- Aha! Dropping from the active, intellectual, outward-looking state into the gnostic, heart-listening, inward-looking state IS TO SWITCH STATE FROM 3D TO 5D. ? I can sustain it for seconds at a time. It can be prompted by proper/pure/simplest meditation, or if easier, by time settled quietly in the contemplative state.
- Naturally, it seems, just like yesterday… embarking on good feeling / doing work catapulted me into an ego tangle where I got cross and resentful towards seomone else. I (sensibly ✅) took myself off on a bike ride to process feelings and listen to first funny and then uplifting podcasts while riding. A podcast from Drukama Radio (via Insight Timer app) on insight meditation helped me 1) be with the feelings and 2) ‘turn over the pebble‘ of my emotions to see what (helpful treasure) was underneath, which turned out to be this:
Playing powerless – and then lamenting my powerlessness
Yes! This is a pattern in me! So true. Not quite sure why it’s there but for now I’m just going to observe this little tendency of my mind with compassion and light curiosity.
Consideration the next day that perhaps the above scenario (stumble -> insight) is exactly how the gnostic faculties work best. Or even better described: 1) kick toe on pebble 2) turn over pebble to get the treasure from under it.
Is there a way of getting insight without stubbing one’s toe?
Yes, if the awareness is alert enough to catch sight of the pebble before the toe hits it.
I read something this morning about how the brains of humans (and rats) are ‘novelty-seeking machines’. I think that’s very true for me and helps me understand why I keep pushing forward beyond my body’s natural energy/tiredness boundaries. I get stimulatory relief from newness; and I cower from repetitive activities. But unless I stop reinventing my own wheel, and admit peak innovation, I’m going to run out of steam.
Would you like to turn that pebble over and have a look?
Yes. … … …. Perfectionism. If I never have to complete or optimise the last thing, I needn’t worry about its flaws.
Almost.
Dopamine… I get a dopamine kick from novelty.
True.
I could get a dopamine kick from doing the same thing over and over, really well.
Possibly. What’s your main goal?
At the moment, to earn sustainable amounts of money without exhausting myself. It’s that time/money thing.
Maybe this is why I keep ‘mixing it up’: I never give myself credit for a job well done. I always self-criticise, so I never feel I’ve ‘arrived’.
Spot on. For example, you performed something life-changing for clients DS and CS, but you didn’t credit yourself with the achievement – because IT FELT TOO EASY. It didn’t feel like real work because it flowed so naturally. To you, real work uses all your adrenaline. For example, giving training: you get the buzz of the performance but you also get days of exhaustion afterwards. The client work is subtler, less jazz-handy, very private/intimate, highly effective in terms of STO.
Please dear God may I turn my website round with Project Three Jams this week, in which I advertise a mere three products on my website.
- Remote client work
- 1 day training
- 2 day training
I added up my bookings for 19/20 and today towards the end of Q1 they stand at a wonderful figure compared to last year but if I’m honest, less than I can sustain considering the amount of energy they are asking of me. Little bits and bobs here and there, with too much travel. I need to sit tight and just do the work that my physiology can stand, even if that means turning away the exhausting tiddler jobs my innovation-seeking brain would welcome.
Excellent. Is there anything else you need to know today?
Am I going to be able to meet my excruciating deadlines without popping?
Can you reduce the impulse to innovate?
Yes. I could learn to welcome repetition… Again, my perfectionist innovator wants to make even my training modules better… I’m apparently never satisfied with what I’ve done.
There you go! That’s your insight for the day. Excellent.
Ah, like not crediting myself with work well done, or it not counting as work unless it virtually breaks me. I need to try to take the easy road – even though it’s got less glossy innovation about it.
Simply asking yourself what is the easiest route to execute this task is a helpful step. Could you do that?
I could try. I worry about being lazy, but I swear I do certain things with such intensity that I miss out whole chunks of other duties (eg good business work => no housework contribution).
Introducing ‘ease’ is no mean feat. It needs some pause for thought. The impulse route is often complex. Today we are inviting you to assess the situations today and ask yourself: what’s the easiest way to complete this task?
I am finding the easiest way