MEDS Day 95: Today I am helping myself to happiness: balance ⚓️

Here I am, helping myself, to happiness. This is me, helping myself to rest, to recuperation, to wellbeing, to the good fortune of life, to the love around me. Here I am. Helping myself.

In terms of the MEDS project, and incorporating new habits in to my life… I have learnt so much. I realise that a certain amount of my learning is centred, not so much around strict ‘activities to schedule’, but broader principles such as:

  • Little and often is best
  • Moderation brings results
  • Self-care is key
  • Just relax into it
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Effort less, receive more
  • Get life in balance
  • A pattern of activities lightly touched upon daily, is grounding & effective

Am I frustrated with only having lost 10lbs since 1st Jan? Yes. Am I aware I’ve moved house and been working hard which is not conducive to stresslessness and good routines? Yes. Am I conscious that I’ve now got the opportunity to draw new balance in to my life? Yes. Am I developing the confidence and self-assurance to ask for what I want (professionally), so I don’t need to overstretch myself? Yes. Am I growing in self-compassion? Yes.

My love and I are going to start cycling. I love cycling.

‘Helping myself’ has been a beautiful practice. What next?

Meditation time…

Done…

Meditation https://youtu.be/MCYM1VtVb3A

Meditation https://youtu.be/MCYM1VtVb3A

In the meditation I realised we weren’t yet done with ‘I am helping myself…’. It is time now to play with the phrase which was emerging yesterday: I am helping myself to happiness.

This time, using an anchoring technique each time you notice yourself ‘helping yourself to happiness’.

The middle finger touches thumb, for example.

Yes, tapping three times for good measure, every time you catch yourself helping yourself to happiness.

What does the anchoring mechanism actually do?

It gives your physiology the reminder to snapshot the feeling of wellbeing, receptivity and ‘allowing’ that arises when you actively reach out to help yourself to happiness.

I’m imagining this is a metaphorical reaching out, ie. not the hand extending outwards for a chocolate eclair…?

Why limit yourself to the non-physical?

Good question. The material seems to get me into imbalance.

Only if the thinking behind the outreaching hand is imbalanced. If your thinking says ‘grab it though it’s naughty’, you create excess potential. If your thinking says ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’ and your heart is held in a state of appreciation, wonder and respect for all things… you are more likely to align with a balanced result.

How best can I help myself to happiness?

By quietening the mind and moving towards the things, states and opportunities one feels subtly attracted to. That takes real awareness of the internal compass. This is advanced self-knowledge. It requires working from the united heart-mind, not from old programming. It is about being super-sensitive to one’s super-sensitivities.

Lovely. And what is ‘happiness’?

Equilibrium.

Really?! Not peaks, zeniths, highs? It’s just straight ol’ balance?

Yep. Straight old balance. You know how the baby loves routine and predictability and rhythm and downtime and freshness? So does the inner being.

Wow. So, it’s not about fulfilling one’s dreams.

Sure it is. And your inner being dreams of balance.

Wow. This took me by surprise. But it makes sense. And I see it in my Love too. He takes warm pleasure in the gentle orderliness, serenity and ease of a well-balanced life. It’s a wonder to me. I’m learning.

So today I’m helping myself to happiness, or balance?

Both. The latter is the descriptor for the former. Remember to anchor the moments you spot yourself helping helping yourself to balancing happiness.

Today I am helping myself to happiness (balance) ⚓️

MEDS Day 89: I am moving from ‘hapless’ to ‘hap-full’.

I have noticed in myself a slight tendency to talk, and especially talk about myself, with a tinge of haplessness. What even does that mean precisely..? I checked. Gulp…

“Hapless literally means what you’d expect it to mean: “without hap”-“hap” being another word for “fortune” or “luck.” Hap derives from the Old Norse word for “good luck.” (“Happen” and “happy” are also descendants of the same ancient root word.)

That’s spot on. I’m still too often ready to point out my ‘lot’ – ‘…did it again’, ‘shouldn’t have…’, ‘they wronged me’, ‘I wronged myself..’.

Wow! Screw that sh*t!

I am absolutely bounding in hap, fortune, luck!

I need to rewrite my self-talk from hapless… to hap-full!

I need to point out my good hap here, here and here!

Hapfullness makes for happiness. Happiness makes for more good hap.

It’s all happening! What good happenstance! Hapfully speaking…

In terms of ‘gathering poise’…?

A hap-full stance summons in more gathering poise, because a hap-full fortunate person feels well-supported by the universe.

I am moving from ‘hapless’ to ‘hap-full‘.

MEDS Day 85: Today I am listening to things

Today, Valentine’s Day 2019, dear soul of my being, marks ten years to the day since my beloved Mum died, at the impossibly young age of 65. May she know how much we loved and love her, and have missed her comforting, humour-filled, nurturing physical presence these ten years. May she know that I often wonder if it is her gentle, guiding hand behind some of the many magical things that have occurred for us as a family in this past decade. May she know that I offer up my heart in prayerful communion to her today, and reach out my love to her, and ask that the Light may illuminate her soul yet ever more brightly across all dimensions of time and space. Thank you, beloved Mum, for the incredible family you created with your strength, selflessness and love. Be well and filled with joy, wherever you are.

