Category: The Pivot Project

After the Peak Project I decided I needed to spend less time on these Dialogues of Discernment which were anyway for my eyes only, and repurpose my time and my writing impulses to my professional blog, where I could write about conflict resolution, and be more useful with my writing. But within a few days, the urge to write here became too strong, and I heard, ‘Sometimes we need to talk to you in private.’ And so, I returned here for consolation and guidance. BUT, several weeks in, I heard, ‘Pivot! It’s ‘Pivot’ not ‘Private’.’ And the Private dialogues summarily became the Pivot project. In this project, I sought to find the Autistic Zen Zone which would best give rest and nourishment to my beautiful Aspie brain. This led me to studying Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind as a thread through this project. What a good basis that went on to become, when our days of busy whirlwind productivity came to a grinding halt as the coronavirus pandemic changed life for everyone across the globe. Welcome to the Pivot Project (aka Private).

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Pivot 33: Connection to Source

Yesterday, in ‘Welcoming the Changing Scenery’ and also ‘thinking only of what I want to see more of’… I found myself dwelling on following my railway track and entering… A World of Love (AWOL?!). It took up my whole mind – the idea that in Levelling Up to Level 5, I’d walk through a door to a new environment  (scenery) in which everyone was loving, kind, generous to one another.

A question: if you excluded the news and social media from your idea of your reality, could it not be said that you live in just such a world? 

Ooh.. that bites. Yes! Even my conflict res. clients, are generally simply trying to be achieve a sense of self-worth and safety… They are rarely actively malicious. If ever…!

So. Welcome to AWOL. Where have you been? AWOL?! 

Haha! Very funny!

Let’s read…

REPETITION: Bread is made from flour. How flour becomes bread when put in the oven was for Buddha the most important thing. How we become enlightened was his main interest. The enlightened person is some perfect, desirable character, for himself and for others. Buddha wanted to find out how human beings develop this ideal character—how various sages in the past became sages. In order to find out how dough became perfect bread, he made it over and over again, until he became quite successful. That was his practice. … Actual practice is repeating over and over again until you find out how to become bread. There is no secret in our way. Just to practice zazen and put ourselves into the oven is our way. Zen Mind Beginners Mind p56/7

So, let’s do the practice and see what arises today.

***Zazen15min***

That was tough. I’m still quite unwell with a cold. What’s the lesson today?

The word you were struck by was ‘sage’. What are your sage role models?

  • Getafix
  • Archangel Uriel, the illuminator
  • Esther Hicks
  • Caroline Myss
  • Matt Kahn…

What do they have in common? 

Connection? Connection to Source.

There you go. 

What exactly?

Connection to Source changes everything. Just work with that today. 

Ok. Feel sick.. Should probably stop..

Connection to Source

******

Later in the day:

So it’s 5.30pm on Day 2 of my ‘2 day business pivot’ and virtually all I’ve been able to do is nap. Plus a lovely walk each day. And quite a bit of serious unwinding, and… reconnecting to Source. So. This has arisen: To ask you, or Source, what one thing I could do today, for you, for the World of Love, in service to the tribe... (Like ACIM’s daily prayer, “Where would You have me go? What would You have me do? What would You have me say, and to whom?”)

Hang on a second… Is this the pivot??? From world-orientated decision-making to Source-led decision-making?

And if it were? 

Hallelujah! I was thinking on my walk today, as I prayed out loud, it’s time for some of Caroline Myss’s ‘spiritual madness’…

Want to try it? 

Yes!

Dear Source of my Being,

holy heart of my Soul.

What one thing would You have me do today?

Pick out your 30 favourite books on healthy dialogue. 

Cool. Yes. Easy…. Really? I seem to feel a bit grumpy about it……:-/ What’s with me?

This is faith. Remember this? It’s following the Quiet Inner Promptings on trust.

Ah. Yes. Ok. Will do. This is my pivot. To connect to Source, offer myself up for one darn act of service and then simply follow the Quiet Inner Promptings on trust.

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Pivot 32: Welcome the changing scenery

What is this ‘pivoting’ business, anyway?

You ask today because you have brilliantly set aside two whole days for pivoting your business. We are happy and excited for you!

You are? Why..? Help me get clarity..

Yesterday you were listening to Abraham talking about all the good stuff being there for you in your Vortex and how good it feels to align with the frequency of your Vortex. How would it be if we explained to you that, because you have done such good work on (say) Level 4 of your Vortex, your inner being is now prompting your to level up to Level 5. You sense this prompting by… stress, frustration, being ‘sick of what you’re doing’. As long as you ignore the invitation to level up, the feeling of being ‘out of whack‘ will simply get stronger. 

What happens when people get out of whack is that they tend to focus on trying to ‘correct’ the thing (Level) that’s frustrating them because they’ve outgrown it, rather than doing what the promptings are actually inviting you to do, which is this: 

  • Celebrate having relished this Vortex Level to the max! High fives all round! Face it, when you started out on this Vortex Level (field of activity), it felt awesome, and expansive… this feeling is waiting for you again at the next Level. Your inner being is signalling that your dominant frequency has raised so much it’s time to Level Up for the next goodies.
  • Saunter out of the front door of this Vortex Level and stroll over to the next Level (following your Quiet Inner Promptings for guidance on how to get there). 

