Month: February 2020

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Private 20: Enter your own private Autism Zen Zone (for Ease)

I am loving the idea of the Mental Stage. Before I go to sleep, after writing my top 10 ABCD’s (Achievements, Blessings, Confirmations, Dones), I’ve been drawing Mental Stages with scenes I would like to see – picturing myself in the scene with fellow actors of my choice, in scenarios that uplift my heart and soul. It’s in the spirit of a) ‘I dreamed a dream..’ and b) ‘Are you knowing what you’re wanting?’ – and it reminds me that as DirectorMe I’m also PlaywrightMe.

Tell us about that  line you saw yesterday. 

I’m embarrassed to… Ok. Yesterday, I got followed on Twitter by one of those dudes (bots?) with 67 followers and a picture of him and his kid. His bio said (and this is from memory because I went to check just now and the account’s been suspended..!): ‘My life is too easy for me God made it that way.‘

And why did that line stand out? 

Well, obviously, first, I scoffed.. But I guess I was struck by the perspective, the concept, the radical idea that life is (or is meant to be) easy or easeful, by design (divine or not).

And why does that concept stand out?

Because I feel I could break at the moment… The complexity of my work and my days. Waking up in alert mode between 4 and 6.30am… Super-zoning-in to get things done…

STOP!

Woah… That was very Gurdjieffian! Hm… I hear the wake up call, the call to attention. What are you saying?

“DirectorMe I’m also PlaywrightMe.” Take care, sweet soul, with the script you write. 

Aha… Yes.

Write a different script. Write a script of Ease. 

(When you say that, I note a tiny flicker of angst: What would I feel without the brain stim of 24/7 demand, activity, intellectual wrangling, the pushpushpush…? Boredom??)

…

Aha! Excellent! So what this helpfully tells me is that: I think/believe/assume, in my subconscious or some part of me (shadow?) that “Ease = Boring”. Amiright, right? And so, I constantly create and recreate ‘excitement’… (which actually, and especially at this stage of my life = stress).

So, presumably, I always/mostly take the ‘hard’ route instead of the ‘easy’ (aka, in my subconscious mind: ‘sad, simple, pointless, non-ego-puffing, stupid, basic, non-PLU’?!) route.

√

It’s also because my brain is wired to work with complexity, right?

To an extent. It’s also because you haven’t fully worked on developing your Autism Zen Zone (though the Peak project was indeed so good in that arena). We’ll explain. All that complex wiring: when you’re in flow, you do a 100 things super fast – it’s amazing, productive, and exhausting because it burns through spoons, but also it gives you the reward of dopamine, and the relief of completion. Undertaking ‘the 100 things in flow’ can be like being in a sacred trance of activity. 

Like Wednesday (after my frozen day) when I got on the flow wave and sat unmovingly at my desk for 4 straight hours, and only moved because G made lunch and called me down from the office. I had done about a week’s work in those 4 hours, and never made it back to the desk after breaking the trance… How could I just ‘summon’ that powered-up hyper-focus state again?

Hyper-focus, that’s the word. You are brilliant at hyper-focusing on projects. That’s why saying ‘Yes’ to new stuff is a ‘given’ to you: you know you can and you associate the innovation with a certain neural (stim) buzz. 

Autism Zen Zone = take that same extraordinary hyper-focus, and turn it within. 

But don’t I do that here?

No. This is still an external project. We mean entirely ‘within’. 

Like meditation?

If you will. 

The calm interiorised mind, of Morphogenesis.

If you like. 

Well, mindfulness is the cornerstone of MEDS… But I don’t tend to practice it…

Because you’ve been doing it Neurotypical style. 

What do you mean?

In your brief mindfulness practices, do you feel that trance state where you could sit on your chair for 4 hours?

Ha… No. These days, I hold about 5 to 20 minutes.

That’s because you’ve forgotten the lusciousness of the Autism Zen Zone. 

Forgotten?

Don’t worry. You needed to develop your Alert system. We get that! But you can REST the alert system now. It’s safe to do so. You can recover the experience of the Autism Zen Zone. It’s like basking in warm sunshine, it’s like bathing in chocolate, it’s like all the drugs you wished you’d been able to lay your hands on as a kid… and better. It’s natural ayahuasca. It’s the peace of all nations. And it’s available to you in spades because of your glorious neural wiring…

…If… if… you can bear the idea of ‘ease’. Because the upshot of becoming a  regular resident in the Autism Zen Zone is… hang on to your hats… greater ease in life. 

Oh… oh my gentle heart… A question: Is this the next project?? Studying Zen? Like the Peak project took me to the Tao Te Ching?? Oh my sweet life. I would absolutely love that. What an honour too, to be found ready for such practices. I feel teary…

May I, may I find a text?

Of course! 

Ayudame…

https://www.zen-azi.org/en/reading-suggestions …

What’s available as a pdf? …

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Shunryu Suzuki, 1973, Weatherhill. (pdf)
A collection of teachings from talks given by Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki transmitting the essence of Soto Zen in a modern language, accessible to all.