And on the subject of magical things, today I move in with the sweet love of my life. We get the keys to the most gorgeous countryside cottage, where we, and our children, can live, work and be together. May our time together be ever enriched, joyful and up-lifting. May G and I learn to do the Work together. May our home and union be ever blessed, guided and illuminated.

Furthermore, on this day of days, let me gently note, it’s 45 years to the day since the death of beautiful Deni Prieto-Stock, killed by the Mexican army in 1974 at the age of 18.

Also the anniversary of the untimely deaths of the mother of my sister-in-law, and of the brother of my stepmother.

What a day is today. As the world marks romantic love, let spiritual love for one another fill our hearts. May all sadnesses be released, all traumas healed, all wounds forgiven, all loving hopes realised.

Yesterday I worked with saying ‘Let’s make things better’ (LMTB). It was good – it gave me patience as I worked with the huge job of clearing my work pile and packing up this house with it’s enormous amount of paper-based archives… The archives make me feel heavy, and yet I feel there’s a role for them in the future. There is so much gold in there. Especially in terms of the story of our family. Only, as I gathered from doing some clearing out with my beautiful eldest, not everyone wants to recall or ‘dig up’ the earlier journey. What to do about this feeling of the burden of paper (email print outs, mementos, photos, books, 130+ diaries…), and my longing to reflect on and celebrate the past, and my sense that others want to let it go, and my concern about letting it go, and my determination not disrespectfully to ‘out’ people on our shared past times….?

Am I really going to digitise these things, these paper objects? Or write them up?

As the lady on Youtube says: “putter through the clutter”. You need to be present to the things, and give them your time and attention, to be able to discern what they mean to you now. You can’t ‘attack’ personal papers/archives. 

I’ve run out of time before the move…!

Have you? Why not pack up ‘everything else’ asap today, and then discover what time you might have left. You also have all the time in the world at the next house, if you can make a project of it. Ask yourself: What is this for? What is the potential benefit? 

I think I have a bent towards making ‘art’ out of my past.

Interesting. In what sense? 

The celebration of human relationships. The ‘radical love’ project……………

Oh lordy…. Ayudame en esto….

Peace and gentleness are required. And deep listening. Listen, intuit, respond. 

So I can tune in to things, and listen? Intuit that which they are telling me?

Why not? You get the keys to a new house today. Why not practise there? 

Listen. Listen. Listen…

Ok. I’m going to listen to Weightless for my morning meditation, to start off the theme of Listening today.

If yesterday we were ‘making things better’, today we are ‘listening to things’ – as they are, and as they would be heard. 

It feels quite Marie-Kondo-Shinto-esque…

Maybe it is. Would you agree all things are animated by consciousness?

Maybe they are… Let me work with that today… Let me listen to the things…

Today I am listening to things.

MEDS Day 74: Today I am noting potential future ‘achievements achieverised’

I am grateful for yesterday’s….

  • Struggles, emotional and physical, on Day 2 of the CAC-Free protocols…. (Why do I give thanks for seemingly negative things? Melody Beattie teaches brilliantly in  Make Miracles in 40 Days that it’s when we get genuinely grateful for the good, bad and ugly that the ice flow starts to shift… And I had an extraordinary experience of this with her 40 day project, in 2013/4, getting an out of the blue miracle job offer on day 40… The stuff’s good.)
  • Exhaustion, sadness, grief and numbness spiralling out of me as the detox did its thing
  • The strength to hold open the doors of surrender and self-compassion while my unresolved emotions wiggled out of the melting ice caps of addiction-based frozenness, and sallied on out of the building. 
  • An important conversation with my love
  • This BRILLIANT documentary on fasting: http://dougorchard.com/wp/fasting/ – covering all aspects of fasting comprehensively, using new science. Ty! I’m looking forward to getting going with some Intermittent Fasting and Extended Fasting once I’ve settled into this CAC-Free regime. For now, I’m going to start noting my Eating Window in the chart below, to bring awareness of when I start and stop eating.
  • My daughter’s wholesome cooking, and then mine too. Carb-free is fine, especially when taking a Low-Carb-High-Fat approach in the style of the DietDoctor.com. And building in plenty of raw stuff for crunch and satisfaction really helps.
  • Discovering I have a backdated payment coming to me. Heavens, I am so blessed to have watched the tide turn. All is well. All is good. All is protected and warm. 
  • Not thinking about alcohol. It was fine. The Dry Jan FB pages were v helpful too, in terms of seeing where others were in Dry Jan, and reminding myself I’d done this before and it’s going to be fine. 

