Shortly after yesterday’s positive start, I fell off a cliff, psychologically. Listening to my Heart it only said, “Rest, Sleep, Rest, Relax, Stop, Float About…” When I did collapse into bed, exhausted just from taking a shower, I felt, ‘I’m so tired. maybe my body is healing something it needs to heal’. I later counted 22 minutes of work across the whole day. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. Also, I finally started my new computer going – which took 5 hours to transfer data. My phone ran out of battery so I plugged it in for two hours so I could take it out for a walk – only to find that the cable hadn’t been plugged into the wall. Eventually, eyes spinning and distress submerging me, I turned on the telly. A 1955 film was just starting: All That Heaven Allows. (Nice.) It’s message? ‘To thine own self be true.’ Most bizarrely, when I thought depression and anxiety were on the brink of toppling me, a random black dog literally turned up on my back doorstep… He’d escaped from a neighbours’ half a mile away it turned out.
Eventually I made it out for a walk. Listening to Kryon, Lorie Ladd and Abraham, while once again lost in the beautiful woods, it became clear to me:
- I need to learn to breathe
- Why, because I need to get into my body
- If I breathe I touch emotional pain and density – and that is the work – don’t shrink from it
- Breathe into the density – and thereby clear it – not just from self but on behalf of our all
- Inhale / sniff into the pain. It’s ok. Let it illuminate the Heart space when you do.
Then, today, I woke up with a panic attack at 4.30am. At 5am, instead of getting up as I would tend to do with panic, I decided to try to simply make an exercise of breathing into the panic, very very softly. I imagined myself to be a candle, whose flame was fed by my breathing, and the feeling of panic and pain was merely the sensation of the flame burning brightly. Somewhere before 6am I fell asleep for another hour of deep sleep and woke up refreshed.
I must keep to my routine today to get the best chance of staying ahead of it all, and it’s 8am now. Time for qigong. It’s chilly again, but I might go out on the patio anyway. Your message for today?
The light from your candle illuminates worlds inside yourself and out. Keep breathing. Keep moving. Get in your body and stay there while you do your thing today.
More tomorrow – for now – keep breathing in and keep breathing out, as your dear mother used to say.
Breathe bright like a candle
Ty. x