Create 26: I am creating strong boundaries

  • What is alive in me? = NVC question 1
  • What would make life more wonderful? = NVC question 2
  • What would make life EASEier? = Magic Question to self

These are extraordinary times. We’ve been in full lockdown for over a month now, with at least a month to go. And we are a month away from hitting the anniversary of the start of the pandemic.

I want to describe a little of how I am experiencing this pandemic. Part of me remains grateful and in awe of the simplicity of our lives. There really is no where to go, except the supermarket… and you think twice about that because, you know, corona. And anyway, you’re meant to go in shops individually, and v often G is taking that role bless him. So for months and months and months, I’ve really just been at home. My appetite for my daily walks has been diminished by the cold and endless slippy mud. This means that work and screens become a bit all encompassing. There’s a tension that largely remains unbroken, because there’s no dramatic scene shift to completely break it, day after day.

I’m training and mediating most days, and seeing the effects of this pandemic pressure on  peoples’ lives. And also, in many instances, the benefits…. People are largely comfy in their homes, and living the advantages of not having to travel to work/anywhere, and obviously, if on a session with me, they are currently ‘safe and well’. The main thing people are experiencing is stress-leaning-towards-burnout… from the monotony, the relentlessness, the blurred boundaries between work / family / homeschooling, and the inability to get full R&R.

No one‘s getting the zing of their usual/special/occasional ‘winter break in the sun’, or a party at the weekend, or a blowout meal with friends, or that gig / play / performance / festival that speaks to their soul… It’s amazing. I remember how people would endlessly be doing that stuff… They / we can’t. Things we took for granted. And instead, when I ask people to share their ‘One Good Thing That Happened to Me in the Last Week‘ for MHFA, people talk of their appreciation of simple pleasures and privileges: “I got to see my nephew roll over for the first time, on Zoom!”; “I reconnected with a childhood friend and had a Facetime together”; “I was recommended a new walk locally – and it was wonderful”, “I facetimed my Dad and had a lovely chat.”

Yesterday I had a good old cry about not being able to see Ana for her 21st birthday… I felt I was lobbing stuff at her via Amazon, but not able to really mark her move into full blown adulthood. My heart ached/s for her.

The bottom line is we are all doing exceptionally well. We are all handling life beautifully.

Would you like to play Positive Aspects, to consolidate your thoughts? 

Yes. I woke up at 5am stressing about the work with CM…

Come back then. Let’s make life more wonderful by diving into the Positive Aspects. Let’s make life EASEier by embracing the Positive Aspects. 

Oh yes, the EASEy Week work has been so good.

Great start. 

My Book of Positive Aspects of … Today: 

  • It’s a relatively light day – no training
  • A possible new NHS gig – meeting about that today
  • Meeting one of the parties for a new case today – everyone’s amazed she’s coming to mediation – it’s been challenging for 7 years. I hope I can make life EASEier for her!
  • I’m enjoying reading The Octopus Man by Jasper Gibson (novel on voice-hearing) – tho it’s hard going
  • I’m able to go for a walk today
  • I’ve got a 2 hour slot booked with Dad for a new video – precious time
  • We have lovely food for supper, and it’s likely it will be cooked for me. <3
  • I am my own boss. I have options.
  • I can make my own life EASEier by…
      • Prioritising higher income work so I need to work fewer hours
      • Developing my H2D course <3 which I will be able to sell passim
      • Focussing on COMPLETING things ahead of time

Hm.. Help me focus.

Let’s go in. Reading first is good. 

