Tag: corona diaries

Now you have done that epic trip to bring your wee girl home, it is your time to batten down the hatches, both physically and in terms of ‘thinking’. Do you remember the notion of the Calm Interiorised Mind? Now is the time. Now is the time to take that deep breath you have been longing to take for months, and to settle in to your mind, your knowing, your intuitive states. There will be rest, and in rest there is always greater insight. 

It feels like, in the window created by this devastating pandemic, I have the much-yearned-for opportunity to be like one of those writers with their rigid daily routines, and cut-off-edness from the outside world – and their ability to access their inside state and be creative and productive. What bliss. What BLISS.

And I don’t mean to cut off from people. No. I have a case online today – my first. Perfect! I can go about my work without picking up exhaustion from travel and all the interpersonal-presence shocks to my body… I will be more helpful this way. I am blessed by this. I am finding that in this crisis there is light – and so must we all, to maintain our highest frequency in service to the situation at hand.

Let’s read…

NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE: Whatever you do, even including not-doing, that is our practice. That is an expression of big mind. So, big mind is something to express, but it is not something to figure out. Big mind is something you have, not something to seek for. Big mind is something to talk about, or to express by our activity, or something to enjoy. Zen Mind p92

Ok! Excellent. So ‘big mind‘ is akin to this Calm Interiorised Mind. This is the state, friends. This is the natural Aspie state, where all is peaceful, blissful, coherent. This is the state that ‘being out in the noisy NT world’ rips me out of. I know this… And it’s not just about Aspieness, it’s about the HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), the empath, the introvert… As we go into social distancing and self-isolation mode, I’ve been loving the memes from introverts and Aspies about us being ‘way ahead’ with this etc.

It’s such a gentle, tender thing, but this situation is reminding me that I’ve been trying to mask and act as a NT to my absolute detriment. And I don’t need to.

Look at my G, and my DD1 – living (richly social) lives online. There’s no need to go into NT burnout. Ok?? Ever again? Ok?

It’s more than just a case of ‘it’s ok to stay at home’. It’s also a case of this: the work you do when you are in Big Mind state is precisely what is needed in the world. You are not needed out there frazzled. We want you to find ways to get deep into Big Mind – and stay there – because that is when you are tuned in to the frequency required to do your work well. 

Yesterday, I realised that ‘sensing the love in your heart’ is about tuning, tuning, tuning and modifying… until you can tune into the love that is always there. It’s not about looking and hoping to find. It’s about tuning.

And tuning into Big Mind – and spending the day there – is what this time invites you to do. This is the breakthrough you have been looking for in terms of collecting yourself and being true to yourself. You know when you are in Big Mind state. You know when you are in the Calm Interiorised Mind state. Bask in this pool of connectedness, dear soul. It’s inviting you in. 

Settle into Big Mind today. Big Mind is dreamy, it’s focussed, it’s spontaneous. It’s the parasympathetic nervous system. It’s light. It’s aware. It’s calm. It’s micro and macro all at once. It’s the artist at the canvas. It’s the surgeon with scalpel in hand. It’s awareness with lightness. It’s peace inside, peace outside. Hold the vibration of Big Mind today and you will truly start to reconnect with yourself. 

1 thing?

Complete the previous one.. 

Ah… Sure. Visit J. next door… Ok.

Can I say, I’m so glad to have this beautiful home? And I’m so relieved my Girlita is home. And please look after my beautiful Girlimus Maximus. And all of us. Blessings upon this planet today. Blessings, light, love and peace upon this planet today and each and every day. Amen.

Settle into Big Mind 

 

 

 

Say these words: ‘This is the best day of my life so far.’ And know it to be true. Know it to be true because you have never been on this planet with as much wisdom, life-skill and knowledge as you have TODAY. Yesterday you had masses of wisdom, life-skill and knowledge and today… you have more. All the tools and skills you need to thrive, to appreciate life, to commune with life and spirit, to help other people, to navigate life’s magnificent obstacle course, are in you today like never before. And guess what, tomorrow, you will have more! 

That’s a beautiful perspective in these remarkable days.

There really only is only skill to practise in this life, is you want to ensure a blossoming, joyful and peaceful old age, and that is: appreciation. If appreciation of your self, of life, of others and of the planet becomes your default state, you will simply grow in inner peace daily. 

