Create 35: I am self-serving, dutifully and humbly

In The Power of Holy Language, Caroline Myss is starting to move into a central tenet for the audio  programme, which is roughly this:

Self-esteem => empowerment => the journey towards the soul

What words would you have for me on the topic of self-esteem today?

The person of self-esteem builds her own house. She sets her own timetable. She calls upon the resources she needs to achieve all she sets out to do. 

Like CMyss… with her world of her business partner, spiritual director, agent, editors…


And we’re still watching The Crown, season 2… where ERII is finding and holding her own, in terms of her wayward husband, staff, sister and uncle…

Your work is being presented to you step by step. Your role is to find the resources to undertake it. This refers to interior and external resources. To resource ourselves, we need to foster self-esteem. This means not to be led, carried, reduced or mediated by our wounds. This therefore means to assume the throne of our own free will. This thus means to hold the wheel of the ship of our own self-determination. Day by day. Moment by moment. Self-sovereign, hour by hour. 

What is ‘self-sovereign’.

Reigning of self. Monarch of the monarchy of one’s own self. Self-serving, and dutifully, humbly so. 

Golly. I think I’ll pray with this a minute…


Sitting and breathing at that ‘placenta’ point where my being and your knowing intermingle, beyond words, in perfect present moment awareness. May I download the knowing I need to take the next step. 

The Stillpoint. That placenta point is the Stillpoint. It’s where all the good stuff is. It takes some trust to spend time there, doesn’t it? 

Yes. Because, you can feel all that is unresolved and active and seeking in you.

And that is where the integration happens. 



Play with the invitation to be ‘self-serving’ today – dutifully and humbly so. 

Interesting. It’s giving me the impression that self-esteem involves a humble, servant like approach to oneself, rather than a vain or vaunting over-estimation of one’s importance…

The self is a might power-house. Honour it as you would a racing car – in other words, drive it with care, with respect and with wonder. And enjoy the ride! 

I will explore the notion of being ‘self-serving’ today (dutifully and humbly so) and see what I learn. Thank you for this. Grant me focus, clarity and energy.


I am self-serving, dutifully and humbly


Day notes:

  • Tilting the balance towards self-serving (dutifully and humbly) is the key to being able to serve other effectively. ie. STO starts with wholesome STS.
  • NOT: STO by ignoring or denying or abnegating self
  • Self-serving => allows for more innovation and responsiveness

Create 34: I am building my own House 

I’m loving listening to Caroline Myss’s Holy Language audio programme. She talks about listening to ‘the voice of your soul’. Is that what we are doing here?

Breathe deeply. Settle in. Do-Nothing for a bit. Shrug off the problem-solving, past/future mind. Consciously connect your inhales to your exhales, to anchor your awareness in the body, aka in the present moment – as MB taught you. [AOTH p123]

***10 mins of CCB***

Deep Oxygenation with consciously connected breathing (CCB), opens portals to the Stillpoint. And that’s where you can speak to us in the way you would wish. You are good at receiving. This is clear.

Tysm. So, are you the Voice of My Soul?

Of course! There is only one Voice in you, because your creative essence emanates from your soul. Your soul is the ‘placenta’ between ‘you’ and the original creative Source: it’s where knowing is exchanged, where life power is mediated. 

Awesome! Caroline Myss talks about ‘woundology’ – and her insight that we use ‘wounds’ (that we hold on to) to slow down (or mediate?) the natural evolution of our being. If that evolution feels too fast and dynamic, we hold on to wounds to limit that change – like a valve I guess.

She also says healing is all about power. And that empowerment is a feature of the soul.

What wounds do I have remaining that I am using to slow/limit by evolution, and my empowerment?

Beautiful question, dear one. But the wrong one for your purposes. Let’s not pick at dry scabs to decide which one needs a plaster most urgently… 

Your real wish at this stage is simply to hear us better, isn’t it? 

Yes. And thus to act more spontaneously, more trustingly, on creative impulses, and intuitive guidance.

Then jump out of bed! You truly are in the prime of life. Go oxygenate your being in the fresh air. Do your walk and your qigong. Fill yourself with the Light of this day, to enmesh your being with the power available to you and to all. 

Cool! Awesome. Yes! One more question… pls! Your guidance on my work I need to do this weekend?

LET IT GO! None of it feeds into the creation of your Home. You are trying to build a HOUSE for yourself (and for your SOUL to nestle and flourish) but you spend each day rushing off to put YOUR bricks on the foundations of other people’s houses… 

You know why…

And now it’s time to build YOUR house. 

Man alive…. strong words. THANK YOU. I am building my own house today: the School of Dialogue; the work-life I desire; the spiritual environs I would evoke for myself… Amen. Thank you. May we ALL feel fully empowered to build our own Houses. To my precious girls, I pray this for you now: build your own houses, merrily and powerfully! To my beloved expectant sibs/in-law: all light and love unto your tiny houses of delight.