Ok! This is helpful. Let it go, let it go… Yes, this resonates with some of the feelings of sadness I’ve been having – Karla McLaren puts that down to needing to let go of the old. And I’m booked in to a couple of appointments to support me with that process. (TRE/Breathework + MindfulPsychotherapy/EMDR).

Tell me more about those Quiet Inner Promptings. 

Quiet Inner Promptings (QuIPs) are chuntering through you all the time. It’s about getting quiet enough to hear them. 

Aha. Sure. Ok.. Let’s read our next chapter of Zen Mind…

PART 2: RIGHT ATTITUDE – SINGLE-MINDED WAY: The Bodhisattva’s way is called “the single-minded way,” or “one railway track thousands of miles long.” The railway track is always the same. If it were to become wider or narrower, it would be disastrous. Wherever you go, the railway track is always the same.   That is the Bodhisattva’s way. Zen Mind p54

***Zazen15minTimer***

Go solo on the single-minded railway track that winds up the mountain of your own Vortex, steady as a sherpa, guided by the Quiet Inner Promptings. 

Question: have I put on weight partly as a way of drowning out the QuIPs?

Loaded question. It’s fair to say that you have been not-feeling-some-feelings along the way. And that’s ok. As you return to your zazen practice you will: 

  • learn to sense and tolerate feelings, and therefore be better able to process them out
  • train your attention effectively, especially in terms of how you use your breath a) to anchor attention and b) to process out feelings. 

If we told us that daily meditation practice is the single kindest thing you could do for yourself, would you hold it against us?

More important than eating?

By a lonnnnnng shot. 

Well, I am hoping the mindful psychotherapist will help me re-establish my practice.

It’s about aligning daily. If you don’t align your frequency at the start of the day, the spin-out of being out of whack is massive, and exhausting for you. Really. You have SO much in your Vortex right now, that if you don’t find a way to get into it daily, you are going to keel over with ‘excess potential’. 

Really?! What do I have in my Vortex??

Go to Level 5 and find the heck out! 

Why Level 5?

It’s literally just a figure of speech. We mean, the whole next level. Imagine a building on many floors, and each floor is like a whole different planet – different decor, different people, different customs, different delights of all kinds. That’s what the Vortex is like. So… be prepared to welcome change. Ok? 

Ok…! Welcome change. But keep on the same single track… No more veering off, with the tracks widening and me feeling torn down the middle – as happened yesterday with that impossible commissioned training I finally wrote, and my waking up fully this morning at 4.30am in a state of high anxiety…

Go back to Zen Mind… 

We say railway track, but actually there is no such thing. Sincerity itself is the railway track. The sights we see from the train will change, but we are always running on the same track. And there is no beginning or end to the track: beginningless and endless track. There is no starting point nor goal, nothing to attain. Just to run on the track is our way. This is the nature of our Zen practice. But when you become curious about the railway track, danger is there. You should not see the railway track. If you look at the track you will become dizzy. Just appreciate the sights you see from the train. That is our way. There is no need for the passengers to be curious about the track. Zen Mind p54

So, does this mean to welcome the changing scenery on my journey?

Yes, appreciate the changing scenery – people, sights, altitude… The scenery of your life is changing; not you. Take comfort in that simplicity, and let your Big Mind settle into itself. You do not need to control the scenery. The scenery is self-changing. Your job is simply, truly, really… just to enjoy it unfolding in front of you. 

Watch one of those train cabin videos… 

Welcome the changing scenery. Do little more than that. 

‘Let the train take the strain!’

Welcome the changing scenery.

 

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Pivot 31: Nothing Special

Last session’s dialogue between CEOme and OPSme gave me a lot to think about. It was helpful to realise:

  1. What awful working conditions CEOme had allowed OPSme to have to handle
  2. How much coaching CEOme needs to do her job well.

The concept that came to mind was SELF-LEADERSHIP. The Self-Leader in us is like the benevolent wise-one, the mature boss, the nurturing parent (in PAC terms).

After a couple of days pondering Self-Leadership, a new approach to time management revealed itself to me.

Basically, if we sleep for 8 hours (as it were) we have 16 hours to play with each day. If I’m not careful, those 16 hours get rail-roaded into Ops, orrrrrr, into hiding from the Ops rail-roading… But no-one’s in charge..! So let’s look at those available slots:

16 hours = 8 slots @ 2hours each, from 7am – 11pm 

Then I worked out what the 8 Activities are for a balanced worklife, with a fair self-employer, and gave each a 3-letter code. The 8 activities can change order but the ideal order (which also flows with G’s day) might be as follows, from 7am.

