Month: August 2019

Yesterday was full and could have been stressful, but when time felt pressured, I took the approach of flowing towards the destination like water – steadily, gently, powerfully. My goodness, I conserved a LOT more energy than I would have usually, with my tendency to slap the water around me to prevent the sense of drowning… I really did ‘go with the flow’ for once. And good things arose! And when I didn’t want to be in a place, I left it… Simple.

Today…

-9- Better to stop in time than to fill to the brim. Hone a blade to the sharpest point, and it will soon be blunt. Fill your house with gold and jade, and no one can protect it. Be prideful about wealth and position, and you bring disasters upon yourself. Retire when the work is done. This is the way of heaven. (Ref)

There’s a strong ‘less is more’ aspect here. Where can I apply the teaching of ‘stop in time’ rather than ‘fill to the brim’?

Eating. 

And good morning to you too! Thanks for that! And also, yes… thanks for that. It is a lesson for me to work with.  Tell me more.

You often feel ‘there won’t be enough later’ – so you consume or take as much as you can now. Withholding yourself will be a good way of developing the trust that there is always enough. Always. 

To be fair on myself, I do need to learn to balance my blood sugar. When I get hungry it’s suddenly all too much.

‘Grazing green’ is your term, and it is good. 

Why am I here today? I feel unsettled.

To learn you can hold firm to your routine in any context. 

MEDSAN… Yes. I’m tired… Confused. Out of sorts. I want to keep to my protocols but it’s hard away from home. I’ve come to assist, but everything’s clearly more than in hand…

Maybe I over-sharpened my own blade. Maybe I filled my cup to the brim this past weekend. I don’t know how to get rest… I wish to retreat to the hermitage sometimes…

Softly, dear soul. Softly. Where is your breathing? A person can not live on sips of breath alone. 

Let’s go back to a vision, intention or target slide. 

Ha… I never finished (or started) that target slide (ie vision image) of drawing DoDs and Casework together.

Rest in exploring that concept now then… and you will find your guiding North Star again. 

They are harvesting outside, or cutting down a tree, or building a new temple to noise… I can’t THINK.

Move. Move. Move… like that water. You are stagnant in your room there. Flow on. ‘Retire when the work is done.’ ‘Stop in time.’ 

What’s the thread for today?

Go and find your North Star. 

I am finding my North Star

 

‘Being true to reality’ is like a protection against falling into one’s own mechanical patterns and masking. Instead of simply repeating the moves of previous days, or sweeping over difficulties with cliches, one can address the ‘what is’, whether comfortable or not, with presence and truth.

G and I did some really good work yesterday. It started with my being ‘true to reality’ about something that happened the day before – and our getting new clarity on how to strengthen our bond, specifically when we are (or I am) off doing different things out in the world. This led to him being ‘true to reality’ about his needs: specifically around the way we nurture the home together – which allowed us to drop any plans ‘to go off for a walk or something’, and throw ourselves into tending to the home for the afternoon – which made us both very happy.

All this within the context of discovering in the early afternoon that my lovely Dad had been taken into hospital having fainted and developed very low pulse rate… We worked with that reality too. Hopefully he comes out of hospital today, and so I’m going to stay with him tonight and tomorrow.

So briefly today… Shall we start with our reading?

-8- The highest good is like water. For water benefits the ten thousand things without striving. It settles in places that people avoid and so is like the Tao. In choosing your home look to the land. In preparing your heart go deep. In associating with others value gentleness. In speaking exhibit good faith. In governing provide good order. In the conduct of business be competent. In action be timely. Then there is no strife, nothing goes amiss. (Ref)

Speak to me of being ‘like water’, dear Voice of my Heart.

Water always flows downhill, following gravity’s sweet invitation to descend effortlessly. Water has no fear of dark places, and no judgement about where it goes. Water cleanses, nourishes, purifies and softens sharp edges as it flows. 

And how shall I learn to be like water?

By bringing your ‘gentleness’ to bear with love and firmness. Water is not static or passive or weak. 

It is powerful! Look at waves wearing away cliffs. Look at the reservoir dam in Derbyshire on the verge of breaking and unleashing a tsunami of water upon the town below!

Water is however meak. It is humble, biddable, non-resisting…

Aha – and this is ‘wu wei’, right? Non-resistance.

…giving and forgiving. It does not order others, it merely proceeds, or settles in stillness. It has the patience of a saint, and the power of the archangels. It is gentle as Source. 

What do you mean gentle as Source?

Source invites us to the party of parties, and yet allows us to create every single aspect of our experience of the party (aka life on Earth). There is no dress code or present register for the party of life on Earth. Come as you are; act as you will. All is accepted; all is forgiven. And in this arena of complete freewill, some will explore the party venue fully, and discover its real treasures – and be astonished! Others will get stuck in the lobby with the booze and pass out asleep! Source makes no judgement. Source is gentle as all water combined. 