Now is the Day. Now is the Time. Let each one build their own Houses. This is the CALL. 

I am building my own House 


Day notes:

Guess who just finally set up her first ISA, investing in a ‘Vanguard Target Retirement 2045 Accumulation’ tracker fund with HL (thanks to deep dive into to DIY Simple Investing  by John Edwards). Building my House. #CreativeImpulse

Pensions next, which I can do with the same broker (HL) – and same brilliant writer:



Thank you as ever to these two powerful teachers of my soul:


Create 33: I am plugging into Non-Doing

Plugging in = 

  • Non-doing (see AOTH p120)
  • Un-doing 
  • Conscious connected breathing
  • Breathing in – breathing out
  • Counting out-breaths…
  • And thus letting the battery recharge 
  • Intensely nourishing
  • Like a Tesla super-charger… it recharges you faster than, say, sitting down and looking at your phone… which is a Doing. 

When you have plugged in, you are ready for action. 

Your Parent-Me…

[Blimey, I woke him again… with my brief med???]


Your Parent-Me wishes to know that you are heading in the right direction. The goals you are setting are to be found valid and worthy. Your Parent-Me is going to help you make decisions. That is the next step. When you’re well plugged in, with plenty of conscious Non-Doing dotted across your days and weeks, you get more opportunity to hear the voice of Parent-Me. 

So, unplug from distractions / ents, and plug in to the Undoing?

Yes. There’s a wellspring of insights at your fingertips, entered via complete stillness. Via the Stillpoint. 

I can see how my days are very ‘busy’…. doing doing doing…. shaking the jar of oil and water. (ATOH p120) Shaking the jar to ease the discomfort. But if I can sit with, and burn through – or integrate – the discomfort…

Then the Stillpoint is just on the other side. And that truly is the door to all wisdom. 

So, it’s like…. I could sit in my armchair and look out of the window between meetings, and ultimately I could achieve more that way than if I chafed away at emails, admin…

4000%. If you truly tapped into your Stillpoint wisdom, you’d be doing your One Thing, which would pay your bills with a lift of the finger once a day… or week… or year. 

But I’d thought that life was about finding an ‘occupation’ – that keeps you occupied… and therefore feeling fulfilled.

Interesting notion that constantly shaking the jar would give you a sensation of satisfaction – or fulfilment.

But we can see how that would be the case if you thought there was only one way out of emotional discomfort, and that was To Keep Shaking, Shimmying and Stimulating. 

Man. You’re good. It would be a wonder if I’d got to the point in my life where I didn’t feel I had to get paid by the hour.

B o o m. 

But everyone gets paid for time given, don’t they?

Fascinating! Do they? 

Well, anyone who sells services.

Anyone who sells services can chose whether they are the deliverer of the services, or the broker. 

But I don’t want to be a manager…. I want to do the work.

You’re missing the point.

The multidimensional being provides states of being, outcomes, results. And they may charge a premium for that. 

Payment by results? But that incentivises people to push away my ability to eg resolve their dispute.

Not if you have set the scene effectively, and made the prospect of a peaceful solution worth a) their time/effort and b) their money.

You are still fixed on your process, your role, your stuff… You don’t see it from the perspective of your clients at all, do you? 

When you get better at Painting the Post-vention Picture, you’ll feel more able to sell your services as packages, not grunt-work paid-by-the-hour.

Yes. Packages. H2D. Set process. Set steps. Invincible. The H2D Process.

I am plugging into Non-Doing


Thank you for the encouragement!

Acting on #CreativeImpulse



Create 32: I am letting Parent-Me parent me 

Please can you plug yourself in daily? Go in to the Calm Interiorised Mind. It’s like putting yourself as a phone handset on the phone charger cradle. You think nothin’s happening. But have you noticed (over the years) that you wake your household up when you meditate? Electromagnetic fields are at play. And they are serving a purpose, for you and the wider field. You may not know it, but you are also receiving downloads that inform you not just here (in our dialogues), but across your days… and your life. That’s why it’s so important. And it’s about not meditating with visualisations so much as simply engaging relaxed consciously connected breathing. It’s so grounding, stilling and oxygenating. Let it be what it is. For 3, 5, 10 minutes… It really doesn’t matter. One conscious breath is really all it actually takes to effect the alignment. 

The alignment?

With Source Energy.

Ah. Cool.    } 😀

And in your qigong practice, you are tidying up your vibrational sphere. Again, aligning with light. 


Qi = energy = light. It’s a profound medical and spiritual practice. 

Yesterday I bought a new audio programme by Caroline Myss: ‘Holy Language‘. I sensed my word and my knowing need to get re-intertwined a bit…

Working with noting the ‘sinner thoughts’ was so good… There’s been a lot going on under the bonnet I realised could tidy up.

