Tag: corona diaries

Posted on

Pivot 96: I am relishing what is, and what is coming

Scene from the Generation Game gameshow

#ILoveWhat’sComing was a beautiful game to play! Endless opportunities to see the future coming towards us as a Generation Game conveyor belt of prizes…

Scene from the Generation Game gameshow

I noted a few of the ‘good things coming’ that came to mind when I put my Heart in Green zone / neutral and said…

#I love what’s coming: 

  • A week of connecting with people online
  • Being able to contribute to the #IPWOA
  • People articulating effectively together about our politics
  • Greater consensus in the UK about what is good for the common good
  • Alllll the good stuff I don’t even know about! 
  • Spending much more time in the Green HRV zone in the future – good for health, wealth and planet for us all
  • Mmmm… breakfast
  • Continuing to learn how to care for my wellbeing
  • A sandwich!
  • A walk on the hills we can see from our house 20 miles away – our first ‘drive + walk’ since Lockdown! 
  • Approx 1000 meals every year for the rest of my life!
  • All those birthdays ahead
  • Holidays and walks and outings to experience
  • Films I’ll watch

This ‘looking ahead to what’s coming’, and generating good feelings (coherence) in the present is a beautiful new step for me. It is the soft antidote to the tendency of my autistic brain to see the future as either dreadfully problematic or so undefined as to appear dull.

It’s hard to explain – as it may appear childish… But I have now seen that relishing and appreciating – past, present or future – is genuinely key to heart coherence and a balanced ANS.

Also, this Lockdown has taught me how very much there is to be enjoyed in the simplest things, without need for external affirmation, travel or money.

Let’s do the Inner Balance practice.

***15minInnerBalanceMed – 61% high coherence – av. coherence 2.5***

 

Screenshot of Inner Balance app

[Not my best. I’m a bit nervy about the amount of work and prep I need to do today.

So, dear soul, please go ahead and prep. Work more with #ILoveWhat’sComing. Let’s pick up from here tomorrow.]

*****Back the next day****

This Inner Balance device is teaching me to really get calm and present before I do things – delivering an online training session for example; or to use my daily walk to riff on what I’m appreciating in my mind. Why is this so powerful? It means I’m spending more of my day in coherence. I hadn’t realised now much of my day I was spending in the stress state of incoherence and sympathetic ANS. This device is making me more aware. And I think the results are becoming apparent.

Last night, I slept 7h50mins between 22.02pm and 06.48am according to my FitBit! With really good restorative sleep – meaning  my heart rate actually dropped below my resting heart beat for most of the night. Look:

FitBit screenshots of sleep data today
FitBit screenshots of sleep data today

 

Playing #ILoveWhat’sComing is a really good way to get into the positive present too, and bring a sense of appreciation, optimism and relief about the future. (This is basically the antidote to anxiety – what a gift!)

Let’s do today’s Inner Balance session.

***15minInnerBalanceMed – 77% high coherence – av. coherence 3.3***

Inner Balance app screen shot today
Inner Balance app screen shot today

Do you know what helped me settle in to high coherence?

  1. Following the breathing ‘chaser’ and holding ‘no thought’ – just very neutral in my brain
  2. Then, bringing in real time affirmation – first ‘I am safe, I am ok, I am sitting here’… then more in the Abraham-Hicks morning rampage of appreciation mode: ‘Here I am, and everything is working out for me. Good things are coming to me today. I’m doing so well…’

Useful to know. Honestly, the Inner Balance device is like a kindly lie detector – the moment you slip in to ruminative thought or anxious sensations, it notifies you! Amazing.

So today?

Today is a good day, a really good day. Everything is working out for you. Everything is going smoothly, and there’s really no need to bring too much energy (or ‘zazz’) to what you do today. It’s all under control. You have a great routine and it covers all that needs to be covered. So you can relax, safe in the knowledge that all good things are flowing to you, and the more you settle in to neutral mind or the positive present, the more you are lining up with all the good things, and the more you will be able to relish what is. Yes, relish what is. 

I love the word ‘relish’. What is ‘zazz’?

Zazz is the surge of energy you put in to something that you very much want to work well. Only, it is often so ‘surgey’ that it shorts the circuits. It certainly introduces incoherence. Your zazz is generated by the belief that effort makes the thing work. But nature is not like that. Time, sun, water, patience and relishing make all the things work: the trees to grow and the fruits to appear as if from nothing. Remember your Tao Te Ching? Softly does it, dear soul. Softly does it. 

If you have energy to pour in to a moment, pour it in to relishing what already is, and what you sense to be coming of its own accord. 

Beautiful – and will take a bit of practising. Thank you so much.

I am relishing what is, and what is coming (#NoZazz)

Relish

to like or enjoy something:
I always relish a challenge.
 
If you relish the idea or thought of something, you feel pleasure that it is going to happen:
She’s relishing the prospect of studying in Bologna for six months.
the enjoyment you get from doing something:
She ate her cake slowly and with relish.

 

Posted on

Pivot 95: I am welcoming what’s coming (#I love what’s coming)

Yesterday, to get ‘my House in order’, I started doing weekend housework chores at pace. Within an hour, I’d retreated to bed tearful, tired and frazzled, feeling the need for comfort and affection. Eventually, I dragged my sorry soul out for a walk. After a break of a week or so, because there had been a pause on podcasts being released, I put on Esther-Hicks episodes as I walked… and oh my word, what a relief to hear that voice and to remember: I need to look at what is wanted to what is unwanted; I need my attention to align with my inner being.

No wonder I’d been feeling terrible. I’d thrown my attention on to these revelations of the government’s chief adviser having flouted the rules of lockdown – and the Cabinet rallying around like side-kicks to justify his behaviour… And doing so had drained me. It had put me in constant, gruelling ‘red zone’ in terms of my dear Heart and HRV.

I think your advice yesterday about getting my House in order, maybe referred not to my laundry, as much as to my energetic alignment?

Yes! Absolutely! 

Can I add one beautiful triumph of solidarity…?

If you want.

https://twitter.com/ByDonkeys/status/1264575582530142211

How do you feel now? 

Hm… purple zone? Red zone..?

Was is worth it? 

I doubt it. I guess I wanted to tell the story here. Keep a record of this historic time.

