Presence 7: I am holding myself in a state of self-love as I speak

Play? I did. We did a 9 mile walk across rolling landscapes. Amazingly beautiful and joyous. What fortune to have the health in our limbs to do such an epic hike.

I’m back for today’s bucket from the well of wisdom. I’ll start with some reading.

***Reading The Presence Process by Michael Brown***

Sub-chapter of ‘Attuning to the Process’ chapter:

Movement Beyond Motion p29

Oh wow. It’s so good. Extract:

Though we can’t change ourselves, we can change the quality of our experience. As we enter The Presence Process, we are asked to adjust our perception of what we think of as “movement.” Generally, when we speak of movement, we are referring to a physical event, as in movement from one physical location to another. As far as the physical world is concerned, there’s no possibility of a journey without physical movement. The Presence Process involves a different kind of movement that doesn’t result from physical activity – movement that isn’t simply motion, but that results in a shift in the quality of our life experience, a shift that’s always in the direction of increased authenticity. To illustrate the difference, consider what we usually do if we are dissatisfied with the quality of our experience. We may change our circumstances by changing the person with whom we are partnered, changing our job, or moving to another town, city, or even country. These kinds of changes require a lot of physical motion. Running around and getting nowhere is the movement endorsed by the world as a means to rectify the dissatisfaction we feel with the quality of our day-to-day experience. The trouble is, once we are settled in our new location, we invariably discover that despite our altered physical circumstances, our dissatisfaction resurfaces. This is because, despite rearranging our situation, we haven’t initiated authentic movement within ourselves. As has been said, “Wherever we go, there we are.” We’ve all gone through this frustrating experience in one form or another. This type of rearranging of our day-to-day experience is nothing but pointless commotion – a better word for which is perhaps “drama,” the word used throughout this text to describe this type of pointless movement. Drama is physical, mental, and emotional activity that focuses on and fiddles with effects without impacting causality. The Presence Process leads us out of drama by activating authentic movement in our experience. Much of our unconscious approach to life arises from a Catch 22, which is that until we activate authentic movement in our experience, we reactively resort to drama. But as long as we reactively resort to drama, we don’t attempt to activate authentic movement. The Presence Process shows us how to release ourselves from this Catch 22 by instructing us how to integrate blocked emotions. Once these blocked emotions are liberated, the effect is reflected automatically in our physical, mental, and emotional experience. By raising our capacity for causal adjustment – also referred to as “alchemy” – we activate authentic movement throughout our experience without resorting to drama. Only when we realize the effectiveness of this alchemical approach are we prepared to drop drama. Through authentic alchemy, the pointlessness of all drama becomes self-evident. Once we realize this, the dharma of all drama is accessed. When we enter The Presence Process, we begin moving from “doing” to being, looking to seeing, hearing to listening, discomfort to balance, separation to being unified, reacting to responding, inauthenticity to authenticity, fragmentation to integration, seeking happiness to allowing joy, revenge and blame to forgiveness, incorrect perception to correct perception, complaint and competition to compassion, behaving unconsciously to behaving consciously, and “living in time” to experiencing present moment awareness. All the above movements are variations of the same shift—from pretence to Presence. This shift is achieved solely by using our attention and intent to adjust our felt-perception.


We are invited not to make ‘drastic’ or ‘impulsive’ changes in our lives before or during the process. This is ‘drama’ which may arise as a reaction to our resistance to the emotions arising for integration, and generally denotes self-sabotage, by ‘taking too much on’… If I’d known some of this stuff as a young adult, I’d have done things differently.

We’d beg to differ. When your children were young, you put aside a great deal (of drama) to focus on them. You sensed that they needed your Presence. And you knew how precious the time was with them. 

Ok. I hear that. I have learnt about the impulsive/drastic bent in me. It arises strongly when I have PMDD too.

This time of your cycle is an invaluable opportunity for integrating some powerful emotions. You are ever more accomplished at achieving this. The PP will help you. 

Ty. Good. Time for some meditation. Shall I set a question?

By all means.

Question: “What aspect of me would generate most drama? And why?”

***15minMed with Insight Timer***

Answer: ‘The young runaway’ – she who (aged 7?) decided to pack her little suitcase and go. It was clear, to her, that she should go. Yet she was teased by those who ‘offered to help her pack’… rather than listen to the pain behind the declaration to leave. She felt trapped and helpless to change her circumstances. It was an early experience of ‘powerlessness’ and ‘voicelessness’.

Looking back on that little girl and now knowing about her autism, does that help? 

I can’t compute her autism… It doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m too engrained in the lived experience of that little girl. Maybe she was very sensitive and intuitive, like LV… (Maybe she was picking up on her parents’ pain??) And instead, she put it on herself, the blame that is… When she was trapped there, she guessed it was her fault? She was somehow lumped with this difficult circumstance because of some negative quality in her which meant that she didn’t have the power to extricate herself from a bad situation… whatever the situation was. I forget now.