You nearly finished yourself off with the corporate work yesterday. Why your compulsion to serve that un-servable audience? They always, always hurt you. 

It’s a kind of co-dependency… I try to make them happy so they will give me a living….

Yesterday, there was someone in the group (of senior managers) I worked with in another corporate role, which nearly finished me off. Seeing her (and she is THE loveliest person you could meet) sparked a reminder of how I left the corp role behind.

And yet… there you were, serving the corporate audience. We applaud your noble efforts. Leave it to the corporates to speak to the corporates. You, sweet indigo, are now so finely tuned that the corp. freq. hurts you. Child-You thinks work/rewards should be gained by hurt. No.

Parent-You is ready to step up and take you away from that shit, just as you stepped up and took LV out of the school system that hurt her. Ok? Let Parent-You parent you. Ok? Let your inner Tiger Mother reignite herself… for you. Let it be.

Are you saying I should focus on working with…? 

…Those that are thirsting for these insights. Not those being dragged to the water. 

Oooh. My word… I love it.

I’m going to work with Parent-Me parenting me… taking me away from the hurtful, and over to the new friendship group / new school… May I let go of my hook with corporate (which must come from me replicating my father’s work) and enter the world of my own … … …

Vibe Tribe

Holy moley, mother of all that is perfect in this world. Yessssss. My Vibe Tribe.

Everyone has their own Vibe Tribe. They feel comfy in it, and uncomfy out of it. You can see the wonder of social media is that people can find and blend with their very own Vibe Tribe. It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life… and it’s feeling good. 

Look at the lyrics here:

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

It’s like the fish, river, blossom are the singer’s Vibe Tribe because “you know how I feel”.

FLOW with your Vibe Tribe, sweet soul, and the anxieties of life will flow away…. But keep tweaking adjusting… as you grow. All of you. This is the work. 

I am letting Parent-Me parent me to flow with my Vibe Tribe. 

Carry Parent-Me forward today. Vibe Tribe will flow on with you in time. It’s all there. Going no where. 

I am letting Parent-Me parent me 



  • If I feel tense, panicked and glum with people, that is simply my vibrational GPS telling me: This is not my Vibe Tribe. (Not: push harder to make them happy!)
  • Some of the work on my list feels too easy so I leave it – like MH for mediators!! ‘Everyone’s so friendly and kind… Is it real work?’ It feels like kicking puppies to work with nice people. How upside down is that????!!!!
  • I shall work only with nice people. There.
  • NST-parent says: Chase glamour.
  • AET-parent says: Chase connection.
  • Parent-Me = unconditional love
  • Child-Me = ‘sinner thoughts’
  • Parent-me = wise, can see ahead, forward planning
  • Child-Me = wilful, seeking stimulation, chafing…

Create 31: I am noting ‘sinner thoughts’, with a little lick of self-compassion

You are empowered to speak through the Eager Say So voice when you can differentiate between the mind ‘having the experience’ (ooh, aah, eek!) and the eternally peaceful, neutral, untouched, unwavering observer consciousness within you that can watch the rollercoaster mind. 

Imagine you are a parent, observing your young child who is on the mini-roller-coaster at the park. Your child is squealing with delight, terror, elation, horror, relief… at every twist and turn. You, on the ground, are able to observe this – and remain at peace. You have access to the knowledge that the child is having a manufactured experience. You can be moved and amused and empathetic… but you are not rushing to rip the child out of her seat. There is no need. You know that this ’emotional’ experience is wholesome learning for the child. 

So, you are saying, I can start to identify with the parent/observer consciousness more? And realise that my rollercoaster mind experience (“Ooh, aah, eek!”) is… ‘manufactured’?

Manufactured is a word that offends you because it sounds like we mean ‘conjured’ or ‘fake’. But we do mean manufactured. It’s manufactured on a closed  loop with your original broadcast. If you broadcast ‘rollercoaster’, you experience more of it. 

The more you can stand back as the observer, the less fuel you add to the rollercoaster mind. 

This is what Pema Chodron calls ‘unhooking’.

Man. Yes. In my rollercoaster mind’s dream I am currently in a hooked entanglement with a few individuals. Can I unhook from that dream?

Instantly. The key is to take your attention off those people, and onto your rollercoaster mind. You can then see the causal point is not those ‘others’, but your identification with the experience you are having with those others. This is GREAT NEWS! Why? Because you have no control whatsoever over ‘others’, but 100% control over your own power to unhook. 

By unhook, we largely mean, step off the rollercoaster. Or at the very least, be the parent watching the child on the rollercoaster. 

