The Presence Project emerged as the Covid-19 pandemic took off into full flight. In the check-in stage of a breathwork session (led by the wonderful Deborah Maddison) a participant mentioned how excited she was that she’d just received in the post a book which Deborah had recommended: The Presence Process by Michael Brown. I ordered it immediately… and was blown away by it, paragraph by paragraph. Michael Brown is the most exquisitely gifted writer-seer-knower-teacher. I’ve referenced a pdf of his book only because I couldn’t keep up with typing the quotes I felt I must share. The book is a goldmine – everyone should buy their own copy and come back to it again and again. Thank you, MB, for your immense and gentle wisdom. You accompanied me through the pandemic and taught me how to use the time and the triggers of that era to integrate and compost old emotional patterns. I’ll always be grateful to you for helping me translate aspirations of self-compassion and self-healing into gentle, daily practices of ‘accumulating present moment awareness’. <3
So the Power of a Positive No book (William Ury) is spot on for me. It states the three ‘A traps’ for not saying no: accommodating, avoiding, attacking. Yep… Those resonate. So I’m going to pick up the No sandwich Ury talks about: “Yes! No. Yes?”
I want to pick up the last part of TPP’s Week 8… in which MB suddenly (as far as I recall) introduces prayer. Beautifully. And it’s a good reminder for me…..
‘There is no awareness of peace without authentic forgiveness, and there is no authentic forgiveness until we integrate the resonance that arises in us when we place our attention on those who still anger us.
Prayer is the tool for neutralizing arrogance and regaining an awareness of peace. Arrogant people won’t pray for help in this regard. Let’s therefore pray for the strength, compassion, and emotional maturity to be able to truly perceive our predicament. Let’s pray for the capacity to forgive ourselves, so we too may be forgiven for our hurting of others, and so we too may have the capacity to forgive others authentically. Let’s pray to be shown the opposite of arrogance, which is humility.
Only through prayer do we realize that the people in our experience we have chosen to condemn and punish by withholding our forgiveness are our saviors in disguise.
Forgiveness can’t be forced. Neither can it be accomplished mechanically because it’s “the right thing to do.” This is why we humbly get down on our knees and ask whatever we understand our source to be to assist us in this matter.
It doesn’t matter what faith we hold: prayer is prayer. By asking for assistance in this humbling manner, we dismantle the fortress of arrogance and neutralize the venom of anger. Humility extinguishes arrogance. Only arrogance renders us unwilling to pray and ask for forgiveness.
THIS CONCLUDES WEEK EIGHT‘ TPP p210
Tell me more about prayer today…
Or rather… May I learn about prayer again today. And every day.
There are two types of prayer. Prayer from the Heart and prayer from the Head. The latter is the type that drains your tanker; the former is the type that fills it. Head prayer is a shopping list, an order, a deviation from responsibility. Heart prayer is an articulation of the soul’s desire and the spirit’s free will. In Heart prayer the Head is educated as to the will of the inner being… if the Head can learn to be still and humble enough to listen to the prayer of the Heart. In truth, the Heart is in prayer all day long. A first port of call for learning about true prayer is simply to practise stilling the Head (mind) long enough for it to be able to tune into and listen to the Heart’s constant still, small voice. Sweet, no?
What is my heart praying for right now?
Listen. What do you hear?
Golly. It seemed to be worried about my driving today. I’m picking up our new car – a gift from my darling sister – and collecting my beloved ASV and bringing her home for the first time since Sept. I have barely driven since Sept…
And so what is the Heart’s prayer?
I think it is this: May I drive with care and consideration today. May I call on the protection of the angels of the heavens and of the roads. May I be blessed with good judgement today. May we be looked after at all times.
Beautiful. Listen again.
Oh dear… the Heart is wary of Covid as I travel by train to London and then mix with others….
And so what is the Heart’s prayer?
I think it is this: May I be held in complete and perfect health today. May my presence bring love and healing with it. May all beings rise towards perfect health today. May London and the whole world be blessed by light, love and health.
Beautiful. Listen again.
‘We’re not going to be ready’. Here ‘we’ is ‘Me & my Heart’. I realise that a lot of my actual ANXIETY simply arises out of my Heart’s unheard concerns….. That means… I could offset a bunch of my anxiety by:
tuning into my heart at the beginning of each day and
listening to its concerns and
prioritising addressing those concerns, while also
humbly asking for assistance….
Heart knows best how to look after you.
Speak your Heart’s prayer again…
I think it is this: May I take care to ready myself without rush or procrastination. May I caretake myself kindly and gently today, so that I feel reassured, ready, complete and confident of the steps ahead. May I be ready early.
Beautiful. Now this is Unconditional Self Love.
You are ready for the Presence Process Week 9:
WEEK 9
(Activate with Third Water Session)
Our Conscious Response for the Next Seven Days is:
“I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY”
Blending the Positive No, with the Heart’s Prayer (the Positive Yes), you are discovering new ways to practise Unconditional Self Love. There is real progress here.
I had a little meltdown in the shops yesterday… 🙁
You had been ignoring your Heart’s Prayer…
Aha….
Heed the Heart’s Prayer. Act upon it as if it were your Wise Guide leading you out of the magical deep dark forest (because it is). Trust its guidance with all your might. Bend your mind (Head) to drop its wild ravings, and accept the wisdom of the Heart’s Prayer. Train your Head to stop, to listen, to reset the compass not according to the Head’s Fearful Thinking, but to the sweet, soft, intuitive, wise, caring, gentle, all-knowing, disarmingly brilliant Heart’s Prayer.
These are a few of the things I am learning about Unconditional Love:
When you consistently grant yourself Unconditional Love, your need to ask it of others diminishes. And you are freed up to offer Unconditional Love more than to seek or demand it.
Nothing gives Unconditional Love to our inner child more than sitting with our feelings – feeling the feels, as we breathe, in Present Moment Awareness – without judgement, interruption or fixing. Merely being able to sit unconditionally watching what’s going on in our emotional landscape, is an act of self-compassion and self-love.
