Presence 62: I am inspired to create #SomethingNew

I have been practising accumulating Present Moment Awareness. This is the work of the Presence Process – like the work of a gardener in the garden. And, as MB so beautifully articulates in Part IV of TPP, this work brings the possibility of ‘Fruits and Flowers’. Yesterday I read with much emotion, MB’s description of 45 ‘Fruits and Flowers’ that ‘we become open to as a consequence of embracing present moment awareness.’ (pp244-272). Here are the titles of just the first few:


Let’s take a quote from #8 as I’ve been thinking about creativity:

From 8: WE EXPERIENCE SPONTANEOUS CREATIVITY: ‘Our shared source isn’t a healer – it’s a creator. The moment we accomplish the task of integrating our experience, we enter wholeness – holiness. Subsequently, our experience aligns with the will of our shared source. The consequence is that we are creatively inspired. To be source-like, to be causal, is to be creative.’ (TPP p248)

The list of Fruits and Flowers ends with this one:

45: WE MAKE AN AUTHENTIC CONTRIBUTION TO THIS WORLD. As we enter present moment awareness, it becomes obvious that the highest frequency of activity is to serve – to serve the whole by taking care of the part within our experience. As we accumulate present moment awareness, this enthusiasm to serve erupts from within; and when we follow its beckoning, it leads into a joyous and deeply satisfying experience.

There is no more blessed place to stand than in the center of a life experience dedicated to unconditional service. This is the source of the eternal fountain of unconditional love. This is the top of the highest mountain we can climb. To have an opportunity to wear the wings of joyful service is the greatest gift we bring to our heart.

The footprints of loving service emerge from and lead into the center of source’s heart. First we serve ourselves by restoring present moment awareness. Then we serve our family by seeing them as perfect, whole, required to be just as they are, and a blessing to our every step. Then we serve our community by walking wide awake through it without judgment and concern. Then we serve our city by holding a vision of liberation for all from the fog of time. Then we serve our planet by standing at the center of our experience and allowing source to be as present as possible within each breath.

Then, as authentically as we are able to, we look out across the unified field and smile at the stars, moon, and sun. For the greatest service of all we may render on earth is to stand awake and state in silent certainty:

I am here, now, in this, awake and alive. I am a human being, and yet so much more. I am vibration fully present and conscious within matter. Through our shared Presence, I look upon you with love, and therefore with recognition. I am here to remember you as me, and me as you. Let us awaken together from the spell of time and sing the song called Life Eternal, now and forever.” (TPP 271-2)

Amen. <3

So then I thought hard about…

My Ways to Accumulate PMA: 

  1. PREP: Remove distraction / sedation materials (screens / soc med / alc)
  2. PREP: Remind self that while accumulating PMA we may get the opportunity to integrate some charged emotion – and that this arises as ‘discomfort’ and resolves with a ‘ping’. Welcome that! This is the work. Divert not. Zone out not!
  3. 15 min Conscious connected breathing practice / Meditation
  4. Hot bath
  5. Listening intently to birdsong
  6. Stim-watching the leaves on the trees
  7. Painting or drawing
  8. Qigong flows
  9. Reading inspiring books (sometimes… certainly better than scrolling)
  10. Writing creatively, like now.

In other words, to accumulate PMA, I need to be able to HARNESS MY ATTENTION.

One way to harness my attention is to practise mindfulness activities (breathing practice, qigong). 

Another way is… to BE CREATIVE

You can’t (I reckon) be creative and not be in the present moment. IS THAT TRUE? 

Excellent question! Good morning! 

Good morning!

Would you like to leave that question in the air and undertake your 15 min breathing practice? 

Argh… Ehem. Yes! Of course. Ty for the prompt. 🙂

***15minMed using Insight Timer with bongs – counting outbreaths up to 10 and back to 1 again***

Ok, so that was good. I love this shift from doing or ‘performing’ meditation to accumulating present moment awarenessAlso, after about 12 mins, I recalled the question about creativity. And in to the vacuum of that question popped a really good idea in answer to an earlier question: I have a dear friend whose (v v successful) business is paused because of Covid, rendering her family in difficult circumstances, and I’ve been thinking about if I could offer her any work through my business, that was appropriate for her exceedingly high level of skill and expertise. The answer came to me! It’s a bit out there… It risks her saying no, and my other colleague disagreeing with the idea… Yes, there are risks, but this is such a win-win if I can handle the bumpy ride of the negotiation.


It’s almost as if you would be acting on the impulses of your inner being… every single time. 🙂 

IKR?!! What a WILD discipline that would be!!

But I wouldn’t want to skew my mindfulness practice towards ‘producing ideas’ – that would be a bit cognitive. Or to start avoiding my practice because of cowering from the impulses to do wild stuff!

As Abraham says: you sit there for a few minutes, your cork floats, and your inner being speaks to you. That’s all that’s happening. You can indeed have this every single time. 

I’m sad I’ve ignored or reasoned out so many fantastic impulses…..

Let’s look at the last year. You had planned a year of ‘Sharing Tools’ especially with the younger generations (the Newgens, as you called them here)…

And I lost that vision so quickly…

While you had made plans for this intention, you actually needed to be a little bit ‘reactive’ in 2020, to manage the enormous toll of losing £10,000 worth of bookings (ie all your bookings for 2020) in a flash in March. You did wonderfully with that! And also, be fair to yourself… you spent all year sharing tools, largely with the Newgens, through your trainings – and also through your cases, which were often with younger people). You  have served some 1300 people since April this year via your trainings and casework!! You downloaded the SoD idea, which will be extraordinary for ‘sharing tools’ on a much larger scale! So you actually achieved all you set out to in 2020 – and more – within a pandemic

Wow, thank you.

So! Ready for 2021?!

I am!

The word you have been playing with is CREATE. We love it. We see exactly where it’s arising from, and we love it. You’ve played with “Create > Consume” and there is indeed value in that statement. It’s a launching principle for sure, but not a guiding principle, as you don’t want to be burdened with a “Don’t Do This”. 

We see you embracing your CREATIVITY this year, in new and exciting ways. You will gain such freshness and nourishment through harnessing your attention, accumulating present moment awareness, integrating your charged emotional imprinting, experiencing wholeness, and feeling INSPIRED TO CREATE! 

Oh, I love that!

