Man, I was productive yesterday, and loved the notion of Pre-Booting my week. I did all my invoicing and I got my email inbox down from 57 to 2. I kept in mind the idea of the EASEy Week ahead. I printed out the week’s calendar to go on my chest of drawers, so I can easily check in regularly and nothing should feel like a surprise. I have no miracles to pull off this week – there is time for everything that needs to be achieved.
Wonderful! Would you like to play the Book of Positive Aspects?
Yes. I would. Let’s write…
The Book of Positive Aspects…. of my Business:
I am in charge of my own life, income, timetable
I have a wonderful professional service mix
I have a broad range of clients
I am attracting new clients
I have a few high price point products which do me v well
I can work from home, no problem
I have instant tech expertise next door, with G
G is the most wonderful ‘co-worker next door’ – so focussed and disciplined and conscientious and successful; never stressy, pompous, onerous
There is masses of room for me to grow in my med practice – and plenty of work ahead
I’m not trying to juggle, or psychically read, a boss. Lordy be, what a blessing is that.
My work is so EASEy because I am in charge of it! I only take on what I can do. I can rest in between. I could take days and days off…. I notice I don’t because I enjoy it! I enjoy the satisfaction of working with commissioning clients (like HR and SB and FS) and with mediation parties, and with training delegates. I have fluidity and flexibility in my days. And I’m really, genuinely providing help, assistance, support and wellbeing for people. Every day! It’s just a wonder. There’s that marvellous quote of Maya Angelou’s:
I have the opportunity to make people feel valued, heard, appreciated, cared for and loved every single day… Isn’t that the best?!
Ah, what a lovely rampage of appreciation. Ty.
And today’s Creative Impulse?
Today’s Creative Impulse: Turn the Joy button on your desk into an EASEy button. Make the theme of this week EASE. Note down every time you can feel, express, slide into EASE. This is the first EASEy Week of 2021, and you are going to love it! EASEy times are afoot! EASE your way through the days, just basking in the fun, and variety ahead. Enjoy not just making yourself aware of EASE, but offering EASE to your clients and colleagues too. EASEy does it!
My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… The Past Week (Mon-Fri):
It was incredibly rich and varied…
I did a mindfulness session for staff in a homelessness charity
I did a wellbeing session for Citizen Advice staff
I did MH awareness for frontline staff in a housing association
I pitched for 2 mediation cases
I had first peer supervision with MMF
I mediated a race-related case, supporting 4 Somali families (pro bono)
I got a couple of lovely walks in – yesterday in the sun chatting to ASV
I had a gorgeous chat with LVT, and financial advice from Mike
As sibs/nibs, we marked the 12th anniversary of Mum’s stroke <3
Charlotte and I got potential sales on our social care training
I earned money – maybe £400 – but made a possible £10k in sales
I was safe, warm, loved, deliciously fed… and beautifully loved up with G
G and I have had a lot of laughter <3
Nicholas, Joanna and Barb are safe and well, and have all had 1st vaccine
My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… Today (Sat):
It’s Saturday and we have nothing in the diary… it’s still lockdown!
It might snow tomorrow 🙂
It’s sunny now
G just woke up
I can Reboot today, and Create tomorrow
Reboot means getting things back to zero – clean, tidy, ready, neutral, ready for next week
I love Saturdays – the peace and quiet, the space from others’ busy-ness
I can tidy up and have things fresh and ready.
I can make next week easy by … omg… I’ve just invented the best new word: PRE-BOOTING. I’ll pre-boot the week ahead! <3
That Lights Me Up<3
My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… This House (CTC):
It’s cosy and warm and just big enough for us
It’s in the countryside and the air is pure, tho so close to the city, and our girls
We have many happy memories here
There are animals all around us! (Wolves, alpacas, deer, horses…!)
G and I work together with ease in it <3
We are able to work from here!!
Ok. Fun. What next?
Your work on the BOPA is productive!
Like a good cough.
High spirits today!
Yes! I’m ready to roll.
Roll forward, dear soul. We love the word, Pre-Boot. And we love it Lights You Up. You really are pre-booting your whole future when you get Lit UP.
True, right? That’s a positive aspect of the positive aspects.
Is there anything else we need to work on together today?
I’ll go in…
***
It was something about tracking income. I went in to my Bookings sheet and brought it up to date. My projected income for this last quarter of the financial year is ‘22222’. Counting my blessings…
All the Positive Aspects of your hard work, and vision.
What about the SoD. It got stuck…
No it didn’t. It’s just waiting for you, for when you are ready. You can ask anyone to pursue it for/with you.
I am working out my identity, aren’t I? Am I the discrete, trustable mediator who dons her Crown of Dignity with the legals? Or the client focussed teacher of good dialogue? Or both. I’ll relax. 22222. That is simply WONDERFUL.
