibility, overwhelming burden, suppressed rage, lack of confidence and betrayal. Often there are underlying and unconscious beliefs, such as: I am not good enough; no matter how hard I try I can’t get what I want; I’ve tried everything and nothing works; I can’t heal completely; I am not lovable, etc.’ (

So some context. Last week (20191104) the kinesiologist/nutritionist, Maria, did energy work (like reiki…) on my underlying causes of candida and adrenal fatigue including in relation to my rel … and it has changed everything…. as energy work does. My hunch is that the energy shift has revealed how I was ‘giving’ as a way of ‘taking’ in the rel (probably being quite demanding, but masking it as giving) and was accruing frustration and anger… which of course has now surfaced. I hadn’t been communicating properly, because of ‘fear of displeasure’ – my stuff from old. I had been energy splurging and not solving things properly… and paying for it with adrenaline. Man alive, old patterns re-emerging..


How about…

I learn to get grounded, chilled, parasympathetic, inner anchored, energetically aligned (unscattered)

so that

I can actually work with unconditional love, compassion, giving, dedication, STO.

If you offer STO out of fear, need for money, hoping to win the pleasure/favour/business of others, you are scattered and you  burn out. 

If you can un-scatter or ‘gather’, if you can truly self-love, if you can grant your body peace (parasympathetic state), then the heart’s desire is granted: to act as a channel between this world and the unseen. 

I need a complete inner makeover. Oh God. I need to be healed again… And again.

You have the tools at your finger-tips, you really do. From mindfulness, to prayer, to qigong, to good eating, to nature immersion, to loving your loved ones… It is all there. Self-love, true self-love is the next step. 

I remember Matt Kahn’s ‘I love yous’.

Right. Times a thousand thousand. 

You can only love your loved ones in purity if and as you truly love your self. Does that help you learn to prioritise this work? 


But here is your tool for today: Seek to give unto others, from a parasympathetic state. Play with that. 

Tysm. Let me quickly read  the chapter for today….

-64- Peace is easily maintained while things are still at rest. [Exactly!!] Trouble is easily handled before it starts. What is brittle is easily broken. What is minute is easily scattered. Handle a problem before it appears. Secure order before confusion begins. A tree as big as a person’s embrace begins as a tiny shoot. A terrace nine stories high rises from a shovelful of earth. A journey of a thousand miles begins under your feet. A person who interferes does harm, and those who grasp lose their hold. Therefore, the True Person acts without striving and does no harm, avoids grabbing and never loses hold. People often ruin their ventures when they are on the verge of success. So, be as careful at the end as at the beginning, and your work will not be ruined. Therefore, the True Person seeks freedom from desire, does not value things that are hard to come by, learns without scholarship, brings people back to what they have passed by, and assists the ten thousand things to find their own natures; all without daring to interfere. (The Tao Te Ching 64)

Oh my goodness, this is so very beautiful. And perfect for today (as ever).

I really hear the call to stop interfering or striving

You can’t interfere or strive in the parasympathetic state. 

So going parasympathetic is the antidote to adding nonsense, to overcooking, to scattering, to demanding and to taking…

I know I’ve been pushing a loved one and bringing interference… in the guise of love… out of this feeling that if I don’t perform love for us it will go..? Crikey. Help me to be prepared for a more adult-adult relationship. And may my work arise out of a completely different state. Yet again, may jazz hands fall away. Oh my God, prepare me to seek to give unto others, from a parasympathetic state. May I fathom this inner state of calm. May I only act when I am in the state of calm. Show me unconditional love in my heart. Help me to work truly with compassion – not striving or interference. Oh God, heal my inner state. Please heal my energetic alignment, that I may indeed be at peace. Make my heart able to be the channel it longs to be, between the world around me and the unseen world – and let me not be attached to that in any way, but show me how to settle, settle, settle, settle…

…in to STO 2.0. 

Y. E. S.


I am seeking to give unto others, from a parasympathetic state



I remember the last thing I said to Maria before she began her energy work was ‘Excitability! I have a tendency to excitability I really need to work on!’ I think that is the ‘scattered’, sympathetic, demanding, taking, interfering, striving aspect. It’s a helpful word to remember. Am I feeling ‘Excitable’? Ok… time to take a breath, settle into parasympathetic… especially if I am also seeking to work.

ie. Stop doing work with others (eg clients) in the excitable state. It’s not fair on them or me. Stop showing love through excitability – there’s a hard one to give up!