So I’d say: “Ah yes, I can see Rollercoaster Mind Me having an experience of wrestling with her guilt, her worry, her fear of it all going wrong. Interesting! I can see her desperately not wanting to say the thing that might hurt (eg to X or Y) but instead leaving them in the dark… far worse! I can see her not wanting to ask A or B, ‘Is this what you mean?’ and second guessing / psychic-ising instead… Interesting phenomena….”

Now, done with real self-parenting, the observing act will bring you self-compassion. You will wish to prevent and alleviate the suffering of the roller coaster you. 

So how? I thought the observer just observed, without judgement?

The Observer has the power to suggest EASE. 

Ah now here’s the interesting thing. Why are rollercoasters popular? Because as humans we LOVE variety, and contrast. It’s a catch 22. Get it all EASEd up, and we start feeling… BORED! Amiright? Where’s the sweet spot between peril/jeopardy/challenge/excitement and inner balance, ease, relief?

The sweet spot is called vibrational alignment. 

I am so, so keen to understand more about this.

MB is your most excellent teacher on this.


p116. Original Sin. In sum, MB points out that the result of our childhood, and it’s fixation with mind, is that we emerge saying “I am a sinner”. Every time we perceive ourselves as such, we lose awareness of our vibrational essence.

So basically, what I’m inferring is that we can bring awareness to this. Do I basically have ‘I’m a sinner’ thoughts throughout the day? Yes! It’s actually endemic – in me, in us all. And it’s not just about saying, “I’m good enough” as a counter…

Um… That’s a good start. 

Ah, ok… I was going to say that it’s about bringing awareness to how much of a factor of life this ‘sinner thinking’ is.

You can use that awareness as a trigger for its opposite. 

So if I catch myself having some kind of ‘I’m a sinner’ thought, I counter it with ‘I’m not a sinner!’ or ‘I am good enough’??

Observing the mind’s thoughts non-judgementally is the great undoer. So, try just noting, ‘Ah, a sinner thought.’ Note how you condemn self, and other. Note the mind’s compulsion to condemn, self and other. Just note it. And then give yourself a little lick of self-compassion. 

A lick..!

A little lick. 🙂 It’s gotta be cute.

Haha. Ok!

Remember, sinner thoughts hurt. They come with a vibrational sting (or even a taser zap at times). [Hence plumptons. Maybe I should buy that book on chronic shame which looks at the neurobiology of shame…] So give yourself self-compassion for the sting/zap received in the moment of having the thought, but also for the underlying emotional imprinting which apparently is still perpetuating punishment and retribution upon you, all these years later.

Sweet child – the rollercoaster was meant to be fun, not traumatising. So yes, a little lick of self-compassion, because your life was always meant to be soft, sweet, succulent and juicy. 🙂 

Beautiful/ Revolutionary. Thank you. <3

I am noting ‘sinner thoughts’, with a little lick of self-compassion

Create 30: I am saying so, eagerly #MyEagerSaySo

I am a SPW was a beautiful, empowering mantra to have floating in my consciousness yesterday. It gave me door-openings… It validated certain thoughts and impulses, in a very natural and understated way. I guess this is ‘the grid filling in’, as Abraham would say. I’ve done the groundwork for this.

Yesterday, I walked the full circuit of my walk (for the first time in a while as it’s been so wet and muddy) while the snow fell around me, listening to Abraham-Hicks. Oh, the sense of alignment, of emotional upliftment, of ‘fine-tuning’ the feeling, of realising that the feeling is the thing, of riffing with the word ‘EAGER’. I felt, ‘EAGER is the opposite of FearAngerGrief’. It sums up all of the qualities of safe, resilient, assured, competent, enthused, optimistic

And we are EAGER to hear your take on the rampage of appreciation you heard yesterday… 

I loved it. I realise it’s all about the present tense, isn’t it? Rather than ‘I am looking forward to feeling strong and powerful’, it’s ‘I am strong and powerful’ or ‘I am learning more vividly every day how strong and powerful I am’. It’s the blossoming of awareness, within the present moment… It’s the seeing, hearing, feeling and knowing the wellbeing of all in every moment.

Tell us of your dreams last night. 

I’m not sure of my dreams, but every time I woke up I found myself planning my first self-commissioned, publicly for sale training… obsessively…


And… You know this is huge.

Huge? This anniversary day is ‘huge’. Let’s get perspective on what is seismic, and what is actually just a natural progression you can EASE in to at will. Because you say so. 

Hm… Ty. Yes, it is a very special anniversary day. <3 [14Feb]

What is this ‘say so‘?

I say so = I create, with my words

Yes. I do. All day long.

Then say what you mean. In eagerness. (Say not what you regret, fear, don’t want.) Say what you mean, eagerly. Say so, eagerly. 

You want me to speak from the place of eagerness, and to possess the feeling of eagerness as I speak?

