Peak 105: I am attesting to the perfection of my loved ones

Blue-sky thinking in Portugal
Blue-sky thinking in Portugal

And suddenly, here I am in Portugal! I’m sitting out on a veranda at 8am next to a blue, blue sky, with birds gabbling in the trees around me. We’re all here for a family wedding – we really are all bringing the love. #BTL

We have an entire glorious week here. I’m interested to know what insights might arise during the week. It’s the end of my ‘Quarter’ (end of Sept) and the opportunity to reflect on how the last 3 months of 2019 might look for me. I’m reading The 12 Week Year on audiobook too. I’m ready to make 2019 Q4 ‘count’. I am reaching out to the edges and depths of my internal wisdom for guidance on this.

I cannot overstate the outer turmoil in our political landscape at the moment. The division, the spitting hatred, the trickery, the illusion-spinning, the psychopathy. May my – may all our – actions count in these days. May we learn the lessons available to us, and act upon our insights.

There is a time to sit still, and there is a time to act. 

And this moment is..?

This moment is a time to sit still so that you know how best to act.

Granted. I really can sit still this week (amidst the moving about!) and let the inside voice do the talking. No more wheel-spinning. No more walking about this planet with unprocessed trauma in my body.

Let’s read:

-41- The wise student on hearing the Tao diligently puts it into practice. The average student on hearing the Tao keeps it one minute and loses it the next. The mediocre student on hearing the Tao laughs at it loudly. If this student did not laugh it would not be the Tao. Therefore, the ancient proverb says: The bright path seems dull. The path that goes toward seems to lead backward. The even path seems up and down. The greatest whiteness seems soiled. High Virtue seems like a canyon. Abundant Virtue seems deficient. Vigorous Virtue seems limp. Simple Virtue seems faded. The greatest square has no corners. The greatest vessel takes long to complete. The greatest note is hard to hear. The greatest image has no shape. The Tao is hidden and nameless; yet, it is the Tao alone that supports all things and brings them to completion. (The Tao Te Ching Chap 41)

Stenudd reflects that the Tao is ‘laughable’ to the mediocre student in the way that new science breakthroughs are laughable to the sceptics at first. He also unravels some of this apparent ‘deficiency’ in the Tao:

‘Tao in its yielding humility seems dim, whereas we expect great truth to shine like gold. Its progress seems retreating, because it makes little noise and shuns the spectacular. Its course seems curved and twisted, because it accomplishes its goals indirectly and discreetly.‘ (Ref)

There’s learning here for me with regards to our undertaking actions that ‘count’. We are invited to accomplish our goals indirectly and discreetly. What’s notable to me is that the Tao / Way is not about being goalless. We can take aim and hold intention; we simply ensure that our actions are not noisy or attention-seeking.

So the focus is on the delivery not the deliverer? 

Yes, I guess so. Or on the ‘delivered’ – the outcome? Imagine if my goals involved undertaking a project which did not have my name on it… I say this because so much of what I do, I append my name to, so that people can attribute due credit to me.

We know how confusing the notions of anonymity and acclaim/acknowledgement are to you. We see this in your day-to-day thinking. You dart between the two.

Think of Amelie, and the fun she had in anonymous love-bringing…

In the end she sought love in her actual real life though, no? 

Yes… Ok, answer me this! How on Earth (and I use that term advisedly) does one actually do the following?: ‘The wise student on hearing the Tao diligently puts it into practice.


Shine the light on others to reveal their goodness, their perfection. 

No more griping, back-biting, quipping, complaining about others. Be clean of tongue. 

Attest to the perfection of your loved ones, and then your care for others’ regard of you will diminish and vanish away.

Is this something I need to be proactive in, or is this a slant to apply in the moment? And how to undertake this without being fawning, annoying or subservient?

Curiosity about the way the divine is revealing itself through each individual is sufficient. 

And what form might that take?

The mirror reflects the light it sees. 

But not the darkness…?

0 + 0 = 0

Darkness is a non-factor then…

An important thing to remember when the ego seeks to reflect the darkness it believes it sees in another: the ego can only speak of itself. 

‘The bright path seems dull.’ Darkness on the other hand can seem enticing, glamourous…

Hear the innocent church bells ringing out in the village behind you.

Pretty, sentimental, but not enticing, I guess?

‘The bright path seems dull.’

It’s true, one part of me loves to gripe and quip about others… It’s a way I make myself interesting or vital or clever (ie. non-dull) to others. It’s my favourite vaunting tool – and it must be a real dampener for those I’m with. Also, I must tire myself when I do. Resting in others’ perfection is something I need practice at.

Attest to the perfection of your loved ones.

Good practice. Very good spiritual practice. And a calming way to get out of my ego mode, so that I can better be in a blue-sky thinking state. Thank you for this.

I am attesting to the perfection of my loved ones. 




Peak 104: I am bringing the love

What a week it’s been – both in my heart and in our politics-dazed country. So much to process, comprehend, do and factor in to each day. I’ve missed being here, however the ‘flowing myself with my heart’ practice has allowed me to keep moving, and to maintain faith and trust in my days. And now I’m about to go away for a very special family wedding abroad, for a week. What a gift. How best can I use this time?

Connectivity in a spirit of tranquillity, is your remedy. 

And ‘Horizon-Gazing’ too, right?

Horizon-Gazing as a means to further peace, tranquillity and connectivity. 

I’m self-conscious here, in a way. Is this [Dialoguing] such an odd practice?

Openness serves us well. 

Yes. Maybe that will be part of my learning.

Let’s read..