Trust that the world won’t turn against you if you Go Calm. 

That is massive. Ty. Absolutely nails it.

Peak 127: I am dedicating myself…

Today is 11/11. May we all be blessed with peace, unity, love and light, across this whole planet. May the angels of healing surround each and every one of us and allow us to release our trauma, our sadness, our rage, our ego, our fear. May the holy Spirit of light illumine each one of us, that forgiveness, release, acceptance and peace may wash through us and transform our minds and hearts, in accordance with the plan of all ages. Unite this planet in love, in generosity, in abundance and in co-operation. May the force for good permeate all things, all thoughts, all words, all deeds.

-63- Act without striving. Work without interfering. Find the flavour in what is flavourless. Enlarge the small, increase the few. Heal injury with goodness. Handle the difficult while it is still easy. Cultivate the great while it is still small. All difficult things begin as easy things. All great things begin as small things. Therefore, the True Person never attempts anything great, and accomplishes great things. Lightly made promises inspire little faith. Trying to make things easy results in great difficulties. Therefore, the True Person regards everything as difficult, and is never overcome by difficulties. (The Tao Te Ching 63)

I’m going to take away ‘Act without striving’. My Excitability/Stuckness zig zag, aka my Hard Start/Hard Stop protocol, are linked to striving – that turbo charge aspect. My poor Aspie brain. It works SO hard, just to keep life moving along. And in fact, when life isn’t Hard Start/Hard Stop, it almost doesn’t know what to do with itself. It needs either hard stim, or silence… I don’t know. How shall I approach my day today?  I was woken at 4.30am and I’m frazzled… :/

I worry that without striving, I come to a halt…

And this is where your qi-flow keeps you gentle in motion. You are always in motion anyway – breathing as you do, pulsating as you are, through space and time. 

Grant me the liberating insight.

STO [service to others, vs STS service to self] is the great liberator. 

I see. Ok. Tell me more.

You often think your work is all about you. This is an act of both ‘striving’ and ‘interfering’. 


First assess the field, and then see how you can contribute. The angel stepping in from heaven (in that film, WoD) doesn’t come along with a ‘profession’ or a service offering! He accompanies, assists, tweaks the circumstances, bears witness… The people that have really assisted you have got to know you first. Remember how jarring it was when they thought they knew all about you?! Projection.

What’s actually out there? 

Madness. Humans are insane. We are ego-driven decimators. I grieve at what I see going on in the world. I lament in my heart. And then, could it be that I hide from it? Do I need to get on my feet. And be the antidote I wish to see? But this activism stuff. What does it do in the end? I have come to feel our work is about inner alignment. It’s no longer about impacting UPON the world (for good or ill) but rather it’s about holding that frequency of peace in a chaotic world… It’s about inner sovereignty in all circumstances.

Yet it’s no fun……! At least in marching for change, or lobbying govt, or even moaning about ‘the world’ you get to…

…feed the hungry ego. It’s not a nourishing meal, is it? 

Have you considered the degree to which you personally hold the very frequency of peace which you long to see in the world?

Oh man…. Alrightalready… I know. I’ve bumped up against a layer of unhealed stuff in recent weeks. I really need to do some good TRE. And swimming probably. And another course of MBCT. And daily qigong. It’s so endless, and boring, this healing business…


Ehem. And yet I seem to want ‘everyone else’ to heal…. Ok. I hear the problem here. The little bit of shadow work to be done.

Maybe I need to decide what it is want to dedicate myself  to and get busy with that, starting small but consistently. Tracking my progress daily against my own ideals. ‘Cultivate the great while it is still small.’ says Lao Tzu. Stop trying to do ‘great things’ via ‘making things easy’ via ‘lightly made promises’. But actually recognise ‘everything as difficult’ and decide to be selective in what I seek to achieve with each day. Example:

Today is my goal:

  • to ‘do my emails and do the train journey’ OR is it…
  • to foster peace, unity, love and light in this world? Hm?

Could I hold myself to account on aims such as these? And if I did, day after day, tiny bit by tiny bit, would I find peace in myself; would I find that my habits shifted; would I become less critical of others and less ‘afraid’ for myself; would I become humbler and also more effective in the world? 