7/11 Slots (for Self-Leadership) 

  • QTD = Quiet Time & Dress with PJStretches (eg 7-9am)
  • E&E = Exercise and Eating Breakfast/Brunch/Lunch (eg 9-11am)
  • OP1 = Operational Session 1 – client work / paid (eg 11-1pm)
  • OP2 = Operational Session 2 – client work / paid (eg 1-3pm)
  • CEO = CEO / Admin / BusDev / Marketing / Strategy (eg 3-5pm)
  • HOM = Home-making / cooking / dinner / laundry (eg 5-7pm)
  • FUN = Social activities (eg 7-9pm)
  • R&R = Rest & recuperation – 9pm screen curfew + PJStretches, in bed by 10pm to read and sleep (9-11pm)

(timings interchangeable; each activity vital on a daily basis)

I trialled this approach yesterday, and it was such a relief to know that each activity was only going to run for 2 hours max. I felt I could do anything. Also, by the end of the day, everything was in balance: home, business, projects, rest… None of this, “Ooops, I worked flat our on one thing for 6 hours and now the house is a mess and I’m mentally drained and physically exhausted.”

It’s hard to get stressed if you really do switch tasks every 2 hours. 

Ah, this is like Switch20 but for 2 hour slots! Switch120!!

Indeed, it is Switch120. 

So much of our learning has just been about being able to start a task, and then know how to switch task. I feel it’s because as I get older, these aspects of my Aspie brain get harder to manage nimbly.

For this reason, putting down these vital Self-Leadership practices is so valuable. You are setting balanced daily routines which will be sustainable. 

I need to be able to work for the next 30 years I guess… And I couldn’t do it working as I did last week.

You have important work to do. (Everyone does.) You have a CONTRIBUTION to make. Creating a viable daily framework for action is key. 

I spotted this book cover someone handmade, on FB yesterday. The Tony Robbins quote stood out.

Image of a book cover with a Tony Robbins quote about mastering time
Once you have mastered time…

You have spent a long time seeking to order, synchronise, control time. Understanding that ‘timetabling’ is an act of self-leadership, not ‘organisation’, is a big step. Keep developing the Self-Leader in yourself. 

Let’s read. 

NOTHING SPECIAL: In zazen what you are doing is not for the sake of anything. You may feel as if you are doing something special, but actually it is only the expression of your true nature; it is the activity which appeases your inmost desire. But as long as you think you are practicing zazen for the sake of something, that is not true practice. If you continue this simple practice every day you will obtain a wonderful power. Before you attain it, it is something wonderful, but after you obtain it, it is nothing special. It is just you yourself, nothing special. Zen Mind p47

***Zazen10minTimer***

  • I am developing my capacity for self-leadership now I’m xx years old. Nothing special.
  • I am trialling my 7/11 Slots approach (aka Switch120) to time management, to cover all bases daily and have a sustainable working life. Nothing special.
  • I’m developing a new training piece today. Nothing special.
  • I’m taking time out for a walk today. Nothing special.
  • Sometimes I jokingly call my self-leadership ‘my slef-dealership’ to underline that really, it’s nothing special.
  • I’m pivoting my little business to capitalise on online opportunities this week. Nothing special.
  • I’m reducing my trainings down to Go** Ch**, and that’s it. Nothing special.

I like this nothing special approach.

It stops the engine from revving and the temperature going up. Chug chug chug. It’s all perfect and yet it’s all ‘nothing special’. The phrase supports a fair employment life balance. The phrase promotes inner peace. 

Nothing special

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Pivot 30: Be a fair (self-)employer

It’s ‘Pivot’, not ‘Private’.

Ha! Is it now? Well, there’s no better way to underline the art of pivoting than to change the whole project name half way through…

And two key words for today: acquiescent and self-employed. 

Ok. Good stuff. Shall we read?

Sure. ‘No problem.’

Gotcha.

BOWING: After zazen we bow to the floor nine times. By bowing we are giving up ourselves. To give up ourselves means to give up our dualistic ideas. […] My teacher had a callous on his forehead from bowing. He knew he was an obstinate, stubborn fellow, and so he bowed and bowed and bowed. […] If it is our inmost desire to get rid of our self-centered ideas, we have to do it. When we make this effort, our inmost desire is appeased and Nirvana is there. Before you determine to do it, you have difficulty, but once you start to do it, you have none. Your effort appeases your inmost desire. There is no other way to attain calmness. Calmness of mind does not mean you should stop your activity. Real calmness should be found in activity itself. We say, “It is easy to have calmness in inactivity, it is hard to have calmness in activity, but calmness in activity is true calmness.”         Zen Mind p43-46

***Zazen15minTimer+9bows***

The topic of today: acquiescence and the self-employed. 

The question of the day: to whom does the self-employed person bow (or acquiesce)?

I guess your point is that the self-employed person must acquiesce first to herself, and then to the customer… in order to run an actual business.