40- Returning is the direction of the Tao. Yielding is the way of the Tao. The ten thousand things are born of Being and Being is born of Nonbeing. (The Tao Te Ching ch40)

Returning, yielding, non-being… These flowing, gentle concepts. So soft, so delicate, so lacking in striving or efforting. What a platform for living. What an antidote to being overwhelmed by the 10,000 Things. I am ready to live this a little more truly. I am ready to take that seeming ‘risk’ and take my foot off the accelerator, and trust in the power of automatic momentum.

‘But what about your plans, your goals, your 12 week year?!’ 

I know… It’s not that I want to give up direction or intention. Far from it. It’s that I want to prioritise developing the culture of my mind over and above the output of my mind.

And you are working so well in that department. You are truly fostering awareness of your internal weather patterns. You are softening thoughts and tempering action responses. You are most beautifully directing your attention to the places that grant you upliftment and peace. 

So what is the meaning of ‘Being is borne of Non-Being’? For me?

This concept reminds you that you are more likely to meet those stated intentions of yours if you settle in to a state of non-action / non-striving on a regular basis. Pressing the pause button allows for buffering, which allows for successful ‘play mode’. 

And what does non-action/striving look like for me, for me for whom executive-functioning is often an elusive power?

Your non-striving is this: delivering ‘minimal viable action’ to achieve the intended result. 

I’m sorry, I just disagree with this in that sometimes I need to throw the energy in to get the job done to the best of my ability.

Wheel-spinning. Sometimes there is wheel-spinning, sweet soul. And it tires you. And it fills you with cortisol. And it affects others. Think of the Queen in her castle, floating… 

…I’m thinking of her staff, legging it around the upstairs/downstairs rabbit-runs!

Think of the crown upon the head, and see that crown upon the butler, the chamber maid, the gardener, the nanny… The point is that nobility is an inside state. It is nothing to do with societal status. To be monarchical is to recognise one’s inner sovereignty. 

Ok, that’s nice. I’ll grant you that. I see where you’re taking this. Beautiful. There is work here for me. I know that often I have played the role of the Monarch’s Jester, the Court Fool, to remain safe in my world.

Not so much to remain safe, but to be able to be free of the constraints of your archetype. 

What archetype?

The archetype of the monarch. 

This now speaks to my ego. Let’s take care…

Why do you think your country’s monarch has become muted, and your ‘leader’ has become a puffing steam train veering off his own rails? 

Because we all need to find our inner monarch?

It is time for all to learn to wear the crown of sovereignty. (Very rarely do we say something to you which is not applicable to all – do not worry about ‘specialness’ issues.)

I hear you. Yes. And the Monarch can also model ‘returning’, ‘yielding’ and ‘non-being’…

She can. To do this safely and purely, she needs to have her Inner Anchor fully alight and ablaze. Then her outer demeanour can be as yielding and welcoming as the very gates of heaven. 

Woah. Shall we meditate on all this?


That meditation began with a good deal of inner wrangling: is this all about being/acting monarchical?; playing with wearing an imaginary crown?; understanding personal sovereignty? Some way on, a phrase of my beloved G’s came to mind – it was something he said to me when I was about to leave for a funeral last week, full of nerves and sadness and apprehension about reconnecting with old friends in such terribly sad circumstances. He said this:

“Bring the love.”

Beautiful. That’s all we have to do for each other, isn’t it? And it’s what a true monarch does, isn’t it? And we do it best when we are internally anchored, tranquil, connected and fully in charge of our own selves, sovereign and content to settle into a state of returning, yielding and non-being. Is this it?

Bringing the love is the essential state of connectivity in tranquillity. 

May I learn this well. May I bring the love to all I do, to everyone I meet and communicate with, to all actions I perform, to every word I utter. May we all. May our language ever be unifying, comforting, and yielding to love.

I am bringing the love



Peak 103: I am flowing myself from my heart

A test of my ‘tranquillity’ arose since I wrote. On an unthinkable scale.

Underlining the crucial point of the previous Dialogue: that the pleasure is given by the combination of Tranquillity AND Connectivity.

We compose ourselves internally (gain tranquillity) precisely so that we can connect with others. The peaceful connection gives the pleasure.

So here it is…

My precious, beloved APS has made the impossibly brave decision to decline the brutal treatment offered for her aggressive cancer, and instead go abroad while she can, and undertake an assisted dying route when the time comes.

The night I learnt the news from IV, I messaged APS – this is one of her beautiful messages which I will cherish forever:

Write these perfect words across my heart, oh heavens above:

‘Set your face firmly to the future and breathe it in with all the love and hope that you are capable of.’ APSTJ

May I live my life by these words.

My heart breaks at what is ahead.

My mind cannot comprehend.

All of us across our Clan are reeling.

Reassert Unity. Let’s read…



From ancient times these things have arisen from the One:

Heaven is clear because of the One,

The earth is firm because of the One,

The Spirit is strong because of the One,

The valley is full because of the One,

The ten thousand things reproduce because of the One, Leaders are able to lead because of the One.

All of this comes from the One.

If heaven were not clear it would soon split.

If the earth were not firm it would soon bend and break.

If the Spirit were not strong it would soon wear out.

If the valley were not full it would soon dry up.

If the ten thousand things did not reproduce they would soon die out. If leaders could not lead they would soon fall.

Therefore, greatness has its source in the little. The low is the foundation of the high.

Princes call themselves “alone,” “helpless,” “worthless.” Is this not acknowledging a humble root?

Enumerate the parts of a carriage and you have not defined a carriage. Better to resound like stone chimes than to tinkle like jade bells.

‘Enumerate the parts of a carriage and you have not defined a carriage.’ Indeed… Help me process, please. I can’t hear you… ?


Our message to you today is this: keep in flow, keep in flow, keep in flow. It is easy to get frozen, or for emotions to get stuck in the body. Keep flowing or tremoring or qigonging it all through your body. Be active in your grieving. Be dynamic in your longing and your loving. Be a channel for this keening sadness but not a receptacle for it.