Michael Brown is EXCELLENT on why we shouldn’t judge our parents – but rather offer them the unconditional love they didn’t have:
‘Our parents were children once too. When we look at a parent through the eyes of present moment awareness, we see a child who, like us, was plunged fearfully into this conditional world. This child, like the hurting aspect of the child self within us, seeks to be loved unconditionally. Are our parents responsible for energetically photocopying behavior that arises in them through their experience of childhood imprinting? How does holding onto anger benefit us more than making the compassionate choice to recognize the error in our perception? Judgment is a lack of clarity and a virus that infects our perception. Judgment on all levels is arrogance. Judgment is also a double standard. On the one hand it lifts us up to appear superior, while on the other it insists everyone behave exactly like us and admonishes those who don’t. However, the most damaging consequence of judgment is that we identify ourselves and others by the experience we are having, instead of by the shared Presence we authentically are. The bottom line is that, through judgment, we blame others for a predicament we all share. Therefore, let’s intend to begin unraveling this perceptual mayhem by forgiving our parents and blessing them with the unconditional love we wish we had received from them as children.‘ (TPP 206/7)
Michael Brown is revelatory and revolutionary on unconditionally loving ourselves – and shows how it is the path to reaching peace:
‘Loving unconditionally is the greatest service we render to humanity. Loving ourselves unconditionally is how we place a breath of fresh air in the depths of the ocean. Our journey into uncovering the nature of this great mystery called love starts with being unconditional toward ourselves by feeling what we are authentically feeling without judging the experience in any way, and without trying to fix, change, understand, heal, or transform it. Being willing to integrate our own discomfort – to perceive it as valid and hence required, and behaving toward it accordingly – is the root of experiencing forgiveness and realizing peace. By genuinely forgiving ourselves for the behavior that emanates from our imprinted predicament, we automatically forgive the world. Beyond the experience of forgiveness is our return to an awareness of what peace really is. Realizing peace through forgiveness is in our hands. It has nothing to do with “the other.”’ TPP p208
Today in my meditation, I sat with the feelings in my heart, and just watched and loved them. My heart had a lot to say! Imagine if I’d started my day without listening to that! How unkind. How oblivious to the central, sweet barometer of my being. I didn’t try to fix or problem-solve or change those feelings. But as I let them be heard, and therefore integrated, they did soften. I felt the act of self-compassion in just ‘authentically feeling without judging the experience in any way’. And a few of Matt Kahn’s “I love yous” didn’t go amiss.
You sensed the word ‘predicament’ today? This is the key for the next step. The human predicament (arrive – get emotionally imprinted – spend a life time integrating the emotions and/or creating drama to avoid the same – depart) is also the human opportunity.
Opportunities are for the seizing. SEIZE the opportunity to complete the cycle, like this:
arrive
get emotionally imprinted
spend a life time integrating the emotions and/or creating drama to avoid the same
discover unconditional self-love
offer unconditional love to others – and thereby help recalibrate the balance
depart
We invite you to practise Step 4: ‘discover unconditional self-love’
We invite you to make Step 4 a special interest.
Ok. Sounds like a good practice. How?
DUSLing (discovering unconditional self-love) is a movement that starts …[Time for the day. Pick up tomorrow]
Ok. Thank you. May I download much about DUSLing today. Amen.
[Next Day]
DUSLing (discovering unconditional self-love) is a movement that starts with internal peace. All the unravelling of your ‘Overstimulated Nervous System’ – via qigong, walks, QT, routines, the love and fun with G., focussing on your job satisfaction – is work towards settling into internal peace. From the place of Internal Peace, you do the work of DUSLing
Is DUSLing proactive (eg. I do things for myself?) or a state (eg. I am able to sit in PMA without judgement, integrating what arises?).
It’s a proactive state. Think of us. We love you unconditionally. We are always here and available to you, as wise counsel. But we are not jumping at you, or offering you more than you need. We are responsive – and ever available on ‘stand-by’. We trust you to know how best to serve yourself most of the time. That is why we’re not tripping over ourselves to intervene.
Sometimes, I wish you would.
You can always ask more.
And then?
And then you get the response you request.
Please can you make me incredibly proficient at emails and business admin?
Of course! Thank you for asking.
There. That was an act of USL towards myself.
Asking for the help you need? Absolutely.
Ok. As an act of DUSLing, I would like Your help to rise up the Upward Spiral of the Emotional Guidance Scale. With wisdom, with trust, with openness to learning new thought patterns.
And if we told you that this is already on the menu for you, would you baulk?
No. I don’t think so…
As you go about your DUSLing, you’ll know how successful you are being by the degree to which you rise up that EGS. In fact, there is no other outcome to speak of…. except all that which flows to you as you align with your highest vibration.
So… DUSLing brings us up the EGS and thus raises our vibration, which opens us to all the good available to us..?
Sweet soul of our hearts, as you genuinely put yourself at the epicentre of your immense and unfathomable LOVE, you will spiral up the vibrational scale like a bird soaring on the warm breezes of summer.
I’m gonna need to learn to say No…. right?
Yes! Your book on The Power of A Positive No arrived yesterday. Bust it open!
Also, today I read in TPP about saying No..without judgement:
“At this point in our journey through The Presence Process, it’s beneficial to honestly ask ourselves: “How do we treat those in the world who ask us for unconditional love in the only way they know how?” ….. Discernment requires us to say “no” to those who would, through the impact of their imprinting, hurt us. Discernment requires us to draw a line in the sand and make ourselves clearly heard if others disrespect our choices. However, even when saying “no” to another because of their destructive impulses, we still don’t have to render judgment on them. We are able to take care of ourselves without confusing their behavior with their identity. Saying “no” as a reaction is the pushing away of another. Saying “no” as a response is a movement toward ourselves.”The Presence Process by Michael Brown p209 (Week 8)
I am discovering unconditional self-love… through practising saying a positive No
How comforting and settling is the gentle mantra of “Peace be with you” and “Peace be with me.” How releasing, how abundant and how generous of heart. How natural. How easily might we return to love if returning to peace was all we asked of ourselves.
I am blown away by this TPP passage I read this morning:
‘We fail in each attempt to obtain the unconditional attention we seek because unconditional love isn’t like money – isn’t something we earn. Love isn’t something achieved through merit. We don’t qualify for love. Love just is. Love is our birthright. Love is what we already are.
During childhood, the example of love set by our parents’ interaction with us, with each other, and with others becomes our primary definition of love. This is the automatic consequence of emotional imprinting. For this reason, whenever we seek to manifest an experience of love for ourselves as adults, we unconsciously manufacture a physical, mental, and emotional scenario designed to recreate the emotional resonance we experienced during our childhood interactions with our parents. This resonance doesn’t have to be comfortable or in any way pleasant, only similar and hence familiar.
