Yesterday was New Year’s Day 2019. I am grateful for yesterday’s….
- Being my first alcohol free day in a long time…
- Courage to start the Carb/Alcohol/Coffee-Free (CAC-Free) protocols for much-needed renewed health, wellbeing and balance.
- Wisdom to allow myself to start the coffee-free day the following day when I wouldn’t have a steaming new year’s eve hangover
- Lunch with family and friends
- Cosiness with G soaking up the last of Christmas
- His tenderness towards me as emotions arose in me due to a mixture of my hangover, tiredness, and trepidation about tackling my addictions head on…
- An afternoon and evening of complete wipe-out on the sofa with the TV
Today is the 2nd Jan. Day 2 of the CAC-Free protocols. I had an unsettled night with a LOT of concerns coming vividly and repeatedly to the surface for resolving and healing. It was as if the body-mind knew that there would be no more damping stuff down with the substances which numb the emotions and mute their messages….
The wisdom of no escape.
Yes! Dear Pema Chodron… (see her book of that name)
I woke finally and my mind reached excitedly for coffee. No coffee today…. So, unusually for me, I went back to sleep for a much-needed extra hour. Here’s the thing – coffee was so good at kicking me out of bed no matter how tired I was, when I needed to get up and go to work or the school run. Life is different now and my mornings have more flexibility, therefore it’s actually better for me to be able to have a full sleep, than lurch out of bed at first waking, under-slept but hopped up on “here-comes-coffee”-excitement… So. Good. NO COFFEE aids full sleep. Excellent. And I know that in time NO ALCOHOL permits more unbroken sleep too. In terms of the MEDS, we’re moving forward with DIET and SLEEP nicely.
In terms of emotional reckonings though, my heart could have burst this morning… What is this connection between the heart chakra and coffee? Coffee seems to close it off tight, invulnerable…
And then the feelings can’t be felt.
Right. And that’s no good in this time we’re in…
I feel very happy to have got off the hamster wheel of CAC…. I feel well-supported by online Facebook groups I follow: Dry January, Veganuary (not that I’m going vegan this Jan, but it’s so good for conscious eating), Dr Fung’s network. People are sharing their trepidation at ‘going without’ and their small/large victories as they roll in.
I have to say I am physically not in good shape after a year of feasting – and a full-on free-for-all this December (My ‘Feastive’ Season? 🙂 since I decided to go CAC-Free in Jan). I’m more overweight than ever at 165lbs; I’m achey; I’m brain-foggy; I know I have raging gut candida; I am zapped of energy; I’ve been supremely constipated for nearly two weeks now.
So, there’s lots to gain and look forward to! I know what I’m doing… I’ve got this. I’m going to start feeling so much better soon. And I’ll track the results. And that will make me pleased, relieved, happy and motivated.
And the cravings? The emotional surfacings? The sense of ‘no escape’? I plan to use the technique Dr Harry Barry taught at the conference in Nov: flooding. In my version of this treatment typically used for for panic attacks, I’m going to let the feelings flood me fully, yet not act on the impulse to react (ie with eating, drinking or emoting in an unhelpful way – crying’s fine btw!), and just wait for it to pass, with huge doses of self-compassion and encouragement. According to Dr Barry, with flooding, the brain notes the non-reaction and learns quickly that the impulse is not needed or welcomed, and steps down its messaging faster and faster the more you do the technique. It literally rewires us.
Today I also wanted to talk about ‘helping others’.
What did you want to discuss?
This quote from Tony Robbins… “The reason you’re suffering is you’re focussing on yourself.” (When you’re focussing on yourself, you’re locked in to the brain’s ancient survival software.) (Tools for Titans, Tim Ferriss, p212). I sooooo dig this. I think there’s magic in this statement. It’s not new, and it’s borne out in all the Buddhist writings, and many (all?) great religious texts. It’s just this quote sums up something so important to me. If I really want to lift out of depression, or feeling swamped, then yes, my self-tracking and self-observation is helpful, but the Next Level, is definitely a focus on others as opposed to self.
We know about STS v STO (service to self v service to others) – but the word “service” is loaded. I may want to serve others, but in seeking to be of service, I can trip too easily over my own sense of self-importance. I am prone to creating ‘excess potential’ or ‘balancing forces’ as Reality Transurfing puts it. Similarly, if I expect to earn money, payments should generally be a reflection of the positive, helpful energy I have deployed via my ‘services’ – the term ‘services’ is close to ‘being of service’, but frankly much more pragmatic.
