It was good to revise The Power of a Positive No by Wm Ury yesterday. In essence, his solution is to use a Yes-No-Yes model like this:
Also described as:
I used this YNY process with three different colleagues yesterday.
With two colleagues (E&H), my ‘proposal’ of a new alternative led to really creative, promising agreements that excited us both! Both involved this pattern:
- YES: I love our work together!
- NO: I will need to limit the amount of low-paid work I do with you.
- YES: Let’s work up the offer for the higher-paid services we do!
With a third colleague (C), my YNY proposal about our collaboration landed with a dull thud, and provoked some biting comments. And that, alas and thank goodness, underlined for me that really, this working relationship has run its course. That data allows me to start thinking about a deeper YNY – maybe:
- We have created something really special together! (training package)
- I’m now going to focus away from training
- I’d like to offer you to carry the package forward yourself, and we keep in touch as friends instead!
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Out of time for today…. I’m going to keep flexing this No muscle today. I can see further areas to ‘decline’! This could become a real habit..! It’s like my body is saying, “Say, what?! You mean we can just decline all the things that leave us drained and exhausted and fraught?! We can actually act upon The Intuitive No?!!”
YES, my friend, we can! And thereby have more energy for the things that make us say YesThis!.
Excellent. Keep it settled. Keep it appreciative. Keep it humble. The No should never be a personal rejection. We are declining, with grace and gratitude – not rebutting, punishing, leaving in the cold.
Think of it as a “No, thank you.” Or a “Thank you, it’s not for me.”
Ah, yes. Good. There’s a namaste element to that. I appreciate that. Amen.
I am saying “Thank you, no.”