So, at the end of each day, if I humbly and honestly asked myself, ‘What did I do today to foster/realise PULL in the world?’ would I learn new things? Would I develop new courage?

I’ve been thinking about the problems with my gut. What’s the association? Possibly: a gutsy person who trusts her gut = a person bravely follows her intuition. It’s about courage and about determination and it’s about following instinct.

Filling the lower dantian is about gathering qi… for good purposes. This blog post talks about the lower dantian representing:

  • rootedness
  • purpose
  • action

Yes, if I can get ever more grounded, then I will be of greater use…

The grounding begets the usefulness; the usefulness begets the grounding. 

And then we can get comfortable with spending time on this planet, right? Feeling that we are living in purpose?

The heart wishes for no more than to act as a channel between this world and the unseen. 

Yes. I think it would be good to hold myself to account at the end of each day. I’m getting a bit ‘saggy’ with my sense of mission. I zone out on Twitter at the end of the day, goggling at the ‘state of things’, without either appreciating what I’ve been granted during the day, or noting what I have offered up to the world in terms of my commitment to a personal dedication or Aim. Tracking my small inputs to fostering PULL, like I track my FitBit, might be focussing, relieving and humbling in a helpful way.

I need to hold myself to account, to get out of the awful habit of criticising others, or waiting for others to shift… I also need to liberate myself from the vaunting and self-aggrandising I’ve counted on to secure my economic advancement. I sense there is another way. From STS to STO.

I’ve got a good deal of work to do, in dedication, in action, in mission, in purpose.

I am defining my dedication


I am dedicating myself…



Peak 126: I am qi-flowing (taking action, flowingly)

A new day. New energy. New sense of the good fortune of living, and learning the art of living. Yesterday was blessed with some good dialogue – as per your recommendations. Thank you.

Today, I am generating simplicity, upflow – and reducing excess potential. Today is a day for action. Let’s read….

-62- The Tao is to the ten thousand things what the shrine is in the home. It is the treasure of the virtuous and the protection of the wrongdoer. Good words are appreciated. Good deeds are accepted as gifts. Even the wrongdoers are not abandoned. Hence, on the day an Emperor is installed and appoints the three ducal ministers. remain where you are and make an offering of the Tao. It will be preferable to a gift of jade discs followed by a team of four horses. Why did the ancients value the Tao? Was it not because through it you can find what you seek, and because of it you can escape what is hounding you? Therefore, it is the most valuable thing under heaven. (The Tao Te Ching 62)

I love the concept of Tao being to the thousand things that which the shrine is to the home: the refuge, the sanctuary, the point of calm and reflection and prayer. So this chapter prompted me to revise my sense of what Taoism actually is, and I came across a video by this beautiful soul, George Thompson, explaining a bit about Taoism, while studying at a Tai Chi school in China with Master Gu:

Look at Master Gu’s definition of the Chinese symbol forTaoism:


  • Yin yang
  • Within ourselves
  • In action

Beautiful. Inner balance in action.

I’ve always been interested in Eastern philosophy and religion, haven’t I? Ever since I went to India in 1994, I guess..? Tell me about this.

The children of this age are prompted to unite Eastern and Western knowing. 

What does the West have to bring to the East except rapacious desire for conquering, owning and commanding…?

The West brings a certain discipline in …[?}

🙁 I can’t hear it. Maybe I won’t hear it?!

The West’s ‘authoritarianism’ can be used for good, for leadership, for progress. 

Is the West yang and the East yin?

Nothing so simplistic as that. The East however offers the brightness of a mysticism which the West is frequently ‘blind’ to. 

Yes! This is what I love about the Eastern thought: its sensitivity to the mystical, to the metaphysical. Its assumption that there is far more about life than the human eye can see. Also, that its interpretation of the divine is far more nuanced than that of the traditional Western religionist.

Help me incorporate this today.

What would Master Gu do? 

Meditate. Balance his yin and yang within, and then take action, flowingly.


It is time to take action, keeping the mind on the ‘shrine’. Gather qi, gather qi, gather qi, and take action. Sometimes, being in the head or the heart too much leads to fogginess, or that ‘excess potential’. Chop wood; carry water – and the freshness of being returns. 

That ‘generating simplicity’ message again.

