Author: Dialogues Of Discernment

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MEDS Day 85: Today I am listening to things

Today, Valentine’s Day 2019, dear soul of my being, marks ten years to the day since my beloved Mum died, at the impossibly young age of 65. May she know how much we loved and love her, and have missed her comforting, humour-filled, nurturing physical presence these ten years. May she know that I often wonder if it is her gentle, guiding hand behind some of the many magical things that have occurred for us as a family in this past decade. May she know that I offer up my heart in prayerful communion to her today, and reach out my love to her, and ask that the Light may illuminate her soul yet ever more brightly across all dimensions of time and space. Thank you, beloved Mum, for the incredible family you created with your strength, selflessness and love. Be well and filled with joy, wherever you are.

And on the subject of magical things, today I move in with the sweet love of my life. We get the keys to the most gorgeous countryside cottage, where we, and our children, can live, work and be together. May our time together be ever enriched, joyful and up-lifting. May G and I learn to do the Work together. May our home and union be ever blessed, guided and illuminated.

Furthermore, on this day of days, let me gently note, it’s 45 years to the day since the death of beautiful Deni Prieto-Stock, killed by the Mexican army in 1974 at the age of 18.

Also the anniversary of the untimely deaths of the mother of my sister-in-law, and of the brother of my stepmother.

What a day is today. As the world marks romantic love, let spiritual love for one another fill our hearts. May all sadnesses be released, all traumas healed, all wounds forgiven, all loving hopes realised.

Yesterday I worked with saying ‘Let’s make things better’ (LMTB). It was good – it gave me patience as I worked with the huge job of clearing my work pile and packing up this house with it’s enormous amount of paper-based archives… The archives make me feel heavy, and yet I feel there’s a role for them in the future. There is so much gold in there. Especially in terms of the story of our family. Only, as I gathered from doing some clearing out with my beautiful eldest, not everyone wants to recall or ‘dig up’ the earlier journey. What to do about this feeling of the burden of paper (email print outs, mementos, photos, books, 130+ diaries…), and my longing to reflect on and celebrate the past, and my sense that others want to let it go, and my concern about letting it go, and my determination not disrespectfully to ‘out’ people on our shared past times….?

Am I really going to digitise these things, these paper objects? Or write them up?

As the lady on Youtube says: “putter through the clutter”. You need to be present to the things, and give them your time and attention, to be able to discern what they mean to you now. You can’t ‘attack’ personal papers/archives. 

I’ve run out of time before the move…!

Have you? Why not pack up ‘everything else’ asap today, and then discover what time you might have left. You also have all the time in the world at the next house, if you can make a project of it. Ask yourself: What is this for? What is the potential benefit? 

I think I have a bent towards making ‘art’ out of my past.

Interesting. In what sense? 

The celebration of human relationships. The ‘radical love’ project……………

Oh lordy…. Ayudame en esto….

Peace and gentleness are required. And deep listening. Listen, intuit, respond. 

So I can tune in to things, and listen? Intuit that which they are telling me?

Why not? You get the keys to a new house today. Why not practise there? 

Listen. Listen. Listen…

Ok. I’m going to listen to Weightless for my morning meditation, to start off the theme of Listening today.

If yesterday we were ‘making things better’, today we are ‘listening to things’ – as they are, and as they would be heard. 

It feels quite Marie-Kondo-Shinto-esque…

Maybe it is. Would you agree all things are animated by consciousness?

Maybe they are… Let me work with that today… Let me listen to the things…

Today I am listening to things.

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MEDS Day 84: Today I am saying ‘Let’s make things better.’

As advised last time, I’ve been building in a daily focus on Sleep, Qigong and Nature Walks. Switching off for going to sleep, as ever the hardest, especially as I’ve had early work starts which ironically make it harder for me to turn my light off in good time. But my goodness, the daily qigong and nature walks… Powerful stuff. Very settling. Also so effective for ‘unstressing/untraumatising’ my body after intense conflict resolution work. Good restoration practices for the empathic types who take on a lot.

Just a brief check in today, as I’m a bit behind schedule. I’ve been marvelling at the things of the world. The goodness… The love. The kindnesses. The happiness growing here, there and everywhere.

Today we are working with  the concept of ‘making things better’.

How shall I best slide into this concept?

Just simply by saying, ‘let’s make things better’. It’s a softening and strengthening practice. It is fully compassionate to self, to other and to those external conditions which seem displeasing. It is an antidote to the brain’s flagging alert signals against ‘threat’, ‘disorder’, ‘chaos’, ‘lateness’, ‘undoneness’… The LMTB frame of mind says, let’s take what we have (lovingly) and make it better (lovingly). It invites, and develops, the DOER frame of mind we discussed in recent days. It goes like this: ‘Ok, I can see this undecided thing… Let’s decide, organise, execute and reflect on the result.’ And what’s the result? Simply this: we’ve made something better. Easy. Gentle. Satisfying. And…repeat. 

Ok! I like it. I’m moving house in 5 days…! There’s lots to do. So making things better would include… feeling like things are… ready for the move.

Good. Know that every intentional action you take today will, will, will make things better. Let that give you a sense of relief, of patience, of not rushing or straining. Every intentional action (in the spirit of DOER) will simply, gently, bit-by-bit make things better. But especially if you bring a soft, confident, intentional state to it. 

No slapping hands on the water, or being a fly buzzing at the window pane.

Slowly, softly, cleanly, confidently. When you look around and see ‘chaos’, say to yourself gently, as you would to a child with a broken toy or a hurt knee: ‘Let’s make things better.’

Thank you. Lovely.

Today I am saying ‘Let’s make things better.’