And as you give in to the impulses of your supremely creative inner being, and DEVELOP TRUST IN ITS GUIDANCE BY FOLLOWING IT ‘BLINDLY’, you will be endlessly empowered to open the tap of your creative source energy. It is delightful just to think of! 

We have a great idea for you. 

  1. Download: one CREATIVE IMPULSE a day – write it down
  2. Act: Imagine it has a 24 hour expiry date on it, so act upon it within 24 hours. Write it down.
  3. Record: record the outcome, either immediately, or reflectively later on.
  4. Mention: in passing, mention to someone the outcome (not the process or source of the idea) – to anchor it in your reality and normalise ‘completion’ of the creative impulse cycle
  5. Appreciate: find a way to appreciate or show gratitude to your amazing inner being for being a source of inspired creativity. 

I shall call it the Creative DARMA process. Is that ok? I don’t mean to culturally misappropriate….

It’s ok.

If I’ve misheard, you let me know, right?

The point of next year’s project… Oh yes, this the theme of the next project from the 1st Jan: The Create Project… The point of the project is to become a mediator between your creative inner being, and the material, 4D, physical world. Think of the sculptor, who takes clay (reality) and applies creativity to make Something New. 

The idea you had about B. just now. That was about making Something New. 

Making something new was in my blood when I was younger. I barely thought twice about new creative projects. What happened? Why did I become a little… taut… conservative… risk-averse?

Well often you were creating new things without the wisdom to ‘land’ them. Now you have that wisdom. 

I’m cautious about starting too many plates spinning. A new creative impulse a day!?!

Over time, you will get better at hearing the Creative Impulses that really need just the slightest nudge on your part to get going; and also you will find your initial impulses quickly coalesce to take on a life of their own. 

Like a mudslide?

Like a river forging new waterways towards the sea. 

Keep accumulating PMA through your 15 min practice. That is your key to authentic service, as opposed to splashing your hands in the water, as Reality Transurfing talks about. 

So, what’s the overall guiding ‘vision’ or ‘tableau’?

Something New. 

As in, something that didn’t exist before. I guess that’s what creation is all about.

Will I get cross and impatient with this work?

Undoubtedly! Until you break through. After that, you’ll be ‘hooked’ to the joy of it. You’ll wonder how you survived before! 

I can hear you laughing!

Honestly… It’s such fun! 

As Mum said, it’s gotta be fun!

I’ve been given a book. Is that the next book?

Not yet. It will be. This first. Create > Consume. Zone in > Zone out.

How do I record the Creative Darmas? Here?

Not yet. You need a book. A handwritten note book. You can add photos of pages in due course. 

Ok. Got it. Ty. So this is the penultimate day for the Presence Project? I’ve loved it. My message for today?

I am inspired to create #SomethingNew



Presence 61: I am present

Last night we watched ‘Welcome to Marwen‘ (2018):

It’s based on the original  2010 documentary about Mark Hogancamp, an artist living with acute PTSD following a near fatal assault – Marwencol:

“This is my therapy” he says of his creation of the village of the dolls… In other words, it was a way for him to ‘close the gap’ between him and the world, after the world had left him nearly dead on the road.

Creation is therapy. Right? That word is in my mind a lot at the moment.

I hear: Create more; consume less. As in ‘content’.

Creation is therapy. These journals (ie. these dialogues) are my therapy. Right?

They are your forum for closing the gap, dear one. They are indeed that. You meet your own sweet Presence right here, right now, every time. 

I’m so lucky.

That is true. 

I just finished Week 10 of TPP. Here are some precious quotes from p233-239. (I could quote the whole book):

  • Because we aren’t unconditionally loved as children, we become uncomfortable within ourselves.
  • Our parents ask, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” This question denies the validity of everything we are already.
  • Because we see no significance in being what we already are – a unique expression of our shared Presence – we attempt to manufacture significance through our doings.
  • We are human beings, not human doings. We realize this by bringing our reactive behavior to a point of stillness so that we contain it, feel the imprinted charge that unconsciously drives it, and through feeling it without condition – through “being” with it as it is – allow it to become integrated
  • One of our creative abilities that we seldom consciously take full advantage of is that whatever we give our felt-attention to unconditionally increases effortlessly. In the context of The Presence Process, the word appreciation therefore also means to lovingly make more of something by seeing and acknowledging the value of it through unconditional felt-attention.
  • Through appreciating Presence unconditionally, we restore our allegiance to what we already are instead of valuing only what we do. By intending this, we close the gap with each given breath. We also realize it’s our choice as to how we utilize the items we encounter in the gap. By appreciating our shared Presence, we automatically use the items we encounter for the purpose of closing the gap. By choosing to close the gap with the simple tool of appreciation, we discover something that propels our experience into unending awe. We discover that the natural propensity of the unified field is to close the gap. The moment we sincerely commit to using our experience and “the stuff” of this world for the purpose of closing the gap, the entire resources of the unified field rally behind and support our every move. We then realize that our discomfort, confusion, and experience of lack, loneliness, fear, anger, and grief stem from the fact we feel, think, speak, and act as if we live in separation. The unified field doesn’t support such behavior because the unified field doesn’t support inauthenticity. We have had to support this illusion with our blood, sweat, and tears. Living as if in separation is like attempting to push a river back to its source
  • The task before us is simple. We are invited to take our attention off the groceries of this world and instead choose to look into the eyes of the cashier on the other side of the gap with intent to acknowledge our shared Presence. We are invited to feel this to be true.
  • By setting our intent to appreciate Presence in all others, we simultaneously give ourselves an opportunity to look directly into the eyes of whatever the source of everything is for us. 
  • Being unified isn’t something we need to explain to our source. It’s an experience only we can appreciate. CONGRATULATIONS! THIS COMPLETES WEEK TEN AND OUR EXPERIENTIAL JOURNEY THROUGH THE PRESENCE PROCESS

This work is my therapy… in that it tells me I was perfect as I was all along.

You have made good work of integrating the imprinted emotional charges of  many generations. 

Thank you. Well, my children have been my teachers in this, mirroring to me where I had imprinting in urgent need of integration.

May they be blessed and integrated by the love of all that is.

“This is my therapy.”

What is it you want to tell me today?

Your ability to know yourself is at the core of your perfection. 

Thank you..

