Presence 56: I am feeling proud of myself

In our last dialogue you said:

Grow your sense of self. Grow your sense of vision. Vision. Vision. Envision. Live in your reality. Look about you a little less. Look inwards a little more. Listen listen listen…to the voice within. Articulate that voice. Write up what you hear. Paint it. Draw it. Describe it. Enact it. Declare it. Tell your story.

I have a feeling, from my reading today, that I’d like to envision how I’d like to FEEL at the end of the day. I think this will be a good way to shape my day, use my will, and encapsulate this self-validation work.

Yes, it will centre-stage your inner being’s voice. Excellent. 

I’m going in, and asking myself how I want to FEEL at the end of the day.


Oh wow… that was good. And so useful.

I said in my meditation, “At the end of today, I want to feel….” and the phrase PROUD OF MYSELF came instantly to mind. Yes! Of course. Feeling Proud of Myself is…. self-validation for good work done. So often, I don’t do work for myself (vs my work directly clients) because I never get the dopamine reward validation/approval… because I withhold it from myself!!!! I grew up to doubt my own validation, and consider approbation only to be true or worthy if it came from someone else. WHAT A LOSS!! No wonder executive-functioning is hard for me…!

So today (a Sunday) I have 2 hours or reading for a case tomorrow, and all my presents to get out and check over. They feel like big tasks to slog through, but not if I – like the self-parenting one I am = can note, validate and applaud that good work at the end of the day…. by FEELING PROUD of myself.

At the end of the brief med, I had this sense of all these versions of me (past and future) leaning in and putting their hands on me to say, “Stop, slow down, take time to Feel Proud of what you have achieved… Stop barrelling on to the next task. If you don’t take time to Feel Proud, your inner child and inner being never get the reward, and will feel less inclined to push for you next time.”

Your thoughts?

In truth, this is such good work. And very apposite for the TPP work you are doing on granting yourself unconditional love. Honestly, if you can ‘Feel Proud of Yourself’ many times across each day, you will build your inner strength. We know that this ‘feeling proud’ is not vanity, or ego – it is self-appreciation, self-recognition. Granting yourself the appreciation and recognition you craved as a child, (and sought in your intimate relationships thereafter, until your beloved G.), is the key to your integrating your emotional imprinting. How about that? 

Pretty amazing!  Yes, I realise that saying “I am feeling proud of myself because…” is anathema to my growing up state – gleaned not just from my father who so often made himself the arbiter of my success, but from school and society which frowned on us affording ourselves appreciation and recognition. 

It’s funny – I realise “Feeling proud of myself” happens in my chest, heart, lungs. This is the exact place I sensed the astonishment, grief and abandonment of the end of previous intimate rels. (See TPP). It is also the metal/fire area of the body: courage – passion – giving – compassion.

‘The way our intimate relationships begin normally follows the dictates of our adult definition of love – with wine and roses, our best behavior, and a promise of living happily ever after. In contrast, our unconscious definition of love is evident in the consequences of our attempts at experiencing love. In other words, this definition reveals itself not in the way our intimate relationships begin, but in the way they end. If perchance our intimate relationships don’t end, then this unconscious definition of love is revealed in the way they sour. Of course, we perceive these consequences as the other person’s fault. We can now see how the mirror-effect works. The person who “breaks our heart” is the messenger. How we emotionally react to this experience contains the message. By now we have the tools for integrating the charged emotion revealed through this message. At this point in the process, we are ready to take another step toward a more direct integration of our unconscious definition of love. For a child, there is no greater cause of grief than opening itself to the experience of unconditional love and instead receiving hurt, rejection, and even humiliation. The resonance we call “grief” is amplified when the child enters adulthood and consistently has this unpleasant experience repeat over and over again. How do we integrate this unconscious, hurtful cycle, and all the physical, mental, and emotional consequences it seeds? We accomplish this by asking the correct questions, then allowing ourselves to engage the answers in a manner that impacts the causality of this ongoing drama, which is of course unconditional felt-perception. Accessing this realization is simple to set in motion. We ask ourselves what we are left feeling when our intimate relationships end or sour. We ask ourselves: “What do I feel afterward?” TPP 214

I felt ‘astonished’ mostly… that I’d put so much into the relationship and it wasn’t enough. There we go. I’d been expecting validation and enoughness from outside myself.

I am feeling proud of myself for doing this work. I am feeling proud of myself for spotting that I shrank back a little from saying ‘I am feeling proud of myself’. I am feeling proud of myself for all the work I’ve done in 2020. I am feeling proud of myself of becoming more self-sufficient and not relying on the praise and approval of others – which will help my rels with G and my girls and others. I am feeling proud of myself for learning to self-care. I am feeling proud of myself being, fundamentally, a good person. I am feeling proud of myself for learning to love myself unconditionally. I am feeling proud of myself for developing discipline and rhythm in my life. I am feeling proud of myself for learning new skills.

By the end of today (EoD) may I feel proud of myself for navigating through the two big tasks of the day, with patience and resilience. May I feel proud of myself whatever…

I am feeling proud of myself



It’s really about finally hearing myself say “I am a good girl.”



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