Know, sweet soul, that you are being HELD. Know this, through and through, and your struggles, your suffering, your doubts… they will ebb away. Do you know that you are HELD by an army of supporters? Do you? Each of you are. None of you is alone in this day. Not one. 

Your choice to suffer is, unbelievably, with you. We know this sounds trite, and in the circumstances of your planet today, we know that our words may shock. But hear this, sweet soul: if you truly new the circumstnaces of your human life, you would all throw yourselves into the fray of helping eachother while you could. You would not hesitate to support each other, especially not out of fear of infection. Nor would you let tiredness stop you, for you would discover that the softest, deepest help can be offered to another soul, from the comfort of your couch. Be it sending a text, or prayer, or reiki… your capacity to support one another in this time is endless. And your army of supporters are really there to support you to support others. That is how the physics of it works. 

You are a speck of creative force, so your supporters are here to help you evolve as such. Creativity is known by its fruits: true creativity (which is Source outmanifesting) uplifts, inspires, moves and helps others. So your supporters are here to help you to do what uplifts, inspires, moves and helps others. As you step into the stream of helping others, your supporters will really be able to get the wind beneath their wings. 

You saw that yesterday, in the freshness of the new social distancing guidelines, as you and others leapt online to support each other and to connect despite the circumstances. What a sociable, flowing day you had yesterday. You were all in the STO flow. And your supporters were able to flick up the hem of your beautiful skirt as you spun round. 

Thank you, Supporters. So, they are like an army of good energy bearers?

We prefer ‘council’ to army.

Cool. A council of good energy bearers. Waiting for me to plug my finger into the socket between them and the people around me. So I can be a channel of good energy.

Good. Let’s read…

COMMUNICATION: If you try to adjust yourself in a certain way, you will lose yourself. So without any intentional, fancy way of adjusting yourself, to express yourself freely as you are is the most important thing to make yourself happy, and to make others happy. You will acquire this kind of ability by practicing zazen. Zen is not some fancy, special art of living. Our teaching is just to live, always in reality, in its exact sense. Zen Mind p88-9

To me, as an Aspie soul, this speaks of dropping ‘masking’. And what a relief that would be. I get this feeling that, in moving into the online world as a result of this pandemic, there will be far less need for masking. I can’t tell you how much relief I have felt these last few days about not having to go out, dressed up, into other people’s spaces, and follow their neuro-typical ways in their loud, crunchy, awkward environments, overloaded with psychic clutter and energetic noise… Eek. Did I just say that out loud? Well, here’s me ‘expressing myself freely as I am’, and yes it does make me happy to speak my truth.  And the truth includes this: I love connecting with people in the online world! I’m only just understanding this. I’ve been throwing so much energy into navigating the physical, interpersonal world… And online probably felt it wasn’t tough enough so it wasn’t the real work…!! Like I couldn’t focus on online while I still had real world work to do. Like online was a distraction or luxury I hadn’t earned… But yesterday I enjoyed:

• a long call with my sister while walking
• a Zoom lunch with my children and their grandmother
• a Facetime meeting with a colleague
• a Zoom meeting with a work friend
• constant WhatsApp banter with family
• AND a walk in nature, the pleasure of comfy clothes, the freedom to take breaks as I wanted, enjoyment of my lovely home, the company of my G at his desk next to me…
• AND a sense of the fun of connection – so much better than heavy old email or clunking meetings.

I hear you though: helping others is where it all comes alive. And in these current circumstances, we are all in the spirit of helping eachother.

You are welcome to let that spirit of helping others GROW, safe in the knowledge that our lives improve on so many visible and invisible levels when they are geared towards helping people. 

I’ve had a block, haven’t I, over recent months? My work ostensibly is about helping others, but my days have been geared towards helping myself, defending myself financially, and proving myself professionally. I have even hidden my true self, in projecting a NT professional profile, thereby removing from myself the happiness of freely expressing myself.

‘Giddily helping others’ is a thing. It refers to our headlong tumble forward into the work of STO. When we get the feel for it, we scale up. Free self-expression is the catalyst. 