Telling the story; keeping a record. It’s very hard not to vibrate in alignment with the same frequency as the ‘bad thing’ you are highlighting, when you insist on telling the story and keeping a record. 

Ah… Shall we reboot?

Let’s. 

***15mInnerBalanceMediationSession***

 

Ok, ok! I remember now! The love state is what gets the Heart in coherence. Including, simply doing Matt Kahn’s ‘I love yous’. Remember how hard I had to work to do that? MK would say, tell yourself ‘I love you’,  100, 200 times a day. I practised it because I trust his wisdom, and I sensed it got me in a good state. Today, with the Inner Balance app I saw the biofeedback evidence: I had kept slipping in to the purple or red zones, even if I thought of people / memories I appreciated… but once I started thinking ‘I love you’ to myself, I slid straight in to the green zone and stayed there. Adding self-encouraging comments helped too: ‘You’re doing so well; you worked really hard this week; you’ve been doing your best…’ Just rolling Green Zone… Heart Coherence. The parasympathetic state. Renewing emotions. Good for my health – and so, so good (I sense) for the collective frequency of the planet. Our good feeling thoughts create a force field of coherence and love. It’s just physics… Amazing.

Attention training is a great art. You can change your life, and add good vibes to your world, by up-levelling your attention, again and again and again. Now you are feeling it in your body, you have the opportunity to practise high coherence at will. You must be very pleased.

I’m astounded… I’m excited at the prospect ahead of me as I really learn and embed these techniques and practises.

I’m also becoming aware how super, super sensitive this HRV / coherence system is!!

You mean the Heart? It is the most finely-tuned instrument on the planet. 

More finely tuned than the brain?

The brain is analogue. The heart is digital. It’s that much of a difference. 

Wow. And I’ve been running analogue all this time.

Actually, you’ve been running on digital while thinking you were merely on analogue.  You’ve been using the analogue handbook for a digital machine – like trying to drive a Porsche racing car using only the manual for an automatic Ford Ka. 

Oof. No offence to Ford Kas…

Or to your brain.

Thanks. 😉

So now you are pivoting from Head-orientation, to Heart-orientation. Are you delighted? 

Well, yes..! I’m getting there, as learn to I understand what it is and how it feels in my body. It’s so subtle! I get the sense, using this Inner Balance device, that I’m learning a whole new language with my eyes closed…

Eyes open actually, in that you can see the read-out on the machine’s app. 

True. It’s astonishing. So… today? I never actually finished getting ready for the week ahead… But I’d love to have time outside, and some real rebooting…

It’s time to apply this HeartMath to your segment intending. Find out what makes your heart sing in the way your heart sings when you are in the Green Zone, and do that next. Really trust your intuition to guide you. Imagine each segment is about two hours, no more. 

Ok, so this next segment… Heart? What takes you in to the Green Zone?

<3: It really is about the appreciation of all souls. I need you to appreciate all souls. To withhold judgment. Scorn and judgment exhausts me. So please, stop looking at those upon whom you would pour disdain, or who ‘disgust’ you. Rise up to support all living beings, in love.

Your well-organised clinic: take joy in THAT! Take pride and delight in THAT! Turn your attention to cleansing, replenishing and affirming the sanctity of your well-organised  clinic (WOC). If you feel fear or heaviness about any aspect of your clinic ahead this week, take the opportunity afforded you by this extra ‘holiday’ to flush out any concerns, so that you can arrive at your WOC in full peace, confidence and personal enjoyment. You must bring that Green Zone to your WOC, so flush out anything that is generously calling for your cleansing attention. 

A truly WONDROUS week awaits you! We will have the privilege of connecting with over one hundred souls across the week. What a gift! Are you excited? Are you appreciative of how your prayers are answering themselves as you align with your inner being – with me? Are you hurrying to greet your ‘vision of life made manifest’, as a lover runs to their beloved? Are you aware of, and AWAKE to, the miracles occurring in your personal sphere?

Wow, that’s true… Thank you for this reframing. It’s to easy to call on the seemingly impossible and then feel a bit overwhelmed when it arrives.

Say: I am welcoming the week ahead. Four sacred days of service in my well-organised clinic. This is the blessing I have been asking for. This is the new paradigm I am living in. This is all that we could ever have hoped for in this moment. And we know that there is more to come. I am welcoming what’s coming, because I have asked for beautiful things and now I am in the receiving mode. It’s all just physics! 

Welcoming what’s coming is a really heart-coherent feeling…

There we go. Play with this… 

I am welcoming what’s coming (#I love what’s coming)

Posted on

Pivot 94: I am putting my House in order today

***2x15minInnerBalanceMeditations***

‘The world has gone mad today and good’s bad today, and black’s white today, and day’s night today…’ 

Note the purposefully misspelt hashtag  #dominiccummimgs: Twitter had quietly stopped calculating tweets referencing Dominic Cummings in their ‘trending’ algorithms yesterday, so the twitter community found a work round… It’s so grim.

Our government… No, not ‘our’. Not ‘my government’. In this country, democracy is a broken toy being kicked to smithereens by playground bullies. Time for the rising forward of a new system of national stewardship, run on principles of consultation and compassion.

I was/am unwinding this weekend, as we discussed yesterday. It just helps to get this sadness out of my system in order to unwind…

I haven’t seen Dad in over 2 months. I wonder if I ought to be going to see him today from a distance for moral support at least… But then, is it against the guidance? Who f****g knows any more.

I’m so sad about the psychopathy rampaging in the halls of power in this country. I feel loss. I can’t bring myself to express it fully.

Keep the Heart in balance. 

Yes. This sort of thinking would have my HRV in the red zone according to the Inner Balance monitor. No good at all.

Whereas the innocent statement, ‘I am breathing in oxygen… my needs in this moment are met…’ sends me straight to green.

So. Today?

Put your House in order, dear soul. 

Aha.. yes.

This is not a criticism, it’s meant very pragmatically. If you know your home to be in order, you can relax all the more. It is an act of rebellion to bring about order when the apparent ‘powers that be’ are sowing the seeds of chaos, discord and dissension. Bring about order. Create harmony. Sow the seeds of simplicity. Inhabit your homestead and invoke coherence. 

Beautiful. Thank you.