For example, if as a child we received abuse when we required love, then the felt-resonance associated with abuse became part of our childhood definition of love. Consequently, whenever we feel a need for love as adults, we manifest an experience that unfolds in such a manner as to at some point include this abusive felt-resonance. This happens unconsciously, automatically. Why? Because this is the only way we know how to get what our imprinted condition leads us to assume love is. However, because of its conditions, the love we end up receiving hurts.
On a conscious level, we may then ask, “Why does this keep happening to me?” The reason we keep manifesting the same hurtful experiences is that we don’t know any better. This is the predicament emotional imprinting perpetuates. This is the open wound in the collective heart of humanity. This is why many of us assume love hurts. But hurting is a condition, whereas love isn’t – it’s a state.
Throughout The Presence Process, we are gradually taught how to perceive beyond the limitations of our imprint-driven interpretations. We are taught how to grow up emotionally. The consequence of this emotional development is that we begin lifting the conditions set in place by our childhood experience. As these conditions lift, we entertain a different perception of our experience. This different perception isn’t fueled by our unintegrated emotional charge, but is accessed through present moment awareness.
Confirmation we are awakening into present moment awareness comes in the insights we receive about the predicament of our shared human condition. One of these is that without exception, everyone we encounter, no matter what their behavior, is seeking the experience of unconditional love. Even if they are being hateful, what we are witnessing is a misguided cry for love.’ (The Presence Process 202-3)
Meanwhile, as I unpick my own inner child’s emotional imprinting, I am inspired, guided, mentored in LOVE by my children.
LV: showering me and the family with loving support and generosity of spirit. Handling her career like a boss, as she blends and shares her talents, creativity and genius, ever on her terms. Her current creative project is blowing me away!
ASV: yesterday, I attended an online panel discussion that she hosted for Disability History Month, on Disability and Academia. She has also produced a blog and a podcast which have blown me away, about her/others’ experience of being ‘Defined by Disability.’ She has INSPIRED me. The panel (of disabled professors and students) was a collective that harnessed and celebrated all I know to be true about disability and neurodiversity – that the gifts inherent are exceptional. How about a Neurodiverse Mediators’ network? To include mental health too. It would allow me to Be Myself…. and then all the other ideas and projects I have will feel they can flow out… not trying to hide behind a 2D neurotypical fitting in mask….
Your thoughts?
Preach it. Sing it. Sizzle it. Love it. The Dyslexic Professor said: ‘We’re trying to get the R number down in the pandemic. We need to get the R number of disabled people UP in academia – we need to go viral to make the contribution we are here to make!’ You can do the same with neurodiversity – welcoming people in and out into society, loud and proud, offering the new style of thinking and being this world so needs: empathetic, empathic, creative, focussed, heartfelt. Go, sister! <3
***nearlycrieswithlove*** I sometimes feel that the so-called neurodiverse ones are the … starseeds of which people speak. It’s like we’re not quite wired for here, but we are wired for somewhere… somewhere much more multidimensional, telepathic, sophisticated… ‘Here’ feels weighty, heavy, clunky, loaded, unnecessarily laborious. All those amazingly creative dyslexic children I taught. You take away the necessity to produce ‘good handwriting’ or ‘accurate spelling’ (earthly, 3D) and let them focus on channelling their creativity, and BOOM – the complexity and visionaryness of their work often far exceeds the NTs around them. So the act of WRITING is the problem. Not the child. Perhaps the child is wired for a world where… maybe the writing writes itself automatically… guided by the mind of the child… without clunky intermediary tools?
And yet… we demonstrate conditional love to our children.
“We shall love you if…. you can spell our spellings / pass our tests / sit still on your chair / follow all the unwritten social rules. And if you cannot, we shall withhold our love, our approbation, our opportunities. And thus you shall either learn our ways, or know that you have condemned yourself to the suburbs of our affection by your own fecklessness and carelessness. Ha! Oh, and happy 6th birthday to you!”
Why do we continue to pass this cycle of abuse on to the next generation? I was moved by reading this passage (p205) of The Presence Process by Michael Brown :
‘The part of us that has difficulty accepting how others hurt us is the needy and unattended aspect of our child self – the emotional charge related to being loved conditionally as a child. We know we are regressing into this needy and unattended aspect of our child self when we hear ourselves say: “They are my parents. They should have known better.” Or, “They brought me into this world and it was their responsibility to keep me safe.” This is drama. This is the voice of a child who doesn’t yet comprehend the complexity of the human predicament that envelops us all. Integrating anger, the need to blame, and our insidious desire for revenge requires facing one of the greatest obstacles set before us on the path of emotional evolution: arrogance. Arrogance prevents us from being able to recognize our plight flowing through the experience of another. Once we experientially comprehend the mechanics and consequences of emotional imprinting, only arrogance stifles our capacity to forgive both ourselves and others. The consequence of arrogance is that we may easily be able to accept the fact we didn’t know any better, but we are still angered by how others behave.Unless we choose to integrate this anger, it will prevent us from accepting that others, especially our parents, did the best they could with the hand dealt them through their parents. Neutralizing arrogance and the anger it breeds requires the following simple insight: All behaviors we witness during our interactions with others that aren’t acts of unconditional love are unconscious pleas for unconditional love.‘
So… we haven’t managed to forgive those who hurt us. We haven’t managed to integrate the fear, anger and grief that arose from our being loved conditionally… and our arrogance causes us to lock in to blame (vs responsibility taking) and a kind of righteousness. And then we inflict conditional love on to the next person. Especially the next child.
I’m thinking of my really 4 complex cases this year: I’m seeing individuals reeling from not receiving unconditional love. They all think it’s something else, and can’t understand why the others won’t be ‘rational’ and accommodating. But they are all traumatised by a lack of unconditional love, now and in the past. And they are using demands or a hard ‘No’ to cry out for someone to say, “You are right! You are the most thoughtful, sensitive, kind and loving of us both/all. And I/we should follow your lead. Thank you for being right here. I/we apologise for our wrongs.”
Everyone wants the other to say: “You’re right. I’m wrong. Lead on.” This seems to be how people receive love…..?? By their rightness?
It is in the human’s best interests to be right. Rightness leads to acceptance. Doesn’t it? Think back to the spelling test. She who shows most rightness in spellings gets..?
Gets most love / acceptance / lauding!