Excellent. So, let’s imagine there are two facets of you. CEOyou (who designs strategy and looks after business development) and OPSyou (who does the OPerationS with clients). Firstly, let’s have a 1:1 between these two individuals. And let’s bear in mind the themes arising in your conference of yesterday, on embedding best practice in workplace mental health. Let’s run the scenario of their 1:1. 

CEOme: OPSme, welcome. Come on in. Really good to see you. It’s been a while. I guess you’ve been super busy, and out on the road quite a bit. I’ve been looking forward to the opportunity to catch up. How are you?

OPSme: Knackered, to be honest! At breaking point. It’s been non-stop, and I’ve got so many clients, making complex, demanding, arbitrary, confusing, exhausting or exacting demands of me. My body and brain are so tired. And I’m just ballooning up in weight, from stress, comfort-carb-eating and lack of sleep. But, I guess, we’re meeting targets, so that’s good.

CEOme: Targets? What targets?

OPSme: Income per month. That’s the only target I’m aware of. Right?

CEOme: Another target would be your wellbeing, wouldn’t it?

OPSme: Well, I suppose that’s a bit harder to measure. Anyway, I pencil in a schedule of wellbeing and self-care activities, but they often get swept aside by client work. Or, I get to the time for a scheduled self-care activity (eg qigong), and I’m just too tired to carry it out.

CEOme: So, we’re missing targets…

OPSme: If you want to put it like that! :/

CEOme: Your wellbeing is far more important to me than monthly income targets.

OPSme: Really?

CEOme: Of course! It’s not that the monthly income targets aren’t important. It’s that those income targets are 100% reliant on your wellbeing! Your wellbeing must come first! So, I can see we are going to need to pivot the way we run our operations, as a matter of urgency. Can we have a look at your job description together?

OPSme: Job description?! You never gave me one! Nor a contract. Nor a salary. Nor a pension. Nor an EAP. Nor a sickness policy. Nor working hours. Nor even fricking Annual Leave terms!

CEOme: Really?! For real? How did we overlook that?

OPSme: I know, right?!

CEOme: Did you not speak to your union about this?!

OPSme: I don’t have a union. It’s just me. And you.

CEOme: But… this is not legal employment practice!

OPSme: I know, right?!!

CEOme: Well, where should we start? Is it the Job Description, or the working conditions?

OPSme: Hang on for a minute… This is making me feel a bit teary… I never thought we would have this conversation! I thought I just had to put up with this way of life… Ok. I’m ok. Let’s carry on. Tbh, I think it’s the JD first. Like, am I in charge of BD and finance, or are you? Who the heck does that stuff, and when? And who protects those activities from client work? And who defines what the client work is, because at the moment, we seem to do TOO MANY COMPLEX JOBS, and it’s really tiring. We say YES to anything and everything. WHAT DO WE DO? Where are the boundaries of our business? ARE THERE ANY? It makes me crazy the way we’re constantly leaping about doing new stuff, which EXHAUSTS me. When is the time when we set out our stall and say, “This is it. This is what we do and nothing else. And this is how much it costs. And this is how you buy it.” Hm?! Because at the moment you are sending me out like a circus pony doing a million tricks…

CEOme: And you want to be a one trick pony.

OPSme: Believe me, I love variety! I do thrive on the challenge of ‘If you gotta problem, yo, I’ll solve it…’ and I worry about my tolerance of simplicity and whether I have the maturity to be able to tolerate the one trick pony lifestyle. But… my body seems to be demanding it.

CEOme: And what’s your One Trick?

OPSme: Resolution.

CEOme: Shall we cancel the training aspect of our work?

OPSme: Honestly, if we could for a bit, I think that would be good for my health. But I need you to do that. Please, step up for me, and be the business manager. Protect me as your Ops dude out there on the frontline. Please.  I can’t do this all on my own. I need to work 50:50 with you.

CEOme: You need me to work 50:50 with you?

OPSme: Yes. Or it’s just not viable! I don’t know… Do you need training, or coaching, or support, or something?? You seem to prefer to hang back in the shadows and let me run with things. But you need to step up and start leading this business, and managing me, and protecting me, so that I can do the stuff that makes the money.

CEOme: If I’m honest, I’ve been a bit unsure what to do. And that means I hang back. I prefer to put the focus on you.

OPSme: It’s not fair that way. You HAVE to have my back. … Hang on… Do you think the CEO work is… boring?

CEOme: I kind of see it as ‘admin’. Not important… Not glamorous. And it doesn’t play to my strengths… Sorry.

OPSme: I thought so! Ok, so. You need to study leadership and management then, my friend! Really. You can’t sit there and do nothing, and leave it all up to me. You are going to need to find your identity! And own it. And take pride in … setting strategy, protecting your workforce, making the business glow. You need to be the boss.

CEOme: I really want to do this. Thank you.

OPSme: We need to bow to each other. We need to acquiesce to each other’s needs, NOT the challenging demands of our valued customers who are simply trying to work out what we sell and what we do. You have to step up to the plate. And that will help me do the same, sustainably.

CEOme: I hear you. Thank you. I will take leadership coaching… or self-coaching. I will be a better leader of this organisation.