‘she didn’t have the power to extricate herself from a bad situation’

What can your older you tell your younger you about the above line now? 

I can tell young me that… bad situations are there to teach us our power. We don’t need to extricate ourselves (that is ‘drama’); instead we are invited to sit tight and find, within ourselves, our power to communicate, to negotiate, to set boundaries.

Bingo: ‘to sit tight and find, within ourselves, our power to communicate, to negotiate, to set boundaries’. 

So the Drama Generator in me is the part which would avoid sitting tight and finding, within me, my power to communicate, to negotiate, to set boundaries. And she would avoid communicating well because…? Because when her impulse was to ‘pack her bags and go’, she MISLEARNT that this was a message to ‘put up and shut up’. In truth, the ‘pack her bags and go’ impulse  was a message to use her voice.

Excellent work! You are right. The so-called (by you) Drama Generator in you is the part which says ‘put up and shut up’. Excellent! The Drama Liberator is the part which would ‘use her Voice’ to communicate, negotiate and set boundaries. 

In this regard, my Voice is my greatest defender of my … sovereignty.

Absolutely. So today, just become aware of the ways you use your Voice. There is no judgement or explanation to be had. Just compare Voice and Sovereignty. Ask yourself: when do I use my Voice to uphold my sovereignty, and when do I use it to defend my sovereignty? And here, we are defining sovereignty as ‘reigning over life according to your own will.’

And to know my will is key…

Maybe it is, maybe it is not. We are not saying ‘don’t be flexible according to circumstances and suggestions’. We are saying, don’t betray yourself. 

Man. Deep stuff. Ok. So with my Voice I can uphold, defend and betray my own sovereignty (self-determination). Depending on…?

Depending on your degree of self-love in any moment. 

So my Voice should be a herald for the self-love I bear?

Self-love is the source point of clear Voice, which is the herald of Sovereignty. 

So, if I ensure I am aligned with self-love whenever I use my Voice, I should be acting in Sovereignty?

Yes. Hold yourself in a state of self-love as you speak. 

That’s quite an awesome discipline. I can work with that. Thank you for this deep and nuanced and helpful practice.

You are loved. 

I am holding myself in a state of self-love as I speak





Presence 6: I am going off to play

A satisfying day was had. All my files and papers are sorted and understandable by an outside person.

And what did you learn?

Maybe that I slightly over-diversified with my training work? That I love and honour the mediation work especially. That it’s not so hard to let go of some papers…. especially those I use as ‘reminders’ or ‘prompts’ for things I’ll never do. That I still love to keep ‘archives’ of special memories. That I’ve worked really hard over the years. That I can do quite a lot with some music on, and a heater keeping the (August?!) chill at bay. That the clear and organised space frees my heart.

Excellent work. And in to Presence..!

***Reading The PP***

Holy moly. Check out this sub-chapter, ‘Consciousness of Questions’. It explains the DoDs process!! Here are some key quotes..

CONSCIOUSNESS OF QUESTIONS (Michael Brown, The Presence Process):

  • We place our focus on the asking of the question, not on attempting to think up answers. We allow the answer to manifest unexpectedly, organically, trusting it to arise in the moment we require the realization. This opens up our capacity for receiving. (p25)
  • Accessing information without the application of thought may seem foreign to us because of the mentally dominated approach of our current educational system. However, contrary to popular assumption, the thinking aspect of the mind isn’t the be-all and end-all of our capacity for insight. On the contrary, we have an ability to receive insight when we least expect it. (p26)
  • These types of experiences reveal that all the relevant information we seek about our past experience is available when we apply the correct method of access, which doesn’t necessarily require thought. Instead, it requires being open to receive the answer from an aspect of ourselves that knows everything. As we currently conceive of ourselves, we don’t know everything. But there is an aspect of our beingness, which we may so far be unaware of, that does. It knows everything without having to think about anything. Presence is a silent witness to each experience we go through and it remembers everything in each moment of these experiences as if they are still happening. To Presence, all the experiences we ever go through are as if they were happening in the now, because beingness resides in present moment awareness, which knows no time. Presence is a constant witness to all experience as if all experience were unfolding simultaneously. Throughout The Presence Process, we are encouraged to ask many questions about our experience. So as not to lessen the potential of our questioning, we are encouraged to approach the asking of questions without resorting to thinking about the answers. Either we know the answer to a question or we don’t. Thinking about it doesn’t alter this. (p27)
  • By asking a question without trying to think of the answer – by asking a question sincerely, then letting it go and allowing the answer to be given – we invite a manifestation of the required answer through physical, mental, and emotional experience. Presence oversees the manifestation of the answer as and when required. (p28)
  • Asking significant life questions from the point of awareness allows the energy of inspiration and insight to awaken in our daily experience. It allows us to enter the resonance of knowing without having to know why. (p29)
  • Throughout The Presence Process, we are invited to explore the experience of allowing ourselves to receive answers, as opposed to getting them. (p29)

So… I guess the PP is going to help us communicate better?