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MEDS Day 83: Today, I am pump-priming my brain

You want to get deeply into this health learning? 

Yes, I do! Thank you.

Turn to your brain next. 

Ok… Yes. I can do that. I’ve got lots of books on the brain and brain health. Where are you going with this?

It’s about soothing your brain. 

Physiologically, psychologically, vibrationally, emotionally…?

Energetically. 

Can you tell me more?

The brain is a super-charged organ, of immense power. There is the possibility to upgrade it from 2 stroke engine to 4. 

Didn’t my grandfather somehow invent the 4 stroke engine..?

You better ask him… Or your father. 

I better had! What do you mean by upgrade from 2 stroke to 4? I’ve found this, in Hindi, on youtube: https://youtu.be/kU5G20s4ILA

Essentially, we mean that your brain can become more efficient: higher productivity with less energy use.

I like the sound of THAT! Tell me more.

In the grand scheme of things, a person’s achievements in life are variable. Some are just the execution of day to day activities. But other achievements in life are what we would call ‘purposeful’. It can take extra energy to effect the purposeful activities, partly because they tend to be ‘novel’. Daily tasks are not novel, they are repeated – so the neural pathways are well worn = therefore it takes less energy to perform them. Novel activities require new neural pathways to be carved out – and that takes physical energy. Our presupposition is that if you focus on energising the brain, then it can more easily lean in to the heart’s desire, which is to do the purposeful tasks. 

Yes! I dream dreams of good innovative things, but fall at the hurdle of execution – because of… lack of solid decision making and lack of executive oomph.

To make decisions and to execute them takes ENERGY in the brain. 

Is this ‘psychic’ energy? I mean we’re talking about ‘psychology’ here…

You’ll be interested to know we simply mean battery-style energy – kilowatt power. Think of the new smart meter in your house. Let’s say you set the thermostat to ‘heat the house between 8am and 8pm‘. Fine. If you keep all the doors and windows shut across that time period, you will use 40kWh. However, if you leave the doors and windows open, your smart meter will be reporting a usage of 80kWh. The result in the home is the same: warmth. But taking the ‘open windows’ approach, the cost for you, and the environment, is double. 

We want to teach you how to ‘heat your home’ with the doors and windows shut. We want to teach you greater ‘efficiency’ in use of brain power. Shifting to ‘4 stroke engine’ is about shutting the doors and windows of your brain, so that it can produce more with the same amount of energy consumption. Or even better: you will learn simply to reduce energy consumption in order to effect the purposeful activities with ease. 

No grandstanding. No huffing and puffing.

That’s a little self-critical. Self-criticism is like leaving a window open on your brain. Wasted energy. 

Ah! Where else do I throw windows open on my brain-home?

Worrying. Double-guessing. Regretting. Anticipating negative outcomes. Dreading. Hesitating. Doubting. Waiting. Doubting. Waiting. Doubting. Hesitating. Doubting. Waiting…

Eek. No holds barred then! But really, there’s something important for me here.

‘Hesitating. Doubting. Waiting.’ – this is how I burn up my precious brain power? Wow. So the energy-conserving opposite of this would be… 

Committing. Trusting. Acting.?

Indeed! These are the corollaries of DECIDING.

We DECIDE and then we COMMIT. TRUST. ACT. 

This is beautiful. Kinda out of my comfort zone, eh? 

Not in the least. ‘Hesitating. Doubting. Waiting.’ is precisely your discomfort zone. You know it. It’s got an edgy, stop-start feel to it. That edgy feeling is the sensation of hot air rushing out of the front door of your brain. 

DECIDE (commit/trust/act) – ORGANISE – EXECUTE – RESULTS/REFLECT/REPEAT: this is the feeling of the home of your brain warming up and using it’s internal engine to build nurturing, comforting WARMTH (energy-efficient home analogy) and progressive, allowing, building MOMENTUM (four-stroke engine analogy). 

Wow. I see. So, is this shift an act of will? Or do I do something to pump-prime the engines? 

We recommend you pump-prime the engine. 

Anyone got any jump leads?

You are about right in super-charging the battery. 

How do I do that? How do I flush out and recharge my brain’s energy systems?

  1. Sleep – at least 7h30m every night
  2. Qigong – good – that’s started. 
  3. Nature walks. Like last Saturday. The daily ‘constitutional’. 

Aw, man… I know. I need more ‘active minutes’ – my Fitbit shows how low they have been. It’s all time…

Yes. It is. It’s all time. How you choose to use your time dictates the results you get. If you never service your car, it will die sooner. Daily qigong and a walk are the minimal ‘service’ for your brain IF you want it to have the internal energy to be able to execute those novel ‘purposeful’ activities without being stalled by ‘hesitation, doubt and waiting’. Pump-priming your brain energetically means you will have the internal power to override those 3 great window-openers of the brain-home. Pump-priming your brain energetically means you will have the internal power to bring ‘commitment, trust and action’ to your decisions about purposeful activities. 

Ok. I hear you. Thank you. There’s a lot to remember here.

Not really. The theory is there to return to if you want. But actually, the only thing you are asked to remember is this: your brain has a powerful battery that is recharged by sleep, qigong and nature walks. Let these activities be the foundation of your day, so that you can level up from ‘just achieving the daily basics’ to slicing through daily tasks and purposeful activities with commitment, trust and action.

Today, focus on activities that pump-prime the brain. Notice how you energise, how you lose energy. Notice how decision-making, commitment, trust, action all help to build comforting warmth and momentum. This will build up over time. It’s not just the daily battery cycle. It’s about the life-cycle of the brain and it’s ability to carry out the soul’s purpose. 

Amen.