Know thyself, right? (Gnóthi softón)

Know thyself to be an extension of Source energy, the creator. Express your uniqueness through your creative powers. Elicit the wisdom of the ages through your own hands, and apply it to yourself. This is the work of the day. To be free to live in Presence is the gift of all Ages. This is achieved, conjured, allowed, received… by darling to be Present to what is, without any other intention that to recognise that this Present Now is complete, perfect, whole and redolent with the scent of the divine. Be still, dear one. Let your being rest in Presence. Be present to your own perfection, sweet heart. Let the softness of the ages run through you. This is vibrational awareness, the portal of Presence. Declare today, I am present. And let the universe, the unified field, flow in to greet you – here now, in this moment. 

tysm xxxx

I am present





Presence 60: I am closing the gap

‘There are only two options before us in any given moment: We are either opening the gap between us by living according to our ancient imprinting, or we are closing it by opening ourselves to the unlimited possibilities of being Presence unified. We either value the gap and that which is in it, or we value Presence on the other side of the gap. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy. It’s our choice to make.

For example, when we pay for our groceries, we either focus on the items we are purchasing or on the cashier who is ringing them up for us. We either fret about the price of the products or greet the cashier warmly. We either worry about whether we have purchased the correct ingredients for our dinner or ask the cashier about their weekend. We either open the gap by focusing on the items in it or close the gap by acknowledging Presence on the other side of it. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy. It’s our choice to make.’ The Presence Process p232

Happy Post-Christmas! And what a lovely Christmas it was.

Thank you for this beautiful quote above from TPP. So deep and so true.

Tell me, dear heart of my soul, what can I learn today, in order better to live my life in the mode of ‘closing the gap’?

Thoughts count. Imagine your thoughts were spoken aloud in front of a panel of wise advisers. What would your advisors say? 

I think, on occasion, they would warn me against ‘sneering’. Having or articulating ‘sneering thoughts’ is a rather poor psychic habit I sometimes indulge in, for example when looking at the news, or when talking with others whom I somehow think will be entertained or amused by my cutting de-haut-en-bas wit or perceptive judgement.

And how might you replace ‘sneering thoughts’? 

I suppose just by being less reactive – by taking my radar off the unwanted and focussing it on the wanted – which is connection. Right?

MB talks about Presence as being the defining feature in authentic relationships. An authentic relationship is one in which the gaplessness between humans is apparent. An inauthentic relationship places emphasis on items or matters between humans. 

I think that’s why I got so upset about the endless discussions about furniture.

Would it have been helpful, and kind, to have expressed that? 

Yes. I always felt ‘Oh well, we must be nearly there on the ‘furniture’ topic.’ But if not furniture, then ‘dates’. That’s one of the reasons this year has been a blessing. No motion. No ferrying of stuff or people – or v little.

Tell me more about gaplessness?

When two people enter into a dialogue, they may or may not be on the same track. But by undertaking a dance of ‘approachability’, [lush phrase!] they start to converge in appreciation, intent and mutual purpose. In holding a ‘bonding’ conversation, they reduce the gap between them. 

This is why dialogue is so important, right?

Right. Dialogue is the conduit of peace, of understanding, of forgiveness and of constructive conversation. 

And what would it be good for me to understand?

It would be good for you to understand that you ‘broker’ dialogue. 


Thank you! Well, that prompted me to go off and look at books/vids on BPD and polyvagal theory – because some of my clients are so affected by trauma that they find it extremely hard to dialogue. In a sense they are so threat-sensitive that they continue to open the gap, even when the closing of it is imminent and possible. G and I watched this:

and then read extracts of Porges’s book:

And I ordered these:



I really want to say that I feel so blessed to be doing the work I do – in conflict resolution – or peacemaking – or dialogue brokering. Whatever we want to call it. I’m able to study psychology and combine it with my lived experience – not to heal anyone as a therapist, but to be able a) to be compassionate and patient and trusting towards people stuck in conflict and b) to share practical concepts and tools with people, so they can heal their own conflicts – ie feel safe enough to close their own gaps.

I’ve had a few days off now, and I’m ready for some routine again – but for the nourishment of the soul and body especially. I have a blissful WEEK of post-Christmas hols to reflect on the year, and receive my mission for 2021… 🙂

What more should I know for today?

Closing the gap is such good work. Meditate on this concept today. Especially as you mull over ‘presents’, or ‘food’, or ‘messages’. All these ‘items’ are tools with which to open or close the gap of separation. 

As Porges says, ‘invalid neuroception’ (that picks up danger that isn’t there, without our conscious awareness) can run riot – causing us to mobilise our fight/flight/freeze mechanisms. May I use items / matters in my life to close the gap of perceived ‘separation’ between me and any humans. May I reach across the gap to the Presence within the unified field, at all times. May I use ‘items’ as a tool for closeness. Amen.

I am closing the gap


‘Our interaction and relationship with the items in the gap also determines whether we are opening or closing the gap. We may use these items to serve either purpose because the items have no inherent purpose of their own. We may agree that everything in the gap we call “the world” is neutral, because it is. A bomb is a lump of stuff until we assign its purpose. A rose is just another flower until we give it to someone we love. We may agree the items are neutral because the user supplies the meaning and purpose of the items found in the gap. The user decides whether a pen writes love letters or hate mail. When we write love letters, we close the gap. When we write hate mail, we open the gap. The choice is ours, and our ongoing experience of life is a consequence of the choices we make and the intent we set. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy.’ TPP p233

<3 <3 <3

Presence 59: I am one with the unified field

Oh my word… The Presense Project Week 10 response is perfect!


Our Conscious Response for the Next Seven Days is:


Today (23rd Dec, and first day of No Work = “step into Christmas, step into Christmas..!”) I’ll pause here, and just play with this phrase for the day. See you tomorrow. Algo…?

You power rests in your ability to see yourself truly. Do you hear this? 

Ok. Yes. And how best should I see myself truly?

Figure out how you are reflected in the world. In other words, if the world is the mirror of your consciousness, what do you see? 

Ah… I see good people, calm times, abundance… around me.