I hear you. Yes. So true. I need to keep moving.

‘Set your face firmly to the future and breathe it in with all the love and hope that you are capable of’ … and keep flowing.

I feel heavy…

Exactly. Move your body, dear soul. Flow yourself.

Flow yourself. I like it. Ty.

That’s the spirit.

Be my guide.

You are indeed.

Oh my heart… Let us not break again…

Let your heart direct the flowing. Let your heart flow you. Be a heart-flowing being. Flow yourself from your heart, like a women birthing new life.

I am flowing myself from my heart

Peak 102: I am tranquil (My life is so easy)

The last five days have been a whirlwind of intense activity (yes, including that most brilliant Zumba class on Monday) – and the art of Horizon-Gazing was absolutely invaluable to me in terms of diminishing the sense of shock and panic. I have been diligently looking ahead, and reordering tasks in adjustment so that nothing needs to be done ‘yesterday’. And I have been extremely productive and efficient.

At one point (in the midst of such a busy day I didn’t have time to eat) I suddenly had a revelation. Compared to how things were say 5 and 10 years ago… My Life Is So Easy. Let that sink in… It’s true. It’s easy to forget what things were like before. But now, in reality, here in one of the richest countries in the world, and suddenly self-sufficient economically… My Life Is So Easy. Can I give gratitude, appreciation and recognition to that? Can I affirm that, and say a hard ‘no’ to old inner narratives of ‘so busy’, ‘so stressed’, ‘struggling’? I am indeed working very hard, and juggling a great deal psychologically. And yet, and yet, I can remember that, compared to gruelling days I’ve successfully lived through, My Life Is So EasyAnd what most helps me get in this state of recognition? Not my outside circumstances, or even ‘being grateful’, but my Horizon-Gazing. 

Horizon-Gazing helps me manage my life and then, boom, it comes in to focus that My Life Is So Easy. Let’s read.

38- A person of high virtue is not conscious of virtue and therefore possesses Virtue. A person of little virtue tries to be virtuous and therefore lacks Virtue. A person of high virtue does not make a fuss and is not seen. A person of little virtue always makes a fuss and is always seen. A truly good person functions without ulterior motive. A moralist acts out of private desires. A ritualist acts and, when no one responds, rolls up a sleeve and marches.

When we lose the Tao, we turn to Virtue. When we lose Virtue, we turn to kindness. When we lose kindness, we turn to morality.  When we lose morality, we turn to ritual. Ritual is the mere husk of good faith and loyalty and the beginning of disorder. Knowledge of what is to come may be a flower of the Tao, but it is the beginning of folly.

Hence, the well-formed person relies on what is solid and not on what is flimsy, on the fruit and not the flower. Therefore, such a person lets go of that without and is content with this within. (The Tao Te Ching chap 38)

Stenudd explains how this chapter describes the four descending steps down when the Way (Tao) is lost:

  • Virtue (Te) ↘️
  • Kindness / Benevolence ↘️
  • Morality / Righteousness ↘️
  • Ritual … upheld by force and oppression

Note re Horizon-Gazing: ‘Knowledge of what is to come may be a flower of the Tao, but it is the beginning of folly.’ I read this as suggesting that when we are in flow with the Tao we might have a clearer sense of the future, but actually ‘holding on’ to predicting the future upends the good work of the Way.

What does this line teach me?: ‘A person of high virtue does not make a fuss and is not seen.’

Simply to relax into the receptive mode, and remember there is no need to wave the hands in the air for attention. 

Like my G, who is quietly getting on with doing huge amounts of unpaid work for a big event, while others stand around for photo shoots and contribute somewhat less.

When do I wave my hands in the air for attention?

When you are nervous, doubtful or unsure. 

What does this have to do with lack of virtue?

Is ‘trust’ a virtue? Is ‘faith’ a virtue? Are ‘confidence’, ‘courage’ and ‘steadfastness’ virtues? 

Ah, yes, there are. And they are the opposites of and antidotes to nervousness, doubtfulness and uncertainty. The Inner Anchor gives me courage and fortitude… and then I stop hand-waving.

And less ‘excess potential’ is created. You are always welcome to sit softly and allow. The point is to hold in mind the apparently ‘forbidden fruit’ that is… your actual good pleasure. 

What is meant by my ‘actual good pleasure’? 

The thing, experience or outcome that actually gives you pleasure. Sometimes you refrain from mulling the pleasure-givers over and instead riff mentally on the object of your displeasure. Less so now. Or at least, when you do think of things troubling you, you grant the thoughts much less of your ‘psychic energy’ – which is good, because all thought creates. 

Aha, yes. So what does actually give me pleasure?

You tell us. 

Ok, so first to note is how much we’ve sexualised the word ‘pleasure’…

Have we? 

Maybe I have, then. I just wanted to get it out of the way.

‘The forbidden fruit’.

Ah, yes! Exactly. Pleasure as sin! Our protestant work ethic. So this is a great question: ‘What is pleasure to me?’ or ‘What is pleasurable to me?’ or ‘What pleases me?’ or ‘What gives me pleasure?’ or this (!) ‘How can I pleasure myself?’ (It literally makes me cringe!)

(‘The forbidden fruit’.)

What gives me pleasure?

***10min MED***

Arising in mediation – clear answers to the question ‘What gives me pleasure?’:

  1. Tranquillity
  2. Connectivity

But Connectivity without Tranquillity can give me burnout. That’s why Morning DoDs are so good before a busy day.

Hm, looks remarkably like ‘Reach Peace; Teach Peace’… 

Hm, so it does! It’s a happy yin-yang, isn’t it?

Get peaceful; connect peacefully.

What do I need to know today, to work with this?