Today, I am pump-priming my brain

PS. This just popped up on my Facebook feed! (Thanks Hugo A-S)

 The best thing you can do for your health: sleep well (The Guardian)

THIS! This is what I had begun to wonder… Ok.. I’m hearing it now. These are quotes from the article:

  • Inadequate sleep – even moderate reductions of two to three hours for just one week – disrupts blood sugar levels so profoundly that you would be classified as pre-diabetic.
  • Insufficient sleep is now one of the most significant lifestyle factors influencing whether or not you will develop Alzheimer’s disease. During sleep, a remarkable sewage system in the brain, called the glymphatic system, kicks into high gear. As you enter deep sleep, this sanitisation system cleanses the brain of a sticky, toxic protein linked to Alzheimer’s, known as beta amyloid. Without sufficient sleep, you fail to get that power cleanse. With each passing night of insufficient sleep, that Alzheimer’s disease risk escalates, like compounding interest on a loan.
  • Sleep disruption has further been associated with all major psychiatric conditions, including depression, anxiety and suicidality.
  • the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life.
  • should you try to diet but don’t get enough sleep while doing so, it is futile, since up to 70% of the weight you lose will come from lean body mass, not fat.

And on the upside…

  • Sleep is perhaps the greatest legal performance-enhancing ‘drug’ that few people are taking advantage of.
  • plentiful sleep is powerful tool for controlling your appetite, your weight and keeping your body trim.
  • Put simply: sleep – a consistent seven- to nine-hour opportunity each night – is the single most effective thing we can do to reset our brain and body health each day

 

 

 

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MEDS Day 82: I AM entering the parasympathetic state

The DOER model is good. You need to start with identifying the ‘undecided‘ thing (the problem, the conundrum, the stalled thing, the thing undone) – so the model almost becomes ‘uDOER’, which I kind of like too… As in ‘Go you, you doer!”

Yesterday, I tried the model out on the task of ‘going to the tip’, which is something I was undecided about, and I hate doing.

  • Undecided: go to the tip? [All the variables, and the need for time on other things….]
  • Decided: I shall go to the tip because… [rationale for decision, which I could refer to later]
  • Organise: list of task steps and timings and considerations
  • Execute: this was a rollercoaster and I felt uncomfortable/sad/distressed along the way – really important to remember that the bodymind is often not convinced this decision is a good idea until it’s done – so it drags its feet and sends out amygdala alerts all the dang way…
  • Results/repeat: Reflecting on the outcome was good and reassured me the Decision had been good! I sat down to repeat it with another bigger Undecided project, and… completely Avoided setting a Decision. Maybe I only have One Decision A Day in me? Better make it a good ‘un.

Today: the role of the parasympathetic nervous system (again)

I’ve spent this morning studying the PSNS again… Yesterday I was training in London (waking at 4.44am and leaving house at 5.30am) and today I am fried. My adrenals are on fire again, and my sleep was, again, short. I’m stuck on 6h30 sleep, no matter how tired I am…

I woke up knowing: this near-burnout is all because I’ve got stuck in the sympathetic state over past months. And the parasympathetic system is barely getting a look in. I’m stuck in ‘urgent!’ mode. And stopping actually feels edgy, like falling off a cliff. So I zone out, with screens and late nights. But I don’t get proper ‘rest and digest’ time. My brain is always on. I’m super vigilant. I’m always communicating with someone or some idea, and for an aspie person that means the Theory of Mind turbo chargers are on…. It’s all out of whack.

This video explains why the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems are like Holmes and Watson… they are intertwined. And the SNS is the one that has a quicker take up rate in any given instance:

Parasympathetic Nervous System

And this sympathetic dominance in me is also why I am not losing weight, but rather am inflamed and bloated. So…

DECISION OF THE DAY: I commit to getting back into the parasympathetic state frequently, so that I am no longer SNS dominant. In fact, I want to be PSNS dominant.

ORGANISE: I know the best asset here is QIGONG. It is moving meditation, it is exercise, it is sleep-hygiene personified, it regularises the cranio-sacral nerves (including the vagus) that make up the PSNS; it massages and calms the spinal nerves that make up the SNS. I commit, with my heart, body and soul, to practice qigong each day this month. I will track it on my tracker.

EXECUTE: I call on my higher self to support me to ‘Execute’ this commitment even when I am doubting, feeling too tired, feeling like I don’t have time, feeling uninspired.

RESULTS: What results am I anticipating? A calmed parasympathetic nervous system. This qigong practice will be my foundation.

Yep?

Deep breath here… Slow down again. *sings* ‘Slow down, you move too fast… Feeling groovy.’

Yes, feeling groovy is being in the PSNS state.

Which you’re not just now, eh? 

Nope… I wired and fired, fried and wide-eyed… 🙁  Exhausted. Adrenals pumping and swollen in my back… Worried for my health…

Ok, there we are. Good. Well done for saying that. Yes, this is about healing with thoughts, emotional release, poise, intention… This is a great opportunity to learn about holding the PSNS state even in the company of another…

This is my concern! Living in companionship with someone – how does one ever get the ‘silent retreat’ and recuperate the PSNS state? How does one avoid becoming taut, and ‘not the person one once was’? Will I have a character change moving in with my beloved G?!

Sweet one, living alone, you have not been entering silent retreat! You have been screen locked and switched to “On” mode for months… You will find it easier to enter silent retreat in the loving physical company of one who is also naturally a retreatant in their day to day mode, as indeed you were for a while when you were in your best ANS homeostasis… When was that you say? Early 2017. Yes, it was the state which brought you and G into vibrational alignment to meet. Trust in that. 