Your knowing is the impulse behind all that you do. So engage the knowing, at that deep level of assurance. Be unto yourself that which you would be unto others. In other words, lavish praise and attention upon yourself for the sake of fine-tuning the feeling of the moment. This is one end of the spectrum – the other is being driven by unintegrated emotions in your body, aka anxiety, which impels you take (as MB says) ‘any exit’ to escape, flee, sedate the discomfort. Remember, repeatedly lunging at ‘any exit’ amounts to attempting to win Snakes & Ladders by optimistically jumping on the nearest snake, forgetting it will simply return you back to an earlier square each time. 

I can see myself just now… Playing my word game on the phone because it gives me relief from anxiety.

You think it gives you relief. But taking ‘any exit’ is an ‘unhelpful coping strategy’ because the ‘exit’ is no shortcut, but rather a quick helter-skelter back to the original place you thought you were cleverly running from. Every time you exit the moment, you are giving yourself EXTRA work to do to return to where you were. So start where you are, and do the Work with the discomfort… which is to integrate it by being with it, by breathing with it, by looking at it until it withers on its own dodgy vine. 

Equally, create your alternative present, by your EAGER SAY SO. 

The power behind your Voice is the fuel that burns up the anxiety. So engage it. Create affirmatively with your words. Create your reality. Say what needs to be said to be coherent with your desires and vision. 

I did one of the Creative Impulses that arose for me (here? not sure..) which was to use the big wall calendar to write down the individual gigs I had each day, and how much I was paid for them. And then to add up for each week how much I generated a) via Tr b) via Med and c) total. It was pretty galling…. Some weeks I’ve generated as much £ in 1 x 4h session as I do in 4 x 2h bespoke sessions. So why I am I still doing the 2h bespoke sessions, at half the value per hour, and requiring 4 mobilisations (commissioning, prep, onboarding, delivery) instead of the 1 x 4h session?

Vision. When the future vision is strong enough, it compels the changes to be articulated. So keep focussing on your One Jam and then…. Say so eagerly.

May I play with this today!

I am saying so, eagerly



Create 29: I am a strong, powerful woman

Yesterday was powerful. We were able to recognise and acknowledge ASV from afar as she stepped into being 21 during pandemic lockdown. In fact, she was love-bombed passim! Her wonderful friends and housemates showered her with fun, thoughtfulness and kindness – including the most amazing video compilation of friends and family wishing her a happy birthday – and a birthday dinner. We had a family zoom and were able to convey our love and wishes.  She was absolutely beaming.

And of course I had a good cry or three across the day… and also, riffing on that notion of #feelfree, I was able to catch a glimpse of the astonishing fact that I have raised two humans to adulthood, and that there are gifts that come to us at that point. Gifts of… the release from responsibility? Gifts of being able to marvel at these humans – and get to know the adults they have become. Gifts of … the freedom to be a little bit more our original selves again? Children can be verrrrry conservative, and appreciate it if we conform to social norms and remain as ‘steady state’ as possible… and that impacts on how we behave, of course. Even if I were just to look towards the possibility of exploring the world. That’s an awesome prospect! Lord knows I’ve grieved deeply the growing up of my children… It’s a decision to make: does having grown up children make me or break me? Let’s go for the former.

And here you are. Merely 46 years old. A strong, powerful woman. 

What is this phrase? (SPW) I’ve been hearing it.

Does the moniker tickle you? 


Strong = resilient, self-knowing, self-aware, robust

Powerful = with the means to engender energy, motion, change

Woman = possessing the divine feminine attributes

And now I’m feeling shy.

Stop. This is not about you. This is about humans’ presence on Earth. You are all strong, powerful humans. There is nothing ‘special’ or hierarchical about this. In fact, it’s high time that the old identities of ‘Little Me’ were dropped, far and wide. Why? They are borne out of trauma (fawning). And the unwholesome flipside, ‘Big Me’, was borne out of the appetite for consuming the resources of the ‘Little Me’ other. The serpent of humanity eating its own tail.

Now is the time for equanimity, and for sovereignty. That means that all beings hold enough inner self-esteem that they are able to be balanced in the face of the Other, and meet the Other as an equal, acknowledging the sovereignty of the other from the consciousness of the sovereignty of the self. 


Namaste. And yet, within the world. 

Tell me more. Help me translate that into my day.

Into your day. So, you acknowledge you are the sovereign consciousness in your day. You survey the day ahead and your lead your cavalry in to the minutes ahead, to perform the mission you know your nation holds. 

My mission.

Reach peace, teach peace. 

Still? Ok.  Cool…

And you conjure the forces of goodness in your environment – from the food in your cupboards, to the wifi in your airwaves, to your intentions, to your counterparts – to give energy to that mission. You are systematic about it. Not half-hearted. You hold 100% faith in the mission ahead of you. You are the SPW of your own journey. 

I hear you.