Much better. But the meditation and breathing is key… So… 

In I go. Sinking in… Wait! Shall I go in with a question placed?

You can. 

Ok. Cool.

What is the very best use I can make of this day?
(a sunny, chilly Saturday, the 28th Aug 2020)

***15min Med with Insight Timer***

I received this:

Teach ‘self-dialogue’. 

Self Dialogue

Be your own therapist, counsellor and coach (OR…)

Be your own guru

So, is that something to take forward today or mull over…? I am so pleased to have received this term ‘self-dialogue’. And I love ‘be your own guru’. What do I do with this.. today?

You park it. You’ve downloaded it. Now go off and have fun. You are learning, once again, that true DoDs means coming to the well of wisdom and drawing a bucket of it. That is the work. Now go and play. 


Yepski. This presencing work is meant to be, as your beloved mother knew, FUN!

One thing… I’ve got this burgoeoning desire to write, to share…

Good. Keep it cooking. 

Do I need to rearrange my days…?

You will do. For now, teaching and doing case work is fine. 

Will I lose the teaching?

No. But you will teach your own course. 

In self-dialoguing?


Wow. And Glennon Doyle’s book is such a boon here. And the PP. People are finally talking about these processes.

Be your own guru… It’s as you knew. You aspies are ahead of your time. 


So its time to play. 

No book proposal.

Let it all cook and simmer. Go and play. 

Ok. Thank you. This is such precious time. Thank you.

Come back tomorrow, with focus and fuel in your belly for more. The dial is getting turned up. You’re going to LOVE it. 

Yeeps. Ok thanks.

I am going off to play

PS. It’s a ‘how-to’ do DoDs book, right?!


PPS. There are already 3 books called ‘Be your own guru’. Just checked. But never mind.



Presence 5: I am reducing and simplifying

***Reading The Presence Process [The PP] +10minMed***

The ‘Attuning’ chapter to The PP is so rich… I keep wanting to write it up, but it feels like a big project! Some notes and quotes:

  • Reaction = suppressing inner discomfort – triggered by unhealed trauma => ‘doing’
  • Response = ‘being with’ inner discomfort => non-doing, undoing
  • ‘This response draws on the wisdom we derive from past experience, whereas reactivity is driven by the unresolved trauma that’s embedded in us.’ p17
  • Attention = what; Intent = why
  • ‘Throughout the PP the word ’emotion’ is an abbreviation for ‘energy in motion” p16
  • “A lifeline into present moment awareness resides within us all: our breath. There’s no way to breathe in the past or in the future. We can only breathe in the present. By becoming aware of our breathing, we activate a tool that facilitates withdrawal of our attention from both the past and the future. By focusing our attention and intent on connecting our breathing, we encourage an aspect of our awareness to remain anchored in the moment”
    -Michael Brown, The Presence Process p24
  • “The Presence Process is about showing up by growing up and growing up by showing up.” p25

I’m not quite conveying how rich this ‘Attuning’ chapter is.

I’m listening now…

What would you like to discuss?

I’d like to discuss this showing up business. What is it?

Mr Brown is referring to being present to all that is in you, without as it were ‘squirming’ away. You can link this to the Matt Kahn work around becoming ‘heart-centred’. When you can show up and be present to all the emotion in you, and ‘unravel the overstimulated nervous system’, and shower yourself with unconditional love, you will find yourself more heart-centred. 

I’ve done some excellent work on non-squirming over the years, haven’t I?


What can I do next, to become more present, more heart-centred?

You will enjoy the Presence Process, and find it valuable. 

And today? We mentioned something constructive. We cleared some decks yesterday.

But not all of them… 

It’s true, my desk…

Start there. Unresolved piles of papers are basically little emotions you have squirmed away from. 

Ha! So true. It’s all very well being present to and facing my ‘self’; but it means little if I’ve got clumps of ‘stuff’ sitting about … because I can’t face them…

Clean and clear. Like a monastic. We can’t stress this enough. You will benefit from simplicity, order, observed routines. You asked earlier in the year about getting in the Aspie Zen Zone. Your first port of call is your environment. Attend to your ‘world’. 

“Tidy your room” as JP says.

Yes, because that is how you become present to all that you are and represent in the world. Clean and clear. Simplify and order. 

Like a monastic.

As your beloved friend E. says: “Sharpen your pencils for the new school year.” It’s going to be a busy term and you will want to get a good run up. 

What about… pension week… advancing the business… all that stuff?