You have reminded yourself of the key tool: qigong. Worry yourself not further here. Pause. Breathe. Go and ‘execute’ the Decision of the Day. 

What is the message for my day though?

‘I am entering the parasympathetic state.’ Remember what Eliza said? It takes but one mindful breath to enter the parasympathetic state. You can come back to that one mindful breath time and time and time again across the day.

Don’t even worry about meditation at this point. You are too mentally wired, and carrying too much psoas stress, to do seated meditation at the moment. But qigong simultaneously overrides and heals both those difficulties for you… It’s astonishingly powerful. Hence Chris Shelton’s tagline: ‘simple practice, profound results.’ So go do it. Relax. And get on with your day. TRUST the qigong to return you to your restful, no-crisis-now, peaceful, vagally-calming, cranio-sacrally settled, parasympathetic state. 

I am entering the parasympathetic state.

 

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MEDS Day 81: Today I am a DOER (decide, organise, execute, result/repeat)

I am grateful for yesterday’s achievements, blessings, confirmations….

  • I started the 30 Day Qigong Challenge – wonderful to be back to QG – it’s so grounding and gathering. I love the emphasis on restoring vitality to the kidneys – just what I need.
  • I felt in high spirits and happy
  • I enjoyed my work calls – especially in the spirit of being out there
  • I had a curious run in with someone, and it was good to talk it through with G.
  • My Dad’s recording is getting some really positive attention. 🙂

Today, I am aware that I have a LOT to do, to keep work moving forward and move house. (Also… there is something on my mind I need to look into today, bravely.)

This morning I finally finished the main text of Reality Transurfing (751 pages, started 15th April 2018) – just the Glossary to go, but that will be a good revision. The final three paragraphs serve as a good reminder of the whole book:

The world is a mirror of your relationship with it only with a delayed reaction. By comparing your relationship to the world with the subsequent reaction of the mirror [ie your apparent current reality] you teach your mind a simple truth and yet one that is difficult for one’s consciousness to truly assimilate: You shape the layer of your world with intention. 

It is also essential to become comfortable with the simple but strange truth that you do not need to be concerned with the means and ways of achieving the goal. One fundamental principle lies at the foundation of this statement: the focus of intention determines the vector of the alternatives flow. 

All you have to do is maintain the focus and let the alternatives flow takes its course. The means of achieving the goal will present itself. You cannot and need not know exactly how the goal will be realised. Whatever happens, if you keep your target slide in mind and observe the principle of coordination the alternatives flow will carry you to your goal. Such is the law. 

(Vadim Zeland, Reality Transurfing pp750-1)

The idea of holding the intention in mind has been the driving factor for setting an intentional “I AM…” statement daily here (and in some previous diaries). Starting with the end in mind… Affirming the outcome before it is made manifest.

What is my best intention today and in life?

To serve those you can with whatever you can. 

Since I started studying post- and near-death experiences in c1997, I’ve been fascinated by the notion that the purpose of our lives is to get on, to unite, to serve, to bring joy to each other, to appreciate/honour creation, to develop ‘spiritual limbs’ for the next world/life. Equally, I’m fascinated by how our inbuilt default operating system, the ego, is set (or hell-bent?!) on heading in the opposite direction, towards separation, othering, winning, jazzhanding, standing out, glamour, disunity, tribalism, judgment, scathing, complaint, scarcity.

I’m also interested in my own autism (self-ism?!) and how it does and does not serve my higher purpose to unite with others. There’s a whole book there. It’s all beautiful. I k autism to be a spiritual gift. More anon.

My next question. How can I best hold in mind, joyfully and persistently, the intention to ‘To serve those you can with whatever you can’ and how can I do so without lending it way too much ‘importance’ and creating vibrational overload?

The best way to hold the intention to serve in mind consistently and yet lightly is… your gonna love this… to get organised. 

Why get organised? For you, dear precious soul, this is about freely channelling your ‘special interest mind’ and your practical energies. You have a general longing to connect and give and serve. Get organised in order to channel this longing in to the icing dispenser which will give you accurate and precise AIM to decorate the cake of your life as you would have it appear. 

If you got truly organised, you would note that you have too much on in your life. The reason you don’t get organised is that the way your life is set up it doesn’t actually fit in to the time available. You are busting out of your suitcase, so much to that you can’t actually shut your suitcase and travel; instead you make do with leaving it open on the floor with stuff tipping out of it. You call that living. 

Harsh, man…

We are rallying you to a new way of life. Very simple. Very streamlined. You want to serve others? Really? You’re going to have to sacrifice the fluff, the fear, the frenzy, the hand-flapping, the slapping water, the misfires, the confidence-boosters. What do you want to do? Hm? What is your service? Why aren’t you doing it now? And now? And now?

Maybe I am!

Name it. 

To love, to honour, to create happiness, to foster unity, to resolve conflict, to empower people to move beyond mental ill health…

Good. 

Now get organised. Because intentions like that attract nonsense energies. Ok? You know what we mean. And it’s now more than ever. You need to be clean, lean, mean. This is why your word of the month is DECIDED. 

Ah yes… That book, about foxing the devil or something. I remember it’s main tenet: don’t be a drifter.

You decide and do your Work. Or, you drift and get diverted. There’s no middle ground. You can have good intentions, but if your first intention isn’t to ACT vigorously, resiliently and steadfastly, then the other intentions are mere tumbleweeds on the prairies. 

Wow. How do I get energised around being DECIDED?

Again: get organised. Decide, organise, execute, repeat…

Ha! “DOER”!! Excellent! I AM a ‘DOER’; I decide, organise, execute, repeat. Ok. I’ll practise this today.