CONTENTS:

  1. Preface, by Huston Smith 9
  2. Introduction, by Richard Baker 13
  3. Prologue: Beginner’s Mind 21
  4. PART I: RIGHT PRACTIC E
    1. Posture 25
    2. Breathing 29
    3. Control 31
    4. Mind Waves 34
    5. Mind Weeds 36
    6. The Marrow of Zen 38
    7. No Dualism 41
    8. Bowing 43
    9. Nothing Special 46
  5. PART 2: RIGHT ATTITUDE
    1. Single-minded Way 53
    2. Repetition 55
    3. Zen and Excitement 57
    4. Right Effort 59
    5. No Trace 62
    6. God Giving 65
    7. Mistakes in Practice 71
    8. Limiting You r Activity 75
    9. Study Yourself 76
  6. T o Polish a Tile 80
    1. Constancy 83
    2. Communication 86
    3. Negative and Positive 90
    4. Nirvana , the Waterfall 92
  7. PART 3: RIGHT UNDERSTANDING
    1. Traditional Zen Spirit 99
    2. Transiency 102
    3. The Quality of Being 104
    4. Naturalness 107
    5. Emptiness 110
    6. Readiness, Mindfulness 113
    7. Believing in Nothing 1 16
    8. Attachment, Non-attachment iit
    9. Calmness 121
    10. Experience, Not Philosophy 123
    11. Original Buddhism 12S
    12. Beyond Consciousness l27
    13. Buddha’s Enlightenment 131
  8. Epilogue : Zen Mind 133

Well. I think (non-think) we shall start here then.

Excellent. Thank you.

Just this second, an old Note From Higher Self popped up on my screen as a notification:

I am blessed by God when I sit very still.

Ha. Perfect.

Good work, oh very dear soul with the capacity for immense, deep, ravishing, luscious diving in to special interests.

I just realised. Is this why this project is called ‘Private’? Because the Autism Zen Zone is private? Like the Mental Stage, well-directed with a great play, is a private space?

Maybe… Yes. 

Enter your own private Autism Zen Zone (for Ease) 

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Private 19: Be the director of your mental stage

The Bare Minimum rule certainly aided me hugely in ‘releasing the ghosts from my Haunting Zone’. I powered through a whole load of the work backlog. And my goodness, what relief I felt – and how instantly warm I felt towards the dear souls from whom I’d been cowering!

So why the early morning wake up today? 

Hm… Yes, I probably woke at 4.30am and eventually gave in and got up at 5.30am. My chest felt like it was being pulled inwards by a set of tightening strings. I thought I’d ask you… What’s up then?

We can see you chuntering hard around the project you’re working on. 

Working on?! I’ve been FROZEN on it! And it’s due tomorrow! I set aside two full days to accomplish the task and I filled BOTH of those days with a) paralysis or b) other, more ‘urgent’ stuff.

So now you have til tomorrow. Shall we chunk it up? You know the amazing pre-frontal cortex can do many amazing things, but it simply cannot multitask – and that includes holding a plethora of pressing items in its short term memory.

(See the brilliant book I’m reading: Your Brain at Work, David Rock)

So let’s reorganise that plethora into manageable chunks to which you can then apply your Bare Minimum rule, as you bring them on to your Mental Stage one chunk at a time (maximum 4 today).

I’ve got two (non-work) appointments in town… 9.30-12.30 ( = 8.45-1.30 including travel time – that’s half a day…)

That’s fine. The first one (exercise class) you can easily ditch if you haven’t completed a chunk by 8am. If you have completed a chunk by 8am, you might value the break. Otherwise, pick up the 11-1 meeting only. 

The value of the first option is physical exercise.

Drop the meeting? 

And offend or inconvenience?

Yes. 

This isn’t quite the main issue, is it?

No, dear one. Go inside for a bit. 

***5 mins***

Anger, upset, touch of rage….

What boundaries need to be asserted?

Against the ‘meddling’ by the dear colleagues, which undermines my expertise and makes me lose the ability to function… Eek… The ‘shared’ decision-making is too much for my brain to handle. I can’t think because those colleagues are on my Mental Stage, prodding and deflating and breaking my concentration.

Maybe need to keep a distance..?

Yes. That is actually a really good solution, for the greater cause, which is getting the project completed. I feel relieved at that option. Thank you.

So, the takeaway message for today?

Be the director of your mental stage. David Rock describes

  • the Stage as the arena of your current thinking at any one moment – it refers to what your pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is focussing on. We are reminded that the PFC, while extremely clever at interacting with the world, has a very, very small capacity/RAM/working memory. 
  • the Actors coming in from the wings are the factors coming in from the Outer World, often uninvited or unexpected (unless we have ways/habits to keep them waiting in the wings til invited) – emails, phone calls, notifications, other people, colleagues. 
  • the Audience members represent our Inner World – our thoughts, emotions and memories. The more recent ones sit at the front, the older ones are far from the stage – and harder to get on stage (‘retrieve’) if needed. These audience members might heckle, interrupt, leap on the stage unbidden too. 

Basically, I need to find a way to carry out a one-woman show from time to time, without stage invasions from the wings or the stalls. Right?

Certainly. And there is value in your learning to remain as protagonist (main character) in your mental stage play – as opposed to letting the ‘ghosts’ take over the narrative drive. Who is the main actor in your mind? If the conditions have been prepared well – it is you.

And who is the director?

Also you. It is the conscious, aware, creating part of you that decides who/what gets to go up on your mental stage at any one time, and that orders interlopers off the stage if uninvited. 

The director directing actors on the stage

Ok. I like this. Thank you.