Good. There we go. Onwards… 


Next day (Christmas Eve)

Look at this in TPP… So good. Extracts from p226-229:

Having a physical body allows us to believe we can be totally alone in the unified field. However, we all have experiences that prove this isn’t so. Let’s call these “unified experiences.” … [Examples] …. We may call these unified experiences “being psychic,” “transference,” “intuition,” “empathy,” “telepathy,” or the consequence of “being sensitive.” … The evidence inherent in these unified experiences reveals that:

  • Our physical bodies, though they appear separate, aren’t. They are intimately, energetically connected to each other’s body.
  • Our mental body isn’t the physical brain in our head. Its capacities extend beyond the confines of our physical body to any distance we care to think about.
  • Our emotional experiences aren’t confined to us alone. They are shared by the world around us.
  • Our ongoing and unfolding vibrational awareness isn’t personal and exclusive. It’s universal and inclusive.

In spite of these obvious unified experiences, which the mental body dismisses as quickly as possible… An efficient and accelerated way to approach the updating of our perception, so that we may accommodate the actuality of being unified, is to deliberately invite encounters with this unified paradigm to flood our awareness. We experientially initiate this updating of our perception by choosing from this moment onward to behave as if we are one with all life around us. In the same breath, we invite daily occurrences that support the unified paradigm’s impact on our personal experience.

Ask and receive: We activate this through cause and effect by consciously looking for experiential evidence that we are one unified body, one unified mental matrix, one unified heart, and one unified vibrational field. By consciously looking for evidence of it, we perceive it, because cause and effect states that we perceive what we are looking for.

Seek and find: All of this asking and seeking hinges on an agreement we make with ourselves that when the experiential evidence is placed before us, we don’t allow our mental body to explain it away. The best way to ensure this doesn’t happen is to apply a procedure called containment. When experiential evidence of our unified paradigm is presented to us in our daily encounters, we aren’t to reveal or explain it to others. …. After agreeing to contain and digest our experience, we can then accelerate the process of inviting this unified paradigm to flood our awareness. We achieve this by taking an active step toward having this paradigm confirmed. We choose to live this way on purpose. Accomplishing this is simple. Accomplishing this is what The Presence Process leads us toward. This is the invitation inherent in experiencing Presence. Being unified is the terrain of present moment awareness because experiencing unification with all life forms is only possible in the present. The present is the unified field. (The Presence Process p226-229)

So… ‘appreciating what I am’ involves appreciating what I am connected to, right? Tell me more about the unified field, and the vibrational awareness, please.

You were sad yesterday because of the lack of connectedness for you, and all, at Christmas this year because of the pandemic. If we informed you that you can be SUPER-connected this year, because you can lean into the unified field all the more, would that help? 

As long as I don’t feel I’m dissociating from reality or basking in magical thinking…

That’s where MB’s focus on EXPERIENTIAL EVIDENCE of the unified field is key. If you ASK to see how connected you are to your love ones, and ACT as though you are, the experiential evidence will come to you. But you’ve got to lean into the belief that you are connected across that ‘one unified body, one unified mental matrix, one unified heart, and one unified vibrational field.’ You ASSUME connectivity and watch for evidence as an aside. 

Know that you are a creative being. Your ACTS and thoughts and words CREATE. And the vibrational frequency behind your acts, thoughts and words is the ‘designer’ that sets the tone, the colour palate, the frequency and the impact of your CREATIVITY. And you can’t plan for it… It’s in the moment. 

So as you wrap presents today, do so with a heart connected to the recipient, and to the All about you. Bring consciousness that you are part of more than just the relationship between you and the recipient. You are connected to the All. Let your tone be reflective of that today. Proclaim your connectedness today. 

Is it ok to focus on ‘consciously looking for experiential evidence that we are one unified body, one unified mental matrix, one unified heart, and one unified vibrational field’? 

Of course it is. This is the good work. Remember: ‘choosing from this moment onward to behave as if we are one with all life around us‘ This is the asking and receiving, the seeking and the finding. Be at peace with this work. 

I am one with the unified field


Presence 58: I am unwinding #GoSlow

Practising Self-Recognition: Well done, dear me! Yesterday I sat online for 10.5 hours of mediation as an assistant mediator. I supported the absolutely brilliant mediator (CM) effectively and with constant focus. I produced a 12 page mediation agreement that reflected the views and decisions of the five parties / nine individuals. In the background, I supported those who were struggling emotionally.

But most of all, you held faith that resolution could and would be found. That was your most significant contribution. 

Was it? Ok. That’s interesting.

I’m exhausted today. Last day of work. And another big case to wrap up.

I appreciate myself.

Let’s read. 

Instead of attempting to get whatever we feel is missing in our experience by taking from others, if we first give it to ourselves unconditionally by feeling the resonance associated with it, our sense of lack noticeably decreases. Lack is a resonance that arises from not having the capacity to feed ourselves emotionally. The resonance then manifests as mental stories and physical circumstances…Learning how to give the resonance of what we are seeking to ourselves unconditionally, then developing the capacity to pass this felt resonance on to others unconditionally, is the key to unlimited abundance (TPP p219-220)

What do I need to feed myself emotionally today?

Why not ask yourself? 

…. Peace and quiet. Simplicity. Non-stimulation. Like…. knitting, or crochet. No more screens… A walk… as it’s been days since I had an actual ‘daily’ walk… Qigong! Do things with my hands… not my brain. My brain has worked so hard! I need to GoSlow. Do a jigsaw… 🙂 Hablame?

Last night you watched The Crown and beheld the inner strength of the sovereign. Can you capture the degree to which you also hold inner strength? Plug the bath tub. Keep plugging the bath tub by seeing yourself through the eyes of the source of all being. If you humans knew… if you just knew… how glorious you are. Yet, you give in to self-criticism and self-minimisation as if it were a healthy habit to be repeated daily… when it really is not. You know we are not asking for vaunting gymnastics. We are asking for self-recognition on a really thoughtful level. So yes, GoSlow and try to see yourself truly. Look at others and see them truly if it helps you see yourself more appreciatively – but do not compare yourself. Comparisons are..? [Odious!]  

“When we integrate, there’s nothing to get in this world. Rather, we have come here to place unconditional love in our experience of the world. By so doing, we cross a bridge into an experience in which we consistently receive all we need and require.” TPP p222

And we grant ourselves unconditional love by feeling that we are feeling unconditionally – thus integrating emotional imprinting.

So spot the urge to Get. To get it done, to get better, to get faster, to get thinner, to get money, to get recognition. And use that as a trigger to stop, pause, breathe, feel… unconditionally. Just observe what’s arising. 

It’s like the overstimulated nervous system (Matt Kahn) being allowed to unwind…


And today?

