In my Breathing Bright Like a Candle I basked in the discomfort of my anxiety. And often, it would simply eventually fade away. And then I would note: “I am at peace.” Every time I could note my inner peace, it felt like I’d lowered an anchor in troubled waters. My boat had withstood being thrown about by the stormy seas, and held it’s ground.
Then, I had a radical idea. What if I went diving in to the choppy waters of my ‘rejection sensitivity’ in the same way?! What if I embraced my rejection sensitivity?! In other words, how about if I went out of my way across the day, to spot places where I could see myself bracing for rejection, and plunged in on purpose. I was due to run an online seminar on mental health for a workforce of 17 extremely stressed social care workers, working at the frontline of the Covid-19 crisis in the community, with some of the most abandoned, disenfranchised, vulnerable individuals, living isolated in their homes. What if I owned to myself that these frazzled workers might well reject me as some harping stranger in their midst, and fruck it, that would be ok if so. I decided that my intention was to leave them feeling pumped up with love (and furnished with tools) – and if that didn’t fly and they ‘rejected’ me, that was simply what it was. Well gosh darn it if that session didn’t go beautifully: I relaxed completely (even when my tech failed up until the actual minute of starting) and everyone finished off smiling as we all high-fived each other in to our cameras…
Teach me more of this notion of embracing my rejection sensitivity, dear heart of my soul.
***Med:15minTimer***
In that meditation, I counted the out breaths, up to 10 and then back to 1. It felt so gentle after a while, like self-hypnotism.
It is helpful to be in an alpha brain wave state if you really want to communicate with this field of your consciousness. That ‘self-hypnosis’ breathing appeals to you, so use it at will.
You asked about embracing your rejection sensitivity. What if we told you that there is gold in them ther’ hills?
I would smile. 🙂 Tell me more please.
It would be a pleasure. If you relax into yourself you will see that there is a large heart in you which loves to love, and loves to be loved. It has experienced some queries and quandaries in this arena, so it approaches human contact with some trepidation. In other words, it can be guarded, dreading disappointment, or ‘knock-back’. What you can teach your precious heart is this: if another being knocks you back, it is because they are not in a state of readiness to let their guard down. That is all. When two hearts are open they connect fast. With this knowledge you can go about with an open heart in carefree knowledge that if you get knocked back it is because the other person is simply on their way to heart-opening. You know that if your heart is open, you can catch the waves with those others like you who are ready to connect at the heart level.
Interesting. And how do I know if I am going about open-hearted, or semi-open-hearted/semi-guarded?
By your state of joy!
Ok! And it’s joy that is not dependent on the reciprocity of others.
Absolutely.
And it is joy that does not recoil is it meets someone who is not in the joy state. Rather it blesses them and passes on by.
And how do I get into that state of joy without fail?
By relishing the torsion.
Excuse me?
Torsion is the feeling of acceleration you get in a fast car – it’s the ‘pulling back while jetting forward’ sensation you experience.
And how does that work with me?
If you can brace yourself for the daylong feeling of moving forwards while experiencing ‘drag’ then you will not hesitate or falter when something feels hard.
Well, that is true..!
Know that the ‘drag’ is where it is all at. If you can embrace the drag, rather than recoil from it, you can benefit from the torsion.
Man alive. How well you know me! I’m typically a little drag avoidant.
That is because in former times, your torsion (twisting) experience was generated by others, not by you. The back/forward motion was generated by parents, teachers and friends. You are a beautiful free adult now. You get to define the terms of your torsion.
Think of how the juice flows from the orange when it is twisted. You are not meant to hold your juice until you whither! You are meant to experience the juiciness of being squeezed.
You have taken things rather seriously in the past. You have taken being squeezed to be an insult to your person, or a failure on your part. You’ve dodged the bit where your real juice gets squeezed out. That’s ok. We completely understand, but know this. Life is fun when our juices start flowing.
You’ve hit on something really useful – juicy – here.
Set your self in the juicer and say, bring it on! Focus on the juice you produce, not on the sensations of juicing. How about that? And when you feel the juicing (torsion), breathe through it.
Like childbirth.
Like childbirth. That was worth the squeezing, wasn’t it?
Man, two more perfect glasses of juice you couldn’t have asked for.
This is a completely new approach to stress management for me.
Think of those glorious American women you met yesterday on the seminar you joined. See them all jumping headlong into the squeezer AS IF it were a loop-the-loop chute at a swimming pool. They trust there’s a deep pool of refreshing water to catch them at the bottom. You can too. You too can trust that if you do something with a full and open heart, you’ll be caught – not caught out.
The tax return, the debt negotiations, the blog posts, the emails, the calls, the messages, the books written, the videos made, the adventures booked, the courses signed up for…
Trust that if you jump, you will be caught – not caught out.
Amen. I love that. Thank you. What a wild ride. Just wild… x
Trust you’ll be caught – not caught out