So, DirectorMe directs ActorMe, and holds the space of the mental stage so the story can be told and the work can be done.

Be the director of your mental stage

 

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Private 18: Do the bare minimum and bring relief

The snow plough deffo ran out of petrol after a bit during the day. My threat brain started to peel off my thinking brain. An “I need help” conversation with my G helped a lot to calm and refocus.

I reflected on how much my work is just all about rolling around in really traumatic subject territory, around people who can be in a very upset state, and I’m not getting to process it properly – and therefore the unprocessed stuff starts to impact on my ability to carry out the seemingly day to day tasks.

This week alone, I’ve had a whole team in tears in one of my mental health trainings for frontline staff because they are so stressed and over-worked. I gave a talk on suicide prevention to a hall full of commissioners, based on my lived experience of suicidal ideation. I’ve sat in the home of a traumatised young couple at risk of homelessness, giving them conflict coaching while the man was simultaneously trying to calm and hang on to (so it wouldn’t attack ‘the nice lady’) a biting, writhing 10 week old pitbull terrier on his lap for over an hour… I’ve counselled a company director about his year long conflict with his boss… And really, what worries me most? It’s the emails I haven’t replied to and the next training products I’m meant to have prepared. Oh, and my daughter’s birthday next week, which I feel I haven’t prepared for. And then… oh then… Lord above, there’s my broken-heartedness: we said goodbye to our beautiful, noble, amazing (14yo) family cat just 5 days ago…. </3

No wonder you are feeling …

Yes, I am feeling. That’s it. The words are too complex.

If you could name some feelings? 

  • Extremely stressed
  • Scared
  • Frustrated
  • On edge
  • Panicked
  • Wound up

It’s a Saturday and I got up at 6.30am to do the work that’s hanging over me threateningly. I need to ‘get on top of things’ to relieve some of those feelings.

Get on top to things in order to…? 

…relieve some of those feelings.

Relieve. Yes. Remember the equation for Compassion Fatigue? 

Burnout + Vicarious Trauma. Sing it…

And the preventative approach to avoid Compassion Fatigue? 

Compassion Satisfaction.

Yes. When you feel the satisfaction of successfully unleashing your compassion, it’s as if you have ‘completed the stress response cycle’. 

So what gave you Compassion Satisfaction this week, if you look at the above events, and reframe them in terms of good/successful compassion? (NB: compassion = the desire to prevent and alleviate suffering.)

  • I helped the frontline staff express themselves and decide to seek help
  • My talk contributed to commissioners’ decisions and pledges on the suicide prevention strategy in my area
  •  The young couple were supported to see their strengths and to report their progress to the local council
  • I supported the director in his decision to seek the support of another senior colleague around his employment contract
  • I rallied with my family as we said goodbye to our beautiful cat

Good. How does it feel to reframe things in this way? 

Really good. It brings me a sense of relief.

This is the key! Bringing relief. The work of compassion is essentially the work of bringing relief. And self compassion is about bringing relief to yourself. How have your brought relief to yourself this week?

I used my MEDS

  • M: Mindfulness – via writing here
  • E: Exercise – I managed a 30 min walk every day, and used the yoga mat 1 or 2 times a day
  • D: Diet – I tried to eat low-carb so as to control blood sugar levels
  • S: Sleep – I tried to go to sleep early (Screenfree and in bed by 10pm) to get 7 hours sleep.

And what else do you need to bring relief to yourself? 

To get on top of things – work and comms.

And how best can you do that? 

I guess by starting with the stuff that’s waking me up at night… And by getting the Compassion Satisfaction biofeedback for myself, like I did above there?

Ways I brought relief to myself / Ways I prevented and alleviated suffering?

What troubles you are the ‘ghosts’ outside – the shadowy others who you feel are judging, waiting, hovering, expecting, tutting. 

Yes!!!! They are ‘ghosts’ as well, because they are basically spectres of my own imaginings. (No offence to actual ghosts.) But they are indeed shadowy presences I’m cowering from. Thank you!

So we are not saying to you, “Cheer up, there’s no such thing as ghosts!” Instead we are saying, “These spectres really concern you. If you want to be compassionate to yourself, to prevent/alleviate your own suffering, and to bring yourself relief… then ‘defend yourself’ from the ghosts.”

Like a ghostbuster…

In a sense, yes. It’s about acknowledging that you, and your body, will feel free of threat, if you’ve looked at the ghosts and done the things to defend yourself from them – but the minimal thing! Not dancing a merry jig with them. Ok?

Relief arising from defending myself against the ghosts. Funny – the phrase defend myself… I wouldn’t expect if from you. But it makes sense.

If I look out of the corner of my eye, I am being ‘haunted’ by my imaginings of certain people WAITING for me to do stuff…

Who are they? Write those Ghosts down on a piece of paper. 

***writes them down – 14 items including groups – representing about 150 individuals in total***

Crikey! You’ve been carrying those ghosts round with you?!! No wonder you’re feeling drained! Can you see how exhausting this must be for you? You’re exhausted by them because of this formula:

You feel you have to ‘service’ them all at 100% – and to do so would take masses of time and energy – so you don’t (or you postpone) – so you CARRY THEM WITH YOU as you go about your day and night. 

