MEDS Day 35: Today I am acting expediently, with the end in view

The Best Bit about playing the Best Bit game was the sheer inner relaxation it brought. I learnt that in each moment, often the Best Bit is exquisitely sensory and physical:

  • the warmth and cosiness inside the car
  • the feeling of my scarf across my lip
  • the sight of the clouds across the blue sky
  • the twinkle of autumnal leaves gleaming in the sun
  • the softness of my jacket on my arm
  • the stillness in me
  • the peace and quiet
  • the sound of my father’s voice
  • the feeling of my father’s jumper as I put my hand on his shoulder as I pass him by
  • the sight of my father and step-mother taking each other’s hands so lovingly

In contrast, the Past/Future Thinking of the Problem Factory (brain) is often enervating and aggravating. It is always pointing to something tantalisingly out there and untouchable… unless one consciously brings the thought so close to home that the body can feel it. Naturally, this is commonly done with anxiety-inducing thoughts. How well can we do this physicalisation and embodiment with positive, heart-opening thoughts? Not so easy.

But the present moment has so many soft and comforting and immediate gifts to soak up. Once our mind gets behind the concept of the Best Bit game and throws itself in to scanning the scene for the most warming, inner-smile inducing aspect, then we are away!

The Best Bit of this moment is: I’m comfy in bed writing this and all is well. Ahhh… Breathe out. Absorb that knowing… Relaxing, eh?

So today…. Best Bits ahoy…

Yes, what will be the Best Bits of your day ahead?

*Arghh..gurgle…recoil…reel…* Ehem, let me collect myself. Can you spot my anxiety about the Stuff To Be Done? I enjoyed playing Best Bit across a day in which I went to visit my parents, and help out a bit… Most of it was spent in the car. I’d rented out my will to others, in a lovely, gentle way. It was nice to be helpful and involved. We sorted out family photos. What bliss. But a day where I am back to single-handedly steering the catamaran across the ocean… I almost fall over with anxiety. The list is so long. I am so resistant… PDA… Dodging bullets… Unanswered messages…

Stop there. It’s ok. It’s all ok. You are heard. It’s all ok. Be still, soft and gentle to yourself again. Take yourself in hand and reassure yourself. We shall make a plan. 

Breathe in…. out…. Yes please. I’m ready to move forward….

We’re looking at a longer term plan than this day or week. Is that ok?

If you think I’ll stick to it.

It’s going to be simple. It’s going to set you up for the best 2019 you could (or literally, ‘can’) dream of. It’s not about pressure. It’s about placing your Scrabble tiles on the Triple Word squares… Not out of greed, avarice, covetousness, dear soul. But out of expediency. 

Let’s revise that word…

Expediency: the quality or state of being suited to the end in view (Ref

Expedient: a means of achieving a particular end (Ref

Synonyms: advisability, advisableness, desirability, desirableness, expedience, judiciousness,prudence, wisdom 

Actions that are ‘suited to the end in view’. I like that.

What is ‘the end in view’ for you at the moment? 

A healthy, happy, helpful working life, I reckon. Yes, that’s what I want, to feel like my working life is ‘health, happy and helpful’. I like that. And I’ll know if it’s working for me and for others, because if it is, it will support me comfortably…

Hm… Why do I still retract internally (very subtly) at the prospect of ‘comfortably’ supporting myself? Please. Help me with this. It’s got to be healed. Why am I afraid to feel comfortable and safe?!

There’s a hesitancy to live fully and take your place on Earth. 

Why?

Karmic trails… 

How to heal them?

Trust. In this life you shall learn about ‘trust’. 

Hm. That’s for sure. What is the next step?

To trust that placing your tile on the Triple Word score square will not bring you down or decimate you, dear being of love. To trust that the universe truly does have your back. 

Like my [partner] does.

YES. 

Ty. So to act expediently means to act with the end in mind, or in view… maybe view is better, less foggy, more sensory. Ah, yes, ‘a state suited to the end in view’… ‘ a means of achieving a particular end.’ It’s ok to go for the healthy, happy, helpful worklife… It’s ok to go for the Triple Word score squares…

The game of Scrabble is precisely all about going for the Triple Word score squares. Dear heart, you can’t offer 3 point words, while withholding your Z, J and X, and hope to have a good feeling as you play. It’s no fun for your playing partner either. Trust that information. Now, pray, mediate, and then write the phrase for the day. You are loved. 

[MED – Glenn Harrold – Mindfulness for Releasing Anxiety – Insight Timer]

OK. That was lovely and clarifying. This is what I think:

The end in view: health, happy, helpful worklife, which supports me comfortably

The links in the chain between ‘here’ and the end in view:  to settle down with 12 Cherished Clients (my 12 Triple Word score squares – because they are big enough orgs to be repeat clients), with whom I build a trusting 2-way, long-term relationship, and can become part of their communities.

The expedient next steps towards the end in view:

  1. to produce the materials I want the 12 Cherished Clients to keep on their wall for when they need me
  2. to map out who the 12 Cherished Clients are, and what they need from me, and meet them
  3. to plot my steps of connection with them (eg offering the lunchtime trainings)

Lovely. Excellent work. By when?

End of 2018.

Perfect. You’ll need a big piece of paper. 

Good. I shall get one.  Ty for this, dear part of me which knows and cares and takes care of me. I am learning to trust you and it all. Amen.

Today I am acting expediently, with the end in view

And ‘the end’ (goal) is a healthy, happy, helpful work-life, via 12 Cherished Clients (triple word score squares). All is well. 

Later:

The Scrabble analogy is so good. Look at how tightly we play now.

Here are the guidelines I think we play Scrabble by now:

  1. Build on others’ letters as much as possible, rather than play a new word, because in making a longer word out of a shorter word, you reclaim their points too. You get more bang for your buck out of each letter tile you place. In other words: focus on building on the achievements of others (respectfully – ‘shoulders of giants’) and stop trying to show-off your unique individual prowess with something new and isolated.
  2. Aim for the score-boosting squares as an absolute priority, rather than accidentally/inadvertently stumbling on them along the way. In other words: the landscape is laden with helpful stepping stones – hop on them gratefully!

********************

Meditation:

20 mins of MEDITATION? YES 

Glenn Harrold – Mindfulness for Releasing Anxiety – Insight Timer – 23 mins

Exercise:

ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE? NO… none.. 🙁 Such a missed opportunity

#STEPS : 500?

Diet:

BRAIN-MAKER DIET? NEARLY

DRY today? NO

MORNING: Scrambled eggs; parsnip soup with an egg

EVENING: cod, tomatoes, peas, a few chips

Sleep:

IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? NO

Screens off:    12.45am      Lights out: 12.45am

Wake up the next day:       9am             Total sleep: awake a lot in the night with anxiety…

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