But in action. Take action. Small actions accrue. 

It sounds a little bit like ‘Keep busy’ or ‘Potter’.

At this time of the year it is vital (for you) to keep busy and to ‘Harry Potter’. It really is. Gather in – find inner balance – move. Chop wood; carry water. Then rest. Know when you are zoned in and when you are zoned out. Limit zoning out. Keep moving, dear soul. Keep moving. In flow. Qi flow. 

Aha! Yes. I hear you. Soft, gentle, lift up, pull down, keep moving.

Exactly: this is the tone we mean with ‘take action’. Qi flow, qi glow. 


What’s my phrase?

I am qi-flowing (taking action, flowingly)

Cool. Ty. x


Excitability: I noticed this trait in me. It’s linked to spiky, turbo-chargey aspects of me. Qi flow is an antidote to this.

Conflict: is stuck/frozen qi. So is depression, lethargy.

Qi-flow and conflict resolution are both about limiting/regulating:

  • a) excitability (adrenaline, fight, flight, turbo charging, burning out, hustling to get stuff done, ‘straining at every sinew, zoning in) and
  • b) frozenness/stuckness/lethargy/zoning out

Qi-flow is the antidote to the hard, unnatural (but v common for me) STOP / START


Peak 125: I am generating simplicity

Quote from Tao Te Ching 60

Ktengodolor, sabes..? Digo, saben?

Que sí. Come fue tu día ayer, corazon a corazon? 

Bien. Me senti cercana a la gente con quien estaba, e un poco mas conectado a tierra tambien. Less like I was overcooking the small fish (see TTChing 60). The heart to heart work is so good – so subtle.

Muy sutil. 

Ok, so: pregunta. Do I have a story about ‘being hard done by’? Please help me see myself. Because if I do (and I have this inner inckling that this is the case) that is no fun. And it is also a blocker to heart to heart connection.

Look into the word ‘suspicion’. 

Screenshot of definition of suspicionAlso: ‘a belief in someone’s guilt

So, maybe you’re saying that I have an underlying tendency to distrust others, or believe in another’s guilt / wrongdoings. It’s just that over various years, I’ve also been profoundly naive, and failed to protect myself against the actual poor judgment (and/or nastiness) or others. Where’s the balance? Is there such a thing as a healthy suspicion?

A suspicion is only healthy if you do not hesitate to discover whether or not there is basis for your misgivings. Presumption of innocence is the fair first premise. 

So this is a much more active stance than ‘stewing in the worry that one is hard done by again’… 

Exactly. It requires… hold on to your hats… dialogue. 

Not dialogue!! Haha. Ok. Yes. I hear ya.

Let’s read.

-61- A great country is like the low lands where all the streams unite. In all things under heaven the female overcomes the male by her stillness, and because she is still she lies below. Hence, if the great country will take the low place it will win over the little country. If the little country will take the low place it will win over the great country. Thus, the one gets below and prospers and the other remains below and prospers. All that the great country wants is more people. All that the little country wants is a place for its people to go and to be employed. If each is to get what it wants it is necessary for the great country to take the low place. (The Tao Te Ching 61)

Ok this is complex and I won’t go into detail here, but my take is that I might have been overcooking the ‘small fish’ over recent months. More stillness, less rushing to fill the cup, might be wise. I may have created misunderstanding by fomenting ‘excess potential’ (Reality Transurfing term) in my 24/7 eagerness. Each country needs to have its boundaries, and its own authentic culture. Let there be two countries of equal size, with a leader in each, working bilaterally – instead of one unwieldy country with a population of two, unsure who is holding the reins…

My heart aches…

Then energise it firmly. Eyes on the Target Slide. What is it? 

Ha, yes. I need to get clear on my 12 week Target Slide. A brochure in hand!!!

Ok. I get it. Time to focus in. Enough heartache. Time to return to 12 Week Year and Quarterly Goals. Get back to TargetSlidesVille, and focus on creating, not unravelling. Use the opportunity to generate upflow. Am I right?

This brochure in hand… In the Target Slide, are you standing along in the middle of field with said brochure in hand? What’s it for? What are you doing with it? 

I am giving it to… people. Posting it out in Jan! In envelopes.

Heart to heart to heart to heart. May your work generate heart to heart connection. 

Oh thank you. Often I feel either in heart mode or work mode.