My quarterly income for 20/21 has been: 7k – 8k – 12k – 22k.
All that pre-booting worked, huh?
I think it did.
Creative Impulse?
Creative Impulse: Pre-Boot Next Week…
clothes prepped for each day
zero inbox
finances up to date
home clean…
I’ll make a start!
NEXT DAY – SUNDAY
I made a really good start on Pre-Booting the week yesterday (Sat)…. essentially nailing anything housey that didn’t involve contact /comms with other humans (except for some epic ST with G.) . So this morning, having woken at 5am from drinking too much last night, and then having napped again til 11am…. I’ve been looking at MB’s Alchemy of the Heart. He talks about how we start sedating ourselves by the time we enter adulthood, to deal with the emotional imbalance of suppressed fear, anger and grief we imprinted in children.
Usefully, he points out the essential differences between the three states (AOTH p40):
Fear = physical body, threat
Anger = mental body, ‘we plot revenge’
Grief = emotional body
So as I look at my remaining items for pre-booting – which are human orientated (emails and invoices) – and note that my intention was not to spend Sunday pre-booting (or mopping up) but creating…. I will do what I’ll call a quick FearAngerGrief audit… It’s like a flip over of Positive Aspects, to check what’s maybe driving me without my knowledge.
Fear – What am I afraid of today?
Your body is retreating from ‘getting it wrong’.
Like a child. Like me as a child. Recoiling. It’s also the Aspie, PDA aspect of me, I guess. How can I integrate this fear?
Displays. Displaying your work. Meticulously explaining your steps. You think people will spot you leaping from A to D, and that you’ll fug up B and C en route, and expose yourself as a fraud or a rooky. So show your workings explicitly. Explain your A, B, C, D steps dispassionately so that YOU know you are being transparent and authentic. If you get it wrong, the error step can be spotted and amended – like a piece of code.
I actually really like and appreciate that. Thank you.
Anger: What am I angry about today?
You are angry at the people you said yes to, when you actually meant no.
Oof. Bummer. Hm. So… maybe I need to go back and say some noes…?
Going back to people and saying your No, or at least telling them what they can do to ‘make life more wonderful for you’ would be valuable. It would give you renewed boundaries, energy, margins, bandwidth.
Yes. Ty.
Grief: What am I grieving today?
You are sad for the loss of people in your life. Comms became so complicated, in your mind. But actually, it just needs some structure. And outreach. Then you can feel close to others.
Am I being closed off at the moment?
Not closed off, but you are ‘guarded’.
Guarded is a good word. It’s cramping my ‘creative impulsivity’ I feel. Can we work with that word guarded? I mean, often I’m too unguarded (hence fawning and saying yes).
Guarded here simply means being fractionally on the ‘defensive’ side. You are seeking to move to the ‘offensive’ as it were, or at least, the proactive, creative, innovative… You can tip that balance any day – as soon as you care more about your inner being than you care about the reactions of others. EVERYone out there is hopped up with emotional imbalance (and therefore, being ‘reactive’), and yet you hang back waiting for people to respond to you with emotional balance. It’s kind of ironic as your work is GOOD for promoting emotional balance. Therefore it’s not FOR the emotionally balanced. It’s FOR the emotionally imbalanced. Which is fortunate – you’re looking at the bigger market! This is not to be judgemental. Life on earth is ALL about the journey towards emotional balance. That’s the Work! That’s the fun! That’s the juice in the orange! Just stop taking it personally that the people around you are out of whack.
When you and they and everyone can see that ‘being emotionally triggered’ is merely an invitation to integrate old stuff, and therefore is to be welcomed, the creative gloves will fly off.
So, don’t worry about triggering others..?
In adulthood, the role of a good ally is to trigger progress... Emotional progress (integration) is uncomfortable (unless you breathe through it as if in labour). Don’t apologise for causing discomfort in an other adult if you are coming from the place of pure positive energy. Ok? It’s not your job to conform yourself to save the next person from having to awaken out of their personal sedation.
Ooh.. Strong stuff!
I am happy to read this.
So in summary:
Show your workings
Go back and say no
Anticipate/normalise others’ being imbalanced/triggered
[Just read below: Draft saved at 12:22:22 – so ok what is 22222? Googles. This pops up first:
22222 Keep the faith:
22222 also encourages you to have faith in spite of the challenges that you may be going through. Challenges are never permanent. Have faith that sooner or later, you will overcome the obstacles you’re facing today.
22222 spiritually symbolizes a duality. This means that you’re likely to feel like there are two sides to your personality. Accordingly, your guardian angels encourage you to find a way of reconciling with your inner self. Ideally, this is the best way in which you will achieve the harmony you’re looking for.