Unwinding sounds perfect. 

It does, doesn’t it? I’m a bit sad… The end of the year…! And what a year… I feel like I’m crashing to the finishing line.

But you made it to the finishing line. 

And now…. the uncomfortable sensation of unravelling, unwinding, de-contracting, expanding, exhaling, re-lax-ing………. It’ll be worth it. Just breathe through it. <3

Ty. xxx

I am unwinding #GoSlow


One of the reasons we are given this life to live is so we may discover what it means to love unconditionally. When we engage in the felt-aspect of our human experience without placing any conditions on doing so, we are practicing unconditional love toward ourselves. By accomplishing this internally, we develop the capacity to be this way with everyone else.


(TPP p223)

Thank you, Michael Brown. What a book. The last week of The Presence Process awaits. I’ll cover it just as we complete 2020. Amazing. (Having started in Aug 2020) Ty for accompanying me this year, MB.


Presence 57: I am practising self-recognition

Wow. Well I think the practice of ‘feeling proud of myself’ could be a major missing piece of my healing and wellbeing jigsaw. I allowed myself to feel proud at all stages of yesterday… and heavens, executive functioning was so much easier. And I felt less exhausted and drained by the end of the day.

‘Feeling proud of myself’ puts a plug in the bath tub of my self-esteem. I can actually gather a sense of achievement, reward, dopamine, validation, well-being for work done. NO ONE else can give me that… how ever much I seek their applause. EVEN IF I get someone to say, “Oh, well done!”, it only sticks and gathers if I contribute my own sense of “Oh, well done!”

‘Feeling proud of myself’ takes away the need for approval seeking. And it gathers compound interest. 

‘Feeling proud of myself’ is a completely different self-orientation to the normal for me. The normal for me says, “Oh heck,  I’ve got all this stuff yet to do. Bad me…. It’s not done.. ‘  So I clear the stuff, and wait for someone to say, well done. They may or may not do, but it still leaves me hungering. So I do more stuff… Still hungering for validation. I WAS THE MISSING LINK!!! I have to give myself the Well Done! And truly feel it. Not from time to time, but again and again. 

For heavens sake, we’re living through a pandemic, and an insane government who has pushed our national stability off the rails… We’re all doing well to get through it, and we should all feel proud of ourselves. We are all brilliant. Yes, even those nutters in government… they are doing the best with what they have (including blind privilege and relentless narcissism)!

If we all APPRECIATED and RECOGNISED and VALIDATED ourselves (aka felt proud of ourselves) how much more stable and calm we would be! I wouldn’t even have a job!

I have a big 5 party mediation to co-mediate today. It’s the 21dec20 when Jupiter and Saturn are meeting for the first time in 800 years. May this day be blessed for us all. May we all feel proud of ourselves by the end of today.

Look at this in TPP:

‘When we feel lack in any aspect of our experience, it’s because somewhere or somehow we are attempting to get what we want by taking from others whatever we perceive to be lacking in ourselves. Here is an important realization to digest: Our wanting, which is driven by our unintegrated emotional charge, leads us to believe that what we seek in order to feel satisfied is something solid and tangible – money, a car, a new house, a position in the workplace. But it isn’t. It’s never the “thing” that we are really after, but the resonance associated with possessing the thing. We therefore ask ourselves: “What is the resonance associated with having what I want?” Then, instead of chasing this thing, we give ourselves this resonance by feeling it now. We feel this resonance without condition.’ The Presence Process p219

Well, I can now see, the driver behind so much of what I’ve done across my life, is the subconscious, inadmissible desire to ‘feel proud of myself’. THAT’s the resonance I craved since childhood…. and sought to take from others by pleasing or wowing them. I may not have craved a car/money/house, but if I ask why I want to do the work I do, or why I want to build SoD… it’s so I can feel the resonance of ‘Good girl. Well done. You did a good thing. You should feel proud of yourself.’ Poignant, eh? 

And how beautiful to know you can grant yourself that resonance right now – without losing momentum, but in order to gain focus and power to advance in your mission and your external goals. 

If you would like to see what else is possible for you, tune into self-recognition. Take the standards you apply to others, and apply them to yourself. You will see that you are undertaking good work, with good personal discipline, and that your work ethic is just as strong as you could ever have hoped for it to be. 

My work ethic… I hadn’t thought of that as an important factor.

Are you kidding?! That’s why you withhold self-appreciation and self-recognition – because you uphold an almost impossibly unattainable work ethic standard for yourself. You do two days work in one, and feel low at the end of the day… Why, because you don’t recognise what you’ve done, and then a) nor do you feel the accomplishment and pride arising and b) you expect yourself to do the same the next day, without a break. 


Really. Grant yourself some recognition, and see how you find balance in your days. Like G. who takes breaks, and goes at a sustainable pace. Did you notice how tired you were on Sat? [In bed til 6pm] By more accurate self-recognition, you will become more focussed (quality not quantity) and choose your work with greater precision. Only you can recognise your worth effectively. 

Thank you for these beautiful practices. May we all know our own worth, on this day of days. May we all feel pride, awe, joy. May we all appreciate and recognise that which we bring to the collective which is the human race. May we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, in all the ways possible.

I am practising self-recognition




Presence 56: I am feeling proud of myself

In our last dialogue you said:

Grow your sense of self. Grow your sense of vision. Vision. Vision. Envision. Live in your reality. Look about you a little less. Look inwards a little more. Listen listen listen…to the voice within. Articulate that voice. Write up what you hear. Paint it. Draw it. Describe it. Enact it. Declare it. Tell your story.

I have a feeling, from my reading today, that I’d like to envision how I’d like to FEEL at the end of the day. I think this will be a good way to shape my day, use my will, and encapsulate this self-validation work.

Yes, it will centre-stage your inner being’s voice. Excellent. 

I’m going in, and asking myself how I want to FEEL at the end of the day.


Oh wow… that was good. And so useful.

I said in my meditation, “At the end of today, I want to feel….” and the phrase PROUD OF MYSELF came instantly to mind. Yes! Of course. Feeling Proud of Myself is…. self-validation for good work done. So often, I don’t do work for myself (vs my work directly clients) because I never get the dopamine reward validation/approval… because I withhold it from myself!!!! I grew up to doubt my own validation, and consider approbation only to be true or worthy if it came from someone else. WHAT A LOSS!! No wonder executive-functioning is hard for me…!