I got a beautiful picture for Christmas from my gorgeous God-son, and it seems to sum up this sense of being ready to step out of the hermitage and join in with the wider world. That bridge from solitude, or tentativeness, or self-recuperation…. to the full richness of community life: friends, colleagues, customers, readers, allies, teachers, mentors. Not that I’m not a little bit there but… in terms of ‘helping others’, we all have scope for widening our nets, don’t we?
And maybe the picture can be interpreted the other way round too, as one going from ‘many services’ (on the left) to ‘one service (which we do well – on the right). G talks about the woman who couldn’t sell the jams on her stall – she worked so hard and had 20 flavours of jam available! Why wouldn’t they sell? Did she need to offer yet more flavours, she wondered? A wise adviser suggested she remove all flavours of jam but one really good one, and just sell that. Guess what? It flew off the stall table. Why? Maybe because customers weren’t confounded by choices to make? Maybe because they sense the maker’s complete confidence in her single product.
There is a great deal to be said for the simplicity of ‘helping others’ in one, easily-defined, easily-accessible way.
Like a doctor sits in a surgery and sees patients. It’s a kind of standard procedure.
We see where you’re going with this. A clinic approach.
So many people (not doctors, I should add) set up their clinics, and no one comes. Others get flooded with interest. What’s the key here?
To be authentic, and original.
Aha. Meaning..?
Bring yourself to the party, not your qualifications or past track-record.
Let people know who/what/how you are? (I can feel I’m shy again here. Let me tune back in to you… I realise I’m also very brain-foggy because of 24hrs without any carbs…!) I’m listening.
On the theme of ‘helping others’ there’s something you should understand. ‘Helping others’ in the way you mean is a reward/privilege granted in the wake of some considerable personal sacrifice. When we have undressed ourselves of preconceptions about what it means to help others, and really, really, really prepared ourselves for the job, we can begin. When we discussed ‘clearing the decks’ and ‘simplifying’ in past weeks and months, this is what we were alluding to. That said, ‘waiting to be ready’ is not what is being asked of us.
How can I do requisite preparations for a 2019 which involved widening the net of ‘helping others’…?
Simplify, beyond belief.
Really? :/ But I’m really good at over-weaning, soul-cluttering complexity….
It’s time to become really good at simplicity.
I can see that while I’m weighed down by too much stuff, too many ideas, too many hopes and dreams, I must come across as a bit…. psychically cluttered?
If you arrived at the doctor’s surgery and the room was so full of gadgets and miracle machines and books and papers that you couldn’t see the doctor, and the doctor couldn’t examine you, wouldn’t you feel a bit short-changed for your visit? A bit unwilling to trust their practice, or return for a second visit?
But if I’m busy simplifying, that’s more self-focussing isn’t it? More suffering?
Offer Simple Help.
Ok. I can hear that. I think what’s going on here is that I’m looking for a ‘theme for the year’. I just dug out my 2018 theme for the year (PCPC)… I’d forgotten about it… I’m seeking direction and guidance to carry me through the year. In a somewhat brain-addled state because of adjusting to the new WOE (‘way of eating’ in Fungster speak).
Then let it be this: ‘offer simple help’
Really? Ok. I will… Thank you. I’m going to let us work together through concerns about co-dependency, over-caring etc…
You can carry on with your day now. It’s all ok.
Ty. <3
Today I am learning to ‘offer simple help’ in 2019
********************
| MEDS Trackers Dec2018 (chart here): |
|
| Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong |
No |
| Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food |
YES |
| Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books |
No |
| Med minutes |
0 |
| Active minutes |
0 |
| Steps |
2849 |
|
Food:
- Celery, goat’s cheese and seeds
- Fish, roast greens (made by A.)
- Chicken breast and roast kale
- 100% choc
- Berocca, water, tea (with milk)
- Pork scratchings
|
Eating window:
11.30am – 9.30pm: 10h
|
| Dry? |
YES – Day 2 in the bag |
| Screens off |
1am :/ |
| In bed (with books..) |
/ |
Sleep Window
|
1 – 9.30am |
| Hours slept (as per FitBit data next morning) |
7h19m |
***********
Ref. Isaac of Nineveh re. methods of preventing this.”
