My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… The Past Week (Mon-Fri):
- It was incredibly rich and varied…
- I did a mindfulness session for staff in a homelessness charity
- I did a wellbeing session for Citizen Advice staff
- I did MH awareness for frontline staff in a housing association
- I pitched for 2 mediation cases
- I had first peer supervision with MMF
- I mediated a race-related case, supporting 4 Somali families (pro bono)
- I got a couple of lovely walks in – yesterday in the sun chatting to ASV
- I had a gorgeous chat with LVT, and financial advice from Mike
- As sibs/nibs, we marked the 12th anniversary of Mum’s stroke <3
- Charlotte and I got potential sales on our social care training
- I earned money – maybe £400 – but made a possible £10k in sales
- I was safe, warm, loved, deliciously fed… and beautifully loved up with G
- G and I have had a lot of laughter <3
- Nicholas, Joanna and Barb are safe and well, and have all had 1st vaccine
My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… Today (Sat):
- It’s Saturday and we have nothing in the diary… it’s still lockdown!
- It might snow tomorrow 🙂
- It’s sunny now
- G just woke up
- I can Reboot today, and Create tomorrow
- Reboot means getting things back to zero – clean, tidy, ready, neutral, ready for next week
- I love Saturdays – the peace and quiet, the space from others’ busy-ness
- I can tidy up and have things fresh and ready.
- I can make next week easy by … omg… I’ve just invented the best new word: PRE-BOOTING. I’ll pre-boot the week ahead! <3
- That Lights Me Up <3
My Book of Positive Aspects, focussed on… This House (CTC):
- It’s cosy and warm and just big enough for us
- It’s in the countryside and the air is pure, tho so close to the city, and our girls
- We have many happy memories here
- There are animals all around us! (Wolves, alpacas, deer, horses…!)
- G and I work together with ease in it <3
- We are able to work from here!!
Ok. Fun. What next?
Your work on the BOPA is productive!
Like a good cough.
High spirits today!
Yes! I’m ready to roll.
Roll forward, dear soul. We love the word, Pre-Boot. And we love it Lights You Up. You really are pre-booting your whole future when you get Lit UP.
True, right? That’s a positive aspect of the positive aspects.
Is there anything else we need to work on together today?
I’ll go in…
***
It was something about tracking income. I went in to my Bookings sheet and brought it up to date. My projected income for this last quarter of the financial year is ‘22222’. Counting my blessings…
All the Positive Aspects of your hard work, and vision.
What about the SoD. It got stuck…
No it didn’t. It’s just waiting for you, for when you are ready. You can ask anyone to pursue it for/with you.
I am working out my identity, aren’t I? Am I the discrete, trustable mediator who dons her Crown of Dignity with the legals? Or the client focussed teacher of good dialogue? Or both. I’ll relax. 22222. That is simply WONDERFUL.
My quarterly income for 20/21 has been: 7k – 8k – 12k – 22k.
All that pre-booting worked, huh?
I think it did.
Creative Impulse?
Creative Impulse: Pre-Boot Next Week…
- clothes prepped for each day
- zero inbox
- finances up to date
- home clean…
I’ll make a start!
NEXT DAY – SUNDAY
I made a really good start on Pre-Booting the week yesterday (Sat)…. essentially nailing anything housey that didn’t involve contact /comms with other humans (except for some epic ST with G.) . So this morning, having woken at 5am from drinking too much last night, and then having napped again til 11am…. I’ve been looking at MB’s Alchemy of the Heart. He talks about how we start sedating ourselves by the time we enter adulthood, to deal with the emotional imbalance of suppressed fear, anger and grief we imprinted in children.
Usefully, he points out the essential differences between the three states (AOTH p40):
- Fear = physical body, threat
- Anger = mental body, ‘we plot revenge’
- Grief = emotional body
So as I look at my remaining items for pre-booting – which are human orientated (emails and invoices) – and note that my intention was not to spend Sunday pre-booting (or mopping up) but creating…. I will do what I’ll call a quick FearAngerGrief audit… It’s like a flip over of Positive Aspects, to check what’s maybe driving me without my knowledge.