So today (a Sunday) I have 2 hours or reading for a case tomorrow, and all my presents to get out and check over. They feel like big tasks to slog through, but not if I – like the self-parenting one I am = can note, validate and applaud that good work at the end of the day…. by FEELING PROUD of myself.

At the end of the brief med, I had this sense of all these versions of me (past and future) leaning in and putting their hands on me to say, “Stop, slow down, take time to Feel Proud of what you have achieved… Stop barrelling on to the next task. If you don’t take time to Feel Proud, your inner child and inner being never get the reward, and will feel less inclined to push for you next time.”

Your thoughts?

In truth, this is such good work. And very apposite for the TPP work you are doing on granting yourself unconditional love. Honestly, if you can ‘Feel Proud of Yourself’ many times across each day, you will build your inner strength. We know that this ‘feeling proud’ is not vanity, or ego – it is self-appreciation, self-recognition. Granting yourself the appreciation and recognition you craved as a child, (and sought in your intimate relationships thereafter, until your beloved G.), is the key to your integrating your emotional imprinting. How about that? 

Pretty amazing!  Yes, I realise that saying “I am feeling proud of myself because…” is anathema to my growing up state – gleaned not just from my father who so often made himself the arbiter of my success, but from school and society which frowned on us affording ourselves appreciation and recognition. 

It’s funny – I realise “Feeling proud of myself” happens in my chest, heart, lungs. This is the exact place I sensed the astonishment, grief and abandonment of the end of previous intimate rels. (See TPP). It is also the metal/fire area of the body: courage – passion – giving – compassion.

‘The way our intimate relationships begin normally follows the dictates of our adult definition of love – with wine and roses, our best behavior, and a promise of living happily ever after. In contrast, our unconscious definition of love is evident in the consequences of our attempts at experiencing love. In other words, this definition reveals itself not in the way our intimate relationships begin, but in the way they end. If perchance our intimate relationships don’t end, then this unconscious definition of love is revealed in the way they sour. Of course, we perceive these consequences as the other person’s fault. We can now see how the mirror-effect works. The person who “breaks our heart” is the messenger. How we emotionally react to this experience contains the message. By now we have the tools for integrating the charged emotion revealed through this message. At this point in the process, we are ready to take another step toward a more direct integration of our unconscious definition of love. For a child, there is no greater cause of grief than opening itself to the experience of unconditional love and instead receiving hurt, rejection, and even humiliation. The resonance we call “grief” is amplified when the child enters adulthood and consistently has this unpleasant experience repeat over and over again. How do we integrate this unconscious, hurtful cycle, and all the physical, mental, and emotional consequences it seeds? We accomplish this by asking the correct questions, then allowing ourselves to engage the answers in a manner that impacts the causality of this ongoing drama, which is of course unconditional felt-perception. Accessing this realization is simple to set in motion. We ask ourselves what we are left feeling when our intimate relationships end or sour. We ask ourselves: “What do I feel afterward?” TPP 214

I felt ‘astonished’ mostly… that I’d put so much into the relationship and it wasn’t enough. There we go. I’d been expecting validation and enoughness from outside myself.

I am feeling proud of myself for doing this work. I am feeling proud of myself for spotting that I shrank back a little from saying ‘I am feeling proud of myself’. I am feeling proud of myself for all the work I’ve done in 2020. I am feeling proud of myself of becoming more self-sufficient and not relying on the praise and approval of others – which will help my rels with G and my girls and others. I am feeling proud of myself for learning to self-care. I am feeling proud of myself being, fundamentally, a good person. I am feeling proud of myself for learning to love myself unconditionally. I am feeling proud of myself for developing discipline and rhythm in my life. I am feeling proud of myself for learning new skills.

By the end of today (EoD) may I feel proud of myself for navigating through the two big tasks of the day, with patience and resilience. May I feel proud of myself whatever…

I am feeling proud of myself



It’s really about finally hearing myself say “I am a good girl.”



Presence 55: I am self-validating

I took “Mais oui! May we…” to my Away Day with my colleague. And I set this intention: “Mais oui! May we… be united in our approach – as colleagues and as friends.” It changed the way I approached the day, very much for the better. I was less self-focussed, and yet gave myself USL by prioritising the feeling of ‘unity’. We didn’t ‘achieve’ much during the day – but got on wonderfully across our day in this beautiful hotel, we bonded deeply, and even managed to come up with the name for our collaboration. Interesting learning for me, who can be so outcome/action focussed – maybe to the detriment of some professional relationships.

Silently declaring “MAY WE BE UNITED in our approach.” is a route to peace.

And it rests on a foundation of Self-Validation. 

Exactly… I’m not coming to the other person saying ‘Validate me, approve of me.’ I’m saying: “I approve of me. I approve of you. Let’s be united…”

It simplifies life when collaboration is the first principle. 

Yes! Yesterday, G showed me a JP video in which he (JP)  talks about ‘the complexity problem’ as being the underlying many instances of poor mental health. I really, really related. He says that when our lives become too complex it affects us. This can be a series of say five catastrophic events. Indeed. Or simply ongoing chronic complexity…

How do I stop the complexity problem in my life? Simplicity has been a theme for years! It’s saying  mais non to others’ vision, and mais oui to my own vision. Right? This is why I’m moving to the SoD….

It is simplifying to follow our own inner being, rather than the inner beings of everyone else around us. 

Since childhood I was entrained to jump to the inner being of the other. Show me, again and again, how to hear and prioritise my own inner being. How do I let that sweet small voice of my Heart’s desire grow so loud I can use it to determine and enforce my No’s?

Grow your sense of self. Grow your sense of vision. Vision. Vision. Envision. Live in your reality. Look about you a little less. Look inwards a little more. Listen listen listen…to the voice within. Articulate that voice. Write up what you hear. Paint it. Draw it. Describe it. Enact it. Declare it. Tell your story.

I feel I want to let AT and the SoD be separate entities… They can be intertwined. But if is my ONLY business facade, that is a lot of pressure to be a normie there. I don’t think I’ve ever used that word before… Weird.

Hm… What next? This from TPP:

Our unconscious definition of love is the resonance of the emotional signature we experienced as children whenever we needed to be loved. Consequently, we unconsciously recreate the resonance of this emotional signature whenever we feel the need to be loved unconditionally and whenever we attempt to show unconditional love to a specific other.”