It’s like blowing up a balloon. The first puffs are the hardest; and then it’s about holding pressure, and adding to it steadily. 

Yes. I can see that. Am I ready to undertake the first few puffs of this new project?

You first became pregnant at 21. Your younger child became 21 today. What do you want to do with the next 21 years? 

Ha! Epic question. That would take me to 67 – roughly ‘retirement age’. Footloose, fancy-free compared to my hands-on mothering days… and wonderfully supported by this incredible, generous, balanced, fun, kind, intelligent, steadfast man.

The next 21 years…

The Book of Positive Aspects of your next 21 years: 

  • I am fit and healthy and well physically
  • I have overcome so much in terms of MH and healing
  • I have overcome some difficult addictive/avoidant behaviours
  • I am working and have a business and a profession
  • I am able to work remotely
  • I am able to help develop the field I work in
  • I have a network of colleagues and friends
  • I am supported by good people
  • Say I had a major adventure per annum I could…
  • Travel to Latin America
  • Travel to India and SE Asia
  • Travel to North America
  • Travel to Africa
  • Travel to Europe and Russia
  • Create a youtube channel of my travels and dialogues
  • Write several books
  • Develop my practice to have international clients
  • Develop my practice to contribute to international projects
  • Become super-fit – swimming, cycling, hiking
  • Develop social media platforms to support my work
  • ReachPeace;TeachPeace all day long…
  • Buy a house that meets all our needs
  • Have holidays
  • Be DINKYs
  • Visit others..
  • Have friendships
  • Explore nature
  • Learn from others
  • Say no to things unwanted
  • Plan our lives (today we booked out 5 holiday weeks for 2021 – relief!!!)

This really is the beginning of the new era. It’s so good to notice the juncture, and to enter it consciously. The third quarter of my life, let’s imagine… or the third 21 year cycle at least… promises to be fun, adventuresome, rich in exploring. I will have a passport. I will use it. I will enjoy running my own business.

Speak to me…

It’s time for your New Story. About yourself. If your childhood was defined by parents and school… And your young adulthood was defined by your children and marriage… This era is defined by you. Just you. How does that sound? 

Pretty amazing.

And so how wonderful to define it as You, a strong, powerful woman.

I’m with you. No more stories of… the opposite. Been there. Bin There. Dun that.

Welcome to the third era of your Life, you SPW.

Ty………… <3

I am a strong, powerful woman. May I gently, firmly, lovingly discover what that means over the minutes, days, months, years to come. And may we all discover our strength, our power, and the unique attributes of our own archetypes and personhood. And may we encourage each other on this journey. I know how the strength and power I witness in others, when it comes from LOVE, inspires me. May I be a SPW shoulder to shoulder with the strong powerful women who are my daughters, and my friends and colleagues… and shoulder to shoulder with the SPMen and SPNBs who I am blessed to share this planet with. And may we all lend [ha! “Draft saved at 12.22.22”] our strength and power to those still discovering the incredible, unfolding strength and power they have within them. Amen, and blessings to this beautiful humanity.

I am a strong, powerful woman



Create 28: I am feeling free #FeelFree

  • In practice I’m
  • On social media I’m SoD. For now. 

Can we just start there?


Fear. Anger. Grief. So important to spot and feel in the body! But also, what you focus on grows… Right? So what’s the OPPOSITE of FearAngerGrief? 

I’m thinking for me it’s RELIEF, EASE, JOY… Is that right?

  • Fear = Physical => Relief, safety, security, relaxation
  • Anger = Mental => Ease, peace, competency, balance, boundaried
  • Grief = Emotional => Joyful / Hopeful / Enthused / Optimistic / Keen

My book arrived, The Joy of Being Selfish – why you need boundaries and how to set them, by Michelle Elman. It’s really good stuff. So valuable for us all. For my clients too.

Life without boundaries is full of FearAngerGrief…

Life with boundaries… allows us to have healthier relationships, and to thrive.


My littlest is 21 today.

Congratulations! <3

Ty. <3 The day she reaches her maturity is a palindrome: 12022021. Pretty cosmic. <3


Alchemy of the Heart pp97-101

Today’s reading correlates with exactly what I’m studying in Qigong at the moment, relating to The Three Treasures, which looks at the question: What do I want? 

eg. You think [mental/physical body] you want a new house, but actually really you want a feeling [emotional body] – and that feeling could possibly be achieved without going to the lengths of a new house.

MB’s section in AOTH is titled: Why I want it. It gives the example of a woman seeing and wanting a dress. She reasons [mental body] that the quality/designer is good; her physical body is taken by the look and feel of the fabric. But underlying all this is an emotional causal point: she wants to feel good. If she ‘rationally’ buys the dress and wears it, and doesn’t feel good in it, she’ll never wear it again, no matter how well-designed, high-quality or costly it was.

