Peak 76: I am settling into myself

‘Empty as a pocket, with nothing to lose’

I liked how inviting a sense of emptiness in me made me less inclined to rush/push/solve/adjust… I walked more slowly. I was more able to listen and absorb others. I was more present to my clients.

And yet, nonetheless, slightly knocked off balance overnight, I woke up at 4am-ish. Maybe it’s this big Lion’s Gate Portal of the 8th of the 8th today. Or the fact that I have the dentist at 11am which messes up my lovely morning routine. Or the fact I have a LOT of complex work on.

Grant me balance today.

-12- The five colours blind the eye. The five notes deafen the ear. The five flavours dull the palate. Racing and hunting drive the heart wild. Goods that are hard to obtain hinder the journey. Therefore, the True Person is guided more by the belly than the eye, and prefers this within to that without. (Tao Te Ching Chap 12)

Yes, I’ve had a touch too much ‘racing and hunting’ and it’s driving my ‘heart wild.’ Can I be content with preferring ‘this within to that without’?

If ‘Goods that are hard to obtain hinder the journey‘, what are the Goods you have been striving to obtain? In other words, what is the ‘that without’ you have been trying to draw towards you? And how has it hindered your journey? 

I don’t know! Financial security. Health. Energy. Inner peace.

Are they goods? 

You’re confusing me. Help me settle.

The message to you on this day is that your ‘this within’ is entirely sufficient unto you, if you can but sit with it. Your ‘this within’ is literally the divine within. Can you possibly need more? 

Oxygen? Water? Shelter? A calm mind!

Seeking our own good pleasure is a good start. 

As opposed to seeking the good pleasure of A. N. Other?

Loving yourself is a good start. 

Do I love myself?

When we love another we are curious about them. Can you bring curiosity into your inside self? Into the ‘belly’? 

…. My internal weather systems are: stormy, tempestuous, moody…

Wonderful! It’s good to know what’s going on! Work with that. 

{12 min silent meditation}

Ah… yes. A sensation of settling into myself. I see. I’ve been absorbing others’ traumas, and am carrying a lot of held tension and stress in my psoas. In the absence of TRE (especially today without my all important MEDSAN routine…), the best I can do is:

  • Keep moving
  • Process out inner tension as I can
  • Attend to my work with brevity and efficiency
  • Ensure I’m not popping ‘out of body’ or dissociating.

I am settling into myself




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