Fear – What am I afraid of today?
Your body is retreating from ‘getting it wrong’.
Like a child. Like me as a child. Recoiling. It’s also the Aspie, PDA aspect of me, I guess. How can I integrate this fear?
Displays. Displaying your work. Meticulously explaining your steps. You think people will spot you leaping from A to D, and that you’ll fug up B and C en route, and expose yourself as a fraud or a rooky. So show your workings explicitly. Explain your A, B, C, D steps dispassionately so that YOU know you are being transparent and authentic. If you get it wrong, the error step can be spotted and amended – like a piece of code.
I actually really like and appreciate that. Thank you.
Anger: What am I angry about today?
You are angry at the people you said yes to, when you actually meant no.
Oof. Bummer. Hm. So… maybe I need to go back and say some noes…?
Going back to people and saying your No, or at least telling them what they can do to ‘make life more wonderful for you’ would be valuable. It would give you renewed boundaries, energy, margins, bandwidth.
Yes. Ty.
Grief: What am I grieving today?
You are sad for the loss of people in your life. Comms became so complicated, in your mind. But actually, it just needs some structure. And outreach. Then you can feel close to others.
Am I being closed off at the moment?
Not closed off, but you are ‘guarded’.
Guarded is a good word. It’s cramping my ‘creative impulsivity’ I feel. Can we work with that word guarded? I mean, often I’m too unguarded (hence fawning and saying yes).
Guarded here simply means being fractionally on the ‘defensive’ side. You are seeking to move to the ‘offensive’ as it were, or at least, the proactive, creative, innovative… You can tip that balance any day – as soon as you care more about your inner being than you care about the reactions of others. EVERYone out there is hopped up with emotional imbalance (and therefore, being ‘reactive’), and yet you hang back waiting for people to respond to you with emotional balance. It’s kind of ironic as your work is GOOD for promoting emotional balance. Therefore it’s not FOR the emotionally balanced. It’s FOR the emotionally imbalanced. Which is fortunate – you’re looking at the bigger market! This is not to be judgemental. Life on earth is ALL about the journey towards emotional balance. That’s the Work! That’s the fun! That’s the juice in the orange! Just stop taking it personally that the people around you are out of whack.
When you and they and everyone can see that ‘being emotionally triggered’ is merely an invitation to integrate old stuff, and therefore is to be welcomed, the creative gloves will fly off.
So, don’t worry about triggering others..?
In adulthood, the role of a good ally is to trigger progress... Emotional progress (integration) is uncomfortable (unless you breathe through it as if in labour). Don’t apologise for causing discomfort in an other adult if you are coming from the place of pure positive energy. Ok? It’s not your job to conform yourself to save the next person from having to awaken out of their personal sedation.
Ooh.. Strong stuff!
I am happy to read this.
So in summary:
- Show your workings
- Go back and say no
- Anticipate/normalise others’ being imbalanced/triggered
[Just read below: Draft saved at 12:22:22 – so ok what is 22222? Googles. This pops up first:
22222 Keep the faith:
22222 also encourages you to have faith in spite of the challenges that you may be going through. Challenges are never permanent. Have faith that sooner or later, you will overcome the obstacles you’re facing today.
22222 spiritually symbolizes a duality. This means that you’re likely to feel like there are two sides to your personality. Accordingly, your guardian angels encourage you to find a way of reconciling with your inner self. Ideally, this is the best way in which you will achieve the harmony you’re looking for.
Ok. Keep the faith and reconcile with inner self.
Know what you want.
I hear you. Ty.
I am pre-booting the week ahead
Ha! Word count was 1444.
PS. I do know what I want! A smooth, enriching, energetically viable, empowering, enjoyable, balanced, healthy, EASEy week ahead.
That’s right. Pre-boot for an EASEy week.
I am pre-booting for an EASEy week ahead