Yes. Test it out. Only with tracking the decisions, and then observing the results, will you convince your mind that it is safe/wise to make strong DECISIONS. Your heart knows its truth very clearly. The mind is the slow one. Retrain your mind to be a DOER. Start small and work up. 

Thank you. I love this.

Today I am a DOER (decide, organise, execute, result/repeat)

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MEDS Day 80: Today I am focussing gently on being ‘out there’

Lady_Godiva_(John_Collier,_c._1897) Herbert Art Gallery Public Domain

An intense yet beautiful day yesterday. I found it helpful to bring together the knowledge of ‘I am loved’ alongside the internal strains around supporting my father to share his brilliant work (not to mention endless technical difficulties). Eventually we were able do a recording – I felt my heart just opening up and soaring as he spoke with such genius and eloquence in front of the recording devices. At the end, he said he might cry… It was terribly moving. He is such an extraordinary thinker. We even managed to upload the recording to Soundcloud. Amazing. Did I feel loved? Yes, I did. In Dad’s own inimitable way. Much of the love was expressed in his… trusting me with his thoughts, concerns, worries, yearnings. Thank you, darling Dad, for that trust.

And this morning, I woke up to a text from my beloved youngest – the much longed for ‘first text of the new term at uni’. Yes – the cycle of love is all bound up in the generations.

So, today. A restful working day at home. I’ve taken time to reflect on the MEDS protocols again.

MEDITATION: use Quiet Time with coffee in the morning as my time of reflection, inspiration, writing, reading, prayer. Some of this is formal sitting meditation, but much of it is about building ‘loving awareness’ (Ram Dass) of what is through interacting with the written word, and settling/directing my thinking-mind, and settling my state of consciousness.

Shelton QigongEXERCISE: yesterday as I was puffing through Day 16 of the 30 Day Yoga Challenge with the wonderful Adriene, it dawned on me that, with the return of adrenal fatigue again (really since Dec), maybe even yoga is just too much for my body to accommodate without sending out stress signals. in other words, the yoga may be leaning on my adrenals, and ironically, thus making me fatter and more inflamed. But I love the variety of the 30 day challenge – it overcame the issue I had of trying to chose a qigong video every day. I suddenly thought – surely someone has done a 30 day Qigong Challenge?! And yes! I like this guy already. Going to start his challenge today. Thanks for everything this month, Adriene – maybe I’ll be back!

I’ve created a tracker I can use to note the day’s exercise each day:

MEDS exercise tracker

DIET: My aim this month is to get my head (and impulsiveness) around Intermittent Fasting. I’m going to get The Obesity Code as an audiobook when my phone arrives (ordered one today at last!!!). I had this idea to just start becoming aware of my eating window, with the principles of:

  • ‘delay don’t deny’
  • hunger is often thirst
  • my kidneys and adrenal glands need rest, detoxing and bolstering
  • water/broth/bouillon/tea/electrolytes/ACV instead of food is generally more than fine!
  • late night snacking became a thing…
  • Dr Bergman has coffee with cream and other liquids until 1.30 – and actually I think that might work for me
  • just need to check that delaying breakfast isn’t putting unnecessary strain on my kidneys [DRINK THE DRINKS (in the morning – not just coffee) and it won’t be a strain at all!]
  • my new tracker will be a good aid:

MEDS eating tracker

The thing about printed trackers dotted around the house is they both remind me visually when I’m at certain, associated spots in the house,  and they give me instant kinaesthetic feedback when I fill them in. Also, for the Obliger type (low internal accountability; high external accountability) – the tracker acts as a gentle kind of SEA (system of external accountability).

SLEEP: I’m spinning on 6h30… You know, I think S is for STRESS as much as SLEEP. Stress reduces my ability to sleep. They are intertwined. I need to arrange my worklife so it is less stressy, like G’s. He works from home 95% of the time. He is not darting from place to place losing energy. Time to get the Acuity Scheduling sorted for offering my online services. It’s nearly there!

Well this is all nice and productive. Today’s messages?

Good work, dear soul. Do you ever get the sense that messages are trying to get in, and you are busy pushing them away? 

Not really. I try to be open to them.

Lady_Godiva_(John_Collier,_c._1897) Herbert Art Gallery Public DomainWhat about the ones which would leave you feeling like Lady Godiva riding naked through the town? 

Hm… Yeah I maybe do dodge those ones.

That is the cause of your stress. 

What?! Oh my lordy be… What is this funny old world like?!!

Lady Godiva rode naked through the streets of Coventry ‘to gain a remission of the oppressive taxation that her husband imposed on his tenants’. In other words, in your language, she ‘took one for the team’. The term Peeping Tom comes from that incident, when a man called Tom looked out at her passing by. But mostly, people looked away as she passed, to protect her dignity, and honour her sacrifice. 

And this is to say…?

Mostly, no one looks, stares, or points when we do something for the greater good. But fearing ‘the reaction of others’ is what paralyses most people from acting altruistically. You feel ‘naked’ when you do something for the greater good. But in reality, that feeling is just your self-consciousness (aka ego) making noise to distract you from your actual (soul’s) purpose. 

So, what things am I dodging doing out of a fear of feeling naked and exposed? Let’s revise this please.

Ask yourself. 

I am! 😀   Ok…. Let’s go inside…. What things am I dodging doing out of a fear of feeling naked and exposed….?

Publishing and Marketing come to mind. It’s hardly securing the remission of taxes for the townsfolk… but these matters do hit that sweetspot of ‘should do but it feels like high risk self-exposure’….