You have clients who need you to arrive fully ordered and prepared, truly present to them. Give them your best, and then the business will look after itself. 

And the writing..?

You are not ready. 

I feel relief when you say that. How do I become ready?

Clean and clear. Simplify and order. Your physical world should be so simple and ordered that someone else could step into it, and understand how it works. 

So organise it all?

Clear and simplify it first. Don’t be organising the sands granules of the Sahara. Reduce, simplify

Ok. I hear you.

I am reducing and simplifying

Presence 4: I am clearing the decks


What is your advice for today?

Relish the peace and quiet… Really bask in it. 


Because things will get busy, and you have the opportunity to anchor in Your Peace, and then take that forward to the coming days and weeks. Your Peace is your greatest offering to your clients, colleagues and companions. Clear out the old, and simplify the new as much as you can. You are doing really well with this. Really well. Now add more simplicity and clarity wherever you can. Clear the decks, so you can bask in P&Q. 

I’ll take that. I have a few decks to clear. (Holiday inbox, office desk, future marketing…) I’m loving the simplicity and space I’ve attained from emptying my chest of drawers and clearing my workspace… It’s the sharpening the pencils before the new school year, isn’t it?

As your mind is clear, so will your practice be ‘true’. Simplify, clear, bask. 

Thank you. I’ll let stuff go and clear stuff out, and start from zero. And tomorrow, will we do something more… constructive?

You betcha! 

I am clearing the decks

Presence 3: I am practising sinking in to my Knowing 

Several days have passed since our last Dialogue, as the holiday ‘staycation’ took over. I practised the ‘breathing through concerns’. All good… but for one episode where I thought genuinely I was surrounded by malign beings and the world was drawing to a close etc etc, and it turned out to be yet another PMDD day… Anyway, I’m working on hormones with Noom and following some of Michael Moseley’s approaches to stabilising my blood sugar levels.

A couple of days ago, Untamed by Glennon Doyle arrived.

I  love what she has to say on mindfulness practice – not that she even names it as such. She sits in stillness, on the floor of her closet, for 10 minutes a day – and practises sinking… in to the Knowing she discovers deep in her (see pp56-61 – so beautiful). It’s written up with commentary here in an article in Medium:

She’s describing what happens in our Dialogues..! It’s the dipping into the internal Knowing that occurs here. I’m so grateful.

And developing your Presence practice will give you so much more. 


Shall we practise ‘sinking’ into your knowing?

I feel like I’d like to write up my reading from the Presence project over the last couple of days.

Tomorrow. Today’s priority is to reconnect with your sinking in to Knowing. Ten minutes… With breathing… <3


At about 9m45sec I ‘saw’ this beautiful new flyer for my work… It was a real insight. Ty.

You know we are here, always. Practise this sinking into Knowing. Glennon says: 

  • ‘There in the deep I could sense something circulating inside me. It was a Knowing. 
  • Every day, I returned to the closet, sat down on the floor littered with T-shirts and jeans, and I practiced sinking. The Knowing would meet me in the deep and nudge me toward the next right thing, one thing at a time. That was how I began to know what to do next. That was how I began to walk through my life more clearly, solid and steady.
  • I now only take orders from my Knowing.
  • When uncertainty rises, I sink.
  • When I talk like this my wide raises her eyebrow and asks, “Aren’t you just talking to yourself down there?” Maybe. If what I’ve found in the deep is just my self – if what I’ve learned is not how to commune with God but how to commune with myself – if who I have learned to trust is not God but myself – and if, for the the rest of my life, no matter how lost I get, I know exactly where and how to find myself again – well, then. That is certainly enough of a miracle for me. Why do we worry about what to call the Knowing, instead of sharing with each other how to call the Knowing… p59. 

You’ve found something special in these Dialogues. Maybe it’s time to share your way of calling the Knowing. 

And if so…?

And if so, you’ll receive all the guidance you need by sinking in to your endless, unfathomable, infinite Knowing.

“I now only take orders from my Knowing” as Glennon says. And your order for today?

Be still and… practise sinking in to your Knowing. 

I am practising sinking in to my Knowing 


PS. Background on the book Untamed…:


Presence 2: I am using ‘concerns’ as prompts to breathe

This morning I’ve been reading and learning more about The Presence Process, specifically about the role of breathwork in the process:

( Michael shares his connection with Judith Kravitz and Transformational Breath®:

And reading a sample of Judith Kravitz’s book, Breathe Deep Laugh Loudly:

Your words for me today?

Use ‘concerns’ as prompts to breathe – like contractions you need to breathe through. Remember watching your beautiful sister breathe through those contractions. Remember her depth of concentration. Once the ‘contraction’ of concern has passed, you will know what to do to resolve your concern. Ok? Cease using the concern as the propellant for problem-solving. 