I am putting my House in order today

 

 

Posted on

Pivot 93: I am unwinding like a maypole – and feeling it too

I can see why affirmations are a thing – because the very use of ‘I am..’ takes you in to a receptive, heart-coherent state. Add the desired attribute like ‘calm’, and you have the potential for generating actual outcomes. But you’ve got to feel it… not just say it.

The phrase ‘I am’ is considered to be powerful… eg in Christian discourse.

I valued getting in to the positive present yesterday. Just knowing (and I knew because I’d seen it with the Inner Balance) that the act of saying/feeling ‘I am here, I am m ok, I am safe, everything’s ok’ would result in a recalibration of my state, helped me to embed the sense that these noticings were a good use of my brain power.

And today?

Today is a good day. A really good day. You are knowing what you are wanting?

So hello to you, Abraham?

Just you being you. You are knowing what you are wanting? 

I loved playing with the idea of ‘running a well-organised clinic’ this week. I can’t tell you how that lifted my heart, and took some of the hustling/angsting out of my work… Like, I stood up taller and leant in to being calm and coherent in my online client sessions (which were daily) – for the #IPWOA (improved psychological wellbeing of all).

It’s like I have finally shifted from helpee to helper, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Really. What a beautiful outcome of a long winding journey.

So, what am I wanting? More of that.

***10minInnerBalanceMeditation***

That was insightful. Turns out, when I have thoughts of ‘disappointment’ or ‘irritation about another’, my HRV goes instantly in to the ‘red zone’… Hm. And then to get back into the green zone on the Inner Balance app, it works within seconds if I affirm something truly positive about this present moment, or about who/what ‘I am’ eg GSF… It’s biology speaking my mind. Amazing. This machine is amazing. My heart is amazing.

I also looked at my FitBit heart data. It transpires I’m spending most of my nights with my heart rate going faster than my daytime ‘resting heart beat’. What?! Stressed at night? Apparently. No wonder I’m not sleeping well, and am struggling with this cortisol weight…

Hwelp.

Relaxation is a serious business. Unwinding is the key. Unwinding the human being is the task of all beings now. A long period of rest must be aided by techniques that work. But also, most of all, you need to hold the intention to UN-WIND. Like a maypole, unwinding. 

Just say this: I am unwinding like a maypole – and feeling it too

Why? Because it’s key to your getting lighter. The light needs your expansiveness to penetrate. Decontract. Note when you’re contracting. Decontract and unwind. Like a maypole. The winding us done. It’s time to become unwound – no matter where others are. You’ll thank us later if you commit to this now. 

You said you wanted to participated in the IPWOA with a well-organised clinic. Decontract, unwind, let light in… Then you will be a better ‘helper’. Take this as lightly as you take it seriously. Be at peace with this instruction. Let it soften you gently. Remember, this is the work of moving from Head (contraction) to Heart (expansion), from inhale to exhale, from budding to blooming. Never mistake the soft lightness of the Heart for inaction; trust that this light feeling is where you are meant to be heading – or Hearting – now. 

Use this bank holiday weekend for Hearting. <3

Got it. Beautiful! Ty. xx

I am unwinding like a maypole – and feeling it too

 

 

Posted on

Pivot 91: Systematise the heck out of your work! And be Present. 

Well, that last, positive, upbeat Dialogue soon gave way to a sh*tstorm of some proportion:

  • Computer / cloud drive slowed to a virtual standstill (pun intended) so I had to skip my crucial (for MH) midday walk, to complete my training session prep for 2pm
  • 2pm training session for 8 people on Zoom – my computer wouldn’t run Zoom from my end!; my old computer wouldn’t run Zoom! either; had to deliver the training from my phone (in my hand as tripod wouldn’t work either) with a participant kindly running my slides. Irony: the session was entitled ‘Keeping mentally well while working from home‘. Ha!
  • Massively intense therapy session – “It’s not child’s play”
  • More computer refusal to work, so I’m now at 6.30pm having spent all day on my butt – and with concern about the viability of future trainings if the tech won’t work
  • I wail with despair, G offers to help check my computer, I tell him not to ‘solutionise’ when I’m wailing (sorry G)
  • I drag myself out for a walk, revved up on the day’s glitches, decide (:/) to watch some sinister documentary on my phone as I walk in the woods… and end up hurtling down a hill, twisting my ankle and wrist, and cracking my coccyx. Wail. Phone G, who kindly comes to meet me.
  • I sit nursing self while G cooks.
  • G had looked at my computer while I was out. The wifi had been running at 50% today. That was it. And the world wasn’t trying to do me over.

That was Tuesday. Today’s Thursday. I’m still v bruised and limping. But I’ve had time to realise I needed to calm down, internally.

What about when lockdown ends..?

I’ll tell you something that contributed to me spinning myself out,  I believe in retrospect: a beloved family member, who lives 1.5h drive away, saying on Monday evening, ‘Come for lunch on Sunday. You know, the three of you, come over, and we’ll have a socially distanced lunch in the garden. Or Friday? Or Sat? Or the next weekend? When can you come?’

I can’t begin to explain my response. Maybe I’ve developed Stockholm syndrome towards this Lockdown, but my internal response was “Noooooooo!!!”. Why?:

  1. It’s still massively against the guidelines to go and visit, especially in groups – fines apply
  2. This beloved person is meant to be properly shielding.
  3. I’ve so benefitted from the simplicity of not travelling anywhere (I’ve been to the nearby city once, and out to the local Co-op/Sainsbury/pharmacy’s in the nearest town maybe 8 times in 10 weeks). My car’s now sitting on the drive with a flat battery fhs!
  4. I’ve so benefitted from having weekends: one day to rest; one day to get the house in order; ready for a new week of focussed work.
  5. I’ve so benefitted from a rigid routine – for my MH but also for my physical health – I’m losing weight, I’m going to bed earlier, I’m (generally) less stressed, I averted the complete burnout I was teetering towards back in March.
  6. I’ve benefitted from seeing people virtually – that’s fine for me! Let’s have Sunday lunch on Zoom, when you live 1.5 hours drive away. The old “when can you come over?” phrase (which I’ve had from a couple of sources tbh) Fills Me With Dread. I feel dread partly because I’m working SO hard (I’m self-employed – in the apocalypse, self-employed people don’t take breaks) that I don’t have acres of ‘free time’; but also because the phrase makes me recall that old era paradigm where people would yank each other over to their space as a sort of ritual of socialising. So much Time and Energy expended and drained! (To the question, ‘When can you come over?’, you can’t say ‘I can’t’ indefinitely because it’s rude – so you eventually go, sometimes out of joy and love, and sometimes out of duty / politeness / being worn down / to get it over with…? They will never know which.)
  7. This Lockdown has allowed me to be properly autistic and I now don’t want  to run my life any other way because I’ve seen how much better I feel, and because I’ve seen how much I can achieve when I’m not pissing my precious energy up the wall on travel and people-mixing in (what we used to call) ‘real life’.