Combine Horizon-Gazing and the acceptance of tranquillity. 

Like ‘allowing’ tranquility in?

Yes, simply practising feeling tranquil; looking ahead on your timeline with trust and confidence that you can respond in a timely, calm manner to every thing coming in over the horizon. 

Lush. I will practise that. Easy to be tranquil because… My Life Is So Easy.

I am tranquil (My life is so easy)


Peak 100: I am self-energising

In order successfully to hold the Great Image of ‘Reach Peace; Teach Peace’ you’re invited to decide very consciously where to place your attention.

To look at your screen is to look down a microscope at a petri dish of writhing microbes; it is to look down the barrel of a gun at bullets ready to wreak havoc:

Whereas, looking up and out of the window is to survey the grand expanse of perfection on your doorstep. To wit:

Keep your head up and your gaze on the horizon – and you will reach peace.

Ty. Yesterday (after our dialogue) was such a haaaaard day. Such grief welling up, coupled with tight depressive / self-harm (‘cheesewire man’) feelings, and unshiftable PDA til 3pm and then a mini-meltdown when I froze my computer and later my phone with electromagnetic zapping. (Later, thankfully, a good coaching session with my lovely client and an amazing evening out with my G with successful dress shopping for a family wedding. Evenings are always a blessed respite.) Maybe I should note it was a Harvest / Full Moon on a Friday the 13th? Anyway, it was hard for those around me. And my goodness, getting my admin done was like pulling out my own teeth. I was indeed stuck to my screens. But using the phone for the purposes of PDA… How shall I keep looking up?

Let’s read. ❤️


That which is to be shrunk must first be stretched out. That which is to be weakened must first be strengthened. That which is to be cast down must first be raised up. That which is to be taken must first be given.

There is wisdom in dimming your light.

For the soft and gentle will overcome the hard and powerful.

Fish are best left in deep waters.

And, weapons are best kept out of sight. (Ref)

Ooh, this: There is wisdom in dimming your light.’ Why? For the soft and gentle will overcome the hard and powerful.’ I like {soft and gentle}. Tell me about ‘dimming your light’.

It means, stop trying to catch attention by shining your bright beam outwards. You lose energy that way.

But literally most of my Aspie work-related stress is related to hiding out of sight and comms-dodging.

Which then is apologised for by turning on the tractor beam a little too brightly. ‘Dimming your light’ refers to being just a little less explicit and a little more inscrutable.

Oh really? Man. Life. People! Why can’t we all just be telepathic?!

Interesting proposition. What would it look like if you made greater use of the non-3D comms mechanisms?

It would look like… wizardry?!

Ha! Very good. What else?

Good sense?

All life is simply energy, pulsating at different speeds, beats, frequencies, impulses. It could be that you try to drop (out of your natural state of high-speed frequency) into low, steady frequency to communicate with others. And therefore you find it not only tiring but also boring. Doing those emails makes you feel like you’ve been standing in an unmoving queue for two hours. You write the words, but you simultaneously send out grumpy-think … so you then magnetise in a Return Email…

Yesterday, most of the emails I received were scrambled. People either hadn’t read my emails, or hadn’t read their own. It was sooooo odd, and frustrating.


Ah… Shadow work says: those emails were a reflection that my thinking or communication was scrambled. Or… ergh… Grumpy-Think. ?

The antidote is this: before pen is put to paper, or finger to keyboard, clearly, brightly, with loving high-frequency sentiment, make your communication. Listen for the response and adjust your message accordingly. Then, only then, write your message – briefly. In this way you are shining your light energetically, but you are not trying to use your written words to communicate your light. To each frequency it’s correct medium of communication.

So, I can send out a frequency message like this: ‘Hi dear person whom I love very much. I’m getting in the car shortly. It fills my heart to be seeing you today. I am sending love ahead of me to accompany you while I travel.’ And then, having send that and ‘heard the reply’, write “On my way. Much love xxx”.

It’s the ‘hearing the reply’ which is the crucial element hear. Try it.

…. Oh heavens. I sensed my loved one’s trepidation and fear about her situation. It was like tapping into a different paradigm!

Exactly. So that changes the messages you send mentally – and the brief words you write.

Eg. ‘It’s going to be so lovely to be together with you today…’ Something that addresses the sensed emotions.

Lovely. Now imagine you do this before each email and text you send. Actually tapping into the person before you message them, and meeting them at where you sense them to be. This is not magic or wizardry, but simply slowing ourselves down enough to draw upon our empathy.

The scrambled messages you received yesterday were indeed from people who were racing so fast they’d stepped out of connectivity. Happily they helped teach you about connectivity.

If you want to RP/TP, it all starts with slowing down enough – dimming your light enough – to get into connectivity with others.

This really is beautiful. Ty.

Think of the Dynamo light on your father’s old bike. When he peddled furiously, it shone brightly. The minute he stopped, it dimmed and went out. We are moving away from the on/off peddle-powered Dynamo paradigm. We are moving to… Well. Why not ponder that in your meditation now?

Ok. Ty. ?


Insights arising: Instead of being the the peddle-powered Dynamo, or the Night Time Day Time bird…




…It’s possible to keep topping up an internal battery (like the ‘dan tien’ in qigong, I guess) through cultivating inner peace and practising endorphination- both of which amount to ’embodiment’.

When the internal battery is topped up, and the energy preserved (dim your light), we can do this conscious communication work because we have slowed down enough to [expedite … no thanks, autocorrect!] experience connectivity.

And what does it look like to ‘keep topping up an internal battery’ in this way?

The opposite to constantly tractor-beaming others. The opposite to exhausting oneself trying to communicate with a loudspeaker in hand. The opposite to being chased down the road by a herd of rampaging emails. It’s about focusing on that inner anchor, and brightening it internally.