***Alchemy of the Heart***

‘Traditionally as trance fixed humans, our entire life experience has been unconsciously driven by seeking shade from the heart of our inner emotional turmoil.” And yet, ” We cling to familiarity, even if the familiar is almost unbearable.(Alchemy of the Heart, Michael Brown p89)

‘What makes being alive today different from any recent era is that we are no longer condemned to this fate of decaying miserably into old age. We have, as a species, gathered enough collective awareness so that this plight may be effectively altered by the individual. We not longer have to face our latter years in fear and doubt, in deep discomfort and despair. We now have the option to take “the heart of the matter” into our own hands. We can take responsibility for the causal point of the quality of our human experience by consciously tending to the condition of our emotional body. This is the promise of this generation. This is the hope of the world. This is the heart of the matter.’ (Alchemy of the Heart, Michael Brown p91)

So… this is the magic key: ‘consciously tending to the condition of our emotional body.’

Tell me more…

What better route into wellbeing than starting with where you are at? If your emotional body is telling you something, you can listen to it, and dispense the remedy it asks for. Too often, ‘wellbeing’ is sought by applying generic remedies: a spa, a detox, a pamper session. What if your emotional body is actually asking you to do something more fundamental: change your job, leave your partner, speak your truth? The spa day may leave you more confused than before. “But I should be feeling happy / grateful / better, because I’ve just spent £200 on a spa day… What’s wrong with me? Maybe it was the wrong spa day… let’s try a different one. Or a more costly one…” 

Ok, so what is my emotional body telling me? What condition is it in? How can I better tend to it?

Ask it. 

Emotional body – what state are you in? What are you telling me? How can I better tend to you?

Emotional Body says: BOUNDARIES. NEED BETTER BOUNDARIES. 

Oh heavens, PREACH.

And I realise, this (BOUNDARIES. NEED BETTER BOUNDARIES) is THE ANSWER to all 3 of these initial questions I woke up with today:

  • What is alive in me? = NVC question 1
  • What would make life more wonderful? = NVC question 2
  • What would make life EASEier? = Magic Question to self

Can you tell me more?

Emotional Body says: BOUNDARIES. NEED BETTER BOUNDARIES. SAY: NO. SAY: THIS IS MY LIMIT. Trust in self. Do own thing. Be the creative, not the servant of others’ creativity. Be the owner of your own path. Be the creator. SET BOUNDARIES TO PROTECT YOUR OWN CREATIVITY. STRONG BOUNDARIES. DEFINE YOUR BOUNDARIES. MEASURE AND TRACK WHAT HAPPENS. Life will become EASEier and more PLEASUREable. And JOY will become sustainable. Do not cling to the unbearable familiar – LET CHANGE HAPPEN… through setting strong boundaries for your own creativity to shine through. AMEN. 

Wow…. Thank you. I am so glad I asked….. May I absorb, learn, digest this… I’m in awe.

‘Let change happen through setting strong boundaries for your own creativity to shine through.’

So, Inner Wisdom, Higher Self, your guidance for putting this into practice?

‘SAY: NO. SAY: THIS IS MY LIMIT. Trust in self. Do own thing. Be the creative, not the servant of others’ creativity. Be the owner of your own path. Be the creator. SET BOUNDARIES TO PROTECT YOUR OWN CREATIVITY. STRONG BOUNDARIES. DEFINE YOUR BOUNDARIES. MEASURE AND TRACK WHAT HAPPENS.’

Gently does it. Playfully does it. Add not heat. Reduce heat. Play with creating boundaries. Start by saying, No / this is my limit. Move into defining your creative space, and defending it with your heart’s sword. You’ll get there. You’re doing it already. Relax. EASEy does it. 

May all the angels of paradise gather to assist us all in our work of tending to our emotional bodies, and of creating the strong boundaries that will allow us to thrive as the magnificent creators we all are. Amen.

I am creating strong boundaries

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NOTES:

So I just ordered this, partly because it came out last week and partly because I noticed the title triggered me a little bit:

Let’s see what it stirs up and inspires.

#StrongBoundaries to let the creativity shine through…. <3

#TakingItEASEy

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Decided to acknowledge my boundaries and others… and listen to Emotional Body.. GOOD.

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Discussed boundaries with my mediation client – it was a really bonding conversation as she then shared that she was only now (in 60s) learning to set boundaries, and I was able to joyfully affirm and support this valuable new work.

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