There we go. That’s what it is. Good to have that off my chest. That’s helpful. Ehem. Thank you.

***5minInnerBalanceSession***

I learnt something using this HRV monitoring device today. The second, I mean the second, I have a ‘future-thinking’ thought, my heart slips out of coherence. So, I was looking at the Inner Balance app (linked to my heart rate by the ear piece) and admiring my coherence levels, and I think to myself, “Hm, I might repeat this 5 minute session once it’s done.” And, bzzz, the phone vibrated to let me know I’m out of coherence. Amazing.

Think how I spend my days: constantly thinking about what’s next, constantly therefore, in limited coherence, or incoherence.

So when they say, ‘get in the present moment’ and ‘the power of now’ IT’S NOT JUST PHILOSOPHY – IT’S BIOLOGY!!

This good-frequency, heart-based living occurs best when we are, as they’ve said all along, in a state of appreciation, with our mind in the present.

How shall I incorporate this in to my days?

By building a system which allows you to be in appreciation of the present moment. This is the ‘upstream’ thinking that Dan Heath is really offering you. The opportunity to set up your LIFE, so that you have days full of opportunity for being in the present. In truth, unless you can be in a calm present moment state with your clients, you are simply passing on little waves of incoherence between each other. Holding heart coherence next to another person is your greatest gift to them. 

Your well-organised clinic is slowly moving you in this direction. Systematise the heck out of your work! Use that wonderful autistic wiring to create your WOC (well-organised clinic) so that you can be Present to your clients. 

In truth, if you do this, you will be able to travel and BE in the physical presence of others, without feeling you are leaving work unfinished… Yes, being in the physical presence of others is important – because of the heart fields intertwining. BUT, stabilise your heart coherence so you’re not picking up another’s incoherence should they be in incoherence – and don’t be afraid to be with others so that they can reboot their coherence. KNOW that is what is happening – settle soft (and hard) in to your chosen state, so you don’t deviate, close your empathic antennae in a bit  – and know that sometimes the greatest service we can give to another is to lend them our peace for a second. You know that’s what others (L, A, G) do for you… 

Tysm. Spot on. I see it. Ty.

Systematise the heck out of your work! And be Present. 

 

 

Posted on

Pivot 90: I am learning what makes my Heart sing

Yesterday, ‘running an organised clinic’ was such a satisfactory and heart-lifting day. There was a powerful experience of NO LONGER being head down pushing my own agenda/business, grimly grinding through ‘back stage’ admin, but of being re-organised and re-orientated towards availability. My new scheduling system is amazing. No more emails about ‘diarising’ , and then, when in scheduled meetings (with a start and an end, crucially), people (and me) valuing my/our limited time, and our being more efficient.

I had this strong sense of…:

‘It’s my mission in mediation to facilitate the improved psychological wellbeing of all.’ #IPWOA

Why ‘of all’? Well, in mediation, when we find resolution, this brings IPW to the parties, to their families/colleagues/dependents, to me (I am nourished by the work), the community and the All across time and space- intergenerational healing is a thing to.

I can’t tell you the relief this brings, because it so RESONATES. Something has happened in these last weeks that’s allowed me to feel I can be of service in the psychological sphere – before, I had withheld that belief…

[Study Time: Did the intro to the Mindfulness at Work 7 day course]

Yesterday, my Inner Balance  device arrived. Let’s try it out with the app too. Here’s an intro video.

***5minInnerBalanceSession***

That was interesting! The Inner Balance heart monitor and smart phone app make for a clever, simple biofeedback device. If your mind jumps on to something funky (= heart incoherence), you can see it on the screen (and the phone buzzes). Similarly, once you rise into a heart-focussed state (heart coherence) you see that too. And the shift is palpable in the body – I’d just never noted that Feeling 1 was ‘incoherence’ and Feeling 2 was ‘coherence’. That’s what biofeedback is for – to coach you into knowing your own body and brain better, and reading its signals better.

A bit daunted that I’m meant to use it for 5 mins 3 times a day. Let’s see!

I noted that settling in to a thought of ‘well-organised clinic’ gave me excellent heart coherence!

So for today?

Use your Inner Balance machine – before events with other people. 

I have 2 client calls, an online training to deliver and my fortnightly psychotherapy.

Perfect. Note down what thoughts/images give you a sense of heart coherence. 

Ah, this is the Memory Bank idea I had.

Exactly. What is in your past, present and future Memory Bank? What uplifts your Heart. 

So use the Inner Balance not just to calm myself before meetings with people, but to work out what makes my Heart sing… Nice. 

I am learning what makes my Heart sing

Posted on

Pivot 89: I am running an organised clinic

I loved the Heart Decides game – it really changed the way I went about the segments of the day that I started with a #HeartCheckin and letting the Heart decide. Ty.

Results of the #HeartDecides game yesterday (a Sunday):

Decision 1 – 10.37am What next?
Heart said I want to start moving the body and H. Pottering
Results I got in sync well with G – we both launched the day
Decision 2 – 11.27am What next?
Heart said Get clean and fresh! 
Results Showered, & then cleaned / hoovered / laundered…
Decision 3 – 2.05pm It’s lunchtime. What ‘attitude’ shall I bring with me?
Heart said Rest & Relax
Results Ate more mindfully; then had a recharging nap
Decision 4 – 3.32pm Walk time. What ‘attitude’ shall I bring with me?
Heart said Peaceful
Results I swear I’ve woken up more unwound this Mon morn

I learnt, you need to stay with the Heart until the thought arising gives you a palpable sense of relief – you know you’ve got the answer when you get a little hiccup of relief.

Let’s do our morning meditation practice as a #HeartDecides exercise. 

Ok. Sure. Shall I set a question? Ok…

What are the potential outcomes of today/this week, if I remain in a heart-centred attitude/space?