What if today, despite of, and with the benefit of, your planned travels, involved a focus on ‘topping up your internal battery’?

Yes. Really good. I am ready to learn the art of self-energisation.

Perfect. There’s your phrase.

I am self-energising

Peak 101: I am Horizon-Gazing

I loved the insights about ‘dimming your light’ to be better equipped to keep the internal battery topped up. Self-energising feels like a really good theme – and SO needed for me!!!

Yesterday, I didn’t do a QT (quiet time of writing here). Instead I spent the time researching and making a booking for my first EXERCISE CLASS – which starts today in 1h45m. I am going to a ZUMBA class!

What do I need to bear in mind? Let’s see what our reading for today says…

-37- The Tao never strives, yet nothing is left undone. If leaders were able to adhere to it the ten thousand things would develop of their own accord. If after they have developed they experience desires to strive, they can bury those desires under the nameless Uncarved Block. The nameless Uncarved Block can protect against desire. When desires are restrained there will be peace, and then all under heaven will be at rest. (The Tao Te Ching Chap 37)

I think I prefer Stenudd’s translation:

37. The Way is ever without action,

Yet nothing is left undone.

If princes and kings can abide by this,

All things will form themselves.

If they form themselves and desires arise,

I subdue them with nameless simplicity.

Nameless simplicity will indeed free them from desires.

Without desire there is stillness,

And the world settles by itself.

So, for a girl who is about to head out and undertake a vigorous exercise class, this chapter on non-striving seems to say:

  • take it gently
  • don’t blow a gasket
  • keep a sense of the internal
  • take care not to be seeking approval from the external gaze
  • check your ‘desire’ for a particular outcome, impact or experience
  • keep it simple
  • though it be a Zumba class, jazzhand not.

Let’s mediate.


It is our desire, simply held without striving, and our suggestion, that you use the Zumba to free your physical body of held trauma and old adrenaline. You need to pump it all out of your body. Why?

A) so you can be COMFY in your body and

B) so that you can be in a state of ready parasympathetic presence (vs ego-spiked sympathetic state) in order to do the work of HORIZON-GAZING. 

Horizon-gazing is your key to enjoying your life at this time. 

Say, what?!

It’s simple. Your fears and anxieties are virtually all related to ‘unseen’ events coming hard and fast over your horizon. But this is largely because the horizon you’ve been gazing at goes as far as roughly ‘next Friday’. Thus, you are caught in a constant state of ‘WTH?!’ [What the heck]. 

I can catch a glimpse of this! See these two screenshots I took yesterday – so utterly relatable to me…

So, you’re saying that Horizon-Gazing, taking the long view, helps settle things.

For you, dear soul, the ‘racoons in a trenchcoat’ sensation diminishes when your Horizon-Gazing is strong. You become master of your own complex thoughts, and they start to work for you. They work FOR YOU. But you need to keep OWNING the focus of your attention. Being distracted by the thoughts of others is not what the blessed autistic brain was granted to you for. Make your own HORIZON (future, incoming events, path, journey, roles, responsibilities) your very most cherished SPECIAL INTEREST. 

We’re ‘shouting’ because we really know this to be true. 

Ok! I hear you. Using the planner this year has been good. And tracking. And working by quarters. I’m going to download ‘The 12 week year’ for my trip away at the end of this month/quarter.

There is so much to be enjoyed and relished in time and space! Yes, you are learning to work with time and space! That’s fantastic! That’s the game of this physical life! Play it!

Ty. I like this. May we all own this art of horizon-gazing. May we paint pictures of future happiness for ourselves with our own attention to all that can be, in a spirit of non-striving, in a sense of desire-without-desire, in the manner of simplicity. May I see all events coming down the line and be ready to enjoy, allow, relish, appreciate. May I know how to be ready to be ready to be ready for all the good things. May I softly LET GO NOW of my old habits of shock and anxiety. May I learn to be master of that which is on its way in time and space. Amen.

I am Horizon-Gazing






Peak 99: I am holding on to the Great Image of ‘Reach Peace; Teach Peace’

I have taken some serious {seated} ‘logistical action on embodiment’. See a snapshot of the fruits of my investigations so far:

Chart of local exercise classes
Peak Project Exercise Classes


Blank chart for Exercise Class / Workout Tracker
Peak Project Exercise Class Tracker

Ok, I’ve spent a lot of time on all this. High speed now… Let’s read.

-35- Hold on to the Great Image and all under heaven will approach you. Coming to you and not being harmed, they will find rest, peace, and security. A passing guest will pause at the sound of music and the smell of fancy food. By comparison the Tao is mild and flavourless. It is not solid enough to be seen, nor loud enough to be heard. Yet, it lasts forever. (The Tao Te Ching Chap 35)

Yes, the Tao is ‘mild and flavourless’ – easy to pass over and ignore; easy to ditch in favour of jazz-handery. However, if we can but ‘hold on to the Great Image‘ people will ‘find rest, peace and security’ in us! What is this Great Image? I guess it’s an image, or intuition, or sense of The Way, that flowing ineffable intelligence that infuses all things with life, with truth.

What do you say?

Let’s go in… 

***Med 15mins***

Heavens…! Such heaving grief arising. My beautiful grown-up girls! How I miss their daily company, their precious presence, the rhythm and flow of a life led around them. I love them so much. I am so grateful for them and for motherhood. For twenty years, they were my purpose for living, my ‘special interest’, my mascots, my protection from the world, my allies and crew members. It’s funny, but I think it was just the thought of joining a 9.15am exercise class – ‘after school drop-off’ – which triggered the grief bubbling up from deep inside me, in my meditation. I’m glad it arose. ‘Feel it to heal it.’