So today. Day 3 of CAC-Free. I slept well, and dealt with No Coffee by having some muesli breakfast followed by a cup of builders’ tea. Lovely. All fine. (I actually kicked off the day with a strong shot of berocca which got the old innards working again at last, after a long stand off – thank goodness – brain fog reduced instantly… )

This is MarketingI felt a bit confused about yesterday’s ‘offer simple help’ approach. Or self-conscious rather. Not wanting to publish the post… Maybe I was embarrassed to mix business with this writing about health/MEDS etc. But today, a day when I’m scheduled to review and action my marketing strategy for 2019, a book I ordered arrived, and it’s very nicely in line with our dialogue yesterday. So, yes, life can’t be categorised. And these inner dialogues are for all parts of my life. So, the book is This is Marketing by Seth Godin. He cooly challenges the over-weaning kind of marketing anyone might still lean towards: 

“You’re not a cigar-smoking fat cat. You don’t work for a soap company. You’re not an obsolete industrial marketer. Why are you acting like one?” p8

He challenges us to take a different approach to offering our products and services to the world: 

“Marketing is one of our greatest callings. It’s the work of positive change. … Marketing is not a battle, and it’s not a war, or even a contest. Marketing is the generous act of helping someone solve a problem. Their problem. It’s a change to change the culture for the better. Marketing involves very little in the way of shouting, hustling or coercion. It’s a chance to serve instead.” . p2 

In other words…

Offer Simple Help. You’re welcome. 😀

Yes! I would like this year’s achievements to be about simple help offered and given. That would be nice. In December, I collated all my completed work and achievements, and it was such a nice process and I felt so strengthened to reflect on what I had done, and been granted the opportunity to do.

I want to make this year gentler for myself in the following way: Instead of listing tasks and goals for ticking off or crossing out (and leaving myself with a year’s worth of scrawled and thus neutralised crossings out), I intend to pencil in potential achievements ahead, and then write over them in ink afterwards when and if done. I can rub them out if they are not done, in the knowledge that if they weren’t done they weren’t meant to be.  At the end of the year, in my lovely Action Planner (which I hope will arrive today) I’ll have a record of achievements achieverised. That’s nice, soft, and a good recognition that everything we do beyond keeping ourselves alive is ‘gravy’ to the meal – especially if we are orientating our efforts towards an intention to offer simple help. 

Lovely. And so much softer, compassionate and encouraging than the Goal Orientated approach, which is much more A-type than your-type, if we may say. You can note down ‘blessings’ and ‘confirmations’ too – that gives space for the incomings of grace, mercy and miracle. And, dearest friend, it gives you a satisfactory acronym…  🙂 

Achievements, Blessings and Confirmations. ABC. Yes indeedy! High five!

Let every offer-of-simple-help-accepted, every task completed, every blessing received, every confirmation manifested…be witnessed and marvelled at! This is the work of living on the bright side of the coin. The more we SEE the problems unravelled, the solutions activated, the immense ease with which the universe meets our needs, the more our intentions can be realised – smoothly, gently, effortlessly. 

Be playful with the notion of achievement. It’s all a gift from the source of all creation and wonder. Let it in humbly and with a sense of awe. 

For now, lay your mind’s eye on those potential future achievements you sense to be coming in on the tide for your very simple, effortless ‘achieverisation’. Smile them in to shore, welcomingly.

Today I am noting potential future achievements achieverised.

********************

MEDS Trackers Jan2019: Day: Thursday 3 Jan 19
Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong 10:10:10 YES!
Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food YES!
Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books Nope…
Med minutes 10 (silent)
Active minutes 12 (good trot)
Steps 6000
Food: Muesli; tea; chicken&cucumber in a lettuce wrap; home-cooked rabbit & veg stew (by my eldest); 10 jelly beans; peach squash; a few pork scratchings before bed (!); licorice tea in bed. AWESOME.  

Eating window:

10.30am – 10.30pm = 12h

Dry?  YES! Day 3
Screens off Whoop… 11.30
In bed (with books..) 11.30 (Good reading!)
Sleep Window
12.40 – 7.40
Hours slept (as per FitBit data next morning) 6h12m (a bit short!)

 ***********

MEDS Day 70: Today I am loving myself

I am grateful for the last two days….

  • Financial dialogues – yes – there have been several – with current/potential clients about future work; with my family and loved ones about future living; about money owed to or by me; about household arrangements; about future homes; about future business entities…. I’m glad to have had the internal prompt to be proactive about this theme and prioritise it. Ty inner knowing. It’s good to talk…
  • Lovely Christmas party for choir
  • Kind people sending Christmas cards…
  • Ongoing focus on sleep … yet it’s still deluding me… still at average of 6h10m… Good motivation for dropping CAC (carbs, alcohol and coffee) in Jan. Amen.

And today?

“May there be love in my heart” was your request earlier this morning. What did you mean? 

I think I felt it as a prayer for the right kind of energy inside me… Energy as in ‘fuel’ for my day. May I be propelled by love, vs urgency, concern, ‘punctuality’… May I bring love to my meetings (I have a mediation meeting this morning) and to my decisions and conversations. May I relax about Christmas and presents and planning (it makes me so taut each year – “What does everyone want?! I don’t know!”) May I finish the year gracefully and peacefully, instead of running towards it like a bull at a gate.

There is time to carry out a meditation to fill your heart with love. Maybe that would be a good use of your moments now?

[MED – 10 min guided meditation on receiving love energy]

That was good. I feel more settled. I sensed my tendrils drawing in. I liked the focus on receiving love as if articulated by those who know and love us. Very healthy. Soothing.

Receiving love is a real art. Accepting love is a true skill. Acknowledging ourselves as loving. loved and lovable is a gift to ourselves and others. Loving ourselves is the highest power in our gift. In loving ourselves we can express self-kindness, self-compassion, self-forgiveness – with regularity, sincerity and ease. We can make self-care a genuine priority not a task-to-be-done, a state-of-being not an activity. 

Today you are invited to love yourself. 