***Med16minTimerUjayaBreathing***

A clear answer arose…

<3: Helping people attain improved psychological wellbeing. 

Honestly… That makes my heart sing.

Bingo. 

This massive, elongated, scientifically-ill-defined lockdown is causing many people to seek improved psychological wellbeing, either because they have been affected by the pandemic directly; or because they are suffering the consequences of the fear of being affected; or they are spun out by the actual impact of lockdown (loss of employment/income, remote working with/without children, isolation…).

‘Improved psychological wellbeing’ is possible for all at this time, such are the circumstances – ripe for awakening a new concern for, or commitment to, self-care. Even if people are self-caring ‘simply’ to boost their immune system, they are downloading a new way of being which will never completely vanish in the future. The person who starts exercise for the first time, or who gives up smoking, or begins to volunteer out of loneliness… This may seem to arise out of fear or ‘ill’ circumstances, but it is nonetheless about the awakening of self-love.

And so… we are learning social prescribing for ourselves on mass! It’s AMAZING!

Indeed. And social prescribing arises from the human’s innate need to be connected to self and other. Self-social-prescribing is excellent news. Somehow, people had become semi-dependent on medication and medics for psychological wellbeing, at times. A shift is occurring here. 

So, what I sensed around potential outcomes, was I guess, something about people learning to self-prescribe wellbeing interventions – for their own improved psychological wellbeing.

Boom. 

I just had the impulse to email myself those lines above, and in my inbox I found an email from an online training provider I’m subscribed to, and I looked at it properly, and finally noticed that it’s courses offer certification and even accreditation with industries (like the CMA) – like this one – a diploma in CBT.

What do you think?

We (yes, we) think that if you dedicated yourself, you could achieve that dream of being both {a mediator and a therapist}, all at once. 

That’s been a dream of mine??

Of course! To support people who are in conflict and also in psychological distress, to find their way through to psychological wellbeing, whether or not they are able to find resolution with the person they are in conflict with. In other words, to help people learn, as you did, that they can be independently well and healthy of mind and heart, no matter what others are giving or withholding. This is truly freedom. 

Man… Ok!! Well, shall I ponder on this?

You must! 

Thank you, I will then. And for today?

An organised clinic. 

Haha!

Hoho. 

Oh like, really?

Your work with the Florence Nightingale archetype last week was not for nothing. Get organised so the people may attend. 

Oh, like the website shop idea too?

Whatever an organised clinic looks like to you. 

Ok. I see the play here. I was always a bit jealous of the staff at the GP’s surgery when I was a kid – doctors, nurses, reception staff. They were operating in such an organised, efficient and compassionate environment… It’s playing with this…

Ty. Heavens, I seem to feel relief… It’s like… no more jazzhanding or efforting. Just have a clean and safe ‘environment’ (albeit online, from my home) for people to come to in their moment of vulnerability. Clean and fresh… And this speaks to the heart-based helper in me, who so wants to connect usefully at this time, and participate in this beautiful mid-pandemic wave of:

People learning to self-prescribe
wellbeing interventions – for their own
 improved psychological wellbeing.

I don’t need to be a doctor, I need to host a space in which people discover they truly can be their own brilliant doctor for enhancing their own psychological wellbeing.

My Heart feels uplifted.

Then you know you’ve got the right notion in mind. <3

I am running an organised clinic

 

PS. I joined a free 7 day mindfulness at work course

 

 

Posted on

Pivot 88: Let the Heart decide #HeartDecides

I loved playing #LuckyBecause. It focussed my attention on the appreciable so effectively – and thus lifted my spirits hugely. I wrote down what I noted with ‘hand on heart’ appreciation across the day – 8am-6pm. Here you go: 

Hand on heart, I am #Lucky Because…

  1. I can do qigong on the patio
  2. I have this garden here
  3. I have all I could want to fall in love income and material well-being
  4. I work for myself and I have no boss
  5. I have an amazing partner
  6. I can choose what to do
  7. I have astonishing tech. Truly.
  8. I became a mother!!
  9. I have two daughters and they are my life’s greatest blessings
  10. Es tranquilo aqui
  11. We have choices
  12. It’s the weekend and I can have treats
  13. I can have Diet Coke at 9 am!
  14. It’s Saturday – a whole weekend to enjoy
  15. I have a routine so I have fewer decisions and less uncertainty in my days
  16. I managed to trigger TRE in my post she gong meditation in the extended Lee Holden class (Bumpy ride… But the qigong prepped my body and Lee held the meditative space) – thank you!
  17. Now I know I can trigger TRE whenever I want – just do a full qigong class and stay for the meditation session – on my mat – on the patio
  18. I can access TRE, maybe the best way to reboot the ANS! (All autistic people should be taught these amazing tools.)
  19. I may sleep better tonight too!
  20. TRE and chicken is a beautiful antidote to lockdown stress
  21. I have a dear friend, Deborah, who teaches me TRE and breath work, and I get to see her on Friday zoom breath work classes.
  22. Now I get coffee number two and toast because it’s Saturday – after 18 minutes in the sunshine
  23. I’m getting lighter – in weight, frequency, mood, work cares, old stuff. Yes!
  24. I’ve got this reframing game called #LuckyBecause. It’s Powerful!
  25. I did some great research on the ANS in autism today. I can glimpse an autism tool kit of the future:
      1. Diet: GFCF etc
      2. Autism-friendly environment: sensory design, routines, clothes, expectations
      3. Love and ‘joining’: including maybe therapy for parents and caregivers so they can be present in a parasympathetic state and give Heart Love. We need Heart Love as autistic people. (Back the F off with your ABA)
      4. ANS/HRV-balancing practices and biofeedback tech: TRE, HeartMath Inner Balance, Sensate, breathwork, qigong…
  26. I can just go out for a walk in the woods now – in nature and stress-free
  27. I have a sister I can call now and chew the cud – what good fortune
  28. I went on a beautiful walk in nature
  29. I bought my first ever selfie stick (it’s a tripod for zoom calls but it also does selfies – watch out world!)
  30. My copy of Upstream by Dan Heath arrived
  31. We’ve got leftover Indian food yummy
  32. I used all my letters in scrabble (50 points) and got a 74 point word.
  33. My car’s battery went flat from lack of being driven (#lockdownlife) – so G kindly went to Halfords for jump leads – but it was closed to in-person (non-online/collection) customers and – what good luck! – a guy waiting in the car park just gave him some out of his boot saying “we have to help each other”. Beautiful. (Powerful side note: G had posted on FB a couple of days earlier, a gif of one tortoise helping another tortoise turn over, with the words, ‘Sometimes we help each other.’) 
  34. G and I had divided the shopping list but he did all the shopping because my car battery was flat – that was a treat for me as the shops are still such intense places
  35. I have the luxury of time – and tech!