And so, this new ‘purpose for living’…? I have my beloved G by my side. We are both on the journey forwards together. Our children grown and launched. Where might I rest my heart, my action, my truth in this next phase? The lessons of life are so hard, so tough; this is such a rough and tumble school…

Sweet dear soul. The ‘rough and tumble school’ you are in is also the spiritual equivalent of the training academy of the SAS or Navy Seals. It’s so bring out your innate strength, for good. 

Might the Divine headteacher give me a…

Careful what you wish for. Let us be grateful for our curriculum, and humbly follow its learnings. The curriculum you were set this year was: Reach Peace; Teach Peace. How’s that going? 

It’s taken me most of the year to start to realise that this RP;TP lesson is a lesson for ALL of us. I resisted it for some time, because I didn’t want to pose as a ‘teacher’ – least of all of peace. And then, sometimes I did… but out of ego! I’m now starting realise we are all invited to do this task.

Reach Peace; Teach Peace is a summons of this age. You used to have the Avon lady in the community, now you have the Peacemakers. 

Blessed are the cheesemakers. But is it a have/have not matter? ie. Am I ‘YES a peacemaker’ or ‘NO not a peacemaker’? Is there a divide?

Everyone is on the same curriculum, and it’s a really tough one, so no one has completed the learning, but some are getting more glimpses of the learning than others. It’s fine. Everything is going at the right pace. We are all playing the game of peacemaker, even (especially!) those who are tearing at the fabric of society through the mechanisms of politics and government. They are the catalysts in the crucible. 

Ooh, lovely. Thank you for that phrase.

By taking action on embodiment you are catalysing two things: 

  1. The dispersal of old energies, sadnesses and toxins – they are ready to come out of your body now you have been doing all this excellent work of plant-powered eating, meditation and sleeping well. 
  2. The renewal of self and being, achieved by really lighting up that golden Inner Anchor, and becoming grounded on this Earth, and therefore acting as an earthing rod for new frequencies. 

Wow. Dispersal and renewal. Yes, I need to get right into the body to achieve this all – to translate intellectual concepts into reality. And hence my goal for the third Quarter of this year (just 2/3 weeks to go!): Physical Fitness First.

It hurts though.

We know, dear soul. Let us say this extremely gently: weep it out. It is meet and right to weep at this time. Remember, weeping is the feeling of dispersal and renewal. 

Thank you, dear heart. So, would it be right to say that for me at this time, the Great Image to hold in mind is Reach Peace; Teach Peace?

You can play with that, yes. You have intellectualised the concept of Reach Peace; Teach Peace over this year; now you can feel it in you and see how ‘all under heaven will approach you. Coming to you and not being harmed, they will find rest, peace, and security.’

Beautiful. And may I bring this to my approach to those Exercise Classes next week too. And may all beings enjoy the fruits of Reach Peace; Teach Peace. 

I am holding on to the Great Image of ‘Reach Peace; Teach Peace’

Peak 98: I am taking logistical action on embodiment

I notice that there is resistance in me to ‘take action on embodiment’. Maybe I grew up with ‘dissociation’ playing a helpful role in my coping with life… But I feel I’ve done a lot of healing in that area. So now is it just the need to create new habits? I’ve become aware of this possible ‘viral load’ aspect, from Medical Medium, which I am seeking to address through (now 6 weeks of) adapted diet/lifestyle. Results so far: I’ve barely lost any weight though I am sleeping better and seem to have better energy to a small degree. But it’s so easy to miss the exercise aspect… What do you have to say about Embodiment and Endorphination, dear inner guide of my heart?

Peak procrastination.

Woah. That’s unusually rude..! And a little bit awakening too…

Thank you for responding to the ‘stimulation’ effect of our words. We prod you, dear soul, in places that are uncomfortable, not to shame you, but to encourage you not to ‘blink’. To blink is to think instead of do. There have been many opportunities open to you – with huge signs flashing at you – and you have said, ‘Oh, I need this!’ and then set to thinking about it… rather than taking immediate action. 

For example, seeing the advert for the dance class, in the next door village, with its perfect timing of class => {Think, think, think… Miss the boat.}

What would have happened if you had messaged the instructor in the very moment you saw the advert? 

Well, what if I am busy ahead on Wednesdays…? Ah, yes, so I could have just started a conversation eg. asking ‘Is it drop-in because my working hours change?’ or  ‘Do I need to book in advance?’

And then you would have got a sense of the spirit of the person, and been able to have better data for deciding whether to go. 

Yes! So true! In fact, I finally messaged the massage person yesterday, and got such a nice message back from her… It made me feel more trusting..

Ok. So starting the conversation is part of building the trust and rapport that YOU need in order to do the embodiment work in association with A. N. Other. 

A.N.Other being an instructor or personal trainer type?

Instructor, really. That is what has worked so well for you in the past. 

But what about my own routine of walking and ‘the gym’ at home?

It’s slipped somewhat. 

I’ve had work booking in the mornings, set up from way before I started to use the 12-5pm working hour protocols.

The time you give for exercise at home shrinks sometimes… The fact of the matter is that your exercise routine is solo and therefore easily shrinkable; is not time-bound so too easily shiftable; and has no social aspect. 

I did actually regain health/fitness when I had fixed qigong, yoga and swimming classes, didn’t I?

Yes, dear friend of friends. 

And the social aspect was healing too, wasn’t it? And having to be there for the start time made me get a wriggle on and BE there.

This would be a BIG change, to go back to attending morning exercise classes.

Let me try and understand the scheduling (for my poor, dear Aspie heart). First of all, I need to say, I’ve been managing to sleep to 7.30am which is incredible and I think helpful. So, let’s say…

  • 7.30am – Kitchen (juice and coffee)
  • 8.00am – Med / QT
  • 8.45am – Change
  • 9am – leave
  • 9.30am – class
  • 11am – get home – lunch, shower, dress…
  • 12 – work

What could you do to streamline the mornings? Eg. the evening before…

Yes.. Prep. That would be good. Ok, so why don’t I do a big spreadsheet of possible classes I could attend?