Slough those dudes off, my friend! Slough ’em off! Slough ’em off with the minimal action it would take to DELETE them from that CROWD  of shuffling, shadowy ghosts! 

Does this seem brutal? Of course it does, because you think that maintaining personal boundaries is cruel.

Right?

No. Allowing these bright souls on your list to become haunting ghosts in your consciousness is what is cruel. Really! Keep them out of the haunting zone (by IMPERFECT, minimal actions to bring relief) and then, dear friend, you are actually honouring people. 

Ooooh, interesting take!!! I like it..! That kind of blows my mind.

So, I think I’m honouring people by my concern to do right by them, but actually, because I put them into my haunting zone, I’m not honouring either them or me.

Boom. 

Ok. I’m gonna get those folks out of my haunting zone, by the minimal action possible. Educated laziness!

THIS is it. You. Think. Minimal. Action. Is: Laziness and Not Caring About the Person. Which is not true. And this idea is creating haunting zones for all involved. 

Got it… I think!

Ok. Let me do it now: Do the BARE MINIMUM to lovingly get these folks out of my haunting zone – to bring relief to me and to them. 

Do the bare minimum (to release the apparent ghosts from your Haunting Zone) and bring relief

PS. Remember – get these beautiful people out of your Haunting Zone asap, for everyone’s benefit! They are only ghosts if you make them so, by clutching them tight in your Haunting Zone with your FEAR of their judgment/response to you. As you start a task say to the lovely person held there, “Dear friend, I am so sorry for holding you in my Haunting Zone – I release you now with love and thanks!“

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Private 17: Get on top of things

My levels of early-morning, pre-get-up stress and adrenaline charge are virtually at panic attack level. Advice, please.

‘Get on top of things.’

That’s a reference to The Crown (ep 1?) – when Princess Elizabeth asks her father if all the duties/paperwork of the sovereign do not get too much. “Not if you keep on top of it all” George VI says.

Is your advice about being… queenly, sovereign, stable, crowned in my approach?

Not today. The queen archetype is also ‘benign’ and ‘merciful’ in her approach – not something you need today, except towards yourself. She is also associated with power and authority – and today you will see yourself gradually increasing that sense of power and authority, but for now we’re a step too far too summon that state. 

The archetype that will bring you into alignment with yourself today is: the strict headmistress.

Mrs McCluskey of Grange Hill
Mrs McCluskey of Grange Hill

Ha! Ok.. (Not for nothing is that archetype the stuff of many a fantasy…)

Strictness is about ‘restricting, tightening’. Why is this important for you today? Because, in your openness and conscientiousness and beneficence to others, you also widened your personal boundaries so much that you can’t find the edges any more, and you’ve lost your power to complete. 

Completely. I see that.

Now, matters (including comms) must be on your terms, before you keel over! Through an internal sense of portraying ‘strictness’ will you ‘get on top of things’ again, to your own satisfaction. 

Release the ‘girlishness’ today, to get back on top of things again. 

This all makes me cringe somewhat…. I hear you. I need to reconnect with the snow-plough aspect of my character: powering through; not grinding to a halt but sustaining momentum; indifferent to the height of the snow pile in front; fearless – or rather, unmoved and businesslike and focused…

Scania R 580 6×4, tipper with snow plough

Today, I shall take on the internal persona of Headmistress Snowplough.

Headmistress Snowplough won’t write a horrid list of To-Dos but rather an impressive list of Dones.

Headmistress Snowplough won’t write long emails, but (what seems to her Conscientious Alter-Ego) ‘curt’ emails.

Headmistress Snowplough won’t indulge herself or others in distractions – but will retain strict focus on ‘What’s Next’.

And she will have fun with the character! And in this way, she will…

Get on top of things.

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Private 16: Absorb yourself with that which uLike (playing iLike)

Take the best bits forward and leave the rest behind. 

I love this. Exactly. I’ve got so so so much good stuff to take forward; and it’s clear to me what needs to drop away. It’s the stuff that overstimulates me and is obviously (I say obviously…) at odds with my inner being. I was listening to an Abraham podcast yesterday and reminded of the way we can read what is at odds with our inner being – it’s that feeling of tension or resistance…

What do you feel tense and resistant about?

Hustling… Ooh, that makes me teary… Funny, isn’t it? I work in negotiation, and yet, I don’t want to negotiate?

A clear opening position is the best starting point to any negotiation. 

And I’m rarely clear on my opening position…?

If you have a pot of jam on your stall – what flavour is it, and how much does it cost? 

And my stance is, ‘You can have any type of jam you like, and the prices vary according to… how much I think you have in your pocket!’

Boom. 

So clarity, now, on what I do and what I offer… And to that inner voice that thinks clarity is a risk, or that it will put some people off… Remain clear. Remain clear. Remain clear. This is my jam, and this is its price.

And this is how to leave ‘hustling’ behind. It doesn’t mean you can’t negotiate, it just means you’re not trying to use smoke and mirrors, or… importantly… be ‘all things to all people’.

“This is my jam, and this is its price.” I could weep at the simplicity of it.

Excellent. It’s about fairness to yourself. Be fair to yourself by naming your price. Not to name your price is to leave yourself open to being undervalued. Ok? It’s hard for a few seconds, but much less hard than dealing with hustling or being underpaid. Ok? 

Name my price.

Set out your stall, and then stand by it!