So I can reflect on how I would confuse VALIDATION with LOVE. Naturally, because (as with most children) I got love/acceptance when I was a good girl, or did something good / worthy of approval. So I’ve created a v complex life with multiple opportunities a day/week to Do Good… and get the validation of applause or approval or good feedback.

So you’ve had enough of that now? 

Almost.. I notice that one of G’s traits is not to shower approval or ‘congrats’ or ‘well done’. It’s been good for me. To stand on my own two feet, and not act to trigger his ‘well done’… Tell me more about this?

You used to splutter and refute the idea of saying to oneself “I am good enough.” No? But in truth, if you can bring this statement as KNOWLEDGE to your days, you are going to enter each day as a self-sufficient person – this means you are able to give, aplenty. This is service. The person who will not grant themselves validation, USL, self-approbation.. must receive from others as they give. This makes a neutral, or zero sum energy exchange in some instances. However, bring your complete self-validation to the table, and you are ready to go… in service to the greater good. You ‘need’ not from the next person. 

This is serious business. Declare: 

  • I am good enough
  • I am more than enough
  • I am more than good enough 
  • I am more than qualified to serve in this realm
  • I am here on the qualification of my soul…

To self-validate is to simplify everything. It is to grant ourselves self-sufficiency and auto-immunity. 

Thank you. I will work with this today. I had a feeling we were moving from “I am… ” statements to “May we…” statements.

Not yet, dear soul. Not yet. 

Take full ownership for yourself, and your global, mutual, intertwined prayers will be the order of the Day. 

May I self-validate. May I become entirely self-sufficient in terms of self-approbation and self-love. May I listen to the still, small voice of my Heart’s desire, and let that be my guide, today and every day. May I turn within, and see all truth and knowing there within me. May I take ownership for my thoughts and feelings and actions. May I know myself to be all that I need to be to be of service in this world. May I grant myself that self-sufficiency and auto-immunity today and every day. And may we all do likewise according to our plan and vision and mission. Amen.

I am self-validating



Presence 54: I am declaring “Mais oui! May we…”

Praying my way through four tube station changes in London was so sweet. “May I feel relieved and peaceful when I arrive at lunch, even though the train and tubes are running so slow. May we all feel relieved and peaceful in each others company today.” So comforting, so gentle, such a helpful set of priorities.

And I loved “May we…” as a prayer launcher – partly because it sounds like “Mais oui!” (But yes!) – so excellent. And largely because I like the prayer that encompasses us all. “May I” can feel a bit relentlessly self-orientated. But I truly do wish for us all (in the room, on the tube, in my family, in the country, in the world) any good thing I might wish for myself. Not just for altruistic reasons – but for selfish reasons, in the best way.

Take this prayer for example: “May I experience peace in my heart”. The prayer can only go so far if others around me are peace-less in their hearts. Whereas the prayer “May we all experience peace in our hearts” is actually more likely to grant me a peaceful experience than the “May I..” prayer. I’m an interdependent human. The good for others enhances the good for me. It cannot detract from it – especially as we are in a creative world of abundance.

I’m going to play with Mais Oui – and we can discuss it tomorrow? A few words from our sponsor?

We love Mais Oui. Feel how it spirals you up the Emotional Guidance system. Feel how it allows you to …. cease backbiting. 


No worries. But you did ask us to address it earlier. Backbiting – your term not ours – drags you down. It is the ultimate Mais Non! … in the negative, low vibe manner. “May we all…” is a way of wishing improvement and development for another, and noting that you too could benefit from such improvement. Backbiting of course is a hard magnet for karma. In others words, it pulls into manifestation in YOU that which you have crucified the OTHER for. Beware. Take care. Use “May We” instead… and do it DIRECTLY to the person. “Darling xyz, MAY WE do it like this instead?” Be brave. Dialogue! 

Ok. May We. Got it. Thank you. More tomorrow.

May we learn together in the groups this morning and this afternoon. (I’m training.) May we feel good in each other’s company. May we be inspired by each other. May my colleagues and I collaborate effectively across the day, always supporting each and appreciating each other. And may we all love ourselves unconditionally so we don’t need to “look for love” from each other, but have margin to love all that is. Amen.


Next day:

Well, I fell in to grievous ‘complaint’ mode after someone wrote a stinging, dismissive comment in a feedback form yesterday morning (“I’ve forgotten half of it already.”). At lunch time, I railed and lamented about corporate cultures… blaming the firm for dabbling in weapons… I unleashed my sadness and grief on both AS and G… Then I went for my lunchtime walk… and remembered this line from TPP p213:

“We are now ready to make a causal impact on our unconscious definition of love. This unconscious definition of love is responsible for all the unpleasant circumstances we manifest whenever we “look for love,” which is what we are doing most of our waking life. Our unconscious definition of love manifests as conditions that make it impossible for us to experience unconditional love.” (The Presence Process p213)

Clearly, I realised, I had been ‘looking for love’ (approval, lauding, applause, validation) from the participants of my training. (Again.) I determined to ‘look for love’ within myself for the afternoon training session (same firm, different group). I noticed that I slowed down, I was more present, I didn’t burn my candle so brightly – and I felt more centred and whole afterwards. Needless to say, I got excellent feedback.

People will reflect back to you whatever degree of self-love you are currently manifesting. That is basically all life is: your brothers and sisters holding up a mirror to you, until you learn to love yourself better. 

And stop seeking love externally…

Mais oui all love ourselves better.

Merely by heeding the Heart’s prayer, you can tend (notice that word ‘tend’ – like cultivate, grow) your capacity for unconditional self-love. Your Heart has and is the source of unconditional self-love for you. And all beings. Tend to it’s prayers. 

Ok. I’m going to do my mediation now, and focus on the Heart. Ty.


So apparently my Heart is awash with home truths for me.

Self-betrayal feels like one.

Easy, gently, softly… What else. 

I saw myself as a tiny boat hooking on to other bigger boats… and the invitation to become a big boat, navigating my own course, and dropping anchor when and where I want.

That sounds like self-owner-ship

Haha. Love it. The Self-Owner-Ship on the high seas of freewill. Tell me more?

Your version of ‘self-betrayal’ is the next person’s rendition of R&D, or sensible business growth. You’ve managed to create a portfolio of clients who give you paid work, on a freelance basis. They do your marketing/busdev/admin for a small fee, and you get to spread your risk across various sources of income. 