OPSme: Self-employment is You employing Me. Be a fair employer. And an intelligent one.

CEOme: There’s a lot for me to learn here.

Be a fair (self-)employer.

 

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Private 29: There is no problem

NO DUALISM: There is no problem. One year of life is good. One hundred years of life are good. Zen Mind p43

There is no problem.

This is so deep.

It takes me back to A Course in Miracles.

This is equanimity.

I lost a bit of this equanimity in having a ready audience for my dramas in my kind new partner.

There is no problem.

What a relief… Right?

Think there’s a problem? Breathe that idea out…

Notice how you can only think there’s a problem?

Those pesky thoughts!

No problem! 

So for today? (I’m at a conference.)

Take ‘No problem!’ out in to the world with you. Sweep in to the world with the spirit of ‘No problem!’ and the relief of that knowing. Leave the hotel and go out on to the street with the will to let everyone know {with your eyes!} the Good News that there is no problem. Catch glimpses of what ProblemFace looks like in you, and in your dear brothers and sisters. Catch a glimpse of it, and let compassion well up in you! ‘It doesn’t have to be this way!’ The ProblemFace only arises from ProblemThoughts which arise from ProblemThinking. All of that can be gently stepped down. But… try telling people that, and you’ll get a new problem in your face! So, no need to preach the good news! Just bring this new consciousness out into the world with you today: there is no problem. And be a beacon of awareness of the greatest secret on Earth: there is no problem. 

Beautiful. Ty.

No problem. 

Ha!

There is no problem. 

 

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Private 28: Breathe it out

THE MARROW OF ZEN: ‘Actually the best way to relieve your mental suffering is to sit in zazen, even in such a confused state of mind and bad posture. If you have no experience of sitting in this kind of difficult situation you are not a Zen student. No other activity will appease your suffering. In other restless positions you have no power to accept your difficulties, but in the zazen posture which you have acquired by long, hard practice, your mind and body have great power to accept things as they are, whether they are agreeable or disagreeable.’ Zen Mind p40

I am getting a sense of how zazen practice builds our ability to accept the agreeable and the disagreeable with equanimity.

That is really good stuff.

Having become a little tired and stretched and stressed from overworking recently, I’ve lost some of my spring. My mind is slightly leaning into disagreeable ‘bias’ – seeing the negative or not appreciating the positive fully.

I wonder this: if I had one hundred days left, what would make them most agreeable to me. Can I picture, visualise, gift myself 100 happy days? Or is that not in the spirit of equanimity? I just feel it would be good to direct my attention to the upwards flow.

Lovely. Directing your attention to the upwards flow is perfect. Yes. We highly recommend this. You have the power of immense imagination and outmanifesting of all goodness and joy … right at hand. Your zazen practice, your meditation, is your key to the doorway of your joy and the release of resistance. 

Ah, resistance. Abraham talks about that a lot… Am I in a resistant state, when I’m wound up? How to unwind… on a definitive basis…?

Practice. Zazen. Qigong. Walking. Exhale – exhale – exhale… Let your days be fulllll of exhale. Minimise tautness – let it not intrude. Let your inhale be light, conscious, free, and brief… 

Yesterday, a day of training. It’s a big gulp of an inhale… Though sharing the training with another person sure helps…

What makes you go ‘aaahhhh’? 

Helping people with CR. Not training.

***Zazen5mins***

Arising: “Stop holding your breath”

Both: ‘literally’ (gripping, not giving myself the full relaxing exhale) but also in terms of ‘waiting’ (as in ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath). What are you waiting for? This is it. This is you at the top of your powers. 

Breathe out and flow upwards. Let it go. Breathe it out. This is it. It is now. Breathe it all out, the agreeable and the disagreeable, with full acceptance, with full equanimity. Breathe it out. 

Breathe it out. 

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Private 27: Note: Inhale. Note: Exhale.

NGL… Yesterday, the aforementioned colleague and I nearly fell out. We were working at very different paces, and I could handle it for the first 4 hours (without a break or getting up from my chair…) and I felt some of the camaraderie and flow of above, but as we floated on past the time I’d said I would have to leave without our having finished at all, and it was then assumed I could just give up my Sunday for the project too (because she was taking much longer than we had planned to finish her elements), I started to unravel and my frustration started popping out through the seams. Eventually, I said bleakly, “I think I should go. I’m clearly too tired to do this properly.” and I gathered my stuff and hustled frostily out. :-///

The thing is we have different working styles: my style is to work out what time I have, and then work like a ruddy turbo-charged bunny to get the thing done in the time available. (And I very rarely cancel on social activities or volunteer work ‘because of work’ because I take care to manage my workflow so that largely it stays within work hours, even if that means I have to push.) My colleague takes time to ponder and relish and mull over. It means that to meet our project deadline, I’ve therefore done most of the work. On turbo-charge. Which is not good for my health.

And your learning is?

Collaboration can be exhausting. For me.

