I sensed that delicacy of heaven on Earth all morning and into the afternoon. And then I went way off that path and undertook an afternoon of hustle, masking and living by a different characterisation of myself, denying the knowledge I hold and spinning tales of fitting in to the NT world… and I reached the evening feeling melancholy and, oh goodness, craving a drink.
A note on drinking: Last year, I did my second year of Dry January all the way up to my end of November birthday, for what I jovially call a ‘Damp December’. This year, I did Dry Jan again and then decided to experiment with ‘drinking at weekends’. This has worked ok for these couple of months so far, but in this staying-at-home era, it’s harder to get a sense of weekday/weekend, and my home companions both drink… and I find I’m getting a bit cravey again. So tedious, because if I can’t get on top of it, then that has to mean no drinking at all. In fact, can we explore this craviness abit now?
Yes! Good morning! It’s wonderful to meet you here. It’s another beautiful morning, and you were here before 6am – without looking at your phone either, so you arrived with a clear mind. Excellent.
Ha, I get cravey for my phone too, don’t I? Phone and drink are both a bit mind-fogging. Why do I want to mind-fog or check-out?
Do you want to check-out now?
No, I love this space. I love nothing better than to be here, exploring themes, connecting to what matters and what is, hearing myself think, hearing you, connecting to creation… Except, I could do without that dripping tap. Excuse me. Brb.
How does it feel now you have turned off the dripping tap in the kitchen sink?
Ah, like peace! Bliss.
So, your cravings are about seeking to block out an equivalent ‘dripping tap’.
And what is that dripping tap?
It would be the voice of your inmost heart, of which we spoke yesterday. In fact, more specifically, the craving is to cover and block out the sense of disappointment felt by the heart after a session of blocking it out in your masking, chameleon, jazz hands, non-sincere state.
You know the feeling when you are agreeing to doing something, and it gives you a sinking feeling, and you carry on agreeing to it anyway? That’s what we’re talking about.
Yes. I can think of several interactions yesterday afternoon when I thought: Why am I doing this? or I’m agreeing to this, but it’s not going to turn out so well. ‘
Well, when you’ve spent even an hour or two pressing forward with something you sense to be ‘out’ or ‘icky’ or ‘not quite right’ (clue: often your justification for pressing on regardless will be financial), you will get that disconnected, disappointed-heart sensation. And all the more so, if you have spent the morning in a soft, flexible mind state, ‘sensing the delicacy of heaven on Earth.’
Why do ‘people’ have to be so rigid minded?!
Softly, softly. We hear your frustration, but remember your frustration is with you, not anyone else. Each person’s role is simply to be who they are. When you are true to you, others’ ‘peculiarities’ become just that, and don’t affect or upset or frustrate you. This is so important to understand and remember.
And again, we would say: focus not on this side of the stream, but on the other side of the stream, and on the stepping stones across the stream.
In actual truth, it is enough to focus on the other side of the stream (the target slide) for it to come in to being, but for those of you that are a little resistant to goodness flowing to you ‘without hard work’, we say, enjoy the journey, plot it out, take the steps, watch the other side of the stream come closer. Enjoy that. But, like Orpheus in the underworld, stop looking back!
In truth, even looking at your current reality is ‘looking back’, because it was borne out of a past vibrational state. So, secure your present state to the high-flying disc as Abraham calls it, and look forward to the other side of the stream! Oh isn’t that fun, to see it coming closer towards you? Can’t you catch glimpses of little aspects of that new reality, and smile? Can you recognise how you are creating a new time spot for yourself, and give yourself credit for your wonderful imagination, for your gifted day-dreaming, for your ability to out-manifest your heart’s voice? Isn’t that the most wonderful thing? Would you want to keep your mind clear, vivid and awake to see this dream becoming reality? Isn’t this all you knew you wanted, coming to fruition right here, right now? Aren’t you delighted by your mind and the way it dances with your heart and soul? Aren’t you thrilled to be co-creating with all of consciousness right here, right now? And are you seeing, and foreseeing, and co-creating new details of that new reality with each moment, like a painter adding fresh new flowers to a painting?
Yes, I am! I am seeing days of simplicity and regularity and routine, and yes, ritual. I am seeing time to sit and time to stand. I am seeing the flowing of feelings across the day. I am seeing a timetable with allotted times for all the important activities that please my heart and soul. I am seeing a pattern which arises from a soft and flexible mind. I am seeing a mind that has grown beyond ‘fear of boredom’ and ‘fleeing from under-stimulation’, and that now basks in space to be, quietude to contemplate, openness to dialogue with the greater What-Is. I see a mind that is settled enough genuinely to be able to offer help through the service we provide, at scale – bit by bit, drop by drop. I see a framework for living which is so wholesome and enriching to me, that I can lift it and take it with me (us) on travels, without missing a beat of service or connectivity. I see my mind resting in Big Mind state day after day, and I know that here my beautiful Stim Mind is nourished and tended to.