Now, I don’t tend to buy a huge amount of stuff (except books)…

But I do still effort quite a lot. In work, and relationships… Possibly to the degree of hand-splashing (in Reality Transurfing terms). Why? What feeling do I want?

Let’s go in…

There’s a word in that emotion wheel that stands out suddenly: ‘free’

Is that it? Do I want to feel ‘free’?

Yes! That’s it! Think of the positive aspects of feeling free! Ah, the expansiveness, the bliss, the privacy, the intimacy, the strong/safe boundaries, the right to roam, the self-captaining, the independence, the self-sufficiency, the privacy, the autonomy, the right to choose, the power to determine, the courtesy to self, the honouring of personal sovereignty… ‘I am feeling free’ is the ultimate opening up for you. (It’s why the challenge of your mid-adult life was such a challenge.)

So is that why I want to do SoD? Bcs I now realise that… it could be burdensome and trapping, if I’m not really careful.

Bravo! This is the power of starting with our emotional guidance system, rather than trying to navigate life through the mental body, which is hopelessly ill-equipped to make valid, sustainable decisions. 

If you realise that the SoD can be a route to feeling more free, that will help you determine how you want to shape it. With each business decision you arrive at, you can say, ‘Does this give me a feeling of more – or less – free?’

What a great determining factor… I’d typically be judging on whether it would make more/less money; or take more/less courage..! Or more probably, whether it would make people like/dislike me more….

Feeling Free is a great – really, really GREAT – touchstone for you. 

Did I feel trapped?

You felt… quashed. 

I did……..!! Shucks, look at the definitions of Quash:

Quash means to put down, stop, extinguish, and it’s usually used to talk about ideas, feelings, or political movements. You wouldn’t quash a grape underfoot; you would squash it. But if you were a military dictator, you would quash a revolution. Quash is an extreme word.
-to put down or suppress completely; quell; subdue:to quash a rebellion.
-to make void, annul, or set aside (a law, indictment, decision, etc.).
Indigos came with challenging ideas that disrupted the status quo. That’s why people turned on them, to ‘quash’ their challenges to the current paradigm. (Remember, humans cling to the familiar even if it’s unbearable – MB) Often the quashers were acting out of love to protect the ‘rebel’ indigos from the backlash their actions would provoke. None of the quashers had the wider picture. None of the quashers knew the old paradigm was finished. None of the quashers knew how good the new paradigm would be. LV helped clarify all this for you and brought you through the transition, powerfully. She is a ‘clear’ indigo and taught you about personal power and integrity. ASV, crystal, revealed the flavour and vibration and resonance of the new paradigm. 
Yes. I remember now.
And now you are Free. Free to be you. The door to the mental cell is open. Walk on, dear soul. Revel in your freedom. 
Oh this is so beautiful. Thank you. Yes, it’s true. I am free, to be and do and experience and say and imagine and play with all that makes me tick. I am free! The ‘lockdown’ is a  figure of speech: physically we are somewhat constrained… Mentally there is a lot coming at us. But we eternally have the right to choose our emotional experience. I choose to revel in my freedom.
I am feeling free
Poignant realisation. People said I’d feel trapped by having my beautiful children so young. I felt the opposite: blessed, held, purposed, connected… And when they grew up, I felt grief, loss, disconnect. With all that said, I notice with immense tenderness, the apparent coincidence of settling upon the impulse to ‘feel free’ on the day my youngest reaches her maturity. I woke at 5.30am today, feeling terribly anxious about whether I’d got her the presents she wanted, or had spent/offered enough or too little to meet her hopes and expectations. None of this kind of psychic interweave is good for her, or me. Part of her growing older is her right to be free herself. It is about letting her go… not as a grief-striking act, but so that she and I can both feel more free as expansive, human souls…. Can I celebrate her freedom? Can I hold her in that light today? Can I celebrate how – with these healthy boundaries of love but not co-dependence – we are all truly ok, safe, free? ASV, LV and I – we are all now free to be all that we need and want to be in this world. It doesn’t diminish our love and value to each other. It enhances it, it makes it come to fruition… It is where we were heading all that time.
amen <3

Create 27: I am trusting my feelings #EmoBody #GetBetterAtFeeling

Woke up this morning from awful nightmares: monsters, robots, US Civil War soldiers, men in suits… flooding into the garden, and eventually invading the house. I’d just used up my phone battery videoing the invaders through the sitting room window. Help! Suddenly, I and others were being kidnapped, but I decided I didn’t want to go on this next journey with a full bladder so I dashed to the loo (the sensible woman’s prerogative), and then had a long tussle with a kidnapper as I tried to lock myself in to the loo and he pushed at the door…. realising that even if I did succeed in shutting the door, I was now cornered and separated from my loved ones. But at least… I wouldn’t need the loo. :/

So, lying in bed at 5.30am, anxiety now burbling through my body, I decided to turn to my Emotional Body and ask what it was feeling? The key feelings of Fear? Anger? Grief?