So is it a wonder that wrongness or error is laden with shame and guilt. Now you take the SHAME of the current wrongness (say in the dispute) and you fuse it with the SHAME of the childhood wrongness (collected in a series of experiences of conditional love and emotional imprinting of fear, anger and grief) and you get…?
Emotional paralysis; heightened fight/flight; despair and distress.
Ok! So… in your work, you are indeed showing unconditional love in your impartiality. This is good. But you are also sometimes missing opportunities to hold a mirror up to a person to let them see themselves more clearly.
Tell me, in all honesty, how do I do that without making them feel more SHAME at their acting out behaviours?
YOU TEACH THEM SELF-COMPASSION. This is akin to self-forgiveness, which is a longer journey, but one that is kickstarted by the practice of self-compassion.
Oh my. Of course. Imagine if I’d started off each of those cases by teaching self-compassion, instead of saying “Tell me what the other party did to/at/against you?”
(Similarly, I could have done some of the work Debbie Ford taught so well in ‘Spiritual Divorce’ about accepting it takes two to ruin a marriage. Now THAT was a hard lesson for me, but a liberating and empowering one.)
It’s up to each person to find their own inner child and nurture him/her through a conflict. Without the inner child work, you are really rearranging deck chairs.
Obviously, I’m not a psychologist qualified to introduce people to their inner child…
That’s why we use the protocols of self-compassion. And remember that the wonderful Kristin Neff speaks to many, and Paul Gilbert speaks to others.
Oh yes… Let me read.
Ok so this set of slides is an amazing reminder of Gilbert’s Compassion Focussed Therapy work:
So we’re looking both SELF-COMPASSION and COMPASSION for OTHERS.
How did I think I could do conflict resolution work without introducing compassion and forgiveness?
Did I ever ask my clients “What needs to be forgiven for you to reach a resolution?” As long as I am letting my clients think I buy into the idea of ‘unforgivable actions’, I am not meeting them authentically, and I am not serving them well.
These concepts are so complex.
This is why you are going to teach people How to Dialogue, rather than jump into try to ‘fix’ their disputes without any supposed need for behavioural change, emotional recompense, or true reconciliation.
I made mistakes in NOT telling people how I work. If I tell people that I work with concepts like compassion, forgiveness, responsibility, change and unconditional love, people could more easily self-select themselves out of my client list, or at least start a process knowing that I was going to ask something of them internally, personally.
You’ll find your way with the SoD. Peacefully. Self-compassionately. Compassionately. Unconditionally.
And also: look at the behaviours I see today (now Mon) and spot ‘pleas for unconditional love’. We don’t need to respond to them codependently, as they are still responsible for their own happiness, but we can remove the sting from some of the less comfy behaviours.
You might also look out for your own pleas for unconditional love.
Uh-huh?
Awareness encompasses the observer too.
What best step could I take today to explore this theme of our search for unconditional love.
Spot everytime you withhold UL. Ask yourself why you withheld your UL. What is the judgement, and from what fear, anger or grief does it spring? How much more peace could you bring to the world if you met more people with ULove instead of fear, anger or grief?
Man, you set a high standard!
Thank you! ?
You see I like to think I’m loving.
Exactly. You’ve just revealed another layer of work to do. Goodie!
Ok. Today (7th) I’m going to spot whenever I withhold my unconditional love.
Our Conscious Response for the Next Seven Days is:
“I FORGIVE MYSELF”
PEACE IS A VIBRATION WE FEEL
[Oooh, this section is on conflict and peace… And it’s very ACIMy too.]
‘Our leaders also insist on approaches such as “peace talks,” in which governments and peace organizations present treaties, make compromises with each other, and declare after long discussion and debate that peace has been agreed. This approach mistakenly believes peace is something mental. It too has never realized authentic peace, and any appearance of peace gained from mental discussion and debate, leading to agreement between opposing parties, is always short-lived because it also is born of control and sedation. Just as peace isn’t a physical circumstance, it’s also not a mental agreement. Peace is a vibration that’s recognized through felt-perception. We don’t “do peace” or “think peace.” We feel peace. Peace is. It doesn’t need to be manufactured. Peace is everywhere, whether we are aware of it or not. The entire planet is blanketed in peace. In fact, it’s easy to realize this experientially. If we enter any wartorn environment – any experience of conflict – and remove all human beings, what becomes immediately self-evident is the resonance of peace. Peace is in the midst of all chaos and conflict. Nothing we do or think adds or takes away from this actuality. …. Peace is available to us right now through a decision to feel peaceful. Once we truly feel the vibrational resonance called peace, this resonance automatically radiates into our mentality and physicality. Peace therefore begins within us, individually. Realizing peace individually is a prerequisite to realizing it collectively. Hence the saying, “Peace be with you.”’ (TPP pp199-200)
I love this: ‘Peace is available to us right now through a decision to feel peaceful.’
Help me apply this. Help me intertwine this into my Yes/No work, and into my workdays, and into my response to this pandemic.
Today we emerge from a month of national lockdown, in to a 3 Tier restriction system that even the Tories have rebelled against in droves. Yesterday, behemoth retailers Arcadia (Top Shop etc) and Debenhams collapsed.
Can you make the decision to feel peaceful about all of this right now?
I can… It’s just that doing so sometimes leaves me feeling numb, or like I’m cut off to the people suffering through this. So many businesses collapsing…
What if it were suggested that no one is actually suffering?
Yes. I could find a place in my consciousness for that. I’ve learnt from experience that distress, loss and grief do eventually pass, and leave us stronger, clearer, more able to contribute… I’ve come to believe over the last 2.5 decades that even death is but a doorway, not a finality or a punishment. I understand that collapse gives way to rebirth. I know we need awakening by shocks, in order to make changes, as a human collective.
If I chose ongoing peacefulness, with self-forgiveness, would I be better at saying Yes/No?
What a sweet question. Your notions of improvement are quaint, but also a little disjointed. Let’s put the horse before the cart. The horse is your will; the cart is all you carry forward. What is your will? Let that give impetus to your decisions as to the direction of travel, the pace of movement, the weight of the load you are prepared to carry.
My will is… ‘reach peace, teach peace’.
Well you might want to take some crates off your cart, dear soul.
How?
Your new strategy. Don’t wait! Pursue it TODAY. You are the driver (mind) of the horse and cart. The horse (your will, your momentum, your power) will carry whatever you put on the cart. Choose carefully (with your mind) what you are asking your horse to drag forward.