And take forward the things (jam flavour, services, work, activities) you really enjoy. Focus on those things – luxuriate in them, gain the benefit, absorb yourself with that with you like and love and appreciate and would have the Universe bring you more of… 

Today, say “iLike…” x 100… Tell ‘us’, the Universe, yourself, your subconscious mind.. what it is you like and want more of. You’ll get more of whatever you focus on, so you might as well focus on what uLike! 

We’re playing a game. Excellent. iLike such games!

Absorb yourself with that which uLike (playing iLike)

PS. iLike is such a good game. It changes the whole day – and presumably the days after it – by lifting one’s focus to the high-flying disc stuff. Saying it all out loud is even better than merely thinking it, because then you feel and embody the appreciation too. It’s about savouring all that is good: that which is around us, or we remember, or aspire to…. Ty for this game.

 

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Private 15: Plant the seeds

The thoughts of today are the seeds of tomorrow’s harvest.

What am I planting?

The better question is, given that you have complete free will over what you plant, what seeds would you consciously seek to plant?

Nice. Well… Anchoredness. Stillness. Efficacy. Contribution. Receptivity. Wisdom. Kindness. Calm. Yes, may I contribute peace to this world, from my inner state outwards. May I emanate the actual frequency of peace, unity, love and light. May I be a pillar of peace in the world. And may I know my tribe and play with them and feel connected to them.

Good seed-planting.

Seed-planting

Seed-planting by Mrs Dialogue

 

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Private 14: Live beautifully

Faerie Queene on a Unicorn by HowardDavidJohnson.com

Loud voice today, saying Live Beautifully. Dime mas…

Live Beautifully means live, work, breathe, act, speak in the frequency of beauty, which is light, expansive, receptive, easeful and … ‘attractive’ (in the law of attraction meaning of the word.)

My adrenal glands are suffering at the moment.

Live Beautifully is the message of your adrenals to you! Live Beautifully means that leading with the Soothing System is just fine. Live Beautifully means live lightly, gently, softly, compassionately. 

And when you spot yourself revving in overdrive, or acting from/in fear, just stop… pause… reboot… reorientate. Nothing is worth spilling adrenaline over today. There is a lot to get done today, and only by ‘Live Beautifully will you achieve it sustainably. 

I’m just reminded that tomorrow is the 11 year anniversary of Mum’s stroke. Her philosophy? “It’s got to be fun!” Yes, that is a vital aspect of living beautifully…

Fun is exactly the ticket. Compare ‘fun, open, calm, soothed, receptive’ to… ‘red, raw, closed and inflamed’. 

Like my innards….

As we think so we feel so we act so we receive. 

Why inflamed? How did that happen? What’s going on ?

Adrenaline is a ‘burning’ substance… and it is also addictive. You kinda know you’re alive when the adrenaline is kicking. Add in a hooking reaction to dopamine and you’re in constant drive/overdrive. Relax. Relax. Relax… Feel the burn of inactivity, of lack of concern. Revel in boredom and under-stimulation. 

That’s it – I am addicted to stimulation, so I dododo, either out of fear or out of stimulation-seeking. Need to practice mindfulness properly to get back to being able to tolerate non-stimulation.

Non-stim.

Hm… stimming. Of course. Why? Why do we stim?

Sensory processing, but also, anxiety management. 

I need to manage my anxiety in a different way than revving up and overloading – I need to manage to have less in my life and less in my brain. I need to lean in to the life my brain tells me will be “boring”…. because what is truly boring is over-stimulation and the inflammation it causes in my brain and body.

Repetition. One jam. Simplicity. Can I…?

Sounds like living beautifully…

Aha. Yep. I see. No more jazz-hands is about leaning into what I fear will be under-stimulating… and gloriously riding the wave of under-stimulation like a faerie queen on a unicorn…

Live beautifully (under-stimulation)

Faerie Queene on a Unicorn by HowardDavidJohnson.com
Faerie Queene on a Unicorn by HowardDavidJohnson.com

So, I googled images under ‘Faerie Queene on a Unicorn’ with tongue in cheek, but actually, yes, I’m moved and relieved and transported by this painting. So I went to the website of the artist, and look what he says on his home page…

Homepage of HowardDavidJohnson.com
Homepage of HowardDavidJohnson.com

“This is my world. This is the world I love. It is a world without limits. My world is what I choose to make it.”

Beautiful. What is the world that I choose to make and live in? Is it a world of conflict, dark politics, mental illness? No! My world is a world of peace, unity, love and light, and it’s furnished with the tools for fostering yet more peace, unity, love and light. And we share these tools amongst ourselves. 

This is living beautifully. <3

 

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Private 13: Embark on the actions

Help me into this disquiet. What are the messages in my fluctuating emotions? Karla McLaren calls emotions ‘action-requiring neurological programs‘ – a definition from Damasio. Using Karla’s list of emotions (downloadable pdf here) I can identify in myself feelings of sadness, specifically disconnected and sorrowful and disquieted. A reaction in me, I sense, to the displays of vainglory by our ruling politicians, here and abroad; their manipulation of peoples with lies and empty promises; their whipping up of hatred and ‘othering’; their incitement to the vanity of national ‘pride’ (not called one of the seven deadly sins for nowt); their narcissism and their carelessness and punitive attitude towards those who are vulnerable, displaced and dependent on the kindness of strangers.