Note the concern. Breathe it away. Then return to the mind as the resolver of your difficulties. 

Your words prompted me to…

God is made present by your conscious breath… which connects you to this moment… which is God’s place of presence… so yes, your breath connects you to the Remover of Difficulties. 

Does that help? 

Yes. Help me to touch Presence, oh my God.

Using ‘concerns as prompts to breathe’ feels a bit like the practice of tonglen….

Exactly so. You think the ‘concern’ is the concern. It’s not really. It’s simply a marker of incorrect thinking, or an error of thought. 

Because all is ok and all is good at all times…?

Yes, dear soul. The deeper part of you knows that. So when your mind says ‘danger’ your inner being refuses to follow your mind. Being out of sync with your inner being is that feeling of concern. Breathing brings you back in alignment with your inner being, your deeper self that knows that all is well. 

I am using ‘concerns’ as prompts to breathe

WorkDialogue 1: The School of Dialogue – ‘Leap in. Leap on.’

Hello, dear Internal Teacher, as they call you in ACIM. I have come to consult you about my work. I have given myself time off to think about my approach. And I’ve also called this pension week, because I would like to be able to pay into a pension soon, or create enough money to give a natural pension. I need to really access my deepest wisdom… Which is you. So, over to you…

What would you like to ask? 

How to make a shed-load of money… How to launch myself in this world… How to be well-off financially…

Great you asked.


Because this sounds like fun! And we love fun! As your beloved mother said…

It’s gotta be fun! So what do you think is the next step here….? A nap?

No! A spot of food! Some toast. And come back. After a pee. We have work to do! 

We do? I’m so glad!! I’ll be downloading as a go… BRB!


So I had some toast, a pee and… a long deep nap, waiting for you to start downloading the good stuff. I was woken my the Amazon delivery guy banging on the back door, bearing 10 cotton face masks and a copy of Untamed, the book Adele credited with her new courage/authenticity last week. I’d ordered it on the spot. And it arrived today. I’ve just read the first 50 pages. I have the feeling of wonder, and jealousy, that I had reading Eat Pray Love. Like, this should be me writing this book.

In the past few weeks, the sensation of cutting my throat has been daily. An interesting addition was the sensation, image, of sliding a serrated knife up the side of my neck, earwards, and twisting it.

It’s time to unfurl whatever is trying to unfurl itself.

What is it?

You think you don’t know but you do. And you know you want me to say it, and I won’t. 

That’s unhelpful.

If I had a basement, I’d go into it and write. A deep basement. With immense silence. And not come out til the work was done.

Go ahead. The basement is in your mind anyway. 

Is it though? Is it?

Work with me.

Here we are. Ready for you as you are ready for action. You have the world at your feet, as does she and he and they. The world awaits the action of the activated, so act. Rise up on to your tiptoes and wave your flag high above the parapet you built with your good intentions. What is yours to give?

The School of Dialogue.

Leap in. Leap on. That is your next step. That is truly all there is to know and do. The rest will follow. 

And do what?

Claim its mission and activities and services. MAS. 

Mission: to make mediation mainstream, by which I mean, share far and wide the principles and tools of healthy dialogue for conflict resolution.

Activities: share info on social media channels and promote dialogue

Services: training, mediation, speaking.

***Next nap……………………..Next Day***

Ok, I’m back. What else? What next? What’s happening today? I’ve got this whole day off to think about The Next Phase.

What’ya doing here then? 

Checking in. Getting data. Hearing your wisdom loud and clear.

Awesome. You know what, dear Soul, what you are doing now is really, really important. It’s not a throwaway moment. It’s a ‘Wow, we’re doing this’ moment. So bring your best self to the table, and prepare yourself for a banquet. You are here on this planet to talk about Dialogue. It’s your Mission. So get in the Mission Mode you love. You know, when you feel excited, and focussed, and sure of yourself. There is nothing better than feeling in Mission. 

It is so so so clear to you that the world communicates in strange and uncomfortable and conflictual ways, and that the way the world talks dialogues creates discord, disharmony, pain, rage and the deceleration of human evolution. 

By creating the School of Dialogue you can address this matter, and never run out of things to talk about. You can grow this baby out of the seed you received in lockdown. Do it! Do it now. 

Today Google marks the 117th birthday of Barbara Hepworth. She left lumps of gloriously conceived stone behind.

Barbara Hepworth's 117th Birthday

Gloriously conceived…

Run with this new theme. It is your route to sharing your personal writing too. Make this your championing of Dialogue. Leave behind all concerns of self. Offer what you can to the world, and do it with a fervour. With a passion. 

Do I make this a limited company??

NO! Stop thinking about these things. Just pile forward with the actual content first. You know perfectly well that this is about information, knowledge, skills. Your beautiful autistic brain was designed for this project. Stand up and be counted for this cause. We Can Talk Better. 