This is absolutely a follow-on to the Financial Dialogues. We’re not zig-zagging here. Accepting love and accepting money and accepting the abundance of this universe which adores the divine-sparks within it… This is all in the same category of ‘Be still and know that you are God’. 

‘You are God’ or (psalm 46) ‘I am God’?

What do you think, dear spark of divine knowing? 

There is but one creation…

Be still and know that you are loved. And the first person to love you must be you. This is a practice. And it starts today. 

You can see my response..! It’s ok though. It’s good. I know this. I’m grateful. I know that the MEDS protocols and financial security and physical/mental wellbeing spring from one root – the connecting consciousness between self and the wider consciousness which is predicated on complete love, including love for our own sweet selves.

It’s the sine qua non (the ‘without which not’). All activities of healing and improvement and peace-building are left ‘leaky’ if the foundation of love of the internal and external self is not nurtured and secured. We have to overcome a) the habit of self-abandonment and b) the self-consciousness about violating societal norms of self-disparagement… Time to get up and go, dear one. Happy loving today. 

See you on the other side.

Today I am loving myself

********************

MEDS Trackers Dec2018 (chart here): Thursday
Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong 10:0:1
Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food Yes, til evening
Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books No 🙁
Med minutes 10
Active minutes 58mins 🙂
Steps 11245
Food: Muesli, crisps x 2 packets!, salad, cabbage&sausages&rice, cider
Dry?  No
Screens off 11.15pm
In bed (with books..) 11
Sleep Window
23.37 – 6.12
Hours slept (as per FitBit data next morning) 5h35m (Argh!)

 ***********

MEDS Day 66: Today I am taking my ‘folded arms’ out into the world

Feelin Groovy - Garkfunkel's arms folded

I am grateful for yesterday’s….

  • Housekeeping Habits morning – even if I didn’t keep exactly to time, and I ditched the all important Download Hour. Good to be embedding those habits, in the same order…
  • Productive and collegiate work
  • Co-coaching session (aka Power Hour) with my gorgeous daughter at our shared office – what a great and wise coach she is.
  • Evening out with my Love and discussing what matters in our comms – so helpful for me
  • An evening of Christmas Skiffle with friends

Feelin Groovy - Garkfunkel's arms folded
Feelin Groovy – Garkfunkel’s arms held

Feelin’ Groovy with the GoSlo = so good. I’m only just touching the edges of it. Would like to repeat the practice today, as I’ve got a meeting in London. I thought often of the moment in the Central Park video (see yesterday) where Garfunkel kind of, stops seizing the mic, and holds his arms to his chest by his elbows, in the spirit of the song… I know that look is said to be ‘closed’ in body language terms, but I think it looked actually very open, receptive – like, “I’m not driving things here. Hello Lampost, whatcha knowin’…?” He’s allowing life to come to him…

Aha… “He’s allowing life to come to him.” What would it look like for you to allow life to come to you? 

Great question. The word that arises is ‘perilous’ – which says a whole lot I think!!

Let’s explore an important area for you at the moment. You’re baffled that, with all this MEDS focus, your weight is going up. What if we told you that your ‘pushing at life’ was adding to this weight increase? What if we reminded you that late nights are the most significant factor in your body’s recovery cycle – and that staying up late plays havoc with your insulin / adrenaline / cortisol, and that that is why you are gaining weight? Hey, we have no problem with your beautiful body, but we know you are baffled and concerned by your weight gain, and it links with the GoSlo…

How does it link with the GoSlo?

Simply put, if you spent more of your day with your ‘arms folded’ like dear Art Garfunkel, receptive and allowing life to come to you, then come night time you would be able to ‘stop the day’ at will, at the time that worked for you, and embark on the healing sleep that keeps you well. ‘Allowing life to come to you’ in this way is not by any means being passive, unboundaried… It is the opposite, in fact. Garfunkel’s folded (not ‘crossed’ – one arms rests against his chest, the other on top) arms are:

1) a sign of his open watchfulness – he’s observing the world in a state of relational presence (hello lamppost); he’s not placing executive action upon the world (no ‘doing’ stuff with his hands); he’s listening as much as singing

2) a sign of his boundariedness – he’s watching but not getting swept up or along; he’s not open-armed to all… He’s equanimous, circumspect, grounded, solid in himself. 

Take your ‘folded arms’ out into the world today, with your GoSlo and it’s ‘feelin’ groovy’ alert tune. See what happens when you watch a little more… and let life come to you for your equanimous consideration… 

Beautiful. Useful. Tangible, kinesthetic stuff today. Thank you. I really will.

Today I am taking my ‘folded arms’ out into the world.

********************

MEDS Trackers Dec2018 (chart here):
Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong 10:0:1
Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food Somewhat… (travelling)
Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books Nope
Med minutes 10
Active minutes 10
Steps 7900
Food: Coffee&cream (no honey: good!); muesli; whole cucumber; GF muffins; salad&bread&cottagepie&cake; Leon chickensatay&salad(left the rice); G&T
Dry?  Nope… not at all 🙁
Screens off 10.40pm
In bed (with books..) 10.40pm – no books
Sleep Window
10.43 – 4.15ish
Hours slept (as per next morning) 5h29m

 ***********

MEDS Day 51: Today I am switching attention ‘cleanly’

GoSlo

I am grateful for yesterday’s….