And the MindWeed at hand is…?

The MindWeed is: My notion that ‘I can’t do it alone. I need a collaborator to work with to get stuff done, and to navigate the sales and the clients…’

BUT, I don’t with the Self-Coaching guru (which I now have as a spreadsheet).

I’ve been thinking about how I work in two quite intense, and polar opposite modes -which I can call INHALE and EXHALE.

This writing happens in EXHALE mode… Super open, free-ranging.

My comms and work to deadline happens in INHALE mode…. requiring tightening of focus. I need to get into INHALE mode to finish everything today.

Remember to embark on your day after zazen practice…

***Zazen15minTimer***

Arising……. This in/out focus is the antidote to some of the MindWeeds around procrastination, or lack of self-direction….

NOTE: Inhale

NOTE: Exhale

NOTE: Inhale – sensations of gathering, growing, strengthening, uplifting, focusing, directing, ‘golden anchor’

NOTE: Exhale – sensations of grounding, settling, unwinding, opening, listening, forgiving, ‘dropping anchor’

NOTE: Inhale mode – prefrontal cortex engaged, momentum building,  accelerating round bends, executive functioning, mental director sets the stage, boundaries clear, target set, active, no multitasking  thank you (Activities include: work, comms, working to deadline, navigating tasks)

NOTE: Exhale mode – completing the stress response cycle, replenishing, applying the breaks, cruising in neutral, resting, recouping, processing, parasympathetic state, passive, receiving, multitasking in Harry Potter mode is fine… (Activities include: QT, time with G, eating, resting, relaxing, reading, daydreaming) 

This is so helpful in terms of my immense challenges (and opportunities) with task switching. And a good potential antidote to:

  • excess inhale (turbo-charging, efforting, pushpushpush, scanscanscan)
  • excess exhale (swimming in imagination, not grounded, avoiding tasks, letting QT or social media eat up my time)

NOTE: Inhale

NOTE: Exhale

Ok. Will do that today. Ty. And I’ll seek balance of both. No excess. Maybe Noting Exhale will make engaging with and stopping Noting Inhale easier. This is about safe and sensible executive functioning.

Letting your Self-Coach be your guide as to when to switch from Inhale to Exhale Mode.

It is getting ‘stuck’ in either Inhale Mode or Exhale Mode that leads to exhaustion, overwhelm, adrenal fatigue, frustration and panic. Your system will trust you better, and be more willing to switch task, when you demonstrate that you can and will and do keep your Inhale Mode and Exhale Mode in equilibrium – like lungs expanding and reducing, like the waves ebbing and flowing, like the sun rising and setting, like the swinging door opening and closely. Movement eternal. 

Infinity symbol
Infinity symbol

Note: Inhale. Note: Exhale. 

 

 

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Private 26: Spot mindweeds

MINDWEEDS: ‘You should rather be grateful for the weeds, because eventually they will enrich your practice. … Once you understand our innate power to purify ourselves and our surroundings, you can act properly, and you will learn from those around you, and you will become friendly with others. This is the merit of Zen practice. But the way of practice is just to be concentrated on your breathing with the right posture and with great, pure effort. This is how we practice Zen.’ Zen Mind p36/7.

***Zazen15minTimer***

Arising: We can all be ‘cherry pickers’ to each other. The deal is, we have to agree to get on each others’ machines, and trust the drivers to elevate us safely.

Doctors, therapists, teachers, mentors, collaborators: all cherry pickers.

This is about interdependence. right?

What Cherry Pickers does FutureYou need?

JLG 120 SX Self Propelled Boom

I don’t know. I guess PresentMe needs to effort less, and let the due process take its course..

She can also use a self-propelled cherry picker.

She made a self-coaching spreadsheet. How can she work with it best?

Find the driving panel of the self-propelled cherry picker?

The little steering knob…

Yes. 

Executive function.

‘Once you understand our innate power to purify ourselves and our surroundings, you can act properly, and you will learn from those around you, and you will become friendly with others.’

What is this innate power to purify myself, and how do I apply it today?

By plucking out MindWeeds. 

I did that a bit in my zazen practice. What do you mean for today?

By plucking out MindWeeds. 

Oh, like dirty li’l habits of thought and action?

Yes! Playfully so!! 

Like, procrastination… solipsism… task-dodging… cloying… recoiling…

Lo que sea. Whatever MindWeed you can SPOT (and ‘splat’) is perfect! That’s the playful game for today! 

Spot mindweeds today…! Ok.

Write em up

Spot mindweeds

*****

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2EG2IUSA9WL9UzRuSBWUf4?si=HPj-sc-ERd-E_JyL2nXrvw

 

Reminded by this Abraham podcast about Segment Intending. A great way to get ahead of MindWeeds – which I’ve noted are largely around ‘being too wound up/fraught/exhausted to unwind’. Basically masses of Suzuki’s Limited Mind (bcs my aspiring brain is scanscanscanning incessantly) and not quite enough internal Big Mind. Ok:

Segment Intending for this afternoon (a Sat afternoon working with a colleague..):

(Oh wow!! The colleague literally just texted to postpone for 30mins later… I was due to leave for her house in 5 mins, so now I have 35 mins for this exercise. Awesome timings.)