We can talk better. I looked it up…

‘Come over here. Sit down in this comfortable chair. We can talk better’, Cavallari reported that the Pope said to him.


Pivot 143 / Presence 1: I am embarking on the Presence project (#TEWTAP for entering PMA)

Intro to the presence project

And now?

And now, quiet. Peace and quiet. In the stillness, wisdom is fomented, innate genius is tapped. Do you see? 

I believe I might. What would you have me know, do or say today?

You are invited to rest in present moment awareness. Is that satisfactory to you?

Ha! You know I’d rather do many things but that… Satisfaction, for me, is borne out of accomplishment, in time and space.

Could it be time (and space) to redefine satisfaction, for you? 

Yes… Yesterday, instead of writing here, or meditating or reading, I watched this beautiful documentary on earthing or grounding – feet on the ground:


Along with reading The Presence Process…

with its aspects of:

  • encounters with Presence
  • authentic beingness
  • the radiance of present moment awareness
  • consciously connected breathing
  • integrative healing
  • the shamanic paradigm

… I’m hearing it’s time to befriend Present Moment Awareness. We’re back to where we started looking for my Aspie Zen Zone..! Pivoting into… presence???

Welcome to the Presence Project. 

Seriously?! Did we finish the Pivot Project?? Did I even pivot??

Of course you did! It was a fundamental change in your nature! 

Well, if so, I can only really give thanks for the grace of lockdown which forced me to slow down and appreciate simplicity, rhythms, routines, nature, my body, health… The year 2020 has indeed been a pivot for humanity. Nothing less than a global pandemic would have allowed humanity to shift. I glean there are two interpretations to this shift.

One interpretation says, we have been made subjugated subjects of an elite led state which is gas-lighting the pants off us, entrancing us with arbitrary rules, and disempowering us with fear-mongering… Hellish.

The other, my favoured interpretation, says, we are sovereign and we have rested, and in that resting our sovereignty has been made manifest. Under the cover of a pandemic, forces of light and dark have waged war in an end of times show down that has cleared darkness from hidden corners, and introduced a new paradigm of light and love.  Heavenly.

Mostly, I feel, we are in the world we believe ourselves to be in, and I choose ‘heaven’.

Heaven is always here and now. And if you would allow yourself to walk through the doorway of present moment awareness more often, you would find that heaven became more of a Home than a fleeting haven.

In this, the Presence project, you are invited to experiment with techniques and practices for entering present moment awareness, or PMA. You will enjoy tracking them, playing with them, assessing them, and learning from them. You will enjoy this project very much. 

I am completely thrilled! Thank you! I love this. I am grateful for the journey we share, dear ‘internal Teacher’ [ACIM refs] of my Heart and Soul.

To experiment with techniques and practices for entering PMA’ is so tangible! So do-able!

Mnemonic: TEWTAP for entering PMA

I am embarking on the Presence project
(#TEWTAP for entering PMA)


PS. Just picked up The Presence Process and carried on where I’d left off a few days ago (pgxxviii). Look at the lines I immediately read:

‘Whenever the opportunity presented itself, I used myself as a laboratory for experimenting with activation of present moment awareness, and my subsequent experience became an arena for observing the effects of becoming present.’ Michael Brown 


_________Intro to the presence project

Pivot 142: I am embracing Peace of Mind

The ‘knowing of my heart’ is coming in slowly and quietly… Is it really the ‘prayers of my heart’ I need to be listening out for?

Yes. Exactly. The heart makes its own prayers, independently of the mind. Listen in; enquire. 

***The Next Day***

I spent yesterday (Day 6 of our staycation – a 7 mile walk) enquiring in to the prayers of my heart. This is what I heard…

  • planetary ascension (for us All – and yes I know… but honestly, the concept makes my heart leap, so I’m putting it down)
  • contact & communion (of my heart with Source… and the Unseen…)

This is where I can genuinely sense my heart yearning, or its ears pricking, or its ‘face’ smiling… Am I making any sense?

Yes. Now calm right down. Practise that conscious breathing. Soften. Forgive all passing thoughts and memories. ‘Focus inward with a calm, interiorised mind…’ Become soft. Listen.

Grand. You are learning, especially thanks to this holiday with the long walks, to be present to your own internal world. It really is a dopamine fast which you needed, in order to hear yourself as you truly are. You have had the habit of looking outwards to know what next to think. “What’s on the task list, what’s most urgent, what’s occurring, what’s in the calendar, what’s on my playlist, what’s going to stimulate me, what’s going to calm me..???” Sound familiar? 

Yes. And going at no-dopamine-boost pace has been a challenge. I’m hoping that I’m starting to get the benefits?

No news! 

Ok. I’ll delete the stupid news app.

Turn inwards. 