And for perspective on #LuckyBecause, and on how safe and well I am fortunate enough to be at the moment, see this list of current pandemic circumstances – anonymous and doing the rounds on Facebook: 

So that I never forget (I want it to pop up as a ‘memory’ in years to come and idea borrowed from other people’s pages)

-Today is Friday 15th May 2020 ?
-The week after VE Day ??????
-2 months and 9 days since the Pandemic was declared.
-Day 54 of lockdown in the UK (lockdown was declared on Mon 23rd March 2020)

Some of the unprecedented events that have occurred as a direct result of the Corona Virus…..?

  • On 11th March 2020 the Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) was declared a Pandemic, by the World Health Organisation (WHO).?
  • On Friday 20th March all UK schools were closed. ?Remote learning is now in place and parents are home-schooling their children ?. All GCSE and A Level exams have been cancelled. 
  • On the evening of 23rd of March 2020 Prime Minister Boris Johnson implemented a national lockdown ?
  • The Excel London is now known as NHS Nightingale and has been turned into a hospital for up to 4,000 patients, most of whom will be on ventilators. It was opened by Prince Charles (virtually, rather than in person) at 11am on 3rd April. There are also several similar venues being built and used in cities across the country (including Bristol).?
  • On 5th April The Queen addressed the nation at 8pm ? (only the 5th time she has done this, outside of her annual Christmas message).
  • Also on the 5th April, Boris Johnson was admitted to hospital, after 10 days of self-isolating with the Corona Virus ?
  • On the 6th April Boris was admitted to intensive care with deteriorating symptoms. Fortunately he came out of intensive care on 9th April ?
  • Many Community support groups have been established, to support the vulnerable, elderly, immunocompromised and people in enforced isolation due to exposure ????
  • Petrol ⛽️ prices are extremely low and the national average is £1.02 per litre
  • Gatherings are banned, you cannot socialise with anyone outside of your home. Not even your own family members ?
  • Social-distancing measures have been implemented ☹️
  • There is now tape on the floor at supermarkets ❌ and other essential stores to help distance shoppers ? (2 metres) from each other.
  • There is a limit on the number of people allowed inside stores at any one time, including staff, this is causing queues outside of the store doors and in car parks?
  • Non-essential stores and businesses have been forced to close. All non essential travel is banned. People ?‍??‍? are told to work from home if they are able to?
  • Parks ? trails, entire towns and cities ? are closed or restricted to locals only
  • Sports ⚽️ ? ? seasons are cancelled, as well as The Grand National and Wimbledon .
  • The Olympics have been postponed until July 2021.??⚫??
  • Concerts, ? tours ? and festivals, ?? (including Glastonbury) and other entertainment events ? are cancelled ?
  • Weddings, ???? family celebrations ? birthdays, christenings, anniversary’s and holiday gatherings, such as Mother’s Day and Easter, ?‍?‍?‍? are cancelled ?. Funerals continue to ⚰ go ahead. Only very close family are permitted to attend (if they are well & not isolating). Social distancing applies even at funerals.
  • Churches ⛪️ are closed and the Pope delivers the Palm Sunday mass to an empty Basilica, in the Vatican City?
  • Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney+, and all other TV networks are on in every home, daily ?
  • People are glued to the News and to Social Media.
  • Children’s outdoor play parks are closed ?
  • Most flights are grounded, ✈️cruise ships ?are docked, holidays are cancelled ?and only essential travel is permitted. A few rescue flights are operating.
  • There is a huge shortage of personal protective equipment (PPE), masks, ? gowns ? and gloves ? for our front-line essential health workers.
  • There is a shortage of ventilators for the critically ill, ? in many parts of the world.
  • On the news, we see refrigerated trucks for the dead, outside hospitals in the USA ?? Italy ?? Spain ?? and China ?? etc and we see the mass digging of graves.
  • Panic buying ? set in and we have restrictions on toilet paper ? disinfectants, paper towels, basic foods (like pasta, rice and bread),? as well as hand sanitiser.? Flour is hard to find, because the packaging comes from China ?? and many borders are closed ?
  • Manufacturers, ? distilleries and many other businesses, ? switch their production lines to help make visors, masks ? hand sanitiser ? and PPE ?
  • The Police are given the power to impose fines for breaking lockdown rules and to disperse groups ??‍♀️
  • Stadiums ? and recreational facilities overseas are opened up for the overflow of Covid-19 ? patients.
  • In some countries, Public Park ? areas are being turned into caravan parks for stranded tourists to self isolate ?
  • There are daily Press conferences from the Prime Minister?‍♂️ and other government ? officials. We are given daily updates on new cases, recoveries, and deaths ⚰️ are over 30,000
  • There are Government ? incentives to stay at home. Self-employed can apply for grants and employees are being furloughed (many are being laid off).
  • Barely anyone is on the road or the street ?
  • People are wearing masks ? and gloves when they go outside ?
  • Essential service workers are terrified to go to work ?? ??‍⚕️ ??
  • Medical field workers ??‍⚕️ are afraid to go home to their families ?‍?‍?
  • Every Thursday evening at 8pm we all stand outside our front doors and clap the NHS and Carers, to show our gratitude for what they are doing.???????????
  • Many people have rainbows visible ? in the windows of their homes, as a way of spreading hope.

 

So today, dear voice of my heart? 

Today, we return you to the practice of checking in with your heart – for decision-making. This game is called #HeartDecides. So, for any decision you have to make, you tune in to the heart space, and you let the Heart decide. 

Be your decision about what to have for breakfast; whether to wash your hair or not; whether to join a course you’re interested in; where to go for your walk; what to do next in terms of housework; how to use your rest time; whom to call next; what to wear. Get in to the habit of consulting the Heart’s intelligence. And also noting when it is that you are making a decision…

I love it. What a great game. Thank you for being so endlessly playful with me. I appreciate it. 