I want it to pull forward my project.
Then pour confidence and power into your strategy. Timeline it! Five years. 12 months. Everything is coming together perfectly, as you wish for it to be. You are doing beautifully. You shall have your own sweet peaceful empire, where you can unfold your ideas and creativity. Let it flow through you. And to do that, cultivate your peacefulness. In peace, as the Tao says, your voice of wisdom can be heard.
Like here.
Like here.
The SoD is ALIVE. It’s a house ready for you to inhabit. You designed it, and built it with your imagination. Move in! (That clever metal drumming IFA will help you. Have faith.)
Ok. I’ve just reached out for a new accountant too….. Let’s do this.
I suddenly feel like that guy in Goliath who sits in his darkened office with his clicker, watching, plotting, strategising, intervening lightly…
That’s the ticket. Watch and wait a little more than run and trip. Let these things come to you, attracted by the depth and quality of the PEACEFULNESS in you. You are merely tapping into the most natural quality of the universe: peace. The Tao is as it is. It needs no effort, no chasing down, no containing. It watches and waits in a state of complete confidence.
Ah that balance between action and inaction…
Let action start with inaction.
As Gandhi started his days…
When yin precedes yang, all flows well.
Ah. Get into the receptive mode, and then follow the impulses.
That’s it. So return to peace, again and again and again across your day. Then, the Yes/No will speak to you clearly of its own accord, via felt-perception, navigating straight past your ‘confused’ mind.
I am returning to peace #PeaceBeWithYou
______
How comforting and settling is the gentle mantra of “Peace be with you” and “Peace be with me.” How releasing, how abundant and how generous of heart. How natural. How easily might we return to love if returning to peace was all we asked of ourselves.
I am blown away by this TPP passage I read this morning:
‘We fail in each attempt to obtain the unconditional attention we seek because unconditional love isn’t like money – isn’t something we earn. Love isn’t something achieved through merit. We don’t qualify for love. Love just is. Love is our birthright. Love is what we already are.
During childhood, the example of love set by our parents’ interaction with us, with each other, and with others becomes our primary definition of love. This is the automatic consequence of emotional imprinting. For this reason, whenever we seek to manifest an experience of love for ourselves as adults, we unconsciously manufacture a physical, mental, and emotional scenario designed to recreate the emotional resonance we experienced during our childhood interactions with our parents. This resonance doesn’t have to be comfortable or in any way pleasant, only similar and hence familiar.
For example, if as a child we received abuse when we required love, then the felt-resonance associated with abuse became part of our childhood definition of love. Consequently, whenever we feel a need for love as adults, we manifest an experience that unfolds in such a manner as to at some point include this abusive felt-resonance. This happens unconsciously, automatically. Why? Because this is the only way we know how to get what our imprinted condition leads us to assume love is. However, because of its conditions, the love we end up receiving hurts.
On a conscious level, we may then ask, “Why does this keep happening to me?” The reason we keep manifesting the same hurtful experiences is that we don’t know any better. This is the predicament emotional imprinting perpetuates. This is the open wound in the collective heart of humanity. This is why many of us assume love hurts. But hurting is a condition, whereas love isn’t – it’s a state.
Throughout The Presence Process, we are gradually taught how to perceive beyond the limitations of our imprint-driven interpretations. We are taught how to grow up emotionally. The consequence of this emotional development is that we begin lifting the conditions set in place by our childhood experience. As these conditions lift, we entertain a different perception of our experience. This different perception isn’t fueled by our unintegrated emotional charge, but is accessed through present moment awareness.
Confirmation we are awakening into present moment awareness comes in the insights we receive about the predicament of our shared human condition. One of these is that without exception, everyone we encounter, no matter what their behavior, is seeking the experience of unconditional love. Even if they are being hateful, what we are witnessing is a misguided cry for love.’ (The Presence Process 202-3)
Meanwhile, as I unpick my own inner child’s emotional imprinting, I am inspired, guided, mentored in LOVE by my children.
LV: showering me and the family with loving support and generosity of spirit. Handling her career like a boss, as she blends and shares her talents, creativity and genius, ever on her terms. Her current creative project is blowing me away!
ASV: yesterday, I attended an online panel discussion that she hosted for Disability History Month, on Disability and Academia. She has INSPIRED me. The panel (of disabled professors and students) was a collective that harnessed and celebrated all I know to be true about disability and neurodiversity – that the gifts inherent are exceptional. How about a Neurodiverse Mediators’ network? To include mental health too. It would allow me to Be Myself…. and then all the other ideas and projects I have will feel they can flow out… not trying to hide behind a 2D neurotypical fitting in mask….
Your thoughts?
Preach it. Sing it. Sizzle it. Love it. The Dyslexic Professor said: ‘We’re trying to get the R number down in the pandemic. We need to get the R number of disabled people UP in academia – we need to go viral to make the contribution we are here to make!’ You can do the same with neurodiversity – welcoming people in and out into society, loud and proud, offering the new style of thinking and being this world so needs: empathetic, empathic, creative, focussed, heartfelt. Go, sister! <3
Only the Power of No can truly grant you the Power of Yes. Without the former, all decisions and actions are somehow only a ‘maybe’, a ‘let’s see how it goes’, or a ‘what’s happening to me?’.
If you say a Positive No to X, you simultaneously say Yes to Y
Examples of No=>Yes:
No: Messy desk = Yes: Tidy desk
No: Procrastination = Yes: Feeling on top of things
I said No to a new case yesterday because I’m just too busy. That felt hard/sad, but also a relief.
When I received another really horrible email from a particularly heightened client, I actually said No by not replying to or engaging with them. It was an internal No to giving yet more energy to this individual.
When someone asked for my time when it’s already booked out, I conveyed boundaries to the time I was prepared to offer.
____________________________
I had a glimpse of a new idea yesterday. It’s a One Jam Flavour approach to my work.
Instead of doing 14 different types of training…
Offer ONE. ‘How to Dialogue.’ A four x half-day course (with pre-learning/homework like MHFA) that includes all my learning about conflict resolution, so it’s perfect for clients who don’t want to mediate, but want to understand how to resolve their own disputes. Why is that so important? Sometimes I think people think I will resolve their disputes, without them having to change a thing, or learn any new skills. I don’t enjoy that! I’d prefer to work with people who want to learn and take responsibility for their role in conflict. Of which there are many. In fact, I’d even say that those people are rather too unlikely to ask for mediation when they really need/deserve it. I’m clearly an interpersonal mediator and interpersonal disputes do not get settled with a cheque, or even a quick break up. Forgiveness, trust, letting go, wishing well, feeling seen, fairness… these are all spiritual processes and take more than a mediation meeting. Interpersonal disputes are a karmic invitation to grow and to stretch and to heal. That takes learning new skills. And for me, good, authentic, vulnerable dialogue is at the heart of all interpersonal healing and reparations and understanding.