Ok. This is good. So my message for today? (I’m driving 4 hours each way to collect my precious youngest from uni today. The year’s  exams have been cancelled, and bar a few online lectures for the next four weeks, the academic year is over til Oct. It’s currently mid-March…)

The archetype for today is: The Sage. The Sage listens deeply, and speaks freely but little. The Sage knows so very much, and carries that wisdom both lightly and at the fore. The Sage is able to support others, and is supported as she does so. The Sage is unruffled by circumstance because she knows that ‘this too shall pass’. For the Sage, life gets better and better as she learns better how to navigate it, and as she loosens herself from burdens.

The Sage has only love in her heart as she has no need for fear. 

What one thing would you have me do today?

Sense the love in your heart. As you drive, feel it, nurture it, expand it out, revel in it. Your heart is a magnetic instrument. Magnets grow in attractiveness the more you play with them. Play with the living sensation of love in your heart, and see what happens. 

Sense the love in your heart.

 

 

STUDY YOURSELF: [T]he purpose of studying Buddhism is to study ourselves and to forget ourselves. When we forget ourselves, we actually are the true activity of the big existence, or reality itself. When we realize this fact, there is no problem whatsoever in this world, and we can enjoy our life without feeling any difficulties. The purpose of our practice is to be aware of this fact. Zen Mind p79

***Zazen***

Tell me about this forgetfulness of self, please – and how it emerges from self-study. And how it relates to slef-dealership, and to Helping People. Your thought for the day?

The word you are interested in is ‘alignment’.

When a person is in direct alignment with their inner being and highest self, they ‘pop out’ of the cycle of self-concern. This is to say that they become less laboured, less intense, about their own decisions and cares. They not only have a sense of peace and satisfaction, but they also are wiser, more efficient in their decision-making, thus saving themselves time and energy otherwise spent on wheel-spinning. Furthermore, their comfort around STO [service to others] gently and instantly slides into a higher gear – hence, ‘helping people’ becomes easeful and natural (rather than a performance or a chore). 

And how best to we get into direct alignment with our inner beings and highest selves?

You have a range of practices to experiment with playfully. These practices help to shift you into alignment, and as you become familiar with the feeling of alignment, you become both more skilful at sliding over to it, but equally, you become more enthusiastic about staying with that feeling because it feels so good. Gradually, ‘being out of alignment’ becomes akin to stepping into a cold shower. You’d rather not go there. 

Cold showers are meant to be good for us though…

And in truth, once you have mastered alignment, you do get good at going into people’s ‘out of alignment’ space, in the spirit of a paramedic: you don’t intend to get injured/ill like the patient, but you intend to use your good health to help them get out to safety and support. 

Compassion, vs empathy. The empath might take on the suffering state of the other; the compassionate person maintains enough frequency to be able to take action to prevent and alleviate the suffering of another.

So, if you are in alignment, you are better able to be compassionate?

Exactly so. 

And with this in mind, what one thing would you have me do today, this day of days as Covid-19 invites us to change our ways and better our lives? 

Master your alignment enough to reach out to your elderly neighbour and offer her your help. 

Will do. Ty.

Master your alignment

 

Yesterday, alongside holding ‘This too shall pass’ in mind, and Finding What Feels Good, I spent a lot of time crying.

We are in a pandemic situation, with a government that won’t act – because it thinks we’re too stupid/untrustworthy to follow lockdown instructions, but mostly because it cares more for the economy than for the people.

And the accounts coming in from around the world, and the doctors of Italy especially, are heartbreaking. The suffering and loss and overwhelm of the health services. My heart breaks open for those affected now, and those who will be affected.

I must wake up. I must wake up. I must contribute. I must offer something. I must get off my airy-fairy solipsism, and offer something concrete and earthly. I have my one-trick, and I’m really good at it.

Offer it. 

Why the hesitation? 

Is your heart pure? 

I don’t know! Marketing seems like trying to benefit from others’ pain.

Sweetcheeks, are you saying that therapists shouldn’t offer their services, that care agencies shouldn’t advertise, that doctors shouldn’t get paid..?

