Excruciating anxiety during the night.
And you undertook to observe your inner being as you lay there. What did you note?
It was like there was a woman trapped in a canvas bag, pushing outwards with every limb. My heart was coiled into itself.
And how did you tend to yourself?
Just by observing, and being with that observation. Noting. Breathing. Remaining present to the feeling of rampaging tension in my body. I did resolve to think a bit more about the ‘inner being’ in the morning. I wanted to ask myself if I was very much out of sync with my inner being, in the way I’m living my life? Apart from my beautiful relationship… Why the repeated withdrawal? Why the resistance to doing my work and communicating with people? A better question:
Dear Inner Being, what would it take for me to hasten to throw myself into my day each day?
[Inner Being] “Can’t you see how much you need the creative outlet? You do hasten to throw yourself into your day: to undertake this writing! And to do all the writing you have always done on a daily basis, though previously privately, and thus with less of a sense of release. The Creative Outlet gives you wings to fly. You held back for a while out of confusion and shame. That is ok. But it hurt. You. Us. Me. “
Ah! Well, I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting a state or an insight. But this… this is practical. The Creative Outlet. I like it. (MoreMelody mentions it, doesn’t she, as a minimalist self-care habit.)
The Inner Being longs for self-expression. It is in its nature to externalise (from ‘inner’ to ‘outer’) because it really is the spark of the divine within you, and the nature of the divine is to… create. (Hence, the Source of all is known as the Creator.) The more you are creating, and sharing, the more you are giving the Inner Being scope to play, to know itself as divine, to be the woman released from the canvas bag and dancing freestyle in Lidls.
Sounds tempting. 😉 Thank you. I hear you. This is a good day. A good step. Thank you very much for opening up this avenue. May it grow over time. May I apply the open, flowing creative mindset to the work that I resist or recoil from. May I treat my inbox as a canvas for expressing love and care. May I bring beauty to my training materials. May I articulate myself to others in ways that reflects the divine in us both.
Namaste
Namaste, exactly. “The divine light in me bows to the divine light within you.”
When we create, bravely, boldly (for it is a bold act to create in public, as an artist does), we are bringing forth the light in us so that the light in the next person might be invited forth to meet it, and likewise know itself in the world.
That’s beautiful. Thank you. Ok. Today is about the creative outlet of the inner being. ..
Today I am giving my inner being creative outlet.
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Meditation:
An appropriate theme with the focus on witnessing the self. I love these guided meditations form The Mindful Movement (Sara Raymond), but think I should move into empty space meditations to really allow my brain to surf solo a bit – and to hear its insights when they present themselves. So, tomorrow I’ll go back to chimes / Tibetan bowls. Let’s aim for 30 mins, especially as I’m teaching a seminar on mindfulness at noon tomorrow. ?
Exercise:
Qigong: Lee Holden’s ‘7 Minutes of Magic’ remains my favourite really short burst of qigong, mainly because it so opens up the shoulders.
Diet:
- Coffee with milk
- Brunch: Peas and omelette
- Evening: chicken, sweet potato chips and broccoli. (Three teaspoons of ice cream ?)
Sleep:
- Screens off:
- Lights out:
- Wake up the next day:
- Total sleep:
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I stumbled upon this video below. I like the Speaking Circles philosophy (see Speaking In-Front), and this woman (Jena Kathryn) speaks beautifully about the generation-tribe of ‘dutiful’ woman who were ‘dying on the vine’ inside due to lack of self-expression. ? She describes getting to a stage in life where one can’t ignore calling anymore and one experiences “an inner rebellion. A deciding to live from the inside out. To bring the inside out.” Indeed.
The state of ‘giving inner being creative outlet’ is such a soft one. It is set back by any ‘revving up’. It is worth protecting.