Happy birthday to you. Sounds like you found your Next Step.
Thank you! Really?
You’ve been asking for your Next Step. Seems to us like it’s pretty clear.
And the qigong fits perfectly too.
Omg. The School Of Dialogue: teaching ‘How to Dialogue – from win-lose debate to win-win communication.’ or ‘Stop debating – start relating’. And offering Dialogue Facilitation / Team Dev / Mediation as case work.
May this be my birthday wish?
What about your earlier wish for intuition and knowing?
I think that one was answered already. ❤️
Your wish is our command.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
On this my 46th birthday, I am evoking the Power of YES!
This arose as my ‘new motto’ over the last couple of days.
Man alive, I’ve had to exercise my power to choose! …To discern, to decide, to execute. It has been real kung fu for my mind.
I was reminded how draining indecision (dithering) is. I woke up at 4am yesterday, awash with stress…. and realised most of it was simply due to a few unanswered emails I’d been ducking. So I got up and worked 5.30-8.30am clearing 50 emails and 30 whatsapps. Felt SO much better for it.
I have been like steel with my tough cases too. {Metal element = lungs = courage.} This has been of benefit to me and to my clients. The person I mentioned yesterday who was so distressed… largely by her chronic indecision over one matter…. made a decision through courage coaching (new concept?) and felt much better for it.
A mediator colleague (NR) reflected on how people can only take so much ‘uncertainty’.
‘Developing the capacity to feel without telling stories simultaneously empowers us to consciously enter and contain vibrational awareness. Understanding doesn’t endow us with vibrational awareness because vibrational awareness can’t be understood, only experienced directly.
It’s to be expected that as we move through this next stage of our journey into present moment awareness, we will continue to try to think our way through what’s happening to us. It’s natural for us to “try to understand.” However, our habitual impulse to try to mentally grasp and categorize what’s happening causes us to experience varying degrees of confusion.
As we proceed from week seven toward week ten, it’s useful to hold the following “knowing” in the forefront of our awareness: Right now, as we move deeper into an awareness of the authentic condition of our emotional body, experiencing a sense of mental confusion is beneficial.It’s a sign of progress and an indication that the mental body has taken us as far as it can go. The mental body has, figuratively speaking, hit the wall!
Confusion serves us. It prevents us from attempting to barge our way into the emotional realm mentally. By giving ourselves permission not to have to understand an experience for it to be valid, we ensure a gentler and less frustrating ride through this part of our journey.
By being at ease with inner mental confusion, accepting it as a temporary necessity – and as a sign of progress – we avoid indulging in unnecessary drama. There’s nothing wrong when we feel confused. We are to feel confused without placing any conditions on the experience.’ ( The Presence Process by Michael Brown p194)
Themes emerging for me:
Don’t think about the source of your uncertainty.
Decide, or make peacewith your confusion.
The third aspect of your ‘path to peace’ lies in the Power of No.
Ha!
The Power of No means articulating your rejection of an incoming offer or message. This rejection comes out of your instinctual knowing. Once ‘thought about’, that rejection becomes diluted and confused. You have dithered over your perfect intuition. Catch your No as soon as you can, and articulate it immediately.
Hence the path to peace, kung fu style, states:
Dither not – you already know intuitively
Decide – trust your intuition
Declare – yes or no
You’ve done some excellent work this week on deciding, choosing… Let’s practising Declaring, evoking the mighty Power of No… and Yes.
How am I going to get through this week with these clients [two cases] so determined to cling to their refusal to let their loved ones in… ? Last night, one client – when urged to make a decision (as agreed before I speak to their relative today) and confronted by my saying I was at the point of continuing with the dialogue process – completely unravelled reacting like a scalded tiger. I’ve barely slept, adrenaline just charging… And I arrived to an email in caps, written overnight and sent at 5am… revealing severe – severe – cognitive distortions and psychological distress.
I gather there are astrological influences at play this week? With a lunar eclipse due on 30th Nov – when I happen to have a med. meeting?
Talk about needing to practise kung fu. Inside and out. I am really being tested.
I note that religion and rigidity/apparent heartlessness overlap.
I am so shocked by what I am seeing in people.
And feeling shocked (and dismayed for the ‘wronged’ party) you unleash your empath’s concern… and hand over your energy passim.
Man. This again. 🙁
You are bordering on ‘unwell’ today having slept in adrenaline mode all night. You have none left to give anyway, and all that you are facing now is cortisol awash in your system. We hope you will take your garden, barefoot qigong practise seriously this morning.
In this last minute let us reassure you that what you are doing is good. The need to develop inner detachment and balance and ferocity of boundaries is strong. Be like the lion you run from. Be the predator of, not the predated. The ‘Agent Smith’ concept is one to look further in to and explore. Don’t be ‘innocent’ about these matters. Your essential innocence is protected and secured by your engaging your Knowing, which is achieved through Present Moment Awareness.
Looked this up about Agent Smiths…
The dialectical opposition between Smith and Neo is a strong indication of what their respective characters represent. Smith is pitiless and single-minded, focused on finality, conformity, purpose and inevitability. As such, Smith represents determinism and fatalism. By contrast, Neo, with his unpredictable, emotional human nature, represents unbounded free will and the power of choice. Neo’s solitary role as The One is contrasted by Smith, who, by replicating himself, becomes ‘the many’. When Neo asks the Oracle about Smith, the Oracle explains that Smith is Neo’s opposite and his negative. (Source)
You said ‘be the predator not the predated’. What do you mean? I don’t want to be predating upon others.
What is meant is ‘go out looking’. Don’t be the bunny rabbit nuzzling grass in the open field.
Go out looking for what?
Your Agent Smith types. And practise kung fu. Until you become really proficient.
Why?
Because the eater is not eaten.
Oh lord…………………………… May PEACE and UNITY be upon this Earth. LOVE and LIGHT.
The Indigos know that justice will be brought about by confronting and dismantling injustice, not merely by wishful thinking.