Bingo. A worker’s work is to be worked ‘out there’…

I’m hearing the encouragement. Maybe I need another tracker, for the daily ‘Publish/Marketing’ work. Tbh, my new phone will help. It’s been hard to be ‘out there’ with a phone that is so full it can’t accommodate apps like LinkedIn, Twitter, IG, FB, WordPress… It’s just got to be part of the morning ritual hasn’t it? That’s what worked before… And while I was doing Plan/Publish/Yesterbox even before the Quiet Time hour, I think I’ll shove it into the working part of the day now – this is my Work Morning Ritual kick off.

Current Morning Ritual:

  1.  Kitchen – coffee, machines, supplement, lunch planned, straighten up
  2. QT – Quiet Time – writing, reading, meditation (aka Inspo hour – I know, but it fits..)
  3. Body Hour – 30 mins Qigong; 30 mins Shower/dress
  4. Office Hour – Plan, publish, yesterbox, finances
  5. Lunch

Focus gently on being ‘out there’ today, dear soul. You have worked so hard on being ‘in there’. It’s just brilliant, and we see you shining and radiant and internally peaceful. Now, it’s time to be ‘out there’ shining your light in the world. Ok? It’s not just about money and earning – why should it be when your work is now geared so obviously towards helping others? But it is about riding confidently through the streets so the people who need help can find you. Be brave. Be out there. 

Today I am focussing gently on being ‘out there’

 

 

 

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MEDS Day 79: Today I am learning to be loved

I am grateful for the achievements, blessings, confirmations of the weekend:

  • As per the encouragement of the last Dialogue: on Saturday, I got out for a beautiful walk in nature, and basked in the snowy hill views and bright sunshine – after which I had a brief power nap in the arm chair, and then happily did 3 hours work (law firm follow up), and a little bit of packing before G arrived.
  • On Sunday, G and I did masses of decluttering. I’m amazed when I look at what I’m managing to thank and decide to release (thanks for the beautiful example, Marie Kondo). When I think of lugging those items into my future life I recoil. So, old and tired items are not coming with me to my future life, and that feels good and dignified (especially as I’m recycling/donating carefully). Easier to do now I know I have some money to replace items… so the timing must be right for these big sort outs.

What other good decisions can I make today? I’m off to see my father very shortly, to record him talking about his work (for the first time).

You can decide to love him (your father) with all your heart and soul. 

Wow. That’s powerful. Thank you.

To love and serve our elders, and especially those who gave us life, is paramount to the human’s development. It is the essence of appreciation for this life we have been born into. It requires forgiveness and a sin-concealing eye. It requires humility. It requires the ability to look into ‘what is’ and dismiss our ideas of ‘what should have been’. 

I will meditate on that as I drive up to his house. Thank you very much for these insights. I know where they sit in me… I’m grateful for this opportunity to learn to do it right, or at least better…

You are much loved. Few people on the planet love you as fully or as deeply (as does your father). Feel that. Let it in. Cherish and absorb his love. 

As you well know, a parent’s love is a selfless love. But a wise child learns to interact with that love, and learn by it, and be nurtured and transformed by it. The love of parent to child is, literally and metaphorically, a divine love. It is the love of Source for the created Being. Mingle with that love, stand in its pools, and be transformed by the loving gaze of God. 

Today I am…

Learning to be loved

Wow. OK.

Today I am learning to be loved.

Oh gosh. I just remembered as I put the date in to the box… Today is the 10 year anniversary of my beloved Mum’s stroke. This is why I suggested today to be with my Dad – though I didn’t mention that to him at the time.

Let your father love you as your mother did. Approach him. Let his love for you be paternal and maternal. Your mother is with you. 

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MEDS Day 78: Today I am DECIDING…

Snowy bridge by AT

Well it’s been quite a hiatus. (I last posted nearly a month ago – so ‘Day 78’ should definitely be ‘Post 78’!) It’s been a busy and successful January in many ways. Work has been very busy. Moreover, I was (incredibly!) successful in going CAC Free for January. I’m so pleased! However…….. I barely lost weight!!! 6 pounds. Upping and downing in weight and size… It was a mixed experience – and the bottom line is probably that stress and lack of sleep delete many gains from dietary discipline.

Here’s my learning from a month without Carbs, Alcohol or Coffee:

  • CARBS: While I gained energy from being 90% carb free, I realised that it was going to take much more than just restriction of carbs to create inner balance and optimal health. I NEED to be stress-free, well-rested and well-slept for my body to cease being inflamed – otherwise the insulin / adrenaline / cortisol s**tshow is still calling the shots, and my gut continues to be a biotic-storm. I’ve now upped my supplements / ACV / green powder drink. And I’m aiming for some Intermittent Fasting or Time Restricted Eating in Feb, to allow my gut and system to heal between meals. I’m going to download The Obesity Code by Dr Fung as an audio book when I get a new phone.
  • ALCOHOL: I’ve been really blessed to have a Dry January. I’m gently letting it roll forward. I know I’m only one evening’s ‘treat night’ away from a habit again. It’s a shame that I seem not to suit the ‘moderation approach’, but I know (eg from the lovely Dry Jan facebook community) that many, many people are in the same boat wherein abstinence is simply the securest and healthiest way forward.
  • COFFEE: I didn’t think I’d manage this one as I’ve had daily coffee for 15 years with one short-lived break in 2016 – but I did it! – so, a real victory for willpower and inner patience. However, I’ve brought coffee back in now, because a) it didn’t seem to make much difference taking it out, and b) I missed it in a fond (not cravey) way and found that tea was much less of an incentive to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t like tea so much first thing in the morning, and unless I’m going to get rid of caffeine altogether, losing coffee per se doesn’t seem so helpful. Also so many of the keto dudes talk enthusiastically about the role of coffee for them either for fat (eg bullet proof coffee, with MCT powder) or for fasting (as an acceptable drink).