Ok. Keep the faith and reconcile with inner self.
Know what you want.
I hear you. Ty.
I am pre-booting the week ahead
Ha! Word count was 1444.
PS. I do know what I want! A smooth, enriching, energetically viable, empowering, enjoyable, balanced, healthy, EASEy week ahead.
So, really interesting experiment on finding one’s tribe.
On my walk a couple of days ago, after the last Dialogue, I listened to a podcast of a conversation between two spiritual teachers I’ve followed for years, about the work they do. I was expecting to think, “Here’s my tribe.” To my astonishment, the conversation was so self-aggrandising, so ‘bitchy’ about other teachers, so vaunting (“Yes, humility is so important to me, I don’t want to be like those others..”) that I had to turn it off before it brought me down!
Compare to this. Monday morning. I think I’ve got an admin morning ahead, when I get an email from a solicitor on a new court-approved case I’ve been approached to mediate, asking to meet with her and her clients in 30 mins on Teams, effectively for an interview. Suddenly, my head is in high focus mode…. to meet the level of the solicitor. I go and get changed from ‘cosy, comfy’ clothes to grown-ups’ clothes, and straighten my hair. I revise my knowledge of the relevant law. I remind myself of the court-ordered mediations I’ve already undertaken. I settle into myself and get ready to go. I’ll do this interview at my standing desk, to be ‘on my feet’. I’m nervous but optimistic… “I can do this. Imagine if I were doing this kind of case all the time..! What an honour that would be.”
Aha, I think. This is ‘taking my place in my tribe.’
Maybe my tribe is made up of these serious, heart-focussed professional helpers, whom I see using their gifts, talents and intent to unpick the most devastating knots affecting people’s dignity and human rights. I know what it’s like to feel completely alone and unrepresented in such a situation. It’s unfathomably lonely and distressing…
Anyway. It woke me a little to a reminder. My Human Glee List – growing over these last few days – seems to be made up of serious, warm, intelligent, heart-focussed souls. Maybe it’s time to recognise my sovereignty in these matters. Maybe it’s time to step up…
Time to go in.
***18minMed-counting outbreaths – with insight timer***
Deep! You said…
Honour yourself with the crown of dignity. This is your next gift to yourself. Having admitted that fearful ‘fawning’ is no longer useful to you, and that knowing who you resonate with is useful… you are ready to treat all as dignified in their own right, and thereby claim your own personal dignity. Right here and right now, not only as your birthright, but as your crown earned by life experience too.
Like a FitBit badge…
If you like. 🙂
Tell me more.
Your personality bubbles with glee. And has tended to flip over to fear. You are steadying now. Steadying. Steadying. Is that understandable?
Yes! It is. It’s aligning with my age and stage in life. I am glad of that.
I think of The Crown. We’re on Series 2, the late 1950s. ERII is so young and get so dignified. She embodies Sovereignty, without personal fanfare, but with full manifestation of the role…
What is your message for today?
Today’s Creative Impulse: Honour yourself with the crown of dignity today.
So I tidied and sorted and created a good new working space – and my new standing desk device arrived and works a treat, so that’s good news.
G and I talked and cleared the air. And we hoovered the entire house – floors, walls, surfaces – to refresh the space and clear the literal air.
Two messages stood out for me on social media yesterday and lingered with me this morning.
First:
Second:
PhilGoodLife talking about how the bifurcation is over (couldn’t believe he used that term – my term..!) and that still there are regressive and progressive forces at play. We are invited to build on the progressive spiral upwards (again, a term I use) to meet our full potential. And also that the biggest message (from the Arcs) for 2021 is that this is a year of fulfilling our role as ‘creators’… for heavens’ sake! [cf Create Project] Amazing. But it was this phrase that somehow stuck around for me: meeting our full potential.
Two important questions follow:
Do I know what I want MOST (vs ‘now’)? This is probably around ‘meeting my full potential’, I believe.
Am I willing to see and own that vision clearly enough to be able to prioritise it on a daily basis?
So dear friends of my soul. Help me out here. What does it look like for me to reach / meet / fulfil my full potential?
Most excellent question! There is no better question. This is really emerging from your soul’s personality on the physical plane, as it looks around and remembers, “Didn’t I come in here to do something..?”
A soul’s senior moment, perhaps we could call it!
Exactly. Really good. And yet the soul gains capacity over time on Earth, while the human body on the other hand may lose some of its faculties.
Help me distinguish between discerning the soul’s original plan and potential, versus the ego’s vanity and desire for ‘profile’ and ‘specialness’.
The soul is always a teacher or a healer by chosen occupation.
I know some pretty egotistical doctors… and pretty unhealed therapists…
The soul-led teacher-healer doesn’t need praise.