And so…..?
And so be willing to toughen up, sweet cheeks! Archangel Michael wields a sword not a white handkerchief.
Ha. I hear you.
Not everyone has the capacity for this work.
I am reminded of Sarah Connor again…!
Right? Better get out and get training. It is for you to employ the uniquely human Power of Choice, and to choose wisely, choose affirmatively, choose boldly, choose powerfully. The Power of Choice is also equated to the Choice of Power. To be indecisive is to choose powerlessness.
What?? So much here, and it’s getting late….. Pls sum up…
Thank you for the last dialogue. I so appreciate it. It’s like we’ve raised the bar again for me to really focus on getting aligned with what I’m actually doing here.
I want to state and discuss here that it’s getting really challenging out there. The psychic warfare is real. Some examples:
In the UK we are in a four week lockdown, based on science that was flawed/invented, as the government admitted days after announcing the lockdown based on said evidence.
It’s now 2.5 weeks since the US election, and Trump is still not conceding defeat. I’m not here to call him out, or make Biden any kind of a good guy. I’m saying the people of the US are being gaslit – and 1/4 million people in the US have now died with Covid. As this writer says, ‘Burnout is the next big threat‘ for Americans.
And in some of my mediation cases, the clinging to discord is off the scale… :/
So a few things have been swirling around in the last 24 hours, namely these three videos:
Ha… yes, a little bit. Here we go, in my phrasing:
Time to grow up, awaken, wake up
Children/predators/non-sentients are at large..
Hold on to what is real…
Not the linear/children’s playground/non-sentient/STS
But the multidimensional/sentient/knowing+feeling/STO
The STS hazing is powerful, manipulative, brazen and therefore
The STO mind must actively, assiduously anchor in the might of the light…
Hold the frequency of peace, but also do so… kung fu style….
I’ve wondered if I’m learning qigong to then learn kung fu…
Focus. You re right about acting ‘kung fu’ style.
I’ve been way too porous in my boundaries, especially in my work as we discussed last time..
Listen. Your interest in martial arts and self-defence is not just a passing fad. You have discerned that these technologies ‘awaken the dragon’ in you.
Ah… like ‘dragon-breathing.’
Keep listening. Relentless propaganda requires psychic self-defence on new levels. You can see that. You know that if you keep your head down, you can live this life unharmed. You can largely learn to dodge any more Agent Smiths. [Yes, you have met several.] However, keeping your head down is not your over-arching intention. Your intention is participation in the realisation of heaven-on-earth.
And so with this being the case, your best bet is to allow the learning of your heart to be undertaken. As Neo learnt kung-fu, so shall you – whether here kung-fu is the actual art or a metaphor. That matters not. The practise is self-protection, at a calculated, yet unselfconscious level. Self-defence is true art. It begins with ‘Awakening’ to the actuality of the breachers of boundaries. You know how your ‘anger’ was so frowned upon? That was conditioning to stop you from preventing others breaching your boundaries. But you are a ‘big girl’ now (to use the language of your inner child), and you can integrate old anger, and establish new boundaries. As PhilGoodLife said, this is not about being ‘reactive’. It’s about being so centred, so self-aware, so aware of the reality of our context (including negative forces) and so internally balanced, that we show up to all moments like a shaolin monk: apparently passively docile, and with gravity-deyfing qi-force at the finger tips.
This all involves LISTENING to your messages, on the internal level. We saw you ignore them yesterday, pursuing your Agent Smith case, so you can hand over yet more and more louche to the System. Well done. You are a generous donor.
Wait, what System?
The System fed by louche, harvested from the adrenals of the dear souls on this planet.
Shucks, man… It’s my hero complex that wants to ‘rescue’ the people from their conflict. Or at least, maybe it’s my compassion? Help me understand!
We don’t need to help you understand. When your body says ‘no!’, you are NOT called to step forward, however much the ‘people’ plead and beg for your ‘assistance’.
The ‘people’….?
You heard right.
This is an open world action game. You are playing for only one character, and it is You. In the game, you need to learn discernment. And that means knowing who is just as their avatar appears, and who is not.
If I listened to the ‘noes’ my body gives me, I’d only do half the work I do!
And then you’d double your rates, and be:
doing work that is MEANT for you and
still earning plenty and
resting enough, thus preserving your physical frame and
no longer donating adrenal louche to the System
If I double my rates, I’m only available to the children in the capitalist playground of STS. What if I don’t want to be working for them?
You can enslave yourself to the enslaved and impoverished. Or you can go into the dark web of the System, and have it serve you.
Man. Honestly, what is this? I don’t recognise this tone…
Awaken. Awaken. See what is happening in your Open World action game…. Remember how Jeremy Colledge (above vid) described these non-sentients as Sims characters who forget to feed their babies or take out the stinking trash? Hence, ‘Forgive them, for they know now what they do.’ Would you rather sit outside the Simscape and judge, tut and sigh; or would you rather go in and… educate the Sims?
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Man. Educate is a strong word.
A teacher or a healer. Those are the two functions of starseeds according to that book of yours.
Am I a starseed in your view?
You are phishing for compliments.
Very funny…!
What does it take to go into the Simscape and ‘educate’ the Sims? ://///////
Fortitude. A good breakfast. And ruthlessly honed psychic self-defence skills.
I’m realising I REALLY need to hold the frequency/vibe/sense/space of PEACE and HARMONY and RESOLUTION….
I cannot consider myself to be in the business of conflict, but rather in the BUSINESS OF PEACE.
Like a healthcare practitioner can either see themselves in the business of sickness… or of WELLNESS.
As we set our own personal still point of intention… so are we resonating. And so will we feel. And so will be attract. And so will be offer possibilities to our clients.
Like my friend Jo beams confidence, as a confidence coach, I must beam peace, harmony and resolution as a peace broker.
Nice.
Yes! I’m a peace broker. I’m in the business of peace. Amen. May all confirmations and creativity flow into that insight… and out the other side!
And when you stand in the frequency point of peace, people can come to you, or not… as THEY feel ready. But you are not doing the work for them. You are doing the work for yourself, and to give them something to feel their way towards. But you are not rushing over to their conflict vibes anymore, and entangling there. You are remaining on the shore of peace, waving your flag and sending up flares, so they can guide their own ships ashore.
The shore of peace. I like that. Solid. Grounded.