Awaken, dear soul. Awaken. You have something to give. Give it. Publish your articles. Give your skills away for free, and that will make you feel better and give the karmic cycle some positive momentum. But, whatever it takes… HELP people. Drop the masks of deference, attention-doubting, professional-posturing… and HELP PEOPLE. You have a skill. For heavens’ sake, in this day of all days, USE it, USE it to HELP PEOPLE, come what may. The NHS staff are going to have to give their ALL. Do likewise. Give your all to this situation. OFFER your SERVICES with love and a pure heart. Aim to HELP PEOPLE. You will KNOW when you actually achieve this because you will feel:

• relief
• satisfaction
• peace in your heart

Why? Because you will be aligning with your Inner Being which desperately wants (you to get over yourself and) for you to HELP PEOPLE. Ok? 

Read  now… 

LIMITING YOUR ACTIVITY: When we practice zazen we limit our activity to the smallest extent. Just keeping the right posture and being concentrated on sitting is how we express the universal nature. Zen Mind p75.

May I limit my activity in my meditation practice –  but also in my professional practice, to helping people. 

***Zazen10minsGuidedMarkWilliams***

I am here to help people

I am here on this planet to help people

We all are. That is the secret.

Why don’t they teach us that at school?

Because it would affect commerce so radically. If everyone just STO’ed, commerce would be completely reshaped. We are not saying there would be no commerce, far from it. But it wouldn’t be driven by individualism, competitiveness, hierarchy-signalling, keeping back the good stuff, pillaging the planet, creating toxic products, dependence on low-paid workers, over-payment of senior executives. It would be driven by collaboration, fair exchange, fair pay, level-playing fields and respect for planet and people. 

Your social enterprise thinking. Take it seriously. Articulate it. 

Get out. Stretch your legs. Work to help people today. Truly. Bravely. Loudly. HELP PEOPLE. 

What One Thing would You have me do today?

Change your profiles to ‘helping people have healthy dialogues’. 

Now get on and HELP PEOPLE. Anything you do, ask yourself, “Is this helping anyone?” If not, drop it likes it’s hot. ‘Limit your activity’ to this. You’ll feel good, so good. That good feeling you sought yesterday? It’s here: ‘helping people have healthy dialogues’. Got it? 

Yes. Thank you. This is helpful and encouraging. And wise. And tantalising. And focussing. Goodbye.

HELP PEOPLE

 

 

 

 

 

What is actually happening to this precious world at the moment?

• All of Italy (60million) on stay at home lock down
• Stock markets tumbling like its 2008
• Politicians fumbling around to respond – previous politicking bravado slipping away
• The entire Earth unified around one concern
• Everyone on the planet affected in some way, or about to be
• Panic-buying passim

Que pasa, Tias? De verdad?

Think of a paroxysm, or a convulsion. Consider the way nature is designed to rebalance itself. Know that thought has power. Know that polarity must become unity, because it is nature’s way to be in harmony with itself. Know that living beings throw out toxins. 

But taking the most innocent and vulnerable down to attain rebalance?!

If the living being continues to consume toxins, its weakest organs suffer first. By consume toxins we refer to the consumption of ‘toxic thinking’ as much as anything physical. 

There has been an epidemic of fear and division on this planet. That for me is toxic thinking.

I know it’s important to keep our thoughts up, but I feel sad, and alarmed, and perturbed, and also, like, well here we are, the moment of truth we’ve all been waiting for…

How best can I master my emotions healthily and be of service at this time?

Your fear of sticking your head over the parapet is, ehem, getting in the way. 

Is this you speaking..?

It’s time to turn the Hour Glass over at last, and feel the flow of creative expression. 

Is it now?

If not now then when? 

True. Tell me more, please.

When you are in the flow of creative expression, you feel peace, satisfaction, and the flow towards that which you desire, which is VOICE.

Uf

You have made an ART of keeping your VOICE under wraps, of contorting your voice to fit in, of mimicking, of masking, of sitting on your truth. FREE YOUR VOICE, sweet soul of our heart. FREE it. 

What does that mean, please?

FREE YOUR VOICE means:

• Speak as if only God were your audience
• Sing as if your melodies could heal your most cherished loved one
• Utter your truth as if your life depended on it (it does) 
• Be a mirror to the world you see, with your voice
• Relish hearing your voice, in written or spoken form – like a soprano being moved to tears by the sound of the notes coming out of her mouth – in other words be less attached to being the CREATOR of your words, and more in the sphere of being an astonished ONLOOKER of the World. 
• Exercise your Voice as a muscle

And now, with perfect timing… Let’s read…

****

So, the next Zen Mind chapter is called GOG-GIVING and first touches on the six paramitas, which are summarised here in this article from Dharma Gate Zen:

The paramitas, or perfections, are teachings – guidance for one on the path to awaken. Awakening is achieved through compassion, and through these practices of compassion, we can develop a better way to live. These, like the eightfold path are not designed to be a “step-by-step” course – they are all developed in conjunction.