You have the opportunity to understand that STO functions as a commercial activity just fine if, if, if ‘your heart is in the right place’. 


Go in and find out…


Insights arising: When ‘my heart is in the right place’ it is to be found quietly blending the frequencies of peace, unity, love and light {PULL}… or rather, scrolling upwards through those different vibrations. Cool. But also, when I work with that scrolling exercise… I keep finding strong counter feelings arising simultaneously – the inexplicable fluttering shadows of old hate, rage, frustration. When I delved in there a bit, I found the inner call wasn’t so much for Healing That Stuff, so much as the realisation that self-generated complexity was what was/is keeping me from keeping my heart in the right place (and thus being able to experience PULL deeply). What’s the antidote to complexity? Simplicity. (Hello, old friend) Surrendering to simplicity, I sensed, was/is the route to feeling one’s heart in the right place consistently.

…And therefore to being able to trust oneself in the world. 

Ha! So when my heart is in the right place – as a result of surrendering to simplicity – I overcook my small fish less – and I create less excess potential – and I can access the experience of PULL – and I no longer feel hard done by or blameful of others…?

The heart heals in the contemplation of love (or ‘PULL’), and the healing circumstances are extremely simple ones. 

Generate simplicity.

Generate simplicity. 

I am generating simplicity

Quote from Tao Te Ching 60


I remember the gruelling ‘It takes two to ruin a relationship’ work in divorce coaching.

Spotting my contribution to difficulties was/is crucial.

I can recognise that in past stories (of being ‘taken advantage of’ financially), I created excess potential by pouring in energy (out of fear of rejection/abandonment… no, out of fear of sparking ‘displeasure’ or causing dismay). But my pouring out of seemingly-endless energy and excess potential gave the impression  to the other person that there was endless energy to impart on my side. Energy = money, goodwill, turning-a-blind-eye etc. It was up to me to spot that lashing buckets of energy (to the degree it actually gives you burnout/adrenaline deficit) is not the way to secure a relationship. In fact, it puts the other person in a fantasy world about you where you (‘I’) create the impression I have no personal need/boundaries/limits. What happens eventually? The other person expects more than I can give, and then when it’s not received (or even when it is) leaves despite our now being bound together economically… and my financial collapse ensues. Am I am left ‘broken’ but also, as I remembered yesterday ‘livid’. Such a strange, visceral word – like I can feel it in my liver. Anyway, it’s a feeling of anger. Anger is a sign of the need for better boundaries.

So, what’s the lesson? Well, how about I install and maintain my personal boundaries at the beginning of things, for the safety, clarity and authenticity of all. And if their displeasure/dismay arises, we deal with that. And maybe in the dealing, we create truer, deeper intimacy and honest connection.

Yes, maybe, in being a 24/7 -boundaryless-energy-splurge-fest I was actually preventing true connection. I was anticipating and offsetting and diverting any displeasure (because the idea terrified me)…. so the result was, we could never talk through realities, because on the surface there was never any need to. In effect, I’d made us one seemingly unified mind. Harsh for both involved actually…

A relationship is a space which supports the sovereignty of each individual, if and when each one is ready and willing to step into their sovereign shoes. And that ‘stepping into sovereignty’ is purely a personal/individual choice, opportunity and responsibility.

Simple. 😉

I am generating simplicity, not excess potential

Peak 124: I am connecting heart to heart

Picture of two hearts connected

‘Daily, daily, daily heart to heart connection.’ There is so much to learn and practice here.

And ‘I am so lucky…’ (Peak 122) = epic and opening and liberating phrase. There is so much to learn and practice here.

I’m off to visit my Dad today, followed by dinner with a dear friend. So just a brief check-in this morning. Let’s read…

-60- Governing a big country is like cooking a small fish. Let all under heaven be governed in accordance with the Tao, and demons [or ghosts: ‘The ghosts, kuei, were the restless spirits of deceased ancestors’ Stenudd] will not manifest their power. It is not that they lack power but rather they will not use their power to harm the people. They are not the only ones who have power and do not use it to harm the people. The True Person does not harm the people. Whenever there is no harm done, that power flows into the common Virtue. (The Tao Te Ching 60)

Man alive, Lao Tzu, I wish you could watch the UK election campaign kick-offs this week. You would weep. 