If you’re reading this down the line in another time, here in this video is an example of the extraordinary turn this country has taken against ‘the Other’.  I choose this video because it’s an everyday person being affected (as opposed to the homeless or disabled person or single parent or immigrant or any other Other, who has been targeted by this govt for 10 years, largely under the radar or awareness of the ‘middle class every day person’ who never expected to find themselves as the Other…):

McLaren says that:

‘Sadness requires that you take action to let go of something that isn’t working anyway, and grief requires that you actively mourn something that is lost irretrievably.’

Time to let go of….?

Hope that the current political system will deliver anything other than more of the old. 

As far back as 1995 it was understood by you that the new had to arise out of the burning ashes of the old.

But I thought it would emerge sooner rather than later…

It was always going to be a matter of more or less pain being the catalyst to change. 

I thought we’d peaked… And instead, it got worse. The internet and social media became the weapon of choice for the ruling elite, surpassing even the complete saturation of mainstream media, and we weren’t prepared for that onslaught. And in fact, no one would have imagined in a million years, that these smiling politicians (jolly old buffoons etc – BJ and DT in UK and US) would use the techniques of large-scale mental manipulation, dog-whistling and lying… It’s horrific.

What is it you sometimes say to yourself when you watch these individuals acting like snakes? 

I’m hesitant to say it because it sounds sexist.

Say it nonetheless… 

The future is female

Ok. Ty. This is helpful because…?

Well, it’s certainly not saying the women are blameless in this whole f***ing sh*tshow! In the UK cabinet, PP is absolutely staggering in her hatred, vanity and carelessness towards humans…

No, the other thing…

Ah, yes. It’s helpful because it doesn’t mean ‘sack the men’, it means bring in the yin aspects and the divine feminine, to balance the yang and the divine masculine. As Abdu’l-Baha said:

Quote by Abdu'l-Baha

The reason this is brought to your attention (tractor beam!) today is the following: if sadness/grief is a call to let go of the old, then it is also a desire to move forward with the new. It is a call to action. So what is the new? What is the opposite to: large-scale mental manipulation, dog-whistling and lying, incitement to ‘pride’, narcissism, carelessness towards the vulnerable?

It’s those things we talked about yesterday:

  • compassionate communities
  • peaceful relationships
  • sustained wellbeing

And so could it be possible that your immense sadness is what you feel when you focus on the old/broken just at the darkest point before the dawn of your letting-go of the old/broken and INVOKING the new/emerging. 

If I go back to Karla McLaren on the Gifts of Sadness I see her encouragement to bring FLUIDITY to sadness. YES. Because I have this feeling of stuckness. In fact, I said to the shiatsu practitioner last week, ‘I’d like to feel the flow of intuition in me – I’m getting stuck, not just in my back, but in indecision.’ Is emotions are ‘action-requiring neurological programs’ what actions am I being invited to undertake? See this from Karla McLaren:

SADNESS: The Water Bearer

ACTION REQUIRED: Sadness arises when it’s time to let go of something that isn’t working anyway. If you can truly let go, relaxation and rejuvenation will follow.

GIFTS: Release ~ Fluidity ~ Grounding ~ Relaxation ~ Rejuvenation

THE INTERNAL QUESTIONS: What must be released? What must be rejuvenated?

Sadness is a wonderful emotion that arises when something needs to be released. This might be an idea, an attitude, a possession, a stance, an ideology, a belief, a relationship, or a way of behaving in the world (etc.) that no longer works for you. Sadness has a kind of alchemical magic to it, because if you can listen to it and honestly let go, you’ll find that you can relax and breathe again. Sadness is about letting go — and letting go means that you’ll be freer than you were before (when you were holding on tightly to something that was honestly not working). When you can listen to your sadness and work with it empathically, you’ll experience relaxation, spaciousness, and a sense of rejuvenation.

Many people have problems with sadness, and as I think about it, I sense what I call a fundamental correlation error. That’s a fancy way of saying that people often blame sadness for the way they’re feeling, instead of realizing that sadness arises in response to the fact that they’re holding on to something that isn’t working anyway.

https://karlamclaren.com/welcoming-the-gifts-of-sadness/ [Also, do buy her extraordinary book, ‘The Language of Emotions’]

So, what isn’t working?

The old way of working. 

Ha. Yes, I know, the pushpushpush… What is the new/emerging?

Peace on Earth … embodied by those who truly want it. 

Ah, so you (I) can’t just chat this stuff, we have to embody it!

Bingo. This is the New. 

And that clearly involves getting out of the head, where the drama-generating thought happens…?

And into the body… 

Even though that ‘hurts’ because then you feel all the emotions…

And are then able to embark on the actions required by the neurological programme. (‘Emotions are action-requiring neurological programs.’)

Embark on the actions. 

Embark on the actions.

Embark on the actions.

Share the tools..? 

Embark on the actions.

Every time the sadness of the old arises, use that e-motion-al to generate the motion towards the new. 

Simplify, simplify, simplify. There is no time or energy for fancy pants… It’s got to be short, sharp, simple, fearless, generous, abundant, self-sacrificing.

Self-sacrificing. I don’t think we’ve used that word before tbh…..

Consider what it means in terms of this new reality, this vision of compassionate communities, peaceful relationships and sustainable wellbeing? 