So what about the MEDS overall now?

  • Meditation: I’ve been doing short 10 min meditations – all good. Not a deep practice at the moment, but I’ve often had 5am starts for work this month, so what you gonna do? Little and often is a fine balance for now. And I’m just appreciating the morning routine of QT + Meditation… then,hop out of bed. I could incorporate more Mindfulness in my training delivery – that would get some in during the day!
  • Exercise: My younger daughter got me on to the ‘Yoga with Adriene 30 Day Yoga Challenge’ on Youtube. I love it! I’m on Day 15, so I guess I’m doing a session (20-30 mins) every other day – not bad when it’s been so busy. Where I’ve really fallen short this month is on aerobic activity. I stopped the trotting, as I was leaving the house early for work, and it’s been bloody cold. My Steps haven’t been too bad, but I need to get more hill walks in, or swimming, or cycling. Let’s move house (eek – in two  weeks) and then use that lovely open space, and G’s companionship, and the lengthening evenings… to get a new rhythm going. I’m tracking ‘active minutes’ and ‘av calories burned’ on a weekly / monthly basis now.
  • Diet: see above (CAC) – I’ve really appreciated the emphasis on ‘protein and veg’. I suspect, while I haven’t lost much weight, I’m less full of gunk… I didn’t get the full ‘purification’ I got the year I did Veganuary… so I realise that I need to tweak things as I go.
  • Sleep: Man alive, this has been my achilles heel. I’ve been stuck at 6h30 average per week, which is NOT enough. I need, frankly, to nap/siesta more, and relax more, and keep my body less in the contracted state. As noted above, this is now the remaining critical factor for my health. I will get there!!

And on writing these posts…? Why the month’s pause in writing?

  • I went out there with DoD as my strapline for my business, and hurriedly put this blog on maintenance mode…. which seemed to shift my feeling about it!
  • I think I needed just to get on with  the new regime (CAC) and all the business work at hand…
  • Maybe tracking everything here had become a bit laborious – especially once the public tracking had successfully pushed me into taking radical action on my dietary intake!
  • I felt this was becoming a bit of a lifestyle blog… when what I really need is the DoD with myself… I was becoming orientated to the assumed ‘reader’, not to the Dialogue.

So where am I at with this blog series, and with the MEDS Project? Nearly time to wind up? Maybe. I suspect so. I’m going to drop the  tracking on these posts as it was. I’m tracking Steps, Sleep etc (via my FitBit) in my Planner, so maybe I’ll share the odd photo here, and that will cover it.

My desire is, really, to get back to checking in with my inner being and its lovely, infinite, nourishing, nurturing personalised life lessons. So, here we are….

Dear heart of my soul…. Long time no see. Thanks for the awesome set up with the CAC Free project and all that we have been processing, achieving and learning away from here too. Good to be back in touch with you in the written form. How are you?

Eternally happy, content, proud and delighted with all that is seen through your physical eyes. 

I’ve missed this.

We haven’t missed a thing. All is present to us now and always. 

May I ask you. What do you think I’ve learnt in the last month?

Restraint. Reliability. Focus. Determination. Self-determination. Optimism. Decision-making. The power of your decisions. 

Yesterday, I determined that my word for the month ahead (Feb) be ‘Decided’, as in ‘I decided’, ‘I have decided’, ‘I trust my decisions’, ‘Now the decision is made, the fun begins’… Did this come from you?

Of course. You asked us about what focus would benefit your mind as a fruitful ‘occupation’ for the month, recognising that the mind is best equipped to benefit the person’s reality when given a positive ‘end goal’ focus (as opposed to unrestrained access to ‘things to fret about’ and thus manifest!). Then you reached in, in a meditative state, and collected the offering from the platter inside you. 

Firmly-made, optimistic DECISIONS are portals to your best next realities. 

What decisions have I hesitated on recently, that I could make firm decisions about and thus benefit my future reality..?

Why not list the many ‘firmly-made, optimistic DECISIONS’ you actually have made? 

  • New home – great choice by the way
  • New logo – awesome (AT, DoD)
  • New booking systems for your business
  • New ventures for your business
  • Huge amounts of decluttering and releasing a la KonMari (each item consciously decided upon)
  • The future of your CAC Free regime
  • Starting the 30 Day Yoga Challenge
  • New weekly planner (and letting go of the daily Full Focus Planner)
  • New health tracking protocols
  • Asking for dignified rates of pay for work done

I’ve been playing with a phrase I surmised from Reality Transurfing (which I’ve almost finished). I think it’s fitting…:

Everything is unfolding wonderfully

Infinite intelligence within me, speaking to me at whatever highest frequency I can arrive at to connect to you with… How can I make ever more confident, swift, intuitive decisions, on a daily basis? How can I dissolve hesitation or doubt sooner?

Reduce the ‘importance’ you attribute to things. Say: ‘It’s not important whether I choose A or B. What’s important is to choose and act.’

As in… ‘Brexit means Brexit. Let’s get on with it.’?

The difficulty around Brexit is that the result was pretty much ‘undecided’. There was no ‘clear’ decision. Mainly because the ‘choice’ at hand was never truthfully laid out. This is a perfect example of choosing without full information taken into consideration. So there’s a tip for you for good decision-making: gather as much neutral information as you can – and then stop, consider what you see, and plump fully for a decision that your heart and mind can get behind. 

What if my heart and mind have got different protocols for decision making? Then they become Leavers and Remainers, battling over the winning decision.

Here is the power of consultation. Allow the heart and mind to consult the facts fully, until the truth emerges in plain sight for both to throw themselves behind. 

You say ‘until’… What if they need longer than the time available?