Truly, it is a pleasure. 

Let the Heart decide #HeartDecides

 

Posted on

Pivot 87: Hand on heart, I’m lucky because…

Yesterday’s research on PubMed – on the relationship between autism, heart rate variability (HRV), the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and mood/sleep/wellbeing – just blew me away. There is no much good stuff for me to work with here! AND WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS RESEARCH IN THE AUTISM COMMUNITY? (Or at least my Twitter bubble of it.)

Anyway, let me tell you about my Heart CheckIns:

Segment 1 8:07 Time for qigong, shower and breakfast
Heart said “Time is precious; use it reverently”
Outcomes I really absorbed the moments – no rush or hustle
Segment 2 10:12 Morning work
Heart said “You can do it! You can clear the decks/ the old! Really soften.”
Outcomes Man alive, I got to Zero Inbox for 1st time in 3 months
Segment 3 3pm Afternoon work
Heart said “Lace it with LOVE.”
Outcomes I did! Prepped 6 client docs with love (vs angst/worry)
Segment 4 12 midnight: Late (Sat) bedtime and sleep
Heart said “Keep spotlighting the positive / wanted. Say ‘I’m so lucky bcs.'”
Outcomes Fell asleep cherishing a client’s referring to my ‘shining positivity.’

“Thank you as always for your shining positivity.”
Claire (commissions my training for her org.) – ty Claire

The Heart’s intelligence really is immaculate, and it takes me into much more creative and visionary places than my Head, which is significantly more prosaic. My Head looks at the next pile of stuff to be done, and says, “Look. We need to do that!” My Heart seems to have a MUCH broader perspective.

I know that when I stopped and did a Heart CheckIn, I was purposely slowing down my brain’s reactivity, and getting in to a more coherent HRV state. I can’t wait for the HeartMath HRV monitor to arrive. With biofeedback, I’m going to master my HRV and give blessed respite to my poor benighted ANS! This week I’ve had an average of under 6 hours sleep – waking with cortisol overload at 5am-ish each morning. My body, my ANS, needs a break.

This Lockdown, which has everyone on the high alert, even if just due to uncertainty, or under/over-stimulation, is messing with all our sleep patterns. I am glad for the opportunity I’ve had in this time to do this research on the ANS. Maybe we’re all noticing how hopped up we are…

“Tranquilo. Es muy tranquilo aqui…”

Ha! Yes. That’s what they used to say on the Atlantic island we lived on… and secretly, in my pumped-up, northern European young-ego-haze (I was late twenties),  I used to think something along the lines of  ‘Hee hee, I don’t think that’s something to brag about!‘ And it took me all the five years we were there to understand the lesson of the immense power of tranquility. Five years. My god… What a …

…’waste’? No. Not at all. ‘Blessing’. Without the intensive immersion in that beautiful land, you might never in your life have glimpsed the meaning of tranquility. You could have rolled on all your life without this insight. And you wouldn’t be where you are now – in your beautiful tranquil cottage,  with your love, doing the work you do – without this learning. 

I hear you. Thank you… So, while I wait for the biofeedback machines (Inner Balance, and Sensate too in June), please can you teach me more about tapping into the Heart’s intelligence, to inform my days and my decisions? How do I absorb this ‘heart-based living’ learning in to who and what I am?

[Just decided to share It’s Radical Love…!]

THIS is it. Share what you know. Hard-won lessons. Lessons heard-won. Don’t pocket them for yourself and shimmy on as if you were born knowing. Share what you know, those hard-won lessons. 

Thank you. This week has been immense. For the first time, I shared this blog with my precious girls and my beloved AP. It’s been such a relief to come out of hiding, and lovelier responses I couldn’t have asked for. AS (DD2 & Lockdown Buddy along with G) coached me in ‘authenticity’ so that I might be brave enough to share this with L & A. I’m blown away by her wisdom. And then, once you do share yourself authentically, the long-held concerns about being seen ‘as one actually is’… just melt away. Amazing…

Ok, tell me more. How shall we play today?

You want to play today? 

Yes! I do. <3 From the <3! Give us another Game. I loved #EnvisioningOutcomes and #HeartCheckIns. What next?

Better ask your Heart.

Heart?

<3: Let’s play, #LuckyBecause.

Awesome. Tell me how to play it.

<3: You basically have to think or say the phrase ‘Lucky Because‘ as many times as you can across the day. You can write your LB’s down too for further focus power if you like. Examples of {thinking} and “saying”: 

  • {I’m so lucky because I have this garden and can stroll about in it freely during this Lockdown.}
  • “That’s lucky because there are two more sausages left.”
  • {I’m lucky because I have this glass of water in my hand, and it’s clean, life-giving.}
  • “LV and I are lucky because we can meet up for a socially-distanced walk.”

But here’s the key: feel it as you think/say it – in me, in your heart. Use the glimpse of appreciation to access the renewing emotions and connect with me – physiologically. Hand on heart is good. With this practice we will learn to access our heart-mind connection at will. And that is lucky because…

We will be better equipped for heart-based living.

<3: Yes. 

I’m so grateful for this conversation, and for this Game. I remember how much emphasis Reality Transurfing put on listening to the Heart. It’s good to be learning this. Thank you. I’m lucky because we can all dialogue here.

Which is lucky because this interaction creates joy. 

Which is lucky because joy raises our frequency.

Which is lucky because by raising the frequency of the planet, humans will usher in a new world of heart-based living. And that truly is Radical Love. 

I don’t know if I say it in that ‘book’ but I learnt Radical Love from my daughters, you know that right?

We do. You do. Do they? 

I’m not sure. Maybe I should tell them… I’m lucky because today I’m seeing BOTH of my girls… though one from a distance.

Remember, the Heart speaks even across distance. 

I know that to be true. eg I spoke about someone (AR) this week – and brought him vividly (and fondly) to mind in recalling what he used to say to me (advice on moving house)… And he texted me that same day. For the first time in over a year – I know because he asked me about things in the neighbourhood I moved from 1+ year ago.

So, set your intention for your heart to speak. 

I’m lucky because I know I can do that. <3

This is a kind of ‘rampage of appreciation‘, this game. Right?

Absolutely. 