May I understand the qualities of Water. May I embody its strength and its meakness, its humility and its majesty, its non-judgment and its kindness, its gentleness and its power. May the Water of the Earth ever absorb the Light of all goodness and continue to nourish, educate and enliven us all. May I learn how to be a guest at Source’s party of Life on Earth. May I be both a guest and a host. May all beings learn and love together as water molecules flowing towards the Ocean.

I am gentle and powerful as water

 

If I am ‘intertwined with Spirit’, as a natural factor of being a human, what are the ways I can bring this fact better to my daily awareness?

1. Ask this question out loud and sit and wait and settle and listen for a bit…

“If I am ‘intertwined with Spirit’, as a natural factor of being a human, what are the ways I can bring this fact better to my daily awareness?”

… … …

… Oh, I see. In reality, to sense this intertwining, one sure way is simply to “sit and wait and settle and listen for a bit…” 🙂  Then our senses start to attune, don’t they? Nice. Ok, oh… I’ve lost you…. Let’s go to our reading for today.

-7- Heaven and earth last forever. The reason why heaven and earth last forever is that they do not live for themselves. Hence, they last forever. Therefore, the True Person leaves self behind and thus is found in front, is not guarded and thus is preserved, is self-free and thus is able to find fulfilment. (Ref)

Oh, yes – this wonderful conundrum of our finding true personal fulfilment when we leave our personhood (if that’s an accurate interpretation of ‘self’) behind. It goes against alllll we’re taught in school/life/business which basically goes something like: hoe your own row and grab your own harvest, and guzzle it. My feeling is that it takes such TRUST, such FAITH in the universe, in ourselves, in others, to take a true leap into living not for ourselves but for others.

But look at the promised consequences: ‘last forever’, ‘found in front’, ‘preserved’…

Exactly the double conundrum! You can’t embrace selflessness to win those gains..!

You fleetingly had a different insight. What was it? 

Yes, as I wrote ‘selflessness’ I saw the actual quote was ‘self-free‘. That’s different, isn’t it? Selflessness infers a conscious denial of self for another/others. ‘Self-free’ or ‘leaving self behind’ infers… a kind of nakedness, unmaskedness, ‘unguardedness’.

What does it actually mean to ‘leave self behind’ or not to live for oneself?

The self is afraid of its own mortality. It insists on a clique of bodyguards – like a superstar afraid of her own success and the attention it has brought her. 

The self would win the match, top the charts, get preferential treatment, be called up first, be offered the best seat at the table. 

The self fears demotion, being ignored, being overlooked, being demeaned. 

The self works hard, efforts, paddles ferociously under the water, push-push-pushes… because its success feels so awfully temporary and under threat of extinction.

When we live for our self, we – the person behind the self – become the servant of the self. We are its workhorse, its bodyguard, its PA, its cleaner, its fixer, its spin doctor, its lawyer and its apologist. 

When we leave self behind, or decide not to live for our self, we are freed to experience life as the person without ‘a place at the table’. We are not defined against the ‘next person’. We are not drafted into defending our self’s whims. 

So, hang on, is the ‘self’ the ego?

It is the human/outward manifestation of the ego. The self is the person driven by the ego. 

So a person not driven by the ego is…?

A pariah.

Wtf?

You did ask. A person truly free from ego is the laughing ‘madman’ on the street, the jester-fool at court, the unwelcome truth-teller at the party, the Christ upon the cross…

Shucks, man. Heavy duty. Soften this for me.

‘The True Person’: this is the term Lao Tzu uses in your translation. Let’s work with that. What does ‘true’ mean to you?

To me, ‘true’ means honest, authentic, unornamented, direct (like an arrow is true), hitting its mark (ditto), aligned…

There we are. ‘Leaving the self behind’ allows a person to be more honest, authentic, unornamented, direct; to hit her mark; to be aligned. 

What would this look like in my daily life?

Contradictions resolved. 

Argh! Don’t make me resolve my contradictions! Hahaha…! Ok. So. What contradictions?

Posh/poor. Business/spirit. Detached/attached. Hermit/lover of people. Introvert/extrovert. Masker/truth-teller. Disabled/abled. Healing/healed. Teacher/student. Shame/acceptance. Confidence/fear. 

Oh my word.. stop! Give a girl some privacy!

Angels/intellect. Person-power/spirit-power. God/No-God. 