  • rewarding day-long mental health training for an animal rescue shelter <3
  • learning (for the training for animal carers) about Compassion Fatigue (= burnout + secondary (vicarious) trauma; on a par with PTSD) – yes, that’s what happened for me… Good to know that.
  • the feeling of competence and completion with the training
  • spending a day in conversation and mutual learning
  • overcoming the tough start to the day (Man, was I hungover??! Red wine = no good for me – even organic, even ‘just’ 2 glasses…)
  • gorgeous, brief evening with my Love – and delicious chips 🙂
  • last night’s dream = got shot at with blanks by passing strangers, 3 times in 24h. The third guy insisted he just wanted to be friends, and insisted on coming home with me, Ana and Susannah, under threat of his gun. We pretended to be ‘friends’ with him… Social predators and psychopaths…

The notion of self-kindness was useful. I asked myself,“If kindness relates to the way we would treat our ‘kin’, what would I want for (or, be happy to hear) in relation to my beautiful children?”:

  • Healthy, fit, exercised body
  • Stable income and good savings (not too agreeable)
  • Healthy consumption habits (good food, substance free, alcohol free/moderate)
  • Feeling optimistic / hopeful / excited about the future
  • Lovely partner, friends and strong family connections
  • Able to expand hearts out to others (Dalai Lama)

And then I asked myself the same question with regards to what I would want to hear for my father (in his early 80s) – “If kindness relates to the way we would treat our ‘kin’, what would I want for (or, be happy to hear) in relation to my lovely father?”:

  • Feeling surrounded (by family, friends, network, professional services)
  • Knowing ‘what will happen’ – for peace of mind (eg in the event of loss of capacity, at end of life, after death – as far as it’s possible to plan) – to have had the Conversations
  • Peace in the ‘legacy’ theme

So, may I give these things to myself as an act of self-kindness, and also to spare my ‘kin’ concerns (that I know I would have if these things weren’t in place for them).

This is the work of the next phase of life, dear Soul. There is much softness and care to bring to yourself. 

It was helpful learning about Compassion Fatigue. What a great term. Why did no-one point this out to me?! Of course I would develop it as an Aspie single parent of two children with special needs etc. Why did no one say?!

Maybe you can ‘say’ to others, dear one. 

Yes. I will. And I will talk about Self-Kindness.

Good. Where?

Here. 🙂 And there. :))

Excellent. There’s nothing like a SMART target. :))

And that was nothing like a SMART target! Hahaha..!

This morning is a home-working day. I’m playing Switch202020 again (since 7am) – it’s so good. It’s helped me: break up the morning; not get stuck in brain-zone in bed – though I’ve come back to bed each time; do meditation on the stool (counts as ‘up’);  tidy my work space; clear the kitchen; do 3 writing slots…  It links so well with the Reality Transurfing insight which inspired my (our) game (summarised here, page 608): “To “come off the needle” you have to switch your attention and occupy your mind with something else, changing the scripts and scenery.

[PIC of page 608 and FFP]

I’ve got a way of playing Switch20 – basically, after each 20 mins, you are either getting up, or sitting down, right? So now I have a song to sing aloud for each Switch:

Get up = Get up, get on up, get on the scene…. (James Brown)

Sit down = Get down on it…. (Look and the Gang)

Nice! And how successful are you at Switching? 

Ha, apart from right now when I’ve run into the next slot… pretty good! The trick is to write (in the Planner) what you are doing for the next 20 mins before you do it, and then review it (smiley face etc) at the end. You’ve got to stick to the task at hand. In this way, this game is so good for retraining the attention – a) to switch as bidden and b) to stay ‘on task’. As RT (p608) says, we are ever-seeking to wake up and heighten awareness of ‘what’s happening’: “Awareness: in this moment I am awake and am clearly aware of what I am doing, why and why in this manner specifically.

Today is a big day: I’ve a whole training package to complete today, and it’s on suicide prevention. Need to get it spot on.

Switch20 will really assist you to achieve this. 

Cool. So, today?

Today is about switching attention (every 20 mins) in an increasingly ‘clean and clear’ way. It’s about ‘dropping’ the task at hand, and picking up the next – with a smooth, thorough segue. In other words, being sure to use the planner. Why? The body and mind will learn to sense and remain present to the span of 20 minutes. It will sense the apogee of each Switch Slot, and learn to ride in to and out of it. 

Ok. Excellent. I like the sound of that. I was struck by a father’s description of his daughter’s PDA on the radio this morning: like being stuck in a car with a wasp, wanting to flee it, or fight it…. just as anyone would in that actual situation… but being at that height of emotion all the time. Switching attention is so good for taking the ‘sympathetic nervous system’ mind off ‘the wasp’… Just practising redirecting the mind/ thinking away from a) the desirable/stimmy/suck-me-in stuff, and b) the amgydala-hijack, fight/flight material. Excellent.

So, today I am switching attention cleanly and clearly?

‘Cleanly’ is fine. 

Today I am switching attention ‘cleanly’

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r-CRbY6g7s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r-CRbY6g7s

MEDITATION? YES – 15 min – on the stool – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r-CRbY6g7s – lovely 

EXERCISE? YES – 10 mins of twitches

#STEPS – 500… inside all day

DIET – BRAIN-MAKER DIET?  NEARLY 🙂 Not bad at all. Homecooked for several days now, and that makes all the difference.