****40 mins later ***

I know you said to turn inwards, but somehow I just watched this whole video, with tears pouring down my face…

Bless me. Please.

Read, dear one. 


Man, I just read the last several chapters of ACIM’s Manual for Teachers. It is such a gift. A real summary and quickstart guide to ACIM.

Some favourite quotes:

M22.9 To forgive is to heal. 10 The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function.

M-23.4. The name of Jesus Christ as such is but a symbol. 2 But it stands for love that is not of this world. 3 It is a symbol that is safely used as a replacement for the many names of all the gods to which you pray.

M-24.5.3 would be a mistake for him to renounce the belief unless his internal Teacherso advised. [DODs <3]

M-24.6. The emphasis of this course always remains the same;—it is at this moment that complete salvation is offered you, and it is at this moment that you can accept it. 2 This is still your one responsibility. 3 Atonement might be equated with total escape from the past and total lack of interest in the future. 4 Heaven is here. 5 There is nowhere else. 6 Heaven is now. 7 There is no other time. 8 No teaching that does not lead to this is of concern to God’s teachers.

M-25.6. Any ability that anyone develops has the potentiality for good. 2 To this there is no exception. 

M-26.8 If God were reached directly in sustained awareness, the body would not be long maintained.

M-27.7. Teacher of God, your one assignment could be stated thus: Accept no compromise in which death plays a part. 2 Do not believe in cruelty, nor let attack conceal the truth from you. 

M-28.2. The resurrection is the denial of death, being the assertion of life. 2 Thus is all the thinking of the world reversed entirely. 3 Life is now recognized as salvation, and pain and misery of any kind perceived as hell. 4 Love is no longer feared, but gladly welcomed. 5 Idols have disappeared, and the remembrance of God shines unimpeded across the world. 6 Christ’s face is seen in every living thing, and nothing is held in darkness, apart from the light of forgiveness. 7 There is no sorrow still upon the earth. 8 The joy of Heaven has come upon it.

M-28.3. Here the curriculum ends. 2 From here on, no directions are needed. 3 Vision is wholly corrected and all mistakes undone. 4 Attack is meaningless and peace has come. 5 The goal of the curriculum has been achieved. 6 Thoughts turn to Heaven and away from hell. 7 All longings are satisfied, for what remains unanswered or incomplete? 8 The last illusion spreads across the world, forgiving all things and replacing all attack. 9 The whole reversal is accomplished. 10 Nothing is left to contradict the Word of God. 11 There is no opposition to the truth. 12 And now the truth can come at last. 13 How quickly will it come as it is asked to enter and envelop such a world!

M-28.4. All living hearts are tranquil with a stir of deep anticipation, for the time of everlasting things is now at hand. 2 There is no death. 3 The Son of God is free. 4 And in his freedom is the end of fear. 5 No hidden places now remain on earth to shelter sick illusions, dreams of fear and misperceptions of the universe. 6 All things are seen in light, and in the light their purpose is transformed and understood. 7 And we, God’s children, rise up from the dust and look upon our perfect sinlessness. 8 The song of Heaven sounds around the world, as it is lifted up and brought to truth.

M-29.6 The curriculum is highly individualized, and all aspects are under the Holy Spirit’s particular care and guidance. 7 Ask and He will answer. 8 The responsibility is His, and He alone is fit to assume it. 9 To do so is His function. 10 To refer the questions to Him is yours. [DoDs <3] 11 Would you want to be responsible for decisions about which you understand so little? 12 Be glad you have a Teacher Who cannot make a mistake. 13 His answers are always right. 14 Would you say that of yours? M-29.3. There is another advantage,—and a very important one,—in referring decisions to the Holy Spirit with increasing frequency. 2 Perhaps you have not thought of this aspect, but its centrality is obvious. 3 To follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance is to let yourself be absolved of guilt. 4 It is the essence of the Atonement. 5 It is the core of the curriculum.

M-29.5. Who assumes a power that he does not possess is deceiving himself. 2 Yet to accept the power given him by God is but to acknowledge his Creator and accept His gifts. 3 And His gifts have no limit. 4 To ask the Holy Spirit to decide for you is simply to accept your true inheritance. 5 Does this mean that you cannot say anything without consulting Him? 6 No, indeed! 7 That would hardly be practical, and it is the practical with which this course is most concerned. 8 If you have made it a habit to ask for help when and where you can, you can be confident that wisdom will be given you when you need it. 9 Prepare for this each morning, remember God when you can throughout the day, ask the Holy Spirit’s help when it is feasible to do so, and thank Him for His guidance at night. 10 And your confidence will be well founded indeed. [DODs]

And now, I’m instantly called to read The Presence Process by Michael Brown, on:

  • encounters with Presence
  • authentic beingness
  • the radiance of present moment awareness
  • consciously connected breathing
  • integrative healing
  • the shamanic paradigm

I’ve read the preface, and am so moved. It’s like a handbook for working with the ACIM teachings.! And for overcoming the dopamine twitching!!