Awesome. Ty xx

Hand on heart, I’m lucky because…

Posted on

Pivot 86: At each decision and shift, check in with the Heart (#HeartCheckin)

So this ‘Envisioning Outcomes’ technique of yours is genius. I tracked it across three segments yesterday – and it really transformed my day. Here are the outcomes:

SEGMENT 1 (9:10am) Getting dressed and ready for work
Heart Lock-In Memory Bank ‘Acting celebratory’ the day I did two great webinars
Outcomes Envisioned Butterfly spiralling out of a cocoon
Results ‘Heart Hunches’, flow, spontaneity, no constipation!
SEGMENT 2 (12 noon) Early afternoon – starting work
Heart Lock-In Memory Bank La Sagrada Familia (w Dad) – building never finished!
Outcomes Envisioned Clear the decks to reveal simplicity
Results Cleared old 19/20 papers & set up Asana for 20/21!
SEGMENT 3 (11pm) Going to sleep and sleeping
Heart Lock-In Memory Bank India: scales fell experience – miracles of sleep
Outcomes Envisioned I unwind and unwind (opp of butterfly spiralling)
Results Deep sleep – and woke feeling like I’d relaxed… <3

The drawn pictures were very important:

Study Time

HeartMath Experience: Chapter 9 – Global Coherence

 

From the video, my notes and quotes: Heart-based living gives us flow, creativity in the world. Mind and emotions in alignment affect our personal, social and global coherence..Compassionate latitude.. Connect to your heart’s guidance and intelligence – even for just a few minutes a day – to make better decisions and have better days. It’s like filling up a gas tank or a battery – and it carries over to the next days too. Do your HeartMath while in conversation with someone – to be present with them. The heart is an access point to increased wisdom and intuition on another dimension – it’s not a metaphor, science shows the heart intelligence is real. We want to connect at the heart level globally now. We want to tune in to our heart to navigate this wild adventure called life, with more harmony, kindness and compassion.

“There are multiple studies indicating that when we’re in a group and form emotional relationships, there’s an energetic field resonance among that group, and information can be shared between the group members on an unseen or subconscious level.” Rollin McCraty HeartMath Institute Director of Research

Apply what you have learned from the HeartMath Course:

  • Use the Quick Coherence® technique to prep before a potentially stressful meeting to maintain your composure and connect with your heart’s guidance. Use it after a stressful situation to reset and reconnect with your heart to better manage the effects of stress and build resilience.
  • Use Attitude Breathing™ to help shift your Inner Weather—your emotional state at any time. Practice Attitude Breathing to shift to more positive emotional states during the day.
  • Use the Freeze-Frame® technique to gain more intuitive clarity for making decisions, both big and small, or to access more creativity and insight at any time.
  • Create a daily practice with the Heart Lock-In technique. Do this daily for 5 minutes or more. Choose a time that’s convenient for you, such as first thing in the morning, which can help to set a more coherent tone for the day.

Also..

End of Study Time…

*****

This heart-based living…. I want this. I want this in my life… Show me how, please.

As you are learning, it’s very physiological, this heart-based living. It is good that, when you can, you are taking care of your body with qigong, walking, sunshine, good diet, early nights, a full routine and limited work hours.

The next step is to eliminate stress completely. And this is not about managing your surrounding conditions. Far from it. It’s about training your mind and body to work in ‘coherence’ with you. 

Like Wim Hof in his ice baths. Today I purchased the HeartMath Inner Balance device and  (hopefully – it’s a crowdfunder) ordered a Sensate device. I’m going to work with my vagus nerve, my ANS (autonomic nervous system) and my heart rate variability. It’s science, btw:

Crumbs, I looked up the relationship between ANS / HRV and autism on PubMed…

And then OMG, look at this…! Bingo!! I knew it! This is mind-blowing… How did I work this out at the same time the scientists are researching it?!

Reduced heart rate variability in adults with autism spectrum disorder (2019)

LAY SUMMARY: ASD is commonly associated with a range of physical and mental health comorbidities. Autonomic disruptions underlying reductions in heart rate variability (HRV) have been linked to a range of mental and physical health conditions. We assessed resting-state HRV in adults diagnosed with ASD in comparison to healthy individuals. Our results showed reduced heart rate variability in people diagnosed with ASD compared to adults without ASD. These findings implicate a role for autonomic activity as a potentially modifiable risk factor for ASD.

© 2019 International Society for Autism Research, Wiley Periodicals, Inc.

KEYWORDS:

autonomic nervous system; biological marker; heart rate variability; mental health; parasympathetic nervous system; social development; sympathetic nervous system

Exploring Key Physiological System Profiles at Rest and the Association with Depressive Symptoms in Autism Spectrum Disorder (2020)

Muscatello RA1, Andujar J2,3, Taylor JL4,5, Corbett BA5,6,7.

Abstract

Depression is often associated with dysfunction in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis and autonomic nervous system (ANS). Individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may experience physiological dysregulation and psychological comorbidities; however, the extent to which the interactions between these systems predict internalizing symptoms in ASD has not been investigated. The study examined interactions with the HPA axis and ANS in 10-13-year-old children with ASD (n = 41) and typical development (TD; n = 46). The interrelated systems uniquely contributed to depressive symptoms in ASD above and beyond any system in isolation. A reciprocal, parasympathetic-dominant ANS was related to fewer affective symptoms in ASD. Findings highlight the importance of examining arousal across multiple systems to more precisely identify profiles associated with maladaptive psychiatric outcomes in ASD.

KEYWORDS:

Autism; Autonomic nervous system; Depression; Heart rate variability; Hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis

 

Excellent research. As you master your ANS and your HRV, you will be able to bring coherence to any situation, leaning in with the delicacy of your autism, with ‘inner balance’ added at the physiological level. This will give you two important gifts: 

  1. Easier access to your Heart’s intelligence – 100 times wiser than your head
  2. Increased ability to support others in to their coherence too – great for your work

This is such beautiful work. Thank you. I loved the Envisioning Outcomes segment intending as a way of getting guidance from my Heart and acting from there… Can I do this for bigger segments too?

Naturally, however today we would say this… Go smaller instead of bigger. At each decision and shift, check in with Heart. See what happens. 

Ok… Will do. Thank you. Starting now. Heart?

<3: Get out and do qigong. Follow the routine. 🙂 

Ok. See ya!

At each decision and shift, check in with the Heart (#HeartCheckin)