Presence 10: I am spotting my twin-track available responses: Pretence and Authenticity

Laying sandbags before the rain comes is such a brilliant image.

Keep practising this skill! It will bring you such peace. Keep practising. 

Ok. Ty. Shall we read?

***The Presence Process by Michael Brown p46+***


  • The main characteristic of charged emotion is that we perceive it as uncomfortable. This is because it’s trapped, blocked, sedated, and controlled energy. p46
  • 1. DRAMA: The first consequence of charged emotion is drama. Drama is reactive projection – whether physical, mental, or emotional – which we use to gain the attention from others that we don’t yet have the capacity to give ourselves.
  • The reshaping of spontaneous behavior is usually accomplished by parental use of words such as “stop” and “no.” [I mentioned the role of the word “No” in my childhood/adulthood just yesterday!] What isn’t apparent is that the energetic activity underlying spontaneous behavior never stops when interrupted by enforced discipline. It merely transforms into something else, becoming energetic resistance that manifests as calculated drama. Calculated drama is successful in that it makes us acceptable to the adult world, while in the same breath it renders our own authenticity unacceptable to us. This rejection of our inner being triggers energetic conflict, and this conflict is projected and reflected outwardly in the many acts we conjure up to gain attention and acceptance. [YES!!]
  • 2. SELF-MEDICATION – sedation and control: The second consequence of charged emotion is also a type of dramatic behavior that arises out of a reaction to inner discomfort.
  • SEDATION is a dysfunction of the feminine side and an attempt to numb our awareness of our emotional charge. For example, the habitual need and use of alcohol is intended to sedate discomfort. We are drowning out our authentic emotional state. The expression popularly used is “drowning our sorrows.”
  • CONTROL is a dysfunction of the masculine side and an attempt to gain power over discomfort – to overpower it. The habitual need and use of cigarettes is intended to control our emotional charge.
  • By not entertaining habitual or addictive behavior, we instantly discover the felt-identity of the charged emotion that lies beneath our habits and addictions. The felt-state that erupts from abstinence [YES!] reveals the nature and intensity of the charged emotion that’s driving our selfmedication.

It is now clear to me that the ‘automatons’ I described yesterday are the results of emotional charge. Equally I am and have been deeply prone to addictive behaviours. Let’s bring on the next stage of safely meeting the emotional charge in me.

It involves authenticity and self-attention and self-acceptance.

You’re on. I’m interested to see more of my emotional charge. Let’s go in.

***15minMed with Insight Timer***

Emotional Charge Arising: “The Original Heartbreak and Humiliation”

Dad, who had always loved me powerfully  as an baby/infant, seemingly ‘turning’ on me (= heartbreak, from age 5/6/7??) and telling me off in front of my mother and siblings (= humiliation, ditto). I felt the feelings so acutely. He had no idea. He was just unleashing his own childhood and emotional charge on me. But, heavens, talk about a fall from grace – from perfection to wretch in one fell swoop, repeatedly. Talk about the heartbreak of the first broken love relationship.

He turned on you. 

Yes, or so it appeared to me…

He turned on you, having previously loved you and made you feel accepted and lovable. And so you felt…

Questionable, unlovable, unacceptable…?

From an early age. 

The sense of acute shame I felt being told off in front of my family, every time.  And no one intervened…

You felt shameful. 

Yes. Shameful. Ashamed.

What do you say to this little girl now? 

“It was his shit not yours. He didn’t know how to parent with kindness. That was not your fault. He used rage and shame as a parenting tool. Poor show.”

How does saying that make you feel? 

Relieved. He did use rage and shame as a parenting tool, compensated for by adventures and story-telling. He appeared narcissistic at times… This was the core ‘wound’….

Why would someone act with narcissism? 

Because they are deeply afraid they are ‘questionable, unlovable, unacceptable, shameful’…?

And so what is the cure to break the intergenerational cycle of non-acceptance of self? 

Total, radical self-acceptance and authenticity.

I feel I can ‘self-accept’ but not yet be fully authentic… I do note how, when I stopped using nicotine to ‘CONTROL’ my emotional charge, the plumptons and self-harm automatons went wild. Similarly, when I stopped SEDATING myself, and drowning my sorrows, with alcohol.

You did a courageous thing in ceasing to use those drugs, and feeling the feelings. Are you able to see how strong you were and are? 


You are a strong, courageous woman, to feel your feelings in an unmedicated format. 

Thank you. May I use the strength and courage to dismantle ye olde emotional charge in full.

A good intention! 

May The Original Heartbreak and Humiliation (The OHAH! 🙂 ) dissolve into the Renewed Whole-Hearted Authenticity.

Excellent work. Today, you can play with this: spot your twin-track responses available to you at any moment – Pretence and Authenticity. 

You don’t need to act or present the Authentic response yet. Just note down, on paper if you can, your twin-track responses. Become aware. Bring Love and Compassion to your Pretences as they are serving a protective purpose as long as you believe your Authentic response to be unacceptable… which will change in time as you work through the Presence Process. Amen to all this. You are playing with responsiveness. Wonderful! 

Brilliant. I will do this. Ty.

I am spotting my twin-track available responses: Pretence and Authenticity