This morning has been a roller coaster. Thank you! I have truly connected and communed! This really is living within this beautiful planetary ascension. Oh, your advice for today?

Recall: ‘thoughts turn to Heaven and away from hell’ 

I’ll use that ‘consciously connected breathing’ to turn my thoughts to Heaven today. It’s a rainy day. May I develop my present moment awareness within it. And, what should I work with, also?

Peace of mind. Let this CCB grant you Peace of Mind. In the here and now, all is truly peaceful! Use ‘peace of mind’ as an indicator that you are in the here and now of heaven. When your egoic mind fires up a fear fest, step it down. Do this all day, with consummate softness, and you will step lightly towards that precious Presence. Embrace Peace of Mind, no matter how your mind might scream. Embrace Peace of Mind. 

Thank you. Here and now is all there is, and when I rest my attention in the here and now, I can welcome that gentle peace of mind. Thank you. I will look towards mind-screams as indicators that I’m doing well!! Amen.

I am embracing Peace of Mind

Pivot 141: I am listening to the knowing of my Heart (#IamHeartWise)

Thank you for your wisdom last time. I have been leaning on it these last few days. Really, there is no greater boon than finding unity where it ‘appeared’ not to be. I am humbled by this work.

Let’s go in.

***ACIM-MT21 + 15minMed***

M-21.1. Strictly speaking, words play no part at all in healing. 2 The motivating factor is prayer, or asking. 3 What you ask for you receive. 4 But this refers to the prayer of the heart, not to the words you use in praying.

M-21.4. Is the teacher of God, then, to avoid the use of words in his teaching? 2 No, indeed! 3 There are many who must be reached through words, being as yet unable to hear in silence. 4 The teacher of God must, however, learn to use words in a new way. 5 Gradually, he learns how to let his words be chosen for him by ceasing to decide for himself what he will say. 6 This process is merely a special case of the lesson in the workbook that says, “I will step back and let Him lead the way.” 7 The teacher of God accepts the words which are offered him, and gives as he receives. 8 He does not control the direction of his speaking. 9 He listens and hears and speaks.

I want to say that I experience this in my work. I definitively practice in two ways:

  • one where I am leading, with my feet firmly on the ground;
  • and the other way where it’s as if I’m standing on a cliff edge leaning forward and a strong wind is holding me, preventing me from falling down.

The latter form is always filled with grace, and I really sense myself to be a ‘channel of God’s peace’. I only practice with the latter form if I prepare mentally and spiritually for it. The beautiful EOL doula I spoke to last week (GM) gave me the resonance that returned me to that place of … ‘stepping aside’, or ‘holding the door open for something greater to come through’. 

Leaning into the wind
Leaning into the wind

I am now on holiday, taking a couple of weeks break from work. How best shall I now absorb this learning and practice it in my days?

‘Prayer of the heart’

‘What you ask for you receive. But this refers to the prayer of the heart’

You have time and expansiveness to enquire into the ‘prayers of your heart’. As you walk and explore and spend time in nature, discern for yourself to prayers of your heart. You have worked so very, very well with your mind these past 7 months of ceaseless work. Allow these precious weeks to be a journey into the prayers, desires and wisdoms of your heart – especially before you embark on your third week. 

[I’ve got 2 weeks of ‘staycation’ with G, and then the third week, we’ll both go back to work but I will still be ‘on leave’ to all but 2 mediation clients, so I can work on the business.]

Tell me more, please.

It would be easy for you to take the mind-wise route forward in your business. We would urge you to discern and take the heart-wise route forward. 

Ooh, nice. What is heart-wise?

Return to the notions of ‘reality transurfing’ and ask yourself, ‘What is the wisdom of my heart on x matter, and y?’ As you would do here, and in your practice, lean into the wind, and let Source lead. 

So lean into the wind, take the heart-wise, route and let Source lead.

Or others might say ‘Listen to your heart’. It sounds like a blithe cliche… until you actually practise it. Maybe your mind would be more content with ‘listen to the prayers of your heart’ or ‘listen to the wisdom of your heart’ or even better, ‘listen to the knowing of your heart’. 

Yes. I like that. The quiet voice of knowing that is in my heart. It is too easy to make a decision without stopping to ask the wise heart. Like taking a life choice without consulting your Granny, because ‘she wouldn’t really understand’. When actually her wisdom might slow you down from charging head long in to a situation you wouldn’t need to suffer with, if only you took advice from the heart-wise one.

Beautiful. May my heart share its wisdom, its prayers, its knowing with me today, and every day.

I am listening to the knowing of my Heart (#IamHeartWise)