Presence 31: I am basking in having arrived

I did some good sipping of PMA yesterday, including having a gentle stim-stare of the leave outside my office window between calls… 🙂 I realised that my stimming (when I allow it for myself) is simply the act of relishing intense PMA. When left to ourselves, we’re really good at accumulating PMA! No wonder as autistic children, it feels like such a wrench for us to be shoved into the time-based world…

However, come the end of the day, I had a call with a client I’ve been working with for 4 months or so, who was disavowing agreements his party made in a mediation last month – to the extreme detriment of the other, less powerful party. I got frustrated and upset. So did he. He hung up on me. It was veritably awful. I was so cross and frustrated after the call, I marched up and down the landing shouting ‘Screw you!’. After all, I reasoned, I’d given so, so, so much to help his party, (working for free by this stage!) and I felt they were using me to procrastinate further… risking all progress made. I’d brought good faith; they were bringing bad… Later, having calmed down a fraction, I burst in to tears, realising that the reason I’d put so much into the case was because it revolved around an elderly, sick parent… and I knew what it was like to lose a parent (whereas they didn’t)… and I was there to prevent them from making irreversible mistakes before it was too late…. And they were exhausting me! …………………………Uh-oh……………. 🙁       AITA?

My reading of TPP this morning speaks perfectly to this painful vignette (my emphases):

“Assisting others to the detriment of our own wellbeing is fueled by the reflection of our own plight in the world around us. When we behave in this manner, our helpful behavior may for a moment allow us to feel better, but it eventually debilitates those we profess to be helping by rendering them dependent. This dependence reinforces their own belief that they are unable to tend to their unintegrated emotions and the manifestations of apparent “faultiness” that originate from these unintegrated emotions. Helping others as a means of making ourselves feel better isn’t beneficial to either party because we can’t give away what we don’t have. When we behave as if we can, our actions are proven by the passage of time to lack substance.” The Presence Process p166

Shucks, man. Spot. On.

I need to address my ‘helping others’ mechanism, because it can be pretty strong. I do a lot of pro bono work, and I undercharge for most of my services… because I want to help others. But I’m tired out. I have no pension still (though I now do potentially high value work). And I’m not sure I’m progressing…

Hang fire, sunshine! 

Haha.. Sure.

Remember yesterday, during your long woodland walk listening to Abraham, you had an important insight? 

I do. It was “I’ve arrived.” I’ve arrived at an incredible place in my life – personally, professionally, psychologically. And it would be easy to miss this fact, out of the life-long habit of push, push, pushing forward.

Yes! In other words, it’s time to BASK for a while. You will get that next impulse forward once you have BASKED in the ‘hard-won’ achievements. And as you do bask, you will sense that the real achievements were not ‘hard-won’ at all. They were achieved despite your hard work! The real achievements occurred every time you relaxed, raised your vibration, enjoyed the moment, and allowed your big, fat, pent-up vortex of Askings to sneak the door open and pass you the next Good Thing. 

You’ve done the Asking. Now do the Basking. And yes, that is really best achieved while sipping a PMA cocktail on the veranda of your sweet consciousness. Makes sense? 

Yes, it does. In appreciating how far I’ve come, I’ll remind myself that progress happens… and is natural. That I – we – the Universe has got this far; it will continue to unfurl beautifully.

And we know, you look at your infernal (word used advisedly) news apps, and would think it’s all a shitshow at the moment. But this is a world of contrast. The external signs of hell increase, because the heaven within All is closer yet still than ever before. Look within and bask there. Play with notions of having arrived. That will serve you well today. 

Ty. That helps. I will. x

I am basking in having arrived