It would be nice to step away from clock time today, as I have lots to do but no appointments to keep. I have a tendency to let clock time put me off my natural flow, especially when I try to rally myself to start the next thing ‘on the hour’. It would be best to let the energy and momentum generate naturally in me, and be attuned to my own flows rather than to an arbitrary and slightly hounding/inscrutable external.
And what would you like to achieve today?
I would like to… look after myself. I would like to try to restore some strength and peace to my body after this intense week. I would like to clean and care for my house. I would like to get caught up on my admin. I would like to finish the brochure I’m working on, which will open up new working opportunities for me.
And what do you need to know or do in order to succeed in the overall aim of feeling that you have looked after yourself by the end of the day?
This clock time issue… The clock constantly makes me feel like I’m behind or running out of time or wasting time, but I can’t escape it. Maybe I can celebrate what I do achieve in each hour? I want to get to the end of the day feeling better/proud/assured/relieved rather than conked out/spent/unsure/unravelled/over-distributed/coiled-up. How? What do I need to know or do?
On the better/proud/assured/relieved timeline, what do you see yourself doing? Close your eyes.
Oh, that’s really lovely… Ha! I saw myself doing something I used to do as a child. And that is, going about my tasks as if I was a TV presenter, describing my actions to camera. This started with my pretending to be Delia Smith while baking as a girl (largely in secret, and with much animation). 🙂 Yes, there’s an assuredness in the TV presenter demonstrating x y z. I suppose it’s no different to the YouTuber tutorial genre. It says, “I’ve got this, and I’m going to show you how to do it.” The bottom line is the relaxed (and ready) self-assurance and sense of mastery, comfortable with the external gaze. That indeed is a gift I could give to myself today.
Are we saying that today’s exercise is to play Delia Smith..?
Looks like it. But your version.
“Today I am a lifestyle TV presenter” – presenting a show called Looking After Ourselves. Yes? 😀
Do it.
Ok. Let’s do it.
“Today, I am presenting a show called Looking After Ourselves“
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Meditation:
I like The Mindful Movement meditations for good subliminal messaging, body relaxation and trance-like background music. There are no pauses in the talking, so not so good for really quietening the mind and observing its state. But here, good messages about self-love and replenishing energy. ?
Exercise:
Good. Settling. De-tensing. Peaceful. Strengthening. ?
Walking in the valley: 7500 steps
Diet:
Coffee with cream: 3 scoops coffee – aim for 2 scoops tomorrow..
Brunch: Steamed green veg, cheddar and tuna in olive oil at 11.30am. ? Tea and 1 square of 100% choc.
Snack: cheese chunk, some nuts, tea
Evening: baked fish, cheese, greens…. cider…. ice cream…. (Oh no…)
Sleep:
Screens off: 1am The cider drinking (8pm) completely nullified my capacity to focus on looking after myself…
Lights out: 1.10am Again, once the screen is off, I’m asleep…
Wake up the next day: 6.30am Pprrring! Wide awake.
Total sleep: c6 hours Seriously not enough sleep to be able to restore, replenish, settle.. It’s all in the ‘going to bed ritual’...
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Simplicity came through as a sincere key aspect of my future life. Arising today, as I made each next move based on ‘what option is most about looking after ourselves?’, a readiness for healing and transformation: healing of old wounds and transformation of future realities, at a higher frequency. A willingness, at last, to surrender my long infatuated attachment to my love of complexity, importance and jazz-handing. A new readiness to slide gratefully into merciful, quiet, rich, sensory simplicity. A place where I can bring *all* of myself, without narrative, explanation or justification.
Whenever I stayed with it, I loved the TV presenter game. It was the perfect ruse to induce me to do the things I needed to do to feel good, safe and looked after. I kept asking myself ‘what do I need to do next to look after myself?’, and what surprised me is that, actually if you are going to look after yourself properly, it takes some time. There was more value in me going for a walk in the sunshine at 2pm than sitting at my desk at that stage. Better to walk first, and sit down at 4pm.
The game of speaking instructionally ‘to camera’ like Delia is just brilliant for embodying the assured, relaxed, ready manner whether you yet ‘feel’ it or not.