Oh, my heart… Ssh! I get it. Yes, this binary life is exhausting. The secrets! But also the wisdom in the secrets. You’ve gotta be brave to speak this stuff. Look at my adored Marianne Williamson getting hauled across coals out there on the political stage – what true sacrifice and spiritual courage. She’s putting spiritual discourse into US politics. And yes, people are laughing. And they literally simply left her out of the Vogue front cover of ‘all’ the Democrat women running for President. And yes, she’s opening up the cracks… Will she be rewarded for her work? No. Will she ever recover from this? Maybe not… Who knows? I’m so proud of her.

She’s speaking truth to power. 

What even does that actually mean?

Power is the ultimate reward of a self-driven life. Marianne Williamson is leaving self behind and taking the journey into the power fields nonetheless, to speak of what she knows. 

Hence, ‘pariah’.

Hence ‘pariah’. 

Brave, beautiful soul.

Alrighty, then. Good. Chat. What shall I take forward today?

The theme of being ‘true’. Consider  now the line: ‘I am being true to my self.’

Eek, is that about being a servant/slave/apologist/PA to our egoic drivers?

Maybe. Now complete this line: ‘The True Person is true to…’

Ooh. Um. Let me work with that a sec… [Goes to the loo and for a walk round the garden…]

‘The True Person is true to…’

• reality
• the moment
• whatever arises
• the Now
• her values
• her higher self

Those are my thoughts… Yours?

‘The True Person is true to reality.’ This allows her to be observant, watchful, responsive, authentic, unplanned, measured, respectful of what is unfolding around her. It stops her from imposing her self upon ‘what is’. 

Oh, beautiful Spirit of peace, unity, love and light. May I be a person who is found ‘true to reality’. May I learn truth and an unguarded presence to it. May I allow ‘what is’ to arise around me, and may I experience reality without trying to bend it, flee from it or reject it. Instead may I respond to its invitation, graciously, gratefully, and with curiosity and ‘happy serenity’. May we all see truth more clearly; may reality rest more comfortably with us all.

I am true to reality

 

Truth is: I went on yesterday to deploy a veritable Armada of <{“w0rRds”}>. I worked so hard across the afternoon, with four calls booked in and a barrage of important (or ‘important’) emails to get out by close of play. I worked from 12 as per plan, but had to rip myself away from it all at getting on for 7pm. My sleep that night: leg-twitching, psoas-trembling, tossing-and-turning. I’m knackered, and a bit pre-menstrually dysphoric tbh. Work with me?

Today is Day 5 of your new Plant-Powered regime and MEDSAN protocols. Give it time! Wait til after your period – you’ll see what you have been achieving then.

We saw you planning to start work at 10am today. Please don’t. 

But… I’m behind on documentation I should have got out on Monday!

Fitness First. That is what you promised yourself for this quarter. And so bowing out of your morning walk and stretch (which is what a 10am work start would mean) goes against that protocol. Also, Fitness First also means psychological Fitness First, and your dear Mind needs to be able to trust that when you say “Regular Working Hours 12 – 5pm”, you mean sincerely that you will not start earlier unless for an unavoidable and paid booking. Why? So it can relax into, oh dear friend, a routine – a routine that is sustainable and balanced for you. 

I hear you. Thank you. Yes. After 7 straight hours of work, you lose priorities.

Managing your priorities is your safeguard against burnout.

Today’s Tao Te Ching reading?

And yesterday’s…?

‘Many words lead to exhaustion’. Indeed. :/ Ok. Got it. Today…. Chapter 6:

-6- The valley spirit never dies.  It is the unknown first mother, whose gate is the root from which grew heaven and earth. It is dimly seen, yet always present. Draw from it all you wish; it will never run dry. (Ref)

After yesterday’s exhausting word-frenzy, I’d like to focus on this notion of a ‘valley spirit’ or ‘unknown first mother’ and the idea you can ‘draw from it all you wish’.

Like the air you breathe – it will never be consumed, it is always there to sustain you.

Sometimes I forget to draw sustenance from the sources available to me, and I drain my own battery.

You are learning the way of the Way which takes never too much and gives never too little. You are absorbing the skills of true living, very gently and gradually. This is perfectly timed, because you are transitioning while ‘awake’. It is like having an operation while you are conscious – gradual must be the intervention to ensure the correct area is locally anaesthetised in any given moment. 

I used to long for a grand awakening in my sleep, from one day to the next. That was my expectation, in fact!

You all believed that ‘ascension’ would come upon you all like a spiritual catalyst in the night. Well it did! It’s just that ‘the Night’ is a metaphor, not a literal 12 hour period spent mostly in bed asleep. Rising up from your ‘beds’ during the Night is altogether the Work of this Day. And from whence comes the Light to see in the Dark? From the ‘valley spirit’ or ‘unknown first mother’ from whom you may draw at will. The skill is to know when and how to draw… 

And that would be…?