DRY today? NO – 1 G&T (with diet tonic)

MORNING: Coffee with cream; my muesli; carrot soup&kale&chicken; tea

EVENING: White fish, some chips, kale, G&T

SLEEP – IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? NO – working til late

Screens off:  12.15        Lights out: 12.30

Wake up the next day:         5.15!           Total sleep: 4.45h :// last day of long week

 

MEDS Day 44: Today I am working with my parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS)

I am grateful for yesterday’s…

  • working with university students on their creative project (I’ll help them pitch their proposal / plan to the university tomorrow)
  • my training colleague, who is great to work with, flexible, generous and fun
  • the university colleagues who were welcoming and warm
  • writing and QT (quiet time)
  • the practice-which-wasn’t…

‘Appreciating the seemingly boring practices from a heart-centred place’ basically involved me watching, from a heart-centred place of curiosity and compassion, how cleverly and completely I dodged some of the ‘boring’ practices and activities that would give me inner stability…! For example, last night, rather than quietly sitting down and finishing up the day, or doing my emails, at home after my afternoon of training, I handed my mind and body over to a fest of food/drink/radio/social-media/youtube. I felt ashamed as I did it… crouched down on the foot stool in the kitchen, next to the oven and radio… zoning out. I know it had been an intense day… but I was dismayed how quickly I crashed and burned. My vague intention had been to write an article that evening. Ha! So… what’s the learning? I’m sensing there’s something around stimming…

Stimming activities are indeed the ‘non-boring’ activities for you. They have an immersive quality to them. This writing is stimming for you. You are ‘lost’ in it, deliciously. Everything is flowing, light, regenerative, tickling, ‘stimulating‘. “Thank you for a stimulating evening!” is the very opposite to “My goodness, what a boring / tedious / draining evening…” Yes?

Yes! But, most of the executive or interpersonal tasks of life don’t fit into my stimming paradigm. Would that they did! I do like hanging up laundry (as does a fiend of mine..) – because it’s sensory, touchy, orderly… I wished I loved emails or something useful. Like coders stim with coding, or a graphic designer might get satisfaction out of creating something beautiful, or a scientist might get pleasure out of research…

Wait up, dear soul. Come back… You are looking for the sensory-psychological satisfaction externally…. This is the valuable learning: you can self-generate the stim sensation. What stimming does is allow your autonomic nervous system (ANS) to reset itself. It’s like taking the system offline so work can be done on it. You can do that yourself, by accustoming yourself to self-generated inner stability – which then you take out into the external world. 

Notice: when you did the ‘attend neutrally’ mediation practice [on Monday]…. when you then went out into the world, the world seemed so ‘easy’, so ‘flowy’, so ‘generous’. Yes? In the simplest terms, your mediation practice calmed your ANS so very much that you were able to perceive the world more truly as it is, which is generous, flowy and easy

So, would it be true to say we have a choice of how we run our days?:

Option 1:

  • stim out the morning delightfully (eg by writing)
  • crunch into the cold, harsh world and suck up the strain/pain
  • come home and crash, and stim out the evening with distraction / avoidance / dodging life’s exigencies

Option 2:

  • prepare the ANS for the day ahead, with meditation / qigong / gut-friendly food / energetic-balancing
  • move into the day keeping boundaries clear and enjoying the ‘generous, flowy and easy’ nature of things
  • come home and decompress carefully and appreciatively and mindfully…

You’re on to something powerful here. 

I avoid my morning practices. I’d love to jump out of bed – go for a jog/walk in the sunlight – practice qigong – do my extensive meditation… But I get cowed by the day ahead… and I take my coffee and nuzzle into bed… I do all my morning writing and meditation in bed….

No wonder the world feels like a harsh, hard shock to your ANS when you emerge… You are asking it to go from 0 – 60. 

What even IS the autonomic nervous system? I don’t know. And what was the LightBody we talked about the other day? And are they related?

[Goes and researches ANS]

Oh wow, the ANS is just the Sympathetic (SNS = Flight or flight) and Parasympathetic (PSNS = Rest & Digest) Nervous Systems… as I teach in my training… 🙂 This Khan Academy video is brilliant.

Autonomic Nervous System Autonomic Nervous System

So, I imagine, the mediation and qigong and walking and breathing stimulate the PSNS (parasympathetic nervous system) and calm the SNS. I’ve been using stimming to take the edge off my SNS…. Better to use the former, as I did more diligently in 2016-7 healing from the challenging period running up to 2015.

And what of ANS and ‘Lightbody’?

[Goes and researches ANS and Light-body]

Lise Renee here – I’m going to print and read this

And Dharma Fellowship here say:

The Light-body and Its Internal Circuitry

The human light-body (phra-ba’i lus) is the subtle bio-magnetic field in which the physical body is embedded. This psychically generated light-body is an energy template that both orders and parallels the physical body. It extends around the physical body like an electromagnetic egg, forming a spherical bubble about three feet beyond the skin surface, with more subtle radiations flowing out to a distance of as much as fifteen feet. This ‘alternate’ body (for which reason it has sometimes been called the doppelganger) consists of many energy-layers and centers interconnected throughout by a complex circuitry, in many ways matching the physical nervous system. It is, overall, and like the physical body, a multilayered structure.