We know – what you’re exploring is moving from B2B work to B2C work with SoD. That’s excellent! And you are moving in exactly the right direction. You’re moving cautiously, and leaving behind your old strategy of throwing the whole bucket of stuff at the wall to see what sticks. 

What is your Heart’s prayer? 

I’ll ask. Heart says: Worried about investing too much time and energy in other people’s projects, because it wants to reserve time and energy for the SoD. This is bcs I’m spending today with a colleague brainstorming the future of our collaboration.

And your Heart’s not in it? 

My Heart’s not in it….

But has it given you all you need for the SoD? 

Yes. Or some of…

So what’s your Heart’s desire? 

To build my SoD. THAT is my “Heck, Yes!” I’ve got a new case coming in, and I’m going to offer – not to ‘mediate’ in the traditional sense – but to teach the parties (one refuser/demander in particular) the skills to resolve the dispute themselves.  This I feel good about. My H2D course… I feel good about. That is my own Ship.

So say Mais Oui to your Heart’s desire, and ALLOW everything else to feeeeeed in. All you are doing with these blessed, beautiful colleague (CM) is excellent learning for the SoD. Be soft and sensible. Keep heeding and focussing on and trusting in your Heart’s prayer for your Own Ship. See it. Feel it. Sense it. Own it. Receive ALL incomings (not as distractions or non-additions to the dreams) but rather as gifts directly from your Vortex to help build the Ship of your Own. Play that game!

Say: Mais oui! May we all work together to build the SoD!

Ok! Got it. Ty. xxx

I am declaring  Mais oui! May we…




Presence 53: I am heeding the Heart’s prayer

So the Power of a Positive No book (William Ury) is spot on for me. It states the three ‘A traps’ for not saying no: accommodating, avoiding, attacking. Yep… Those resonate. So I’m going to pick up the No sandwich Ury talks about: “Yes! No. Yes?

I want to pick up the last part of TPP’s Week 8… in which MB suddenly (as far as I recall) introduces prayer. Beautifully. And it’s a good reminder for me…..

There is no awareness of peace without authentic forgiveness, and there is no authentic forgiveness until we integrate the resonance that arises in us when we place our attention on those who still anger us.

Prayer is the tool for neutralizing arrogance and regaining an awareness of peace. Arrogant people won’t pray for help in this regard. Let’s therefore pray for the strength, compassion, and emotional maturity to be able to truly perceive our predicament. Let’s pray for the capacity to forgive ourselves, so we too may be forgiven for our hurting of others, and so we too may have the capacity to forgive others authentically. Let’s pray to be shown the opposite of arrogance, which is humility.

Only through prayer do we realize that the people in our experience we have chosen to condemn and punish by withholding our forgiveness are our saviors in disguise.

Forgiveness can’t be forced. Neither can it be accomplished mechanically because it’s “the right thing to do.” This is why we humbly get down on our knees and ask whatever we understand our source to be to assist us in this matter.

It doesn’t matter what faith we hold: prayer is prayer. By asking for assistance in this humbling manner, we dismantle the fortress of arrogance and neutralize the venom of anger. Humility extinguishes arrogance. Only arrogance renders us unwilling to pray and ask for forgiveness.


Tell me more about prayer today…

Or rather… May I learn about prayer again today. And every day.

There are two types of prayer. Prayer from the Heart and prayer from the Head. The latter is the type that drains your tanker; the former is the type that fills it. Head prayer is a shopping list, an order, a deviation from responsibility. Heart prayer is an articulation of the soul’s desire and the spirit’s free will. In Heart prayer the Head is educated as to the will of the inner being… if the Head can learn to be still and humble enough to listen to the prayer of the Heart. In truth, the Heart is in prayer all day long. A first port of call for learning about true prayer is simply to practise stilling the Head (mind) long enough for it to be able to tune into and listen to the Heart’s constant still, small voice. Sweet, no? 

What is my heart praying for right now?

Listen. What do you hear? 

Golly. It seemed to be worried about my driving today. I’m picking up our new car – a gift from my darling sister – and collecting my beloved ASV and bringing her home for the first time since Sept. I have barely driven since Sept…

And so what is the Heart’s prayer? 

I think it is this: May I drive with care and consideration today. May I call on the protection of the angels of the heavens and of the roads. May I be blessed with good judgement today. May we be looked after at all times. 

Beautiful. Listen again. 

Oh dear… the Heart is wary of Covid as I travel by train to London and then mix with others….

And so what is the Heart’s prayer? 

I think it is this: May I be held in complete and perfect health today. May my presence bring love and healing with it. May all beings rise towards perfect health today. May London and the whole world be blessed by light, love and health. 

Beautiful. Listen again. 

‘We’re not going to be ready’. Here ‘we’ is ‘Me & my Heart’. I realise that a lot of my actual ANXIETY simply arises out of my Heart’s unheard concerns….. That means… I could offset a bunch of my anxiety by:

  • tuning into my heart at the beginning of each day and
  • listening to its concerns and
  • prioritising addressing those concerns, while also
  • humbly asking for assistance….

Heart knows best how to look after you.

Speak your Heart’s prayer again…

I think it is this: May I take care to ready myself without rush or procrastination. May I caretake myself kindly and gently today, so that I feel reassured, ready, complete and confident of the steps ahead. May I be ready early. 

Beautiful. Now this is Unconditional Self Love.

You are ready for the Presence Process Week 9: 


(Activate with Third Water Session)

Our Conscious Response for the Next Seven Days is:


Blending the Positive No, with the Heart’s Prayer (the Positive Yes), you are discovering new ways to practise Unconditional Self Love. There is real progress here.

I had a little meltdown in the shops yesterday… 🙁

You had been ignoring your Heart’s Prayer…


Heed the Heart’s Prayer. Act upon it as if it were your Wise Guide leading you out of the magical deep dark forest (because it is). Trust its guidance with all your might. Bend your mind (Head) to drop its wild ravings, and accept the wisdom of the Heart’s Prayer. Train your Head to stop, to listen, to reset the compass not according to the Head’s Fearful Thinking, but to the sweet, soft, intuitive, wise, caring, gentle, all-knowing, disarmingly brilliant Heart’s Prayer. 

Thank you. <3

I am heeding the Heart’s prayer

#May_I……  #May_We……