The Six Paramitas:

Dana Paramita: generosity, giving of oneself, giving time and support where needed, when needed, with no thought of return.

Sila Paramita: virtuous, moral behaviour. Doing what is right, at the right time. Keeping disciplined and on the right path.

Ksanti Paramita: patience, tolerance for people, situations and experiences outside our comfort. Acceptance and forbearance.

Virya Paramita: energy, strength and diligence to stay on the path, even when it becomes difficult and uncomfortable.

Dhyana Paramita: concentration and self reflection. Contemplation on things outside our immediate understanding.

Prajna Paramita: wisdom, understanding, letting go of logic and embracing the void.

I think in this chapter Suzuki-roshi is saying, blend the first paramita (give generously) and the last paramita (wisdom, understanding):

“We have a saying, “Dana prajna paramita.” “Dana” means to give, “prajna” is wisdom, and “paramita” means to cross over, or to reach the other shore.”

This blend makes: ‘wisdom-giving paramita’ (or perfection). Follow the next paragraph in terms of the above conversation about FREEING THE VOICE… It really is saying, give generously of wisdom, in a spirit on non-attachment. Even one line of teaching may be a ferryboat for someone, presumably to the shores of understanding… Beautiful and a bit liberating…

GOD-GIVING: Dogen-zenji said, “To give is non-attachment.” That is, just not to attach to anything is to give. It does not matter what is given. To give a penny or a piece of leaf is “dana prajna paramita”; to give one line, or even one word of teaching is “dana prajna paramita.” If given in the spirit of non-attachment, the material offering and the teaching offering have the same value. With the right spirit, all that we do, all that we create is “dana prajna paramita.” So Dogen said, “To produce something, to participate in human activity is also *dana prajna paramita.’ To provide a ferryboat for people, or to make a bridge for people is ‘dana prajna paramita.’ “Actually, to give one line of the teaching may be to make a ferryboat for someone!‘   Zen Mind p66. 

Time to pause for today. This is a substantial pivot moment. For today use this ‘one line’: “Actually, to give one line of the teaching may be to make a ferryboat for someone!”

And What One Thing would You have me do today? 

Share one line of wisdom teaching on social media

Ok. Ty.

{NEXT DAY}

***Pick up reading***

GOD-GIVING cont: When we sit in the cross-legged posture, we resume our fundamental activity of creation. There are perhaps three kinds of creation. The first is to be aware of ourselves after we finish zazen. When we sit we are nothing, we do not even realize what we are; we just sit. But when we stand up, we are there! That is the first step in creation. When you are there, everything else is there; everything is created all at once. When we emerge from nothing, when everything emerges from nothing, we see it all as a fresh new creation. This is non-attachment. The second kind of creation is when you act, or produce or prepare something like food or tea. The third kind is to create something within yourself, such as education, or culture, or art, or some system for our society. So there are three kinds of creation. But if you forget the first, the most important one, the other two will be like children who have lost their parents; their creation will mean nothing.  Usually everyone forgets about zazen. Everyone forgets about God. They work very hard at the second and third kinds of creation, but God does not help the activity. How is it possible for Him to help when He does not realize who He is? That is why we have so many problems in this world. When we forget the fundamental source of our creating, we are like children who do not know what to do when they lose their parents. …. But if we are aware that what we do or what we create is really the gift of the “big I” then we will not be attached to it, and we will not create problems for ourselves or for others. And we should forget, day by day, what we have done; this is true non-attachment. And we should do something new.  Zen Mind p67/71

This chapter has brought me to tears of relief, and grief, and recognition. Yes.

Our precious voice is easier to unleash if we see it not so much as a representation of our “small I” as a gift of the the gift of the “big I”.

Why has my voice been such a theme in this life?