  • I love it when we get stuff done together.
  • I love it when we have the feeling of teamwork.
  • I love it when we complete stuff.
  • I love it when we work out everything’s probably more sorted than we’d thought.
  • I love it when souls connect and flow.
  • I love it when there’s a shared sense of purpose.
  • I love it when there’s time for everything.
  • I love it when I get some lunch in ahead of the meeting.
  • I love it when I make time for buying a little gift and that goes down well.
  • I love it when we create magic together.
  • I love it when I feel on top of my game.
  • I love it when I feel a sense of It Is Done, in advance.
  • I love it when I can look down on the timeline of past, present and future and see what amazingly good work I was participating in.
  • I love it when I can see how PresentMe is calibrating with evolved FutureMe.

*****

 

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Private 25: Set your own agenda

MIND WAVES: ‘Many sensations come, many thoughts or images arise, but they are just waves of your own mind. Nothing comes from outside your mind. … You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called big mind. If your mind is related to something outside itself, that mind is a small mind, a limited mind. … Because we enjoy all aspects of life as an unfolding of big mind, we do not care for any excessive joy. So we have imperturbable composure, and it is with this imperturbable composure of big mind that we practice zazen. ‘  Zen Mind p34-6

***Zazen15minsWithTimer***

I had this clear impression of small/limited mind (‘your mind is related to something outside itself’) as being choppy waters (full of mind waves)…

Joe Salter Juggling Triathlete
Joe Salter Juggling Triathlete

And big mind (‘you leave your mind as it is’) as being those calm, waveless waters:

Floating in the sea (via whereandwander.com)
Floating in the sea (via whereandwander.com)

I returned to the impression of a floating ‘me’ whenever I noticed that I was juggling ideas about the world ‘outside’… I did feel the expansiveness of big mind, after about 10 minutes.

What is the learning for me here today?

Welcome. It’s good to see you. 

I love the big mind feeling. I could stay there forever.

It can also be said that swimming in the big mind sea regularly makes a person much more detached and able and clear-minded in dealing with the outer world – and thereafter you no longer have the desire to hide in the big mind. 

Ok. I’m willing to believe that.

I want to talk about my autistic mind. Your thoughts, with regards to Big Mind and Mind Waves?

Perhaps you sense that your Mind Waves are bigger or more frequent than NT folks? 

And occasionally, they are Mind Tsunamis (aka meltdowns). But in general, the constant lap, lap, lapping of the waves, and the rolling about of my mind-boat, is just TIRING. Sometimes, it’s great – and I love the stimulation – and I ride about the ocean of my mind as if on a jetski… But, when there is Stuff to Do, it can be boring, or impractical. Herding cats.

Thus, the beautiful autistic mind is invited to…? 

To….. get nun like. Simple life; simple routine; big mind at its max potential.

To…. minimise relating ‘to something outside itself’.

To set its own agenda. 

Oh. Really. Just that. Sounds ominously like ‘Writing a List of Things to Do’… What do you mean?

To set your own agenda means to set the driving principles for the use of your time, energy and creativity. 

Have I been giving that agency away?

But isn’t that what a freelancer does? Give up their time, energy and creativity for money. Isn’t that how we survive?

Are you a freelancer? 

Or a ‘solo entrepreneur’?! I read that phrase this morning and it did stand out. The difference being…

Agency. Who sets the final agenda. 

As in: a freelancer can set their agenda – ‘I want to work in X field’. But within X field, it’s the client who then sets the freelancer’s final agenda on each project.

Whereas the solo entrepreneur…

Is captain of their own ship, setting it’s course, destination, crew and schedule.

I see. That’s quite a step change, really.

It would certainly give me more Big Mind creative floating space and less Small/Limited Mind splashing about juggling (clients’) balls in the water.

A freelancer sells herself and her skills. An entrepreneur sells a product or a service. A social entrepreneur sells a product or service that benefits people. What’s your product or service? 

CR service.

Are you setting your own agenda? Are you captaining your own ship across the oceans? 

Could do better.

This would give you more ‘time, energy and creativity’. 

Thank you for being my business self-coaching guru.

A coach helps you hold yourself to account, so: What next steps will you take to define and set your own agenda as a solo social entrepreneur?

What?? This is new. Ehem… Well. Let me get up, go for a walk and think about it….

***Walk…and 24 hours of thinking***

Next steps:

  1. Shift practice online
  2. Consolidate training to one offer
  3. Pitch writing

Excellent. How does that feel? 

I’ve been writing a long list of pros and cons… But the pros are more numerous. I need to make the shift online, and reduce my training for the good of my physical and mental health. It’s as simple as that. My concern is that I’ll miss being with people… but, I am reminding myself that digital nomads get to travel about, and hang out with loved ones, and have MUCH more energy for social times. My other concern is whether it’ll all actually take off and sustain me (as the freelance/mercenary work does), but I have to remember that in simplifying the work, I’ll have more energy for marketing and BD.