Ooh… That’s a tricksy one…
The soul-led teacher-healer is happy flying under the radar…
And what does that mean? Because if some of my teachers had flown under the radar, I’d never have benefitted from their teachings!
The soul-led teacher-healer works in consort with the unseen world. The unseen world is the ‘charge point’. In other words the energy is being gleaned and replenished from within, not from the approbation or reaction of the world. The unseen world includes the internal light, qi, wind horse and life force within you. It doesn’t need to be a dialogue with ‘beings’. It’s about working with your own internal universe to produce your own ‘creative output’.
*Deep breath.* Yes. I hear you.
On The Voice last night, one of the judges (Anne-Marie) said to one of the contestants, “I’m just so glad that, from wherever it was, you found the confidence to get in touch with us this year…” Sometimes I think it’s about confidence, for us all. Am I right?
It’s certainly about being prepared to be vulnerable.
I think I’ve made myself vulnerable before, sharing creative work, and the reaction has been so lukewarm or silent or even critical, that I’ve found it more conducive to creativity to keep my work to myself. That seems fine doesn’t it? If the making is more important than the reception, I think it’s ok just to keep quietly making in my ‘studio’ for my own edification, pleasure, growth and learning. No?
Teaching and healing are not solitary activities. The days of the monasteries and hermitages are over.
So what are you saying to me?
We’re saying ‘get out there’. Get out there to your tribe. Present yourself to your tribe. Now.
My tribe?
The people whose books you read for your deepest soul-learning, and whose content makes you spontaneously pray to the heavens in heartful agreement.
Join their ranks. Join your tribe. Take your place amongst your tribe.
So, um….
Your unworthiness is a judgment, of self. And the time for judgments is over.
The time has come for like-minded people to CONNECT with eachother … not for personal gain or specialness or vaunting as you fear… but because the DOTS NEED TO JOIN for it all to work!
Ok… And the tribe. Are you saying they are teacher-healers?
Of course! Hey, it’s not as big a deal as you think it is. In the next world, EVERYONE is an explicit teacher-healer. And… big news… in THIS world everyone is a teacher-healer, though maybe implicitly, via creating ‘contrast’… Your matrix of consciousness is PACKED with people who are teaching and healing you. That’s how it works. So drop the specialness concern. We’re just saying, join the dots with YOUR flavour of teacher-healer. Those who feel/look ‘progressive‘ to YOU (to use Phil Good’s term). That’s how you know your tribe. Don’t stand on the fringes looking in from the outside because they look TOO GOOD for you to meet. Duh! The idea is that everyone magnetises to each other: like attracts like. In the end it is only self-consciousness that stops all the DOTS rushing to meet and greet eachother with arms wide open! Do you see?
There’s something quaint and innocent about the puppy who hasn’t yet learnt he’s ‘meant’ to be afraid of – and deferential towards – the older, bigger dogs.
That’s the innocence to return to. The innocence of heart that leaps over the threshold with the open arms of love, rather than standing outside, waiting politely to be noticed and invited in.
I’m ok + You’re ok = leaps in with arms open with
I’m not ok + You’re ok = waits deferentially outside
Ha! I suddenly get it! THAT is confidence. It’s not about being sure enough of your self. It’s about freely spilling forth our LOVE, even to an empty space… even if there’s no one there… It’s just being happy to share what we have with an open free heart under any conditions. It’s about being free with our love. <3
Help me convert this into my day pls…
Your tribe is incomplete without you. It misses you. There is a blank where your DOT should be. Can you greet your Tribe with that free love?
Remember when you went to meet Carolyn Myss when she was teaching a retreat in Castle Combe, and you just missed her by five minutes because you’d delayed because you’d be unsure if she’d ‘want’ to meet you…
And a colleague of Carolyn’s, in the hotel carpark putting their suitcase in the car, texted her to say I’d appeared, and Carolyn texted back from the car taking her to the airport – that she was sorry to have missed me.
Your tribe is incomplete without you.
You’re going to have to help me learn, understand and absorb this as a truth. Please. I pray for help and assistance in learning and understanding that the people who fill my heart are MY tribe, not a tribe I look longingly on from the outside… And that they are ready to welcome me… Please, dear forces of love. Show me this. Teach me this. Educate me. Guide me. Help me approach and join and meet and greet and communicate with my tribe… whatever it is… Help me join my DOT with those of my tribe.
It feels like the difference between standing on the pavement cheering the Pride march, versus getting in there and marching.
Remember that Human Glee List of people clicked with, which you were developing? (And the Fawnee List of people you didn’t click with but fawned to.) This is your step towards getting clearer about identifying your Tribe. Keep at it.
Take your place in your tribe. You will have such fun.