Definitions of self-sacrifice

  • sacrifice of oneself or one’s interest for others or for a cause or ideal
  • giving up one’s own interests or wishes in order to help others or advance a cause.

What are my interests or wishes that I’ve been defending? Maybe that’s not the point. Hm… So maybe it’s about focusing on the bigger picture more than ‘just my own’?

There we go. 

Focus my attention on the bigger picture (vision) and the mission, and embark on the actions (practices).

Super.

Embark on the actions

 

PS. Ask yourself: who is the main beneficiary of my actions? The laws of true self-sacrifice state the when the main beneficiary of a person’s actions is the Other, the Self is protected too.

STO vs STS

Indeed.

So in embarking on actions for the bigger picture (the vision) ask: CUI BONO? (To whom the benefit?)

This was easy when the girls were little – it was the girls. Then for a while it’s been all about ME – in recovery, personal, financial etc.

Well this is now about maturing as a person in your world. Good news. ❤️

 

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Private 12: Focus your attention 

Well, I took steps re. last session’s exhortation to jump in to life and have an old laugh with it etc. I took this blog off maintenance mode (as it’s been on for a year…) and added a bit more clarity to the About page. I also added Yoast. (Ergh..) I noted (later) that it left me feeling grumpy and edgy irl. But there we are. If I’m interested in my lived experience being useful for others, I have to break out of the bubble of privacy. Which is ironic given the apparent title of the current project.

Curiously, in a meeting at the university yesterday, someone mentioned a lecturer by name (quite reverently!) as if we would all know her. I noted the name down thinking, hm, that’s odd. Just looked her up and… she’s a researcher in applied autism interventions. Maybe I should contact her about DoDs and therapeutic journaling. I think (and actually it was a wonderful mental health PA who suggested this to me) that this journaling practice is not far from the Wise Mind approach of DBT…

YES!

Thank you for the loud nod! I wanted actually to talk about Attention today.

The other day I thought, and noted down:

My attention is finite and it is my most valuable commodity.

Attention = creation / energy / manifestation / potential

…therefore use it carefully

So, wise inner voice. What are your thoughts on my Attention and how I currently use it?

“Scatter-gun”

Bit harsh…

But useful, right? By Scatter-gun we simply mean widely spread and directed across many ‘targets’. The targets are all those sources of ‘reward’ you are interested in. They are the targets of your ‘Drive’ system (and nucleus accumbens) which seeks dopamine, stimulation, progression, achievement. 

And I am getting better at absorbing and anchoring (‘maximising’) those ‘wins’ by noting down my ABCDs daily. I worked out that noting Achievements, Blessings, Confirmations and ‘Done!’s gives me satisfaction and also relief and the motivation to continue. It offsets the temptation to stress out, jazz-hand, overcook and blow-a-gasket by not knowing when to just ruddy stop. And it is better than setting one goal and suffering the dismay of missing it. Instead, I am now a optimistic whale cruising the ocean guzzling scrumptious ABCD-krill all the darn day long.

However…

How do I focus my attention more effectively?

Ways to focus your attention more effectively: 

