I note that on the road to conjuring the vision conjured, I experience ‘hurting’ arising. It’s something about getting over the uncomfortable bridge from inaction to executive functioning, or knowledge to performance, or thought to movement. It actually hurts inside. So I resist it. This is part of the autistic experience, I must remember. It’s the pulling in of the tendrils, or rather feeling them being sliced off, as we change tasks, especially shifting from a floaty meditative thought state (which is pretty much how I stim or seek relief, including by zoning out on social media), over to a doing state. Can I note ‘hurting‘ as a way to acknowledge the suffering of changing tasks compassionately AND ease on through it?
I just did my morning Waking Up meditation. Today it was on loving kindness – a happy antidote to hurting. I focussed it on my beautiful, noble brother. It made me cry as my heart opened to the thought of him happy. Afterwards, I opened my eyes to see, first thing, an IG notification that my brother had ‘added to his story’. Like a wave back to me from him across the ether. Lovely.
Ok, onwards. The Conjuror Conjuring. I nearly said the ‘conqueror conquering’. Maybe it’s that too.
Also, recall the aspect of ‘giving out to others that which you wish to receive’ can be applied consciously for healing. For example, as you give out loving kindness so is the universe able to wing it back to you.
Yes, resulting in less ‘hurting’. Well, at times, I also wish to receive comfort and reassurance.
Maybe you can give comfort and reassurance to others today, that you might be strengthened by it yourself too.
Just realised something – as I watched something horrid on Twitter (‘just’ a politician manhandling a Greenpeace protester) and felt my psoas muscle reclench after a heartily-unclenching bike ride….. Am I incessantly micro-retraumatising myself by using pendulum-laden Twitter as a zone-out stim?
Delete for now
For always. It does you no good, and your apparently passive attention to the disunity, the decisive politics, the glamour of the intelligentsia wordplaying… actually actively adds energy to the pendulums you would prefer removed from the world. Actively.
Do you have the discipline to stop resting your attention on the material which imperceptibly micro-traumatises you and which sucks your psychic fuel from you? Including tv programmes, Twitter…? You are adding to the problem. Eyes on the vision. Strong psychic hygiene. Refreshed spiritual boundaries. The conjuror conjures that which is most give in her mind. If you would watch this divisive, toxic brain bumf you’d better take off your conjuring cape.
Ah. I see. Thank you. Let me work with this…..
I do note that my actual interactions on social media are confined to what I might term ‘fawning’ or ‘vaunting’. Not very nice. Or helpful actually.
Give what you would receive.
Ouch. Yes. My social media interactions don’t serve any defined Mission (except self-service..). So the Conjuror Conjuring on social media ends up spinning her own sweet plates. No actual upshot, advance, gain, relief, comfort, reassurance…
Give what you would receive.
I would receive comfort and reassurance. Let me endeavour to give what I would receive.
I am giving comfort and reassurance