At the end of yesterday, having played beautifully with feeling chuffed (especially while delivering training and on my walk)…
…and also having put out a range of fires and kept plates spinning (including trauma-triggered MHFA participants x5; lots of admin; charged calls from NST; a late 1.5h sibs call on prepping for the NT summit in 2 days – while also driving ASV into town late; trying to arrange a covid-compliant kids’ get-together today before ASV goes back to uni tomorrow; apparently getting my third ‘period’ in the last month)…
… I eventually lost my shit.
It was about 11pm, when I should already have been in bed way earlier and was massively over-stimulated. I got angry – really angry and triggered – at G over something he said fleetingly.
I like to think my stress signature style is ‘withdrawal and non-comms’ but actually when the shit hits the fan and my stress container runneth over, I lash out with words, on my nearest and dearest. And I guess I know this. G and I have worked with this, and we worked through it last night, but at the cost of some ‘battery burn’.
I woke at 5am again today with the unfairness and sadness and anticipatory grief of the JF situation. I tried to align with my inner being. Where was the bit of me that is always at peace, and relaxed, and positive, and adoring, and chuffed?
When are you going to put yourself first? That is how you will create a bond with your inner being.
Like AH talk about teaching selfishness – but not in the way we typically think of selfishness…
Yes. ‘Putting yourself first’ means not hesitating to book that qigong retreat, not hesitating to market yourself confidently…
I’m getting there. My VA is a good starting point. My routines, and limits on work each week.
This is not what we mean. We mean: when are you going to arrange your days so they are entirely based around being in tune with your inner being?
Well, I don’t know. What would it take?
Playfulness; going under the radar; an ongoing dialogue throughout the day, in the now now now. This is a friendship which is just beginning and will grow, especially as you become more curious about the ‘permanent state of vibrational alignment’; and as you become more habitual about moulding, moulding, moulding in the image and likeness of the perspective on the world of your inner being.
When I close my eyes for meditation, there is concern, pain, trauma… So I’m resistant to doing so, though I know I can/do burn through that dissonance to the peace below.
There are many other ways to align with your inner being. Over time you will gain the trust that all you need do is settle into the present moment to catch the scent of your inner being. Easy, easy, easy. And then you won’t let the ‘alternative tug boat’ pull you too far in the opposite direction of your inner being. You’ll know that, the second you get the stress/sadness/upset signal, you can tip yourself back towards vibrational alignment. You will be reminded to take any negative emotion as a signal that you have shifted away from the world your Inner Being inhabits.
And to get back to that world…?
Settle in. Get curious about the ‘world according to your Inner Being’.
Ok. Ty. I’ll do that. Amen.
I am curious about the world according to my Inner Being
#InnerBeingSays…
#LookingThroughTheEyesOfSource
#IBCurious
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Day Notes:
- The IB is always scanning for the next thing to be uplifted or tickled or chuffed by and then rest attention on it, baskingly
- I loved something AH said – we can see the drama of this world as a sitcom – and honestly, when I look at some of the more out there stuff in my world, at the mo (JF, certain colleagues), calling a sitcom is just right. I can either see J as a character from a Stephen King story (yikes!) or better, as our own Hyacinth Bucket CBE. Isn’t this a funnier, softer, warmer perspective than the alternative?:
- Yes, obviously we need to respond according to our own needs and principles, but let’s see those driven by ego as tragi-comic rather than evil or to be feared. Gentle compassion; healthy boundaries.
[Note: isn’t it extraordinary… NT as the great published-to-be… and FT was quietly getting published in the papers on a daily/weekly basis… and SEEING people and reflecting them out to the world via her art. Publish daily is good…. But not on me… on the clients…. and their brilliance… Capture “What my clients have taught me”…]