***MED***
Today’s Creative Impulse:
I am choosing The More Joyful Option – the MJO.
eg
- In making TV/film choices – what option brings more joy?
- Stabby film or funny film?
- In planning for the weekend – what option brings more joy?
- ‘Do work mountain’ or ‘light touch work to feel reassured, and fun walk’?
- In navigating through my training sessions – what option brings more joy?
- Ploughing through every detail in my curriculum, or allowing for group discussion.
***NEXT DAY***
So this was fun and good, playing with choosing the more joyful option yesterday – the MJO, and pressing the (renamed) More Joyful Option button on my desk. I found when I applied it, the MJO included:
- standing staring at the sun on the ornaments rather than busying about the kitchen while the kettle boiled
- looking at, and being with, the amazing sunrise instead of stopping my qigong video to take a photo
- doing qigong out in the icy morning, instead of in the sitting room.
But, my oh my, the heaviness that accompanied my (extremely over-booked) day. And stress. And kidney bean discomfort. So much for joy…
At one point in the evening, I hugged G, and realised to my shock, I’d been developing a habit of thinking, “What if he dies…?!”. My word… Too much for the system!! I stopped myself and said to myself, ” Hey! Of course, ONE of us is going to die, (or even go off elsewhere!!) at some point! This is temporary. And that is why it is important to value and enjoy the present moment with him. It’s a gift that is for NOW.” And with that blinding insight… I was suddenly reminded that this is ALL temporary. Especially me. I looked at the bathroom sink – both of us temporary – and thought, ‘I wonder which one will last longer? Me or the sink? I am here temporarily. Start. Stop. The same with all things, all people. Just for now.’ It’s far from morbid, it’s a way of releasing concern or weightiness about what’s currently apparently ‘happening’.
That said, I woke in a state of high anxiety today with kidney beans throbbing and taut – and a sense that I could work all weekend and not catch up but I must as I’m booked out every day next week, and really behind….. and realised I am probably close to burnout and a reoccurrence of full blown adrenal fatigue, and in need of an intervention.
So…. I finally signed up for a free 28 day trial of the Gupta program.
https://www.guptaprogram.com/dashboard/
Good Lord. I am ready to get on top of my amygdala and ANS… The Gupta program is a neuroplasticity-based amygdala retraining programme – recommended to me by a fellow mediator (RC). It seems to involve twice daily meditation. So did the Presence Process, but I didn’t do it. Maybe this message will just keep coming back until I give in and develop a practice of twice daily meditation.
What was very affirming was this from the first video…….
Look at number 3!: Re-engaging with Joy.
It makes me want to cry a little bit.
Here’s my homework for Session 1:
I hope that if and as I re-engage with joy through re-training my nervous system, I will find it easier to be creative?
YES!
Shall we work on the S1-Attitudes-for-Success and ‘Loving Messages to Myself’? Can I ask you to feed me some loving messages to self?
Optimism – What loving messages can I give to myself that help me stay optimistic about my recovery?
I am a beautiful, strong being who always takes steps to tweak self-care for the good of all. I am able to re-balance, as I have done it before. I have all the tools and techniques at my disposal, the time to put them into practice because of lockdown, and the will to use this precious time to reboot my health and care habits.
Let Go of Perfectionism – What can I say to myself to let go of perfectionism about the tools and techniques?
I know how to bring playfulness to this work. I am at peace with the way I use these online tools. It’s great there is no human interaction at this stage, as I can ease myself in.
Being Flexible – When have I been flexible in life before?
As a mother and care-giver. I am agile and dexterous.
Floating Through Dips – What loving messages can I say to myself when I’m going through a dip, that help me stay positive and focused on my recovery?
This is a reboot moment which indicates all is going well and I’m recalibrating. Others’ pace and rate is their business. This ‘dip’ episode is merely lovingly reminding me to go at my own beautiful pace.
Letting Go of Your Doubts & Just Trusting – What helps me let go of my doubts and trust in the Program?
I have heard great things about this from someone just like me. She recommended it to me.
Commitment – What can I say to myself to make a commitment to a minimum of 6 months of the Gupta Program? What will help me maintain that commitment?
Honestly, this period in history and the journey of my life is PERFECT for me to do this work at my leisure. In fact, it’s a GREAT use of this ongoing pandemic situation. AND not only am I recovering, in about 6 months, as I launch the School of Dialogue (feeling energised) I’ll be able to translate my learning about the amygdala etc into H2D and my practice. YES!
Self-Love – Am I often hard on myself? How can I talk to myself differently that is more loving and kinder to myself?
I am hard on myself in that I sometimes don’t have strong enough boundaries when it comes to protecting my energy. It’s not just that I don’t say ‘no’ to excess bookings… It’s that I have to say ‘yes’ to excess bookings because I’m not charging high enough rates to meet my financial goals while also maintaining good energy levels! I can love myself more by creating a business where I earn well, so I can live well and save beautifully… I am feeling abundance growing. I need to trust others (IFA, VA, accountants) to help me as I grow my business. This will be easier as I retrain, so that’s all good and loving to self and to other. Amen.
Nice. Ty. [I’ve stored it here too.]
Good. So let’s start by… Relaxing the Nervous System. That is the practice for today. This is your #1 priority. Nothing else matters more than this. Devote your minutes to this.
<3 Ty. Ok. This is the MJO. <3
I am relaxing my nervous system