You know what we’re going to say…

Yes… Focus on the physical ANS for now. Absorb the LightBody stuff lightly… Stay physical.

Exactly. Physical = ‘boring’ = healing. Metaphysical = exciting / tickling / stimming = ungrounding.

You mentioned Option 1 and Option 2. What would it look like to get Option 2 off the ground (again)?

I guess I fear it would feel like tearing myself out of a dream…

Excellent. That’s a great starting place. Because if you can stand that process of leaving the ‘dream’, then you are also ‘spelled’ from the ‘nightmare’ of chaotic, unstable, dodging, overwhelming days. You can put your hand on the tiller of your ship again. And really, the shift is not a big one for you. You’ve done it before. You know it works. 

So, we’re talking about using ways of activating the PSNS and calming the SNS on a daily basis, before entering ‘the world’, before putting on the ‘Shop Open’ sign, before becoming ‘Available’ for the day? Even if it hurts… Even if I want to stim into oblivion with all my mind…

Yes, sweet soul. That’s right. Fabulous work. 

Ok. Lush. I’m feeling this. This is what the MEDS project is about, right? Embodiment… and the crucial, functional, balance-able, receptive elements of the body are the PSNS (and the SNS). 

Today you are invited to work with your beautiful parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS), and discover how delicious life is within it’s gently cupped hands. 

Thank you.

Today I am working with my parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS)

********************

Meditation:

20 mins of MEDITATION? NO… How did I drop that after all this?!

Exercise:

ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE? NO – in bed all day (til evening)

Diet:

BRAIN-MAKER DIET? NO

DRY today? NO

MORNING: My muesli, chicken/courgette/saurkraut, tea, coffee

AFTERNOON: rice&chicken at noodle bar; cider

Sleep:

IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? NO

Screens off:    12.20pm      Lights out: 12.30pm

Wake up the next day:          7.45am          Total sleep: 7h

Researched during the day:

Keep Calm with Earthing and activate your parasympathetic nervous system

Earthing for activating the PSNS:

https://betterearthing.com.au/earthing-calm-nervous-system/ 

On the topic of earthing and the nervous system, Dr Stephen Sinatra has said that:

As a cardiologist, I repeatedly treated the human wreckage that stress (acute or chronic sympathetic overdrive) can exact. In trying to rebuild and restore the wreckage, I have applied the best tools that both conventional and alternative medicine has to offer. Reconnecting the body to the Earth offers perhaps the most natural tool available anywhere. I’ve seen this simple remedy do some amazing things.

*******

Breathe out....
Breathe out….

MEDS Day 37: Today I am embodying new frequencies

‘Activating avatars’ is a fascinating concept and I loved working with it yesterday. In the end, there was just one avatar that arose for me, and it turned out to be ‘Warrior’. I’m a bit bashful about writing the word, I notice… maybe because it feels so unlike the peaceful (‘agreeable’) persona I tout for myself?! However, yesterday was about bouncing back from the stalky harassment texts I had received, in the shields-up spirit of “Defence against the dark arts, Harry”; and going for a blood test to check on my health data; and getting professional work done (working along a cherished work-buddy (LV)); and enjoying Dia de Muertos with my family… Damn right that Warrior {My Name} should download herself!

As Warrior {My Name}  I felt the sensation of the straightening of my spine; the defending of my auric field; the projection of strong yet loving energy outward; the clear aim to work expediently (with the end in view) without allowing disruption, distraction, deviation. And… remarkably… I felt others responding to my state. Let me just let myself let that sink in… Yes. At the co-working office, people backed away from distracting me; people recalibrated to my state…. It wasn’t like they stepped back because ‘they could see me frantically trying to focus’ – as I’ve always hoped would be the effect of my furrowed brow. No! “Frantically trying to focus’ is a state that actually, I realise, attracts the ‘attention-seeking butterflies’. Wow. It really is our inside that that counts. 

So if yesterday was about activating the avatar ‘Warrior Me’, what avatar shall we activate today?

How did you access and download the ‘Warrior’ avatar?

Through doing a few minutes of kneeling prayer, qigong, and energetic alignment exercises.

There you go. The learning here is that the activation of new states is (especially for you) a kinaesthetic process, rather than an intellectual, static, thought-based one. Remember: this avatar-activation work is about the embodiment of new frequencies, new frequencies which are seeking to anchor on earth via such receptive souls as are committed enough to doing the requisite energetic protection work to make such frequency-downloading safe. 

Oh Lordy. Can’t believe I’m writing this… Deep breaths. Yes. Thank you. I hear you. This is it, indeed.

And this explains to you why you are actually undertaking the MEDS Project: so that your mind and body state can be brought sufficiently in to alignment, stability and attunement that the human vessel is fit to do the frequency-embodiment work at hand. 

Woah. Really?! It’s not just about weight-loss, clothes fitting, professional credibility, and being well enough to work and live happily…?

Is that what you had thought?

Not really. It just felt like I needed to get on top of my health, to be able to function better in the world: work full-time; be a loving partner and family member; enjoy some travel and adventure.

