Three helpful observations arose out of ‘I am becoming aware (again) of my rejection sensitivity’:
- ON RETREAT: Due to ongoing Lockdown, I, and many of us, are on a 6 month retreat from normal worldly life. I can own this unique time for me. I’d always wondered about monastery life – well that’s essentially how we’re living: routine, closed quarters, simplicity, no socialising, getting along with the household, growing in ourselves through time to reflect and be ourselves. So, when I do online client sessions, on my pop-up desk in the sitting room (which I put away each evening), let’s stop assuming I am entering their corporate world, because I’m not! There is no corporate space anymore; I’m entering people’s own homes too. So why don’t I invite them into my space consciously: ‘Welcome to my monastery, my retreat centre’ – where I seek to live my days by meditation, qigong, walks, rabbits, squirrels, peace, harmony… This way, I am not trying to fit myself to them, and feeling rejected; I am standing in my own space, owning it, and letting people come in for its calming, restorative qualities. If they don’t like it in here, that’s ok. I’m only offering all that I have and my focus is on making it welcoming, and on lightcasting to folks before they come in.
- GET ORGANISED:Those who are not working for PULL, but are seriously STS (the santa fans I was learning about) are Organised, Networked, and in Plain Sight. PULL fans must be too.
- FEEL SATISFACTION: My walk with the wonderful Abraham podcast: a segment was on finding SATISFACTION. Notes:
Doing ‘a good thing’ gives me a sense of satisfaction, so I had the idea to start writing down a list entitled: I did a good thing. Yes. Great focus and shift, from seeking signs of approval from others, to working with… my inner approval system.
What’s the Inner Approval System, you ask?
Continue to Play I did a good thing today, to find out.
I am playing ‘I did a good thing’ today
***Across the next couple of days – notes***
Playing ‘I did a good thing…’
- I put my phone away (it’s trouble)
- I decided to cease looking to others for cues to feel SATISFACTION (aka enough-making) but to decide for myself. I’ll do my own enough-making.
- I accessed a good tweak: the phrase ‘I am doing a good thing.‘ =>
- present moment affirmation = +HRV
- no matter the future, right now I am doing a GT
- so different to egoic ‘look at me’ doing a thing
- self-approval rocks
- satisfaction in/from the Act itself not just from social … frottage?!
- does this self-approval dwell in the hara?
- I accessed another good tweak: the phrase ‘It feels satisfying…’
- To know I’m keeping to my schedule
- To sit here on this sofa prepping for the day
- Knowing I’m going to help people today
- To see how my acting skills support this work
- To lightcast, right here and now, to those in need of LOVE and ATTENTION today
- To settle into the Work of this day knowing I am contributing to this universal Love Uprising
- To bring about the delicacy of qigong to my day
***End of notes***
And what has your learning been, through working with ‘satisfaction’ and ‘self-approval’?
- It needs a lot of practice
- It’s a good antidote to What Is Going On
Do you want to talk about what is going on?
I do. Briefly. Without getting journalistic here. I think we are all … astonished. It feels like the whole country is being gaslit by the government – between Covid-19 (this is lockdown day 90 I believe), and their response to BLM and the far-right rioters, and their plans to shove through Brexit (our ecomony dived 20% in April)… More info is arising about the darkness behind well-known figures. It’s clear it only takes <1% of a population to be psychopaths for them to hijack a whole nation.
Ok. Thank you. Let’s work with the word ‘hijack’. What does it mean?
unlawfully seize (an aircraft, ship, or vehicle) in transit and force it to go to a different destination or use it for one’s own purposes.2. When you take control of a conversation others were having and make it all about you, this is an example of a time when you hijack the conversation.
Good. Let’s run with the concept of ‘hijack the conversation’.
As in, the Mail, and the way it hijacked the conversation on immigration for years, and then tried to turn an innocent eye on the far right rioters on our streets…?
Who could have imagined that after 124 years of spouting right wing, xenophobic and racist bile, the Tory loving Daily Mail would help incite violence by a group of right wing, xenophobic and racist Tory loving pillocks? pic.twitter.com/xF6geT1bgd
— Paul Delaney (@coaimpaul) June 14, 2020
There are always two parallel conversations: the one fuelled by love, and the one fuelled by fear (from which hate arises). The fear-based, egoic conversation is always louder. In terms of volume, noise and apparent presence, it drowns out the conversation based on love. This is the seeming hijack.
What you can take with you is the knowledge that you are always invited to be a conduit for the Conversation Fuelled By Love. You can choose not to have your attention, your ear, your eye hijacked by fear. You will feel ‘satisfaction’ and ‘self-approval’ when you choose to speak the Language of Love at all times.