Presence 60: I am closing the gap

‘There are only two options before us in any given moment: We are either opening the gap between us by living according to our ancient imprinting, or we are closing it by opening ourselves to the unlimited possibilities of being Presence unified. We either value the gap and that which is in it, or we value Presence on the other side of the gap. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy. It’s our choice to make.

For example, when we pay for our groceries, we either focus on the items we are purchasing or on the cashier who is ringing them up for us. We either fret about the price of the products or greet the cashier warmly. We either worry about whether we have purchased the correct ingredients for our dinner or ask the cashier about their weekend. We either open the gap by focusing on the items in it or close the gap by acknowledging Presence on the other side of it. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy. It’s our choice to make.’ The Presence Process p232

Happy Post-Christmas! And what a lovely Christmas it was.

Thank you for this beautiful quote above from TPP. So deep and so true.

Tell me, dear heart of my soul, what can I learn today, in order better to live my life in the mode of ‘closing the gap’?

Thoughts count. Imagine your thoughts were spoken aloud in front of a panel of wise advisers. What would your advisors say? 

I think, on occasion, they would warn me against ‘sneering’. Having or articulating ‘sneering thoughts’ is a rather poor psychic habit I sometimes indulge in, for example when looking at the news, or when talking with others whom I somehow think will be entertained or amused by my cutting de-haut-en-bas wit or perceptive judgement.

And how might you replace ‘sneering thoughts’? 

I suppose just by being less reactive – by taking my radar off the unwanted and focussing it on the wanted – which is connection. Right?

MB talks about Presence as being the defining feature in authentic relationships. An authentic relationship is one in which the gaplessness between humans is apparent. An inauthentic relationship places emphasis on items or matters between humans. 

I think that’s why I got so upset about the endless discussions about furniture.

Would it have been helpful, and kind, to have expressed that? 

Yes. I always felt ‘Oh well, we must be nearly there on the ‘furniture’ topic.’ But if not furniture, then ‘dates’. That’s one of the reasons this year has been a blessing. No motion. No ferrying of stuff or people – or v little.

Tell me more about gaplessness?

When two people enter into a dialogue, they may or may not be on the same track. But by undertaking a dance of ‘approachability’, [lush phrase!] they start to converge in appreciation, intent and mutual purpose. In holding a ‘bonding’ conversation, they reduce the gap between them. 

This is why dialogue is so important, right?

Right. Dialogue is the conduit of peace, of understanding, of forgiveness and of constructive conversation. 

And what would it be good for me to understand?

It would be good for you to understand that you ‘broker’ dialogue. 


Thank you! Well, that prompted me to go off and look at books/vids on BPD and polyvagal theory – because some of my clients are so affected by trauma that they find it extremely hard to dialogue. In a sense they are so threat-sensitive that they continue to open the gap, even when the closing of it is imminent and possible. G and I watched this:

and then read extracts of Porges’s book:

And I ordered these:



I really want to say that I feel so blessed to be doing the work I do – in conflict resolution – or peacemaking – or dialogue brokering. Whatever we want to call it. I’m able to study psychology and combine it with my lived experience – not to heal anyone as a therapist, but to be able a) to be compassionate and patient and trusting towards people stuck in conflict and b) to share practical concepts and tools with people, so they can heal their own conflicts – ie feel safe enough to close their own gaps.

I’ve had a few days off now, and I’m ready for some routine again – but for the nourishment of the soul and body especially. I have a blissful WEEK of post-Christmas hols to reflect on the year, and receive my mission for 2021… 🙂

What more should I know for today?

Closing the gap is such good work. Meditate on this concept today. Especially as you mull over ‘presents’, or ‘food’, or ‘messages’. All these ‘items’ are tools with which to open or close the gap of separation. 

As Porges says, ‘invalid neuroception’ (that picks up danger that isn’t there, without our conscious awareness) can run riot – causing us to mobilise our fight/flight/freeze mechanisms. May I use items / matters in my life to close the gap of perceived ‘separation’ between me and any humans. May I reach across the gap to the Presence within the unified field, at all times. May I use ‘items’ as a tool for closeness. Amen.

I am closing the gap


‘Our interaction and relationship with the items in the gap also determines whether we are opening or closing the gap. We may use these items to serve either purpose because the items have no inherent purpose of their own. We may agree that everything in the gap we call “the world” is neutral, because it is. A bomb is a lump of stuff until we assign its purpose. A rose is just another flower until we give it to someone we love. We may agree the items are neutral because the user supplies the meaning and purpose of the items found in the gap. The user decides whether a pen writes love letters or hate mail. When we write love letters, we close the gap. When we write hate mail, we open the gap. The choice is ours, and our ongoing experience of life is a consequence of the choices we make and the intent we set. It’s this simple, this obvious, this easy.’ TPP p233

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