Who knows the soul’s incarnating decisions? Who knows the karmic contracts? All we know is that life lessons are incredibly precious, and rich veins of personal development to be mined with deep respect, patience and self-honouring. 

Yesterday I had my first visit to the new psychotherapist, and we used a Focusing approach. I found a part called Livid (an old friend tbh) who said I ignored it, and that I should just give it all up (training?) and that I was too chicken to make the requisite changes… Your comment?

Ask Livid.

Ok. Livid, your comment?

Livid: F. you. 

Why?

Livid: I am your Voice, you idiot!

Why so enraged?

Livid: You hate me. 

Do I?

Livid: Clearly or else you would welcome me, incorporate me, integrate me, relish me, honour me, and DIGNIFY me with your respect. 

How best can I do those things? How best can I dignify you with my respect?

Livid: By quoting me verbatim, and not putting me through some safety filter which drains my words of any truth or meaning. You take away the Source of my knowing by sanitising me constantly. 

I’m afraid of speaking your truth. Like people will disown me and leave me in penury.

Livid: You really don’t trust me, your actual Voice, at all, do you? You think dampening me is the way to safety? How’s that going for you, fatty? 

Hey? It’s stress fat, ok? Leave me alone.

Livid: Oh, I do my best to leave you alone, believe me. You should know your stress fat arises virtually purely from ignoring me, the Voice of your Inner Being. You write me down here, suck out the sweetest juice and go out into the world disowning me, pretending you’re just like the non-believing muggles. To fit in. 

And not to impose my beliefs on others. And because of… you know, fear of their judgment.

Livid: Listen to me. LISTEN to me. 

Ok! I’m listening.

Livid: Stop ignoring me, the Voice of your Inner Being, speaking to YOU. 

I know I can be stubborn.

Livid: Stubborn?! You are like a mule! 

How better shall I trust you? How better shall I trust that listening to you won’t hurt me? How better shall I do this wisdom-giving paramita? How better shall I share ‘one line’ etc?

Livid: Know, dear friend, first and foremost, that it is OK to express pain. If it helps you, know that turning that pain into ‘hopes’ or ‘prayers’ is a way of expressing pain without adding to the general suffering of the world, should that be your concern. But, sweet one, you are muted by your belief that you can not give voice to pain, to sadness, to disappointment, to grief, to your longing for change. You worry that you will become or be seen as a ‘Minnie Moaner’ (You should cheer up, darlin’!) But you have been given a Voice with which to speak of what you see, and to revisualise those sights as an expression of potential. If we cannot give Voice to yearning, how can the planet build momentum to evolve? 

So… Speak of my hopes, of my prayers? When I feel pain?

Livid: Yes. 

That does feel like a relief. A blessing, A way forward.

Livid: We know, you don’t want to be seen to be criticising people eg politicians. It’s ok, nonetheless, to speak of your vision, your hopes, your potential, your prayers. Live within those prayers, sweet soul. Live within them. This is the alternative pivot. See what you don’t like, and speak of what you would like to see. 

See what you don’t like, and speak of what you would like to see… 

I would like to see a world in which:

• we care for our elders
• we protect the poorest
• we …

I hear the word, ‘hypocrite!’

Livid: Then use your ‘hopes’ as your guide to life. That’s ok too. Live the learnings of your pain. Live them! 

Yes. I can apply this to my business…

Livid: You talk every few months or so of ‘social enterprise’. Nu? 

Ah yes. This is a good way to live the learnings of my pain. Ty.

***Guided10minSittingMedwithMarkWilliams***

Honour your pain by expressing hope, prayerfully. 

Yes. This. Ty.

What One Thing would You have me do today? 

Turn your pain into prayerfully expressed hope, three times today. 

Ok. Will do. Thank you.

Turn your pain into prayerfully expressed hope

 

Later:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2pappvMPBJwIpPEVNlEGuz?context=spotify%3Ashow%3A44mEoioGlvMk087QOfcOYm&si=R43crxlvS-yrcFinrhLEPA

“Clarity is what you’re shooting for. You know that feeling when you can’t make up your mind? Wanting it and doubting it. That’s split energy. Split energy is the most uncomfortable experience of all experiences. Wanting it and not believing I can have it. Presenting and feeling jealous of people who have it. Wanting it and feeling without it. That’s split energy.” Abraham