Yes. Be no longer the coracle tossed upon the churning oceans of chaos and conflict and separation and dissension. Thank you for your service there, but it would be preferable for you to make Peace your special interest: connection, harmony, discernment, balance. Instead, aim to be a landmark on the Shore of Peace. Steady, centred, anchored. And let the coracles be guided ashore.
This is where your processes will act as Road Maps or Marine Map. Spend time creating and using those Maps.
Including the conflict pivot by Tammy Lenski, right?
Absolutely. All the tools are good if they give YOU the sense that they help you/people navigate their way to the Shore of Peace. You need to TRUST people can get there. Offer TOOLS, MAPS and COACHING. But let them find their way to you.
This means so much. There is good work here for me. Thank you.
It was good to do TRE yesterday. I had so much trembly shock lodged in my body. This morning I do feel more at ease in my self, and I had a good sleep too. And I’m reassured to know that AS is steady and self-caring as she passes through CV19. {Sending love to you, my precious.} And LV joined me in my webinar yesterday. She was amazing!! And my beloved Dad is getting good care for his current health concern too. All is well. All are well.
I’d like to reflect this morning on the topic of RELATIONSHIPS. For two reasons:
In the Presence Process, we are ’embracing physical presence’ and… ‘As we become proficient at responding to surfacing charged emotions, a sense of safety gradually seeps into our overall human experience. This means that as we step into the role of taking responsibility for the quality of our experiences, our child self starts feeling safe again.’(TPP p190) Our child self exited the body largely because of challenging relationships…. so this renewed safety is surely linked to how we are feeling in relation to others, as we learn to respond to emotions arising in our relationships.
I saw a clip of (gifted intuitive) Teal Swan which really resonated yesterday. It spoke to my previously unarticulated knowing about why I hadn’t come ‘out’ about my beliefs and experiences on a spiritual level over these years (certainly since leaving the Baha’i community). Because in a sensethose experiences ‘through the veil’ are incidental to why we are here.Why we are here is to navigate human life, and talking about our own metaphysical experiences generally sets us apart from others in our actual life, and makes it harder to do the human ‘thing’. As Teal beautifully explains,we are here to live the human experience, and the human experience meets its peak meaning and richness and challenge and resolution via….
And this quote and video of Teal’s made me reflect that THIS is why I became a mediator – to help repair relationships. Why? Because I know how hard – and how vital to our spiritual journey, whether conscious or not- interpersonal relationships can be. According to many accounts I have read, many a lifetime is largely a journey towards having our relationships settled – and our forgivenesses made/received – and our emotional sobriety mastered – and our ‘love-over-ego’ in place – before the end of our life, to complete the lessons we have set for ourselves in this life. That’s where the peace lies. That’s where our human self unites with our soul self – and that’s what allows Source to know itself through human consciousness.
And as long as we feel ‘unsafe’ in our body and/or our relationships, we are tripping over our own beautiful feet. It’s beautifully complex, nuanced, delicate stuff!!
What say you? [Argh! Time to stop for today. Fill me in tomorrow? xxx]
NEXT DAY
You are holding space for several relationships at the moment.
It’s nearly finishing me off! I’m exhausted. And ever astounded by how far people will withhold themselves from ‘negotiation’ with their lovedones!! Do they not see what they are doing when they mulishly refuse to engage in exchange, but doggedly expect the other party to do all the giving?! I’m so tired. I’ve got 3 cases that have lasted months – partly due to the pandemic. But mostly because the readiness to exchange requests and offers is not there.
Walk away.
Que?!
You are learning [aka… not there yet!] how to let people know what it is you do. You don’t ‘make the pain go away’. You don’t make ‘the other party see sense’. You don’t persuade and cajole. As a mediator you are a NEGOTIATOR. You need to be much clearly to people that negotiation is your offer. That means both parties bringing their requests and offers to the table.
I have this one person and I have managed to secure a range of beautiful offers for them from their (traumatised) loved one. And when I make a request this person accuses the loved one of seeking to exert control. I’m so pained…
Do you see how you centralise yourself in that story. Who ‘managed to secure a range of beautiful offers’?
Yes… I see what you mean.
If you are really process-driven you will say: in the first round of exchanges, one person was able to make offers; the other wasn’t. If you are modelling a process, you will not feel ‘pained’ because YOU will not be in relationship with the parties. You will be in relationship with the process, which is perfect and wholesome and faultless and inanimate.
Imagine you were a dance teacher. A teacher of tango! Can you imagine if you got hooked on lamenting how poorly your students danced? That would drain you of love for the dance rapidly! But if you kept your focus on the wonders of tango, and spent time watching accomplished dancers, and dancing well yourself… you would be less attached to the proficiency/in-proficiency of your students. You would be comfortable to watch some to rise through to the advanced class, and others to drift away if they lost interest.
You need to be prepared to let some of your parties drift away if they are not really interested in negotiating with the other party.
Hence ‘walk away’.
Yes. It is not an act of compassion to keep people in mediation if they do not have the will or capacity for it. The kinder thing is to stop the process and let them come back to it afresh if they want to.
I guess I am needing to get much clearer about what this mediation work is and is not. Right?
In essence, your empathy draws you very close to the parties. We would urge you to cleave closer to the process. Design the process with the parties, from start to finish and get their commitment to that process. Show them the END POINT, very clearly. Here’s our template Mediation Agreement. Here are your names – and this is where you will sign. Here is the box where we state whether this document can be shared or not. Here is the section when we state if or when we will review this decision. This is the bit where we talk about what will happen if someone does not go by the terms of the Agreement.
Oh my word. A whole new pro forma. It’s brilliant. Thank you!!!
Here is the bit where we talk about the relationship with the mediator coming to an end. Here is the bit we discuss when this document becomes or became final. Here’s the bit where we discuss how other supporters may or may not use the document… Here is the bit we note what will happen in the event of an extreme event, like illness or death. Here is the bit where we talk about how we will communicate together going forward..
Yes!!! Now we’re talking. I know this will make all the difference with the family case I’m working on. Ty.
You are learning that clearly-defined processes support relationships.
Like ‘monthly Zooms for xyz loved ones’ – so no one is left hanging. And feeling hurt or alone. Or ‘in charge’ of driving the rel.
Exactly.
This is not what I was expecting after the Teal Swan inspiration. But it’s definitely what I needed. (My dear Aspie heart…) Thank you!
I am learning that clearly-defined processes support relationships