Ooh, that’s new. My Stim Mind. What is that? I guess it’s like Big Mind but Aspie/Autie style. It’s the gentle state I used to fall in to in childhood, when the world felt so peaceful. I never really recovered from the shock of the rest of the world not being so…! But, I can recover my own delight in Stim Mind, and create conditions for it to thrive: like taking a seedling out of the chilly garden and putting it in the greenhouse.
This has been so good. Let’s read today’s chapter, ‘Emptiness’.
This perfect extract points to how essential it is us for us to do our own thing, to ‘make our own way’ – and not copy others:
EMPTINESS: There is no way set up for us. Moment after moment we have to find our own way. Some idea of perfection, or some perfect way which is set up by someone else, is not the true way for us. Each one of us must make his own true way, and when we do, that way will express the universal way. This is the mystery. When you understand one thing through and through, you understand everything. When you try to understand everything, you will not understand anything. The best way is to understand yourself, and then you will understand everything. So when you try hard to make your own way, you will help others, and you will be helped by others. Before you make your own way you cannot help anyone, and no one can help you. To be independent in this true sense, we have to forget everything which we have in our mind and discover something quite new and different moment after moment. This is how we live in this world. Zen Mind p111
This extract is a simple reminder of ‘how to’ do zazen (Zen meditation):
Concentration is not to try hard to watch something. In zazen if you try to look at one spot you will be tired in about five minutes. This is not concentration. Concentration means freedom. So your effort should be directed at nothing. You should be concentrated on nothing. In zazen practice we say your mind should be concentrated on your breathing, but the way to keep your mind on your breathing is to forget all about yourself and just to sit and feel your breathing. If you are concentrated on your breathing you will forget yourself, and if you forget yourself you will be concentrated on your breathing. I do not know which is first. So actually there is no need to try too hard to be concentrated on your breathing. Just do as much as you can. If you continue this practice, eventually you will experience the true existence which comes from emptiness. Zen Mind p113
Time for me to do my zazen practice. 20 mins on the timer. ‘Sit and feel your breathing.’
Ah, G came in after 13mins. Sometimes I think my starting a meditation elsewhere in the house actually wakes him up! 🙂
What’s to take away from this lovely dialogue today?
Keep your gaze on the destination, and be emotionally moved by it. Dress it up and adjust its hat to the jaunty angle of your pleasing. Admire it from all angles, with softness and love, like a mother for her baby. Sense the other side of the stream, and watch it start to create itself within your present moment. And when you hesitate, recall Suzuki-roshi’s words: Moment after moment we have to find our own true way…to find the universal way. This is the mystery. Bring awareness to yourself of the bodily feeling associated with being on the path of your own true way: aligned, uplifted, relaxed, at peace. And when you feel otherwise, give yourself that nudge to speak your truth and, if necessary, reverse out of cul de sacs. Find your own true way across the stream to the riverbank of your own new reality. Go the direct route: your route.
Make your own true way.
Thank you. I will do that. And with… certitude, gratitude and… full confidence in the mystery.
Make your own true way.
G said of the lockdown period:
“If we all carry on unwinding at this rate, in 10 days time people will start reading poetry again!”
Then, when to my dismay I got an ‘urgent’ email from a colleague, G reminded me,
“We are running at poetry speed my friend.”
LATER LATER: I came across another pertinent quote from RT… I’d forgotten about the notions of ‘other people’s pendulums’ – which of course, take you off your own true way.
“This is one of the most paradoxical aspects of the freedom of choice. People really can choose happiness and success for themselves and yet at the same time remain restricted by pendulums that lead them away from the wave of fortune. Here we return to a theme we discussed earlier; to claim freedom of choice you must be independent. You have the right to be free of the influence of other people’s pendulums. ”
Two days ago, I had my ‘every three year’ video call with my extraordinary friend, SM, whom I have know since school. She speaks truths. She pointed out how I had been ‘seduced‘ by a certain situation a few backs. Again, spot on.
Part of my making my own true way is simply about not being ‘seduced’ by other people’s pendulums. Being aware of this old pattern is really all I need to work with for now. Let’s keep it gentle.
Ooh, look at the 15th century definition of the word ‘seduced’:
Seduce: late 15th century (originally in the sense ‘persuade (someone) to abandon their duty’): from Latin seducere, from se- ‘away, apart’ + ducere ‘to lead’.
So a sense of ‘duty’ is an antidote to seduction…?
Keep it gentle for now, dear friend. Jog gently along now. xx
🙂 Jogging off. Ty for today.