  1. Minimisation of ‘drama’. You’re getting really good at this now. (My G is a great coach/role model tbh.) We are seeking the reduction of any kind of inflammation: physical, neurological, emotional. This is key. Reduction in inflammation is key. So, reducing the alert response, or surprise response, or dismay response, or fear response, is beneficial to wresting back control of attention. (I like the irony of that statement the day after ‘Brexit’ day…) My friend: no drama, no reaction, no revulsion, no taking a stand against life… (I get it. Peace.) Yes. Peace. 🙂 
  2. Imagine your brain, or third eye, or forehead, as a red laser beam of attention: it’s constantly pointing its little red light at something. Are you aware of what you are gifting your attention to at any moment? What if we called that beam a ‘tractor beam’ – one of those magnetising, attracting light beams extending from UFOs to ‘collect’ objects?! What are you directing the magnetising tractor (aka ‘attractor’) beam of your attention at? What are you attracting towards you? (Ergh… Too much gawping at politics… Quite a lot of looking at conflict and mental illness too, I note…)Image result for tractor beam
  3. Select the themes or outcomes or objects you would consciously choose to be magnetising into your consciousness and life with your powerful ‘tractor beam attention. (Well, the opposite of politics, conflict and mental illness, I guess. So: empowered communities, peaceful relationships and wellbeing recovery…)
  4. Find models and role models you can rest your attention on. (I’m thinking Findhorn, Pema Chodron, Peace Pilgrim, Caroline Myss, Tami Simon (founder of Sounds True), Louise Hay, Karla McLaren (Language of Emotions, author), Helen Shucman (ACIM Scribe)… My ‘poster girls’! And I notice I have only chosen women… Let’s add other souls I have been moved, educated and inspired by: Eckhart Tolle, Matt Kahn, Daniel Siegel…)
  5. Now link their work to your Mission for this year: ‘Share Tools with the Newgens’ – or simply ask yourself, ‘What do they do?’:Findhorn: courses, workshops, work experience 365/24/7
    • Pema Chodron: teaches meditation via retreats and books
    • Caroline Myss: teaches spiritual development via retreats and books
    • Tami Simon: created a multimedia platform to be able to link millions of reader up with the great minds of our time
    • Louise Hay: created an international publishing platform to be able to link millions of reader up with the great minds of our time; her own books too
    • Karla McLaren: wrote an incredible book to educate people about emotions
    • Helen Shucman: scribed a truly transcendent, miraculous book
  6. Can you sum it what they do? ‘Publishing and teaching in personal development.’ Is this my world???!  I notice my judgment against ‘personal development’ – ha, hello Shadow! What about my client practice? Ah, I guess it’s this too: these are all ways I share tools. And what are the tools all for? I suppose it’s those themes: empowered communities, peaceful relationships and wellbeing recovery.
  7. Ask yourself what life would look like if your kept your tractor beam attention on that which you have consciously chosen. To sum up the above more clearly, I am saying my attention would be on:
      • Publishing, teaching and private practice in personal development, sharing tools that foster empowered communities, peaceful relationships and wellbeing recovery.
    • And what it look like to keep my ‘tractor beam’ on this mission?
      • Liberating. Freeing. A relief. Positive. Right in the centre of shadow space – which is great – my shadow/ego wants the ‘anti-‘, the drama, the negative and is suspicious of situating our actions in the positive, optimistic, conscious… It wants to say that all that is wishy-washy and a luxury for the privileged. It wants to say that down-and-dirty is where it’s at… But down-and-dirty, focussing attention on the negative is a Sisyphean task because it simply creates a replication of the so-called unwanted state… Image result for Sisyphean task
      •  I’m reminded of the peer support training I was studying yesterday. It encouraged people with lived experience of poor mental health to consider the difference between sharing their ‘illness story’ (the lows, worst bits, devastating outcomes – aka the personal ‘drama’) versus their ‘recovery story’ (the learning, the tools, the encouragement – aka the personal development)
      • I’ve held back from ‘teaching’ personal development because I thought you had to be on top of it to teach it, but it is, I guess, my Special Interest, so why not at least just share what I am learning and value for myself, because none of us have nailed it, and to progress further with something, you have to start teaching it (eg in yoga – that’s a thing).
      • The final point I’d make is that, under the laws of the tractor beam, focussing my magnetising attention on the positive aspects and on (say it!) personal development would draw it all closer to me, and that would be good for my health and relieving and fun and liberating and a way of my adding better vibes to this planet. Amen.

Great! That was an excellent process. 

Thanks, ‘Wise Mind’. 🙂 Why is the phrase ‘personal development’ so crinkly to me?

Because that has been your secret space for healing and sense-making. You have felt ashamed of ‘needing’ personal development… which is priceless, because (as you do well know) the non-Sisyphean task of personal development is precisely what we are born for! 

It’s interesting… In both my mental health training and conflict resolution work what people are really learning and benefitting from is indeed ‘personal development’ learning how to be more present to their feelings and those of others, learning how to communicate more authentically, developing empathy and compassion, understanding boundaries and self-care…

A note. I’m not happy with the phrase ’empowered communities’. I had it earlier as ‘united communities’ which wasn’t right either. I’d like to change it to ‘compassionate communities’.

Beautiful. That is it. Spot on. 

Also… I think ‘wellbeing recovery’ is a little on the down-side. Can I change it to ‘sustainable wellbeing’? I kind of mean, auto-generating, or self-sustaining – you know, where we can look after ourselves. I don’t want it to be confused with ‘green’ or ‘environmental’ – that’s not what I mean. Let’s try it.

My work:

Publishing, teaching and private practice in personal development, sharing tools that foster compassionate communities, peaceful relationships and sustained wellbeing (or: wellbeing recovery?).

Talking ‘aloud’ about personal development feels like a minor kind of ‘coming out’. What even is it defined as?

‘Personal development covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance the quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations. Personal development takes place over the course of a person’s entire life.[1] Not limited to self-help, the concept involves formal and informal activities for developing others in roles such as teacher, guide, counselor, manager, life coach or mentor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_development

I like that: awareness, identity, talents, potential, human capital, employability, quality of life, realisation of dreams/aspirations, life-long learning… Yes. I dig all of this. I’m not (ha!) ashamed to say it!

We should think not. Do you know how many young people are yearning for true development in these areas, and are instead being faced with an education system which tells them that exams on a knowledge-based curriculum is all they need to focus on? 

You’re saying, I should get over myself..?

Dear soul. Yes. Be the teacher, guide, counsellor, manager, life coach or mentor. For heavens’ sake, all your generation should be acting like this for the New Generations – offering a hand, eagerly passing down what is known, delighting in watching the younger generation immediately make it even better! Instead, you all have your heads in your TVs, phones, own children (only) and own careers. Find your sense of responsibility as a world citizen, not to preach, but to enable the NewGens, who are crystal pure, to unfurl themselves. 

Indeed.

Focus your attention (tractor beam)

PS. Later in the day: After going for a walk, we pulled in to the shoppers’ car park of a local market town, and there was a wall with an unusually beautiful mural… of UFOs with tractor beams. <3 It transpired later, that the hill we’d just walked up outside the town, is famous for UFO sightings. So, ha!, the tractor beam of my attention attracted tractor beams!

PPS. I worked on the statement further:

{Practices} Publishing, teaching, speaking and mediating in order to

{Mission} share tools for experiential personal development that foster 

{Vision} compassionate communities, peaceful relationships and sustained wellbeing