And all of that is true. Your happiness and joyfulness and inner peace is exactly resonant with the ‘new’ frequency which we are promulgating on the planet. How you get there, and how you learn to embody that frequency, is part of the fun. As your mother always said, “It’s got to be fun.” Why? Creation is awe-inspiring. You know you’re truly creating (which is the key activity, trait and aspect of The Creator) when you feel lightness / tickled / joy-pride-awe. We are teaching you to spin the plates of happiness and be joyfully, laughingly occupied with keeping them spinning. This is the fun of creation. This is the path to, and from, peace. This is the high-frequency state of healing, growth and completion. 

Completion? Does creativity or creation ever complete itself?

The answer to that depends whether you ‘believe’ in linear time. If there is only ‘now’, glorious completion is all there is. The illusion of linear time is a gift of consciousness which precisely allows you to experience the delicious sensation of unfurling, blossoming, growing, bringing-into-being, ‘creating’…

‘Be still and know that you are God.’ We are all creators creating, so that we can know our divine essence, right? Or so that the divine can know itself?

If you like. Need there be a ‘so that’? (‘O reason not the need’…) You can apply logic and reasoning, but equally, you are invited to revel in the unfathomable unreasonableness of creation, and flow with it, wide-eyed and astonished by where it takes you next.

So who does the creating… ‘Creation’ or my creative mind?

Need there be a creator/created duality? 

Ooooooh…. Ha. You’re good. I’m getting it. Unstick the mind, which is obsessed by seeking to impose a logic of A + B = C. And just let A B C fill us with joy. Something like that?

Something like that. Enough for today?

Yes. Awesome. Um, theme for the day? Something more on activating avatars maybe, after doing another ‘few minutes of kneeling prayer, qigong, and energetic alignment exercises’ perhaps?

Lovely. Today is about embodiment. It’s about getting into the body. And anchoring new frequencies.

I’ve got a lot of seated computer work to do today…

All the more appealing then. 

Argh… Ok. Thank you. Warrior Me can do this.

Today I am embodying new frequencies.

********************

Meditation:

20 mins of MEDITATION? YES 

Exercise:

ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE? YES – walking in sunshine

#STEPS 

Diet:

BRAIN-MAKER DIET? NEARLY

DRY today? NO

MORNING: coffee with cream and half tsp honey, muesli, parsnip soup, steamed green veg, cheese, mayo

EVENING: veg, soup, chicken breast, G&T

Sleep:

IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? NO – got rather carried away online

Screens off:    12      Lights out: 12

Wake up the next day:           7.30         Total sleep: 7.5h

MEDS Day 30: Today I am swimming to shore with the tide

So I did the prioritising thing yesterday… and sorted out my list, and categorised it in bunches of similar activities: 1, 1a, 2, 2a, 2b, 3, 3a (eg. 2a was for things that needed to be posted; 3 was anything to do with rates, quotes or invoices). But here’s the thing: my physical and mental energy is low. The guy opposite me at the co-working space was just pumping out phone calls, and they seemed to cost him no energy. I had three phone calls (2 interviews and a client call) and they wiped me out!

The idea behind ‘prioritising’ is to understand what you really need to prioritise. 

Well, I guess I need to prioritise my health and wellbeing.

And how would that change your To Do List? 

Interesting. I guess I would actually list/number/categorise the things I need to do for my health…

Almost. Beware making self-care the next chore on the list…

Oh, I know…! This:

  • I would set a much smaller To Do List (less threatening; more realistic)
  • I would take shortcuts to get things done (less perfectionist; more pragmatic)
  • I would say no to people (less obliging; more sustainable)
  • I would acknowledge what I can and can’t easily and effectively do each day (less idealistic; more self-compassionate)
  • I would schedule tasks in my calendar, so that I can take them off my dangling To Do List…! (better use of calendar)

Remember to ask yourself, “What am I aiming for?”

What am I aiming for? Three afternoon cases/sessions per week. At £x.

And for passive income?

Hmm? Ah… Yes. The books.

Focus, focus, focus… gratefully. Your capacity for gratitude is increasing, to your own benefit. Your suspicion is diminishing! Your belief is on the rise. You feel the tide of advantage picking you up and carrying you. Swim with the tide, dear soul. Swim with it, smilingly. See the land in the distance, and keep your eyes upon it. The tide will carry you in, if you but let yourself be carried by it. (aka: Stop swimming out to sea again!) Imagine your feet on solid earth again. Relish that anticipated sensation. Swim to shore, dear one, with the spring tide powering you forward. 

Today I am swimming to shore with the tide

********************

Meditation:

20 mins of MEDITATION? NO – but 40 mins of Insight Timer talks while walking

Exercise:

ONE HOUR OF EXERCISE? YES – walking to office and back

#STEPS: 9000

Diet:

BRAIN-MAKER DIET? NEARLY

DRY today? NO

MORNING: My muesli, chicken soup from Pret, Berocca drink, cup of tea

EVENING: salmon/egg/spinach pot from Pret, coconut bar from Pret, seaweed thins, celery and guacamole, G&T

Sleep:

IN BED WITH MY BOOKS BY 10pm? YES!

Screens off:     9.45pm     Lights out: 10.10pm – Boom

Wake up the next day:          3.30am!!!!!!          Total sleep: 5hours!