Practice. It takes practice, and being unafraid about the consequences of making the ‘wrong’ decision – hence the initial comment about attributing less importance to the decisions at hand. Imagine you make a 100 conscious decisions, and get 50 of them wrong. You have still made more progress than had you made just 20 hesitant decisions in the same time period. 

But what about all the time ‘undoing’ and mopping up the 50 wrong decisions?!

Were they 50 ‘wrong’ decisions – or were they 50 hypotheses tested and then tweaked according to resulting data? 

So, some things you can’t know the answer to until you test out one way or the other… Makes sense. That gives me confidence. And less of a sense of haplessness in the face of getting resulting data that shows that the ‘other way’ would have been more beneficial.

I’m reaching the end of MEDS Project. Though I haven’t solved my health issues, of weight gain and adrenal fatigue. What other decisions do I need to make? 

Lady, you need to get out in nature again! There is no way you can revive your energetic field whilst sitting indoors, engulfed in EMFs, with no direct sunlight, and no access to the healing waves of luscious energy (QI!) flowing abundantly out of the Earth and her plant world. 

Well, that was a clear enough answer! 🙂 Thanks! And yes, so true. I’m looking forward to living in a rural environment again in 2/3 weeks time!

It will do you SO much good! Just ‘get out the door’! Can you do that today, city-bound as you are? It’s snowy, and sunny!! The fields are GLORIOUS! Get out the door, lady! 

Ha! Yes. Um… What about my work (law firm follow up) and packing boxes?

Let’s put this to you again… Lovingly. Deeply lovingly. Ok: *strong voice* “Lady, you need to get out in nature again! There is no way you can revive your energetic field whilst sitting indoors, engulfed in EMFs, with no direct sunlight, and no access to the healing waves of luscious energy (QI!) flowing abundantly out of the Earth and her plant world.”

When you get back you will a) be revived and energised, and b) realise that you don’t need to work again til next week…

But I do want to do the law firm follow up…. 🙂

Then you shall have the energy and clarity of mind to do it more swiftly after a walk in nature. And then you shall have the nap you wanted. And then you shall pack. Awesome. 

Then it is DECIDED. I shall go out for a good hearty walk. Then I shall work. Then I shall nap. Then I shall pack. And then my lovely G arrives. Good day. Thank you!

Today, I am DECIDING…

Snowy walk by AT

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MEDS Day 77: Today I am sensing joy in my heart

I am grateful for yesterday’s achievements, blessings, confirmations….

  • Starting decluttering for our house move in mid-Feb – it’s begun!
  • G amazingly unpacking my huge box of old laptops and phones, plugging everything in, firing it up… and saving gigabytes of precious data for future use. Oh my goodness what a blessing. Especially the photos of and by my girls, and my beloved Mum.
  • G’s epic stir-fry – making going carb-free feel like a darned treat…

‘Sensing the heart’ has been a really good practice…

It was time to return to the practice. 

What about this ‘charitable heart’ business?

Rectification of error. You know what an impact errors make upon life. It is charitable to support others in rectifying errors. And thus can you rectify your own. 

Karmically?

Psychologically, as much as karmically. 

I ask you, with a prayerful heart, for guidance on this.

‘Hallelujah, anyhow’

We sang this in choir… I love this song.

♪ Hallelujah Anyhow ♪ (official lyrics)

I believe I’ll testify
God’s been good to me
Through every test and trial
I’ve got the victory
The enemy has tried his best
To make me turn around me bring me down
But my God’s never failed me yet
So I’m gonna stand my groundNo matter what comes my way
I’ll lift my voice and say
Hallelujah anyhow’.Wait a minute one more time
Think I’ll say it again
God’s been so good to me
And He’s my closest friend
I’ve come to far to turn around now
I’m gonna stand I’m gonna wait
Watch God work it out somehowNo matter what comes my way
I’ll lift my voice and say
Hallelujah anyhow’…

Prayer emanates from the heart when it is uplifted – uplifted ‘anyhow’. Falling in to the happy cracks between our seriousness is a vital part of rolling into a state of ‘charitable heart’. No one needs more dour charity. The best charity comes in a spirit of freely-given and -received JOY. So set yourself today, to the work of sensing JOY in your heart, and feeding it’s kindling flame. 
Today I am sensing joy in my heart.
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MEDS Trackers Jan2019: Day: Sunday
Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong Nope
Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food YES
Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books Nope
Med minutes 0
Active minutes
Steps
Food:

9am: Berrocca/linseed shot; muesli; tea

 Eating window:

9am
Dry? 
Screens off
In bed (with books..)
Sleep Window
Hours slept (as per FitBit data next morning)

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MEDS Day 76: Today I am just tracking my MEDs…

MEDS Trackers Jan2019: Day: Sat
Med&Ex: Download Hour – Med | Aerobic | Qigong 0:0:0
Diet: Chopchopchop – mindful, plant-based food YES
Sleep: Sleepstate: 9Screens, 10Books No
Med minutes 1
Active minutes 0
Steps 5570
Food: A pretty good Low Carb High Fat day. 🙂

9am: Berocca/linseed shot; tea

12: sausage&courgette; tea; dried fruit w dark choc

3: cucumber with pate and cheese on top

8pm: chicken and veg stir-fry (no noodles); water; cranberry and sparkling water; nuts/100%choc; hot cashew milk and cacao powder (good antidote to carb cravings)

 Eating window:

9am – 11pm

14 hour window! (I want to start thinking about reducing this to 8h)
Dry?  YES. Day 5
Screens off /
In bed (with books..) /
Sleep Window
 00.58 – 8.33
Hours slept (as per FitBit data next morning) 6h42

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