The dragon-breathing is so good. You really feel the emotional burn, and at the same time, the elongated out-breath triggers the parasympathetic response. I employed it a lot yesterday, and overnight… It also showed me how short and shallow my breathing often is. The deal is – in order to relax, I need to be able to hear my outbreath. The AUDIBLE OUT-BREATH (or ‘AOB’): that’s my takeaway – and the new habit to develop.
I also want to share I had a sweet moment yesterday – a tiny, new insight in to what it is to love and to be in love. G was jokily teasing me that I love time on my own (away from him)… and I replied with: “I prefer being with you than being on my own, and that’s actually amazing because I really love being on my own.” Maybe that’s one simple, sweet indicator of how we (introverts or autistic beings…?) know that we love someone and are in the right relationship for us? 🙂 <3
Ok. I have a question about this ‘rising above’ notion that came up in yesterday’s dialogue – it was my beloved Mum’s wisdom. So the example is that in a Whatsapp group I’m on led by a coach, one person shared a picture of herself looking beautiful and people chimed in with words of love. The coach leading the group took a swipe at the OP when she made the comment ‘I clean up well’ – the coach accused her of coming from the masculine instead of the Queen self. The OP replied, “Ouch”. I am torn between just adding my love for the OP, or actually replying to the Coach, and saying: “Putting a fellow woman down – in front of the friends who are celebrating her – feels more ‘Queen Bee’ than Queen to me…”. Given our conversation about not reacting, or shooting the messenger. What’s your advice? I want to stand up for the OP, who is continually being side-swiped by the Coach. But also I don’t want to get embroiled… or get any closer to the toxicity of this coach. What are the insights to pick up here?
What’s your overall aim? Is it to dispense and serve justice? Or is it to model love? In the face of rabble-rousing (aka reactive, emotionally-unintegrated, charged) behaviour from another, does the true Queen say, “Off with your head?” or “Mercy be upon you.”
Suddenly, I see a new perspective. Rather than ‘sparring’ (aha! that word again) with the charged Coach, I could ‘model’ an uncharged response – as a conscious act of ‘mercy’. (‘But what if she doesn’t get the message?’) Que sera sera. Her loss!
It is an act of magnanimity to see someone’s faults and weaknesses and not point at them. The Coach was not magnanimous towards your friend when she perceived her as not receiving the compliments in a gracious way. Batting back an equally un-magnanimous reply (to put the Coach in her place) is an example of down-regulating to the frequency of charged person in front of you.
We suggest you read the next few pages of The Presence Process. It’s the pre-read for Week 7.
Ok. This has been helpful. Ty.
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INTO THE WATER
Read Before Commencing Week Seven
We activate weeks seven, eight, and nine by submerging ourselves in a bathtub of comfortably warm (not too hot) water for 15 minutes. If a bathtub isn’t available, we may enter a comfortably warm shower for 15 minutes. While in the water, we aren’t to focus on consciously connecting our breathing. Instead, we place our attention on the felt-aspect of any experience that surfaces in our awareness as a consequence of being in the warm water. As soon as we exit the water, we dry ourselves off, then attend to our regular 15-minute breathing practice. (TPP p186)
So we’re having a bath?? Interesting. It’s true that I haven’t submerged in water much in a long time… Not since the couple of swims this summer… And I know it’s really good for me. Hm… I also feel a bit resistant to it. Maybe because our water/bathroom is a bit cold for a comfortable bath? I’ve become v accustomed to showers. But I used to love my micro-baths. Maybe I could try it again…
Carry on with the book. Pick up the phrase for Week 7.
Ok, hang on… [page 188]. Aw…that’s so nice. Yes. I hear ya…
WEEK 7
Our Conscious Response for the Next Seven Days is:
“I FEEL SAFE NOW”
Why does someone sideswipe at another? Because they don’t feel safe.
Why does someone spar with another? Because they don’t feel safe.
Why does someone lunge at another? Because they don’t feel safe.
Why does someone act in an unfair/unreasonable manner? Because they don’t feel safe.
Why does someone act as though they don’t care? Because they don’t feel safe.
If and when I really stand back…
and hold yourself in complete safety…
then I can see that the other person is just responding to their own sense of feeling unsafe. Understandable if they are carrying around charged emotions from unintegrated childhood experiences.
In fact, people’s lunging behaviour is frankly the normalest thing in the world! Because in general, we aren’t taught how to integrate the childhood experiences. So everyone is walking round with bags of charged baggage attached to their belts.
We used to have Church/Religion/Manners to cause us to conform to certain behaviours to make us reasonably capably of entering society… but we were split in half by acting well, while simultaneously suppressing/repressing the charged emotions. And the outcomes were NOT pretty. For any of us bifurcated beings… And the ensuing shame, grief and loss – when our charged emotions overcame and outmanoeuvred our societal mask – was real.
So, how best can I work with this now?
Work with your sense of safety, today and all week. Count all the ways in which you know yourself to be safe. Just as you discerned the truth of your love for G by observing the balance of your pleasure in his company… discern the signs of your complete safety in this world. And dwell upon them. With full embodiment. Let your body know you are safe.
I’m doing TRE with Deborah tomorrow. That’s good timing for all this…
If you could see how held, how protected, how safe you truly are in this world, your relief would be so immense, that your long out-breath of release would create ripples of peace across the world.
This is all so different from ‘rising above’ what’s going on, though the effect is the same. It’s just taking a different route. ‘Rising above’ feels risky, like you might fall in the broiling waters at any moment. Affirming your sense of safety is like standing on firm ground and feeling the sun on your face.
Dragon-breathe this: I am safe in this body.
Interesting. Ok. I’ll work with that. Thank you.
I am safe in this body