This was really, really good work you did here. 

It arose out of settling into Big Mind. So much clarity arose out of that.

Ok, so as your self-coach, the next question is: what are the next steps towards your next steps?

Well I know it always seems to come to this, and either I never do it or I do it do a dull thud… but I think it’s about producing 3 documents, with the 3 offers.

And doing what with them? 

Translating them to my website and sending them out passim?

What’s the block here..?

Too scattergun? Too word heavy? Who reads documents? Shouldn’t a picture tell a thousand words?

Ok, so..?

Do a picture instead? Put it into nice visual slides? Yes. This. “A deck” per strand which I can present, and send…?

And then? 

Present and send them… passim.

How are you feeling?

Pretty broken, tbh. Exhausted.

Can you imagine this work would set you up for the next five years?

Would I want to do such work for the next five years??

There’s your next question. Excellent. 

***Zazen***

Arising: Truth of the matter. Feelings of hate, rage, wrath… All emotions requiring BOUNDARIES. Feeling ‘put upon’ by those I have given my power to.

Do I want that for the next 5 years. NO. Let me return to the idea of being a One Trick Pony: CR.

Practical steps?

Redacted text

You are using your depression well. You are listening to its messaging and acting accordingly. Well done. 

‘Use your depression. It’s trying to show (and grow) you something.’ There’s a book title…

A sudden sense of ‘I can do anything if I put my Big Mind to it’ – and use the Self-Coaching business guru…

You are building momentum for FutureYou. 

I am. There is a great deal that PresentMe can do to surprise, delight and tickle FutureMe. Awesome.

Set your own agenda

 

 

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Private 24: Remain unmoved

CONTROL: To give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow is the way to control him. So it is with people: first let them do what they want, and watch them. This is the best policy. To ignore them is not good; that is the worst policy. The second worst is trying to control them. The best one is to watch them, just to watch them, without trying to control them. The same way works for you yourself as well. If you want to obtain perfect calmness in your zazen, you should not be bothered by the various images you find in your mind. Let them come, and let them go. Then they will be under control. But this policy is not so easy. It sounds easy, but it requires some special effort. How to make this kind of effort is the secret of practice.        Zen Mind, p32

‘Let them come, and let them go.’ People and thoughts…

Remain unmoved.

***Zazen – 15min on the timer***

‘Remain unmoved’ was the perfect anchor for ‘let them come and let them go’.

My practice felt like an extended version of one of those laughing games, where you have to sit very still with a straight face while someone tries to crack you up with their ever sillier facial expressions. My thoughts were the clown – and some thoughts were laugh-inducing, while others were shock-inducing… Overall, the thoughts were trying to get me to react.

Reaction = E-motion = Movement. 

Yes. It’s all about that ‘jumping out of one’s seat’ feeling – whether attracted by good or bad thoughts.

Iron filings on a magnetI felt like a pile of iron filings with magnets dancing around me. The magnets represented horrors, delights, urgencies, impatiences, fears, ‘brilliant ideas’ and reminders. My job was to ‘remain unmoved’ and not leap up and stick to one of the magnets; not to get ‘carried away’!

This is where the sense of spaciousness is so vital. If you feel spaciousness, and if you rescind control, then actually the field of play for all the magnets becomes vast – and the attraction to reaction weakens as the magnets dance upon the vast, spacious meadow of your consciousness. 

Yes. And it’s not about sitting there impassive and deadened. It seems there can be an awareness of the leaping magnets, and even a fondness for them.

Indeed! However, do you notice how your fondness must extend to allllll the magnets? If it is not a blanket fondness, what do you get? 

Judgment!

And what does judgment bring? 

A leaping out of one’s seat. Getting carried away by the magnet. An urge to control. Reaction.

So this means fondness towards the horrors and the delights in equal measure…

Exactly. 

‘Whatever we see is changing, losing its balance. The reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance, but its background is always in perfect harmony.’ Zen Mind p31/2

This is the key to mental freedom, isn’t it? Accepting that reality is as stable as a pat of butter at the top of a metal slide on a sunny day…

Truly, if we can accept that instability, change, contrast, slipping, sliding and imbalance is, at the very least, simply ‘ok’, then we are liberated from our compulsion to try to control what is uncontrollable. And in time, we come to see the exquisite beauty in the dynamic impermanence of reality. 

If we can let go our grip on the imaginary reins. If we can learn to rest as iron filings and not leap up to be carried away by the magnets.

If we can but learn to trust that it is safe for us to be aware of the contrasts of our conditions (the horrors and the delights) and yet remain unmoved, then suddenly, oh what wonders, we have access to a whole new immense well of energy with which to play and create. 

I’m up for this. I’m up for rescinding control, expanding my sense of spaciousness, and learning to remain unmoved.

Remain unmoved