Draw constantly upon Spirit! Step upon the gentle, giving rug of faith at each moment!

I pray for a heart and mind that intertwine with Spirit moment by moment.

Well then, that is your gift to yourself. Receive it! 

In humility, gratitude, amazement for your guidance…

The guidance is yours and yours alone. Internalise this guidance, as the hermit welcomes the weary traveller into her hermitage and exchanges shelter for teachings. 

Thank you.

I am intertwined with Spirit

******

[Later in the morning:]

So maybe what I’m developing is a habit of giving myself a balance of Yin Mornings (MornYINg) and Yang Afternoons (AfterYANGs).

I finished Medical Medium on my walk. Wow, WHAT a profound book. Thank you, Anthony William, for your Work and teachings. I’m on Day 5 of a Medical Medium orientated diet (plant-powered, virtually vegan, roughly raw, grazing green) and feeling positive. Next I’m going to listen to Liver Rescue (twice as long at 25hours!).

After finishing Medical Medium, I finished off my walk with the first two lessons from this beautiful course on Insight Timer (which I finally went premium on yesterday):

My goodness, using invocations, prayers and Taoist meditation as I walked through the forest, I got that sense of being ‘intertwined with Spirit’. Ty.

Now I’m having another amazing fruit and veg chopped salad, and listening to the Tao of Pooh, and learning about the Vinegar Tasters as a way to understand Confucianism, Buddhism & Taoism:

“Happy serenity” as a key Taoist trait…

What I liked about ‘being a purveyor of fairness’ was that it gave me a bit of a ‘lens’ throughout the day. I noted how often I was energised or triggered by matters of un/fairness. Channelling that energy into the ‘purveyance’ of fairness felt gentle and gave me patience, hope and purpose.

On top of that, I had my second plant-based day, kicked off with more celery juice. Yee-ha! I’m feeling better already. Interestingly, my desire for meat, dairy, gluten, sugar or fat is pretty low. I’m enjoying getting back into the chop-chop-chop rhythm of cutting fruit and veg across the day, and also the ‘indulgence’ of grazing every 90 mins or so.

I found these helpful infographics on Medical Medium protocols. I haven’t started the Heavy Metal Detox Smoothie yet – maybe that’s my step for next week.

And look at some of my meals from the last couple of days!:

I’m pleased, proud and starting to feel my body wake-up… Rising up!

You’ll enjoy your Tao Te Ching reading for today (Chap 4). 

I like this tiny extract very much:

‘Tao (The Way)…can round off sharp edges.’ (4:4)

May The Way round off my sharp edges today. I am going to the funeral service of the beautiful little girl who passed away two weeks ago. Help me remain soft, present and fluid to the reality of the day… Let me take no ideas, no fixed words, no consolations. I have nothing to ‘do’ but be present, in love and softness and sadness.

And when I work today, may all sharp edges fall away. May I act clearly and gently and simply – a purveyor of fairness with rounded edges.

This is the only way to live sustainably today. Any time our sharp edges catch on someone or something, the jolt of disharmony shakes us up and drains us. 

I often feel and have felt, especially as an Aspie being, the ‘electric shock’ of communications with others.

Know that rounding off your own edges helps reduce this electric shock, or jolt. 

Like an eel that can’t be grabbed..?

More like a butterfly that rises out of reach, gently. 

This rising up theme. It came to me strongly this morning as I felt inclined to succumb to depressive feelings about the suffering of loved ones, and the sense of fear about my own work. “Must ‘Rise Up’!” I said to myself.

Rising up is a powerful theme. Naturally it alludes to the physical act of getting up and at ’em, but what is really underlying this is the knowledge that you can orchestrate your own frequency. 

Soooooo many people are struggling to keep their frequency up – even/especially people really committed to doing the Work (as I see it via FB, for example). Is there some kind of negative frequency belt holding people down?

There is an invitation in place. An invitation to abandon the set of beliefs and behaviours that were appropriate for an earlier age. Sometimes, as people release the old for the new, they feel the pangs of birth, but mistake them for the pangs of, as-it-were, a ‘death’. 

So, embrace the pain?

Breathe through it, in a deep state of self-soothing and self-centring. 

Like my amazing sister in her hypno-birthing state during labour?

Indeed. ‘Up-breathing’ it was called, that steady breathing designed to allow and support awesome expansion. (Remember: ‘contractions’ were called ‘surges’ precisely because the body isn’t contracting, it’s expanding for most of labour). Try it. 

The up-breathing? 3 in; 8 out… Or something similar?

Yes. Rise up, breathing. Diaphragmatic in-breaths. Long, controlled, sustained out-breaths. No ‘sharp edges’. Rounded breathing. Fluid and looping, like The Way. 

I am rising up, breathing