Imma run with ‘no harm done‘ as my takeaway phrase from today. Also, ‘Governing a big country is like cooking a small fish’ – the same applies to any sizeable project. Less is more. No harm done. Don’t overcook it/yourself/the ideas. No excess energy applied. 


May I divest myself of excess energy, thought and excitement today, so that I might connect heart to heart on my travels. And may I have awareness, true awareness, of what this heart to heart connection is, means and feels like. May I become the watcher, the experiencer, and may true love be channelled through all our hearts. Amen.

I am connecting heart to heart

Picture of two hearts connected

Peak 123: I am ready for daily, daily, daily heart-to-heart connection


Let the impact of last night’s conversation unfurl itself. A shock to the system was had, on both sides. It was what Gurdjieff might call a ‘Stop!’ moment. Trust it. 

Perhaps your previous experiences were to prepare you for last night’s conversation – so that you could spot what was happening and stop it in its tracks – for the profound benefit of both. That was a healing moment for both. 

Or a red flag…

As you wish. 

It might be time significantly to move the energy today. 

I just feel devastated…

(It might be time significantly to move the energy today.)

Ok. I’ll go for a walk after this. I have nothing in the diary today but a lot of admin to do… I realise on an empty/full day like today how uplifted I am by my Casework meetings. They need spiritual prep and some paper prep, but not all the heavy lifting of the prep for Training work. Right? They are Heart to Heart meetings, always. I would feel happy if I knew I had a Casework meeting today. I will remember that. Maybe that’s my ideal future. Daily Case work sessions from 2pm.

Groundhog day…

Very funny! Ok, ok, ok..! I know. I keep telling myself this revelation about Casework from 2pm as if it were new news. It’s time to market the Casework service – hard. Let the training fade a bit, eh? I could even take training out of my main offers now. I never get training requests from cold clients – it’s all coming via the agencies I’ve approached, and I’ve enough of those agencies looking after me now, right?

What you said that underpins this idea of focussing on Casework is one very important phrase: They are Heart to Heart meetings, always. What has appealed to you about the Training (as opposed to Casework) is the possibility of ‘performance’, and ‘winning an audience’. But you know now, that the heart to heart connection only comes 1:1. Are you prepared to move from performing at the front of a group in search of approbation and admiration (and yet leaving feeling you connected properly with no one), to daily, daily, daily heart to heart connection with individuals? There’s no ‘applause’ to Casework (though the written feedback from Casework is more heartfelt than your training feedback and you appreciate that).

Am I really still attached to the ‘actor’ in me??? Maybe I can channel her into actual acting..? But yes, I hear you. I do hope and believe I might be ready for ‘daily, daily, daily heart to heart connection with individuals‘. Am I mature enough for that yet? I have seemed super-attracted to the performance of training and teaching.

To be fair to yourself, it is more a case of feeling that training is secure income. Can you focus on generating more Casework? 

Yes. I can. Thank you.

I am ready for daily, daily, daily heart-to-heart connection with individuals (Casework clients)

Let’s read…

-59- For governing others and serving heaven there is nothing better than moderation. A person who is moderate returns to the path. Returning to the path brings an abundance of Virtue. This good store of Virtue cannot be conquered. Virtue that cannot be conquered knows no limit. Only a person who has limitless Virtue is fit to lead. Only the leader who possesses the Mother of the country will long endure. This is called making the roots go deep by restraining the trunk. Learn to focus your life and you will see many days. (The Tao Te Ching 59)

Make ‘the roots go deep by restraining the trunk‘. ‘Focus your life‘ and live long. Yes, this affirms the thinking above: focus on One Thing, and make the roots go deep. May I please learn how to market my Casework sincerely, wisely and effectively. May I become a ‘thought leader’ by writing and informing people about this beautiful field, but more importantly, may I become a really capable practitioner. May I take serious care in my practice. May I organise myself so that I can really serve, serve, serve my clients: heart to heart, with skill, expertise, attentiveness and efficacy.

Every contact counts, doesn’t it? 

Exactly. Thank you. The work is done energetically as much as anything else.


= Thinking loving thoughts.

If you like. 

Ok. I hear you. Thank you. I’m with you. The energetic aspect. Yes. Amen.

I am ready for daily, daily, daily heart-to-heart connection (with Casework clients)