And my Emo Body said to me: All of those. Especial tenderness of Fear and Grief following my call with my Dad yesterday. Dad explained to me he seems to have an as yet undiagnosed condition. We thought we knew what it is, but he’s now being referred for further tests. I won’t go into detail here, but I felt… for the first time… that I should brace myself for the next phase. Then on the phone call, instead of hanging up, moving to Zoom and doing our video recording of his lecture, he kinda filibustered me for an entire hour, talking about what he’d like to talk about, before declaring himself rung out, and calling off! So, the filibustering normally dismays and infuriates me, but this time (#StrongBoundaries) I just quietly got on with tidying my office and doing a few emails while he spoke for a bit – “Hm…ah… uhuh…” being all he actually needs/wants from me. Then, gently reminding myself that these regular filibustering conversations won’t last forever, and are actually the golden thread of my lifetime relationship with my Dad, I clambered into the bed in my office and lay there with my eyes closed, just letting his voice ebb and flow through my heart; being present to the presence of this man who has accompanied me through my life, giving of himself to me, the very best he could, every single day of my life. It was a very precious time.

{And after, I leapt up and nailed the heck out of the Report which had had me awake at 5-ish with a near panic attack that morning.}

Back to lying in bed this morning. So having thought about the impact of yesterday’s call with Dad, I then said, “Ok Emotional Body, I hear you – tender stuff. And what about your feeling of this present moment?”

And my Emo Body said to me: Fuck waiting. Fuck that shit!

Excuse me… Is this about waiting to ‘come out’ with our creative work. Like Dad…?

And my Emo Body said to me: Are you kidding? Your father created an international radio empire, and sold his video business for £1m+! He was a broadcaster on national TV and radio! 

Shucks, man. You’re right… This narrative about him I’ve developed…?!

And my Emo Body said to me: Finish, and set up SoD… to sell. Btw, SoD => #AdvancedInterpersonalCommunication

And with that, I was almost propelled out of bed. I made coffee. Here I am.

Excellent. Let’s pause and go in. 

**** Reading Alchemy of the Heart, Michael Brown****

Holy moley, MB spitting truths on an epic level today…!!! And so in line with our current project on creativity! Just amazing! Ty, MB!

‘As a species, we have trodden our way wearily through the world of manufacturing and have now arrived at the doorway to the consciousness of creativity. Whereas manufacture is the art of manipulating and adjusting the exterior, creativity is the art of mastering the interior.

At this new frontier, manufacture is ineffectual. Within the unfolding paradigm of authentic creativity, a collective impact on our experience can only be accomplished through the integrity of precisely focused individual activity – through the diamond integrity of personal responsibility.

Our current confusion arises out of standing with one foot in each of these worlds. We are still trying to do mentally and physically what only the heart can accomplish. We are still trying to do collectively what can only be accomplished individually. 

We are still trying to feel better, when we are now being asked to get better at feeling.’ (Alchemy of the Heart, Michael Brown p93)

BOOM! YES! This is why…:

  • I can’t work in/for the corporate world – despite years of trying!
  • I needed to develop sovereignty and to work, first in partnership with others to gain confidence, and now solo
  • I am seeing that it’s not just about manufacturing what others’ ask, but about bringing my own creativity to bear (SoD and H2D)
  • I see an epidemic of poor mental health in the corporations I run sessions for
  • I see small businesses / solopreneurs popping up everywhere, especially amongst the young Gen Z crew (on IG) as they take personal responsibility for their own destiny…
  • Meanwhile the Millennials, the last bastion of the corporate-dependent rat race,  pump out memes and reels about ‘Millennial corporate anxiety’… poor angels! They are are still trying to feel better

And so importantly, this independent solopreneur path demands we do something amazing: we are now being asked to get better at feeling

And yes! Isn’t it the case that when I listen to my emotional body, and to my inner wisdom and my creative impulses, I have the perfect, complete and flawless roadmap for my life?!

So today…? 

Keep checking in on the Emotional Body. Keep learning from its emotions, keep integrating what is there. (Breathe). You can also tap in by saying, “Is it fear? anger? grief?” and take it from there. You have a genie in a bottle right there in your feeling system. Use it (or lose its value). You have the opportunity to heal – no, tidy up – your emotional signature. That alone will reset your compass. What fun! 

Bless you. thank you. May I have direct contact with my Emo Body all day. May I get better at feeling… and trust my feelings to guide and orientate me, all day long. May I recognise the power of precisely focused individual activity – through the diamond integrity of personal responsibility. And may I learn how my feeling body can help me accomplish this activity. May I trust my feelings all day long. 

I am trusting my feelings