Let’s read first…

-34- The great Tao covers everything like a flood. It flows to the left and to the right. The ten thousand things depend upon it and it denies none of them. It accomplishes its task yet claims no reward. It clothes and feeds the ten thousand things yet it does not attempt to control them. Therefore, it may be called “the little.” The ten thousand things return to it, even though it does not control them. Therefore, it may be called “the great.” So it is that the True Person does not wish to be great and therefore becomes truly great. (The Tao Te Ching chap 34)

‘The great Tao covers everything like a flood.’ What if I compared the Tao to this overarching inner mission I’m working with, of ‘Reach Peace; Teach Peace’? What if that mission truly covered everything in my life like a flood? In that regard, how does the following proposal pan out?: to turn over my quiet, in-the-zone mornings of blissful, recuperative introversion, to frisky, scheduled, social, energetic exercise classes? 

Is there something problematic here, dear one? Is it the prospect of ‘picking up’ new social connections?

Everyone wants to talk with you, and be friends, and take more time and energy!!!! ://////

Ah, there we go. Got it. So, selecting a class that nourishes the part of you that needs introversion and quiet and calm is important? Therefore, doing classes that nurture your spirituality might be important? 

I don’t know. Really… Sometimes the ‘spiritual’ classes are soul-sinking, and the simple exercise ones are super-uplifting…

So, using intuition, empathy and testing-out will be helpful in discerning which are good classes for you? 

Sometimes people get so very attached to your being there…

So, establishing healthy boundaries is important too?

Yes. Where does this fit with the RP/TPeace mission??

Let’s go in. 

Yes, and ALSO, if going out to a morning exercise class means I don’t have time for these therapeutic conversations, what’s the point?!

Granted. Let’s go in…

Let me just start this spreadsheet…

Let’s go in…

I’m going to the loo… Hang on….

And now, dear friend. Let’s go in.


That was good. I’m starting to absorb the idea of shifting my mornings to leave the house for ‘a workout’. I’ve now started my spreadsheet. When shall I aim to start..?

Golly. Can you imagine if I were going out every morning? It would be good… I hope. Not too tiring? No.

When shall I start?

When you are ready. There is no pressure. This is an invitation. You are welcome to approach this in a spirit of exploration. It will be fun. Trust us. 

I am taking logistical action on embodiment

Peak 97: I am taking action on embodiment (‘Endorphinate!’)

I so love the ‘Good Cog in a Good Machine’ concept. It takes the pressure of ‘performance’ off a person, and allows us to enjoy the safety net and the inspiration of collaboration. When, on Sunday, I tidied and sorted ‘the thousand things’ strewn across my home and desk from the busy week just past, using each held item as a reminder of the collaboration it represented, I could truly enjoy tidying and sorting. And I felt inclined to ‘clear the decks’ not for the sake of trying to attain order, but for the sake of being ready for the next collaboration fest.

I’m off training today, so just a quick check-in. Let’s read.

-33- Knowing others is to be clever. Knowing yourself is to be enlightened. Overcoming others requires force. Overcoming yourself requires strength. To know that you have enough is to be rich. Push through and you may get your way, but return home and you will endure. Live out your days and you have had a long life. (The Tao Te Ching tr-McCarroll ed-Knierim, Chap 33)

And Stenudd’s version of this lovely chapter:


Those who understand others are clever,

Those who understand themselves are wise.

Those who defeat others are strong,

Those who defeat themselves are mighty.

Those who know when they have enough are rich.

Those who are unswerving have resolve.

Those who stay where they are will endure.

Those who die without being forgotten get longevity.

I like the know thyself line (Knowing yourself is to be enlightened.) But I also find honest value in this line: Overcoming yourself requires strength. This comes back to the inner anchor, I think. I’m going to ponder this briefly… 


Golly. That was unexpected – partly because I thought I’d dealt with it… What arose was ‘knowing myself’ to be prone to dissociation – disconnecting from, or vacacting, my own body. The antidote appears as the word I heard yesterday on a gym advert, ‘Endorphinate‘. It’s to do with re-inhabiting the body, deeply, consciously. As I have done so well at times of my life with qigong and gentle yoga and walking. And bodywork. And in the way that qigong, when done well over months, acted to heal my body with what I came to call auto-reiki.

Maybe this is what I need in order to deal with this seemingly intractable health issue of CFS and weight. Masses of embodiment work via qigong, dance, swimming…

Also, your dear friend Maria Bez.

Yes. She healed me before.

And your soon-to-be friend, Shen Yoga Massage. 

Yes. Weeks have passed with my being absolutely in need of healing and bodywork. So maybe today is about taking action on embodiment. Practically, making appointments; finding a rhythm of self-care of the body as well as the mind; involving Other People.

Other People are also Good Cogs in a Good Machine. You can trust people to bring their healing powers to you. You are a worthy recipient of their gifts. Sometimes self-sufficiency can be a barrier to growth. 

Ooh… sing it. It’s true. And I know that to be true of myself. ‘Overcoming myself’ requires the strength to trust others to come near to me.

This is interdependence. This is collaboration. This is each person sharing their gifts. Heaven is full of co-operation. So can earth be.

May I today take action on my embodiment processes. May we all learn to live in our bodies and not get stuck in our heads. May we all ‘endorphinate’ as the winter months come in. May we all heal ourselves. Amen.

I am taking action on embodiment (‘Endorphinate!’)

Peak 96: I am a Good Cog in a Good Machine (celebrating collaboration)

Walking in this world as Lady Dreadnought is to be ready for all things, in a state of equanimity. In this state, we are ready to serve and give and enact our purpose without fanfare, deviation or giving into ‘drifting’. This state sees the ‘inner anchor’ of gold, in action and on the move. Without lunging to or from the next desired or feared moment, we are able to come back to the present and experience the sheer perfection of oxygen flowing in to us. Lady Dreadnought breathes…

I’m enjoying Simon Haas’s book on ‘Yoga and the Dark Night of the Soul’. His words on making our work an offering of devotion really touched me. Maybe fearlessness and devotion go hand in hand, the one enabling the other.

Let’s read.

-32- The Tao is forever nameless. Though the Uncarved Block is small, it is not inferior to anything under heaven. If leaders could keep hold of it, the ten thousand things would submit to them freely. Heaven and earth would unite and sweet dew would fall. The people would live in harmony without any law or decree. Only when the Block is carved are there names. As soon as there are names it is time to stop. Knowing when to stop prevents trouble. All under heaven will return to the Tao as brooks and streams flow home to the sea. (The Tao Te Ching tr-McCarroll ed-Knierim ch32)

Ok, so today (Sunday – ‘The Lord’s Day’) I am aware of ‘the ten thousand things’ scattered across the house from a busy week, and ‘the ten thousand’ unanswered messages and emails, and ‘the ten thousand’ undone tasks. What if today I invoked the way of the Uncarved Block to clear the decks of the ten thousand things, to be able to start the week as Lady Dreadnought with nothing to fear and everything in its place? Surely that way, I’d be better placed to make my work an offering of devotion?

“Knowing when to stop prevents trouble.”

Equally knowing when to start prevents trouble, right?

We clear the old so we can enjoy the empty and invite the new. 

Ok, yes. I’ve got the 1000 things scattered on my decks, and they clutter my vision.

Can you appreciate that they are all signals of your hard work, which you most certainly offered up as devotion?


Of course. Do not go thinking you have to do something profoundly different to see your work as an offering of devotion. The only significant difference is to choose to appreciate your work as a manifestation of your devotion. 

Devotion to what?

To peace, to unity, to love and to light. 

Well, that makes me happy then. What do I need to understand better to choose to appreciate my work as a manifestation of my devotion to P.U.L.L? And how can I use such insights better to cause the ten thousand things to submit freely to my desire to clear the decks?

The better you clear the decks today, the more you will be able to appreciate and enjoy the good work next week. 

Ok, that’s a good motivator for me. I need to get clear that this is about living in purpose.

It’s also about understanding that much of your work is yin not yang, and therefore it is not about flag-waving or trophy-wielding. It’s subtle, unspoken, caring and without concrete, tangible outcomes. Therefore, a clear deck helps you sense what’s actually being achieved by our gentle efforts. 

The future is yin, right?

Maybe so. It is certainly COLLABORATIVE. 

Ooh, I hear the emphasis there. So, it ain’t all about me. It’s about me and the people I collaborate with, and the good stuff we produce together?

Right. No soldier standing alone. No armed guard at the palace entrance. This is about the co-operative stance. 

Partnership, co-creation, contribution to the greater whole. And for the part of me that wants to be the hero?

You can tell her she’s been retired for outstanding service.

She’d like that. It’s co-co time now. If I clear the decks today, it’s so I can better collaborate tomorrow. 

And the strewn messages and objects are evidence of the collaboration of the past week – to be appreciated and celebrated. Let each one remind you of the joy of the recent collaborations. If you can celebrate collaboration today, you will be actively celebrating the uncarved, nameless block. 

‘Only when the Block is carved are there names. As soon as there are names it is time to stop.’ That’s it. It’s not about elevating certain individuals above others, it’s about celebrating the co-working of all dear souls. Celebrate collaboration. I can do that.

Lovely. Let’s meditate. 

***20mins med with Insight Timer***

Realisations arising:

  • I am not either Protagonist or Villain
  • I am a cog in a machine, but specifically…
  • I am a good cog in a good machine
  • I am surrounded by collaborators who are contributing to the wellbeing of the planet and its people at this time. I really am. How many people do I know personally who I could actually say are detracting from the Good? None!

The Good Cogs in the Good Machine are the fragments of Source returning to itself. Does it release the sense of pressure, urgency and burden to be reminded that what is asked of you is actually much, much less than you think? You are asked to add your drops of goodness, softly, fearlessly and with as much neutral simplicity as you can un-muster. 

I am surrounded by good people doing good things. I don’t need to aggrandise myself. Being self-employed, I sometimes think I have to flag-wave, but actually the great advantage of being self-employed is that I get to work with a great deal of wonderful people of my choosing. What a privilege. And I am not the saviour or the villain, the star or the demon. I am just a person playing a part in an unfolding evolution towards a healed, peaceful, united world. Softly.

If you can enjoy being a Good Cog in a Good Machine, life becomes much softer indeed. There are no names for naming, no prizes for winning, no ladders to be climbed. There is a circle of hands-held which always has room for more. And by the way, the Good Cog is not the perfect Cog; it’s the Heart that leans in with curiosity to find a better and better world. That is all. 

Make of me a happy good cog in this good world, please. May I realise the wisdom in this vision in which I am neither raised up to the heights or cast down to the depths, in which I am threatened neither with adulation or disrepute. May I settle into a sense of a collaborative world where we all do our bit, softly, gently, faithfully, trustingly, fearlessly, appreciatively. Amen.

I am a Good Cog in a Good Machine: this ‘machine’ is simply the intertwined, interdependent planetary constellation of living souls at this space-time. I am honoured to be a living part of it fleetingly. May I learn how to blend with my fellow souls. Amen.

I am a Good Cog in a Good Machine (celebrating collaboration)