I am grateful for yesterday’s…
- QT & writing
- uncomfortable inner learning
- beautiful R&R with my Love
So it turns out, of course, that resting in the moment without escaperising it also means sitting with the discomfort that is arising for healing and deprogramming. Yesterday, after the peaceful morning, I found I felt terribly uncomfortable about my fortnight ahead, which is too full to be believed. To escaperise that discomfort would be to pour some time and energy into future worry and maybe some sneaky, undercover lamenting about other people’s role in my panic… However, sitting WITH my fear and frustration brought to mind the real lesson from the John Callaghan film about addiction/AA: personal responsibility. If I feel fear and frustration, I am responsible for having got there. And, that also means, I can be gloriously responsible for getting myself out of it. The inner discomfort is a signal to reassert personal responsibility. And this, happily, leads us to the state of sovereignty (GSF) that we were after all along. Sounds good, but the journey yesterday was hard. Something helped though…
I came across a book called Self-Observation, by Red Hawk. He talks about the ‘Being shock’ we get when we observe ourselves with some truth (which you can only do in the moment, I guess), as we see how chaotic our thinking its. That ‘Being shock’ is of high value because it provokes the motivation we need to get into ‘Work mind’. Here, the Work is (I assume because of Red Hawk’s sources) as defined by Gurdjieff:
The effort that is put into practice Gurdjieff referred to as “The Work” or “Work on oneself”. According to Gurdjieff, “…Working on oneself is not so difficult as wishing to work, taking the decision.” Ref
This term ‘Work mind’ is helpful to me for two reasons:
1) I am seeking that more stable frame of mind where causing myself to do things like practise the MEDS protocols on a daily basis is not like trying to catch a ferret with a sock.
2) The ‘fear and frustration’ I experienced yesterday was about my professional work, and I am now eager to access frames of mind which allow me to be very efficient in my work, to reach my goals, to undertake work without exhausting myself (or others) and generally feel that I have a sustainable work-life.
Thoughts and guidance, please…
You can enjoy playing with ‘Work mind’. Remember to bring softness to it. This is merely a new avatar to play with: Work Mind [yourname]. Be grateful for the sense of stability it brings. You will get better at sensing when you are leaving ‘Work mind’ state: it feels like a ‘jack-in-the-box’ moment.
I think I know what you mean: when I suddenly turn on the mental turbo chargers and go into overdrive, either with enthusiasm or anxiety.
That’s right. You will enjoy living without that feeling. It used to make you feel like you were ‘doing something’ to counter your perceived threats, when actually you were merely ‘escaperising’ the opportunity to Do The Work.
Amygdala hijack used to feel like being alive.
The ‘jack-in-the-box’ is an entertaining toy…
So, stay in the box…?
Remain contained, observant, attentive to the aim at hand. Even when it feels uncomfortable, and you feel like fleeing the moment.
When it feels uncomfortable, what should I do instead of fleeing / escaperising / jack-in-the-boxing?
Bring awareness to the feeling (that is a great success to start off with) and then recall that this feeling of discomfort is a (welcome-able) signal to do the Work (assert personal responsibility / sovereignty). You can imagine putting on your Work Mind hat.
And burn through…. ‘We can’t go over / round it. Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!’
Softly. Burn softly, dear heart.
Got it. Softly does it. No ‘jack-in-the-boxing’. Thank you.
Today I am wearing my Work Mind hat (no ‘jack-in-the-boxing’)
********************
Meditation:20 mins of MEDITATION? YES |
Exercise:ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE? YES #STEPS: 11000 – walked instead of taking the tube |
Diet:BRAIN-MAKER DIET? NO DRY today? NO MORNING: My muesli, coffee, chicken, veg EVENING: GF pizza and beer in restaurant… |
Sleep:IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? NO Screens off: 11.50 Lights out: 11.50 Wake